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Do you believe this common Christian dating ideology?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by blackribbon, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,925
    Christian
    If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

    Where does this common teaching come from? And what if people reject the "right person" because they don't mean some idealist expectation that so many seem to have on their "wish list"? I don't remember any huge obvious sign that my husband was "God's specific choice for me". I think more of what makes a good marriage is decisions made after you get married...and less about marrying the "right person".
     
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  2. devin553344

    devin553344 Enlighten our lives dear Lord

    +1,322
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    There are plenty of fish in the sea. No one is made just for anyone else. But some people do better together than others. I don't believe in predestination between mates personally.
     
  3. R. Genevieve

    R. Genevieve Member

    105
    +185
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I think God does know what dating relationships will be healthy for us. There's definitely been times in my life where I've asked God whether I should tell a guy I have feelings for him or whether I should be open to accepting a date from him, and God has said "No". (And, I might add, not long after He says "No", something tends to happen that shows me why pursuing that guy in a dating relationship would not have been healthy, why I'm not ready for a serious relationship, or why the guy and I would be better suited as friends.)

    But while I think God cares about who we date and who we marry in that He wants the people in our lives to ultimately draw us closer to Him, I don't think He necessarily has "the one" picked out for every human being.
     
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  4. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

    +1,667
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    There is a Jewish concept called a beshert which suggests we each have a soul mate. The idea is most prevalent in the Orthodox community. Many seek a shidduch (matchmaker) for assistance in finding a partner. It’s possible the idea has influenced Christian perspectives. However, most Jews believe that isn’t limited to one person and some feel it’s developed within the marriage.

    I am aware of a few testimonies including Derek Prince which discussed the Lord’s role in their spouse selection. I don’t disregard it occurs but oftentimes their mission required someone wholly aligned with God and the work to be done.

    It is evident that isn’t the case for most. I believe it’s wise to seek the Lord’s perspective in prayer and take our desire for marriage to Him. But I can’t say our choice is limited to one person nor do I believe we are forced to consider a connection we have no interest in.

    At this season in my life I am most concerned about making decisions that align with my spirit and mission. Above all the choice must be one I can honor as the Lord would expect.
     
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  5. David Cabrera

    David Cabrera Well-Known Member

    +2,490
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    I believe it is not about the right person, but the right mindset for marriage.
     
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  6. Miles

    Miles was here

    +2,481
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    To find the right kind of woman for me would require an act of God, but I don't think that's what you're asking. lol

    Too many marriages end badly to assume that God will automatically provide us with the woman or man of our dreams.

    I agree about the weightiness of post-marriage decisions. Marriage is a beginning, not an end. A starting point, not a finish line. It's a big responsibility, and should be approached as such.
     
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  7. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,925
    Christian
    I think the number of single adults who wish they were married is evidence that we don't all get what we want ... even among Godly Christians.
     
  8. Monk Brendan

    Monk Brendan Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,707
    United States
    Melkite Catholic
    Private
    US-Others
    The only thing you can do is to make YOURSELF into the "right person".
     
  9. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +4,881
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    From the tradition of made-up promises. It was especially amplified when I was in high school and college, when people thought "kissing dating goodbye" was more Christian than dating. Be religious enough while doing nothing directly to seek a spouse (just be friends with the opposite sex), and when you least expect it, God will point her out to you. Then the guy has to pursue her even though he hasn't had practice pursuing.

    This of course confines God to guiding people in specific ways which he was not confined to in Scripture, it assumes that he has given our love lives enough priority to guide people in this way, and it doesn't help those of us who are not socially gifted to build romantic relationships with the opposite sex.
     
  10. Jonaitis

    Jonaitis Well-Known Member

    +1,758
    United States
    Reformed
    Single
    US-Republican
    It seems that the ones God "sends" are often rejected by the individual's standards they have already set. If people would be more realistic and put away Disney stories they would find the right person for them.
     
  11. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,925
    Christian
    I don't know that I believe that a lot of people are rejecting the one God sent... on what basis are you determining who are the ones that God sent and got rejected?
     
  12. Jonaitis

    Jonaitis Well-Known Member

    +1,758
    United States
    Reformed
    Single
    US-Republican
    Well, there are many single individuals who rather hook up with someone they dream about than talk to each other was what I was getting at. I know single Christian men and women in my church who want to look for that one, but I don't understand why they can't just test the waters with each other.
     
  13. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member

    +1,667
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    It is impossible for everyone to approach the topic from identical perspectives. There’s a wide degree of difference in our makeup, experiences, and dreams. Faith is one part of the puzzle intertwined with many bits.

    Some people are comfortable testing the waters and others prefer a spark before they’ll move. Neither are wrong. The main goal is honoring your commitments. And most people are clear when they’re flaky and solid.

    As for rejection, I can’t imagine investing myself in a connection if I don’t meet their needs. If that attribute makes their heart sing that’s great. I won’t attempt to convince him of my suitability or worth. Or ask someone to do the same. We’re better off with someone who sees it. :)
     
  14. .Mikha'el.

    .Mikha'el. Mod Queue Spam Troll Banner Extraordinaire! Staff Member Supervisor Supporter

    +2,503
    Canada
    Messianic
    Single
    I personally think it's nonsense. There are obviously specific instances of that in Scripture, but I see no basis for asserting it works like that for everyone.
     
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  15. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

    +4,745
    Charismatic
    In Relationship
    US-Others
    Since no church that I know of has a matchmaker system ... I say get to know a lot of people of the opposite sex, go on dates and see what its like to spend time with them. And do all the learning about each other that you can and grow the commitment to each other at a comfortable rate.
     
  16. Elliewaves

    Elliewaves Untouchable internet saint

    +848
    Non-Denom
    Engaged
    Eh, one one hand it's sorta true. God is in control of everything good brought into your life and knows what you need. On the other hand many singles think they deserve a mythical perfect person for them and never do anything to meet anyone that could be a " right" sort of person for them. They keep holding out for perfect and don't engage in any social opportunities that would get them noticed or help them notice others they could be interested in that would lead to a relationship or eventually marriage. Or they never do anything to make themselves a better fit for a relationship and just believe the perfect person will love them as they are- bad communication skills and all. It's like a Christian guy that is knee deep in porn but yet keeps holding out that the perfect Christian virgin girl is going to totally dig him and he'll be able to quit once he meets her. or the Christian girl that never works out but when she meets that perfect Christian guy he'll totally love her for her and THEN she'll start taking care of herself.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
  17. Rene Loup

    Rene Loup A saved wolf among sheep. Supporter

    +12,052
    Canada
    Christian
    Celibate
    I personally don't believe that. I think some people marry for the wrong reasons and it bites them in the butt later. If people want a successful marriage, both parties are going to have to put in the effort to make it work. Life isn't some Disney fairy tale romance.
     
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  18. Single Life

    Single Life Member

    106
    +59
    United States
    Nazarene
    Single
    It will take a act of God for me to marry yet I believe that God has a special person that he made just for me to marry. I have seen this countless times in others in my life that sometime opposites attract so God knows what He is doing.
     
  19. THE W

    THE W AFRIKANB0T

    +2,244
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Single
    Spend time becoming the person that someone would marry.
     
  20. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,925
    Christian
    Are you okay if you don't marry? Because you have to be open to exploring relationships with men to even get to the point where you marry someone in our society. That means "dating" and dating men whom don't seem to be your ideal. Nobody gets married just sitting at home thinking about some idea. We don't have anyone arranging marriages in most cultures of this country.
     
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