Do some of us focus too much on victimhood?

Godlovesmetwo

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Now there are among you, some victims of awful abuse who are still suffering PTSD. I'm not including you.
The average Paul though, like the rest of us, who may have suffered some bullying in their life but managed to recover and lead semi-respectable lives. ( or even very respectable :) )
I'm thinking of one person in particular when I say this. he will recount the times people treated him badly in the past. He has all the sins of other people stored in his memory, never to delete. Yet there were times when his behaviour I remember, was not exemplary. And he was acting the bully or manipulator. Yet he has selective amnesia for these events. He only remembers the time when he was the victim.
I can do that too, I admit. Focus on times I was treated with contempt or just ignored. Yet there were times I ignored someone or teased them.
I think it is step 4 in AA, make a fearless moral inventory. This is a useful step for any of us to explore, and notice that our behaviour in the past was not always as great as we think. I don't mean we have to spend hours of self-loathing. Rather to come up with a balanced picture of our past behaviour and perhaps as a result feel more compassion for other sinners.
 

Korean-American Christian

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I'm thinking of one person in particular when I say this. he will recount the times people treated him badly in the past. He has all the sins of other people stored in his memory, never to delete. Yet there were times when his behaviour I remember, was not exemplary. And he was acting the bully or manipulator. Yet he has selective amnesia for these events. He only remembers the time when he was the victim.

In my opinion, if you have a problem with a certain CF member, it's better to send them a PM rather than address it in a public thread
 
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Poppyseed78

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There is something deeply wrong with a culture that puts victims on a pedestal, where victimhood is worn as a badge of honor. Better to speak of the blows one has given than of those one has received.

Being proud of hurting other people doesn't sound particularly Christ-like. Correct me if I'm wrong lol.
 
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Korean-American Christian

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It would depend on the situation.
Now if it's victimhood as in historical treatment on a specific race, religion, or class, I'd say it's time to get over it. An example would be like certain African Americans still using certain racist concepts like slavery and the Jim Crow laws as an excuse to wreak havoc in ways similar to the news stories of BLM riots. While not perfect, the current generation has it a lot better than previous generations who actually had to fight for certain rights that whites took for granted.

I guess it could be justified if we actually had to endure wrongful treatment for a significant amount of time instead of piggybacking on our ancestor's suffering.

Wayholka, I respectfully disagree with part of your post. While I agree that the Black Lives Matter movement should not be inciting riots and killing police officers....life in Compton, California....South-Central Los Angeles....life in South Los Angeles keeps African-Americans entrenched in a VICIOUS CYCLE of gangs, drugs, and poverty (I myself do not live in Compton, South-Central Los Angeles or South Los Angeles).

Many African-Americans (at least here in southern California) are not able to pull themselves out of poverty. Most African Americans will never be as successful as Bill Cosby or Oprah Winfrey
 
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Korean-American Christian

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While I do see where you're coming from, the point is this that instead of trying to get themselves out of the situation, there are people who just blame all their problems on treatment that happened way before they are born. Certain groups of people have programs like affirmative action to give them that extra help to get out the situation. It doesn't help that there are those listening to 50 Cent and dealing drugs instead of using those extra advantages to better themselves to get out of that lifestyle and then blame another group of people for their current ills resulting from it. Those are the ones I am talking about.

Agreed :)
 
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Godlovesmetwo

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  • Agree
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Godlovesmetwo

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I myself have faced constant persecution in my life for having a disability I did not agree to have.
as I said in my OP, some of you have suffered awful trauma, that none of us could ever imagine. I think KA would be in this group too. They need weekly psychotherapy maybe for the rest of their lives. I don't really mean these people.
I mean the ones who have suffered mildly which I put myself in this group.
 
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Godlovesmetwo

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OK, if those who have suffered severely not take what I say personally, it would be appreciated. This is not about you. Sometimes it is the ones who didn't suffer much, who are the most vocal about their past suffering. And it seems they want to stay in that frame of mind. Perhaps it gives some excuse or solace for current malaise and issues.
Such people can display difficult behaviour wise now, and not realise how hey affect other people. In short they have "blind spots". Many of us only notice how others' behaviour affects us ,not vice-versa.
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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In my opinion, if you have a problem with a certain CF member, it's better to send them a PM rather than address it in a public thread
Agreed, the passive aggressive route doesn't solve anything.
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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While I do see where you're coming from, the point is that instead of trying to get themselves out of the situation, there are people who just blame all their problems on treatment that happened way before they are born. Certain groups of people have programs like affirmative action to give them that extra help to get out the situation. It doesn't help that there are those listening to 50 Cent and dealing drugs instead of using those extra advantages to better themselves to get out of that lifestyle and then blame another group of people for their current ills resulting from it. Those are the ones I am talking about.
I really don't,know how to feel about this answer because it doesn't just apply to "certain" people. Anyone can be like that.

And listening to 50 cent has nothing to do with anything, you or whoever you're talking about make their own life choices. I knew some guys that listened to rock and metal and did drugs and drank to numb their problems..,, are metal and rock to blame?

I understand this way of thinking.
 
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