Do nice/good guys finish last?

[ThisIsMe123]

She's right. I've been around a lot women who fit that description in the church and outside of it. Ninety-percent or better are relatively average or cute. They're not models.

However, even if women don't look like models or the average or cute types....even these types these days have an inflated sense of self. Even they won't settle for their equal in looks or status.

They don't stay in their lane, but they have plenty of men in their inboxes wanting them too.

The so-called "body positivity" culture doesn't help matters either.

Some women aren't much to write home about themselves physically, and I've always found it funny when they didn't find their equal attractive. I remember being turned down by a chunkier gal that wasn't that great looking...I just liked her smile and expressionable face. Friend introduced me to her online....she said to DM her, but when I did...I was left on read.

When I followed up with the friend that introduced me....she said her friend told her that she didn't find my physically attractive...and I was thinking 'Has she looked in the mirror lately?"

 

[bèlla]

However, even if women don't look like models or the average or cute types....even these types these days have an inflated sense of self. Even they won't settle for their equal in looks or status.

‘Inflated’ is subjective and mating isn’t cut and dried.

It's not about staying in your lane per se if you bring other things to the table the person values. But if your shortcomings outweigh the other that's what they'll focus on. This is a woman's market and the majority (on both sides) are chasing an ideal that's influenced by social media. Exposure expanded their horizons. They want experiences now.

The more you appeal to their ideal the more attractive you'll become. It's a backlash against the ordinary life. The average person goes to work, comes home, and has a few activities over the month. They don't have a vibrant social life. They're not going out several times a week (not to party) or traveling to far flung places as a norm. Their lives are fairly simple.

Once upon a time dinner and a movie was fun. That's low on the totem pole now. They want something more exciting. When they read your profile or scrutinize you elsewhere they're trying to determine if you're that person. Doing the things they love and living the life they want right now.

You're dealing with the ramifications of your preferences. You don't want children or women with kids. You'll encounter greater selectivity from older never marrieds than the others. They're not dealing with a clock and they're willing to wait or opt out. She's less likely to settle unless the bother of being alone becomes too much.

 

[Vinter]

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[ThisIsMe123]

‘Inflated’ is subjective and mating isn’t cut and dried.

It's not about staying in your lane per se if you bring other things to the table the person values. But if your shortcomings outweigh the other that's what they'll focus on. This is a woman's market and the majority (on both sides) are chasing an ideal that's influenced by social media. Exposure expanded their horizons. They want experiences now.

The more you appeal to their ideal the more attractive you'll become. It's a backlash against the ordinary life. The average person goes to work, comes home, and has a few activities over the month. They don't have a vibrant social life. They're not going out several times a week (not to party) or traveling to far flung places as a norm. Their lives are fairly simple.

Once upon a time dinner and a movie was fun. That's low on the totem pole now. They want something more exciting. When they read your profile or scrutinize you elsewhere they're trying to determine if you're that person. Doing the things they love and living the life they want right now.

You're dealing with the ramifications of your preferences. You don't want children or women with kids. You'll encounter greater selectivity from older never marrieds than the others. They're not dealing with a clock and they're willing to wait or opt out. She's less likely to settle unless the bother of being alone becomes too much.

Define "exciting". It's subjective.

What's exciting to them, may not be to me. Sure, I like doing exciting things. I hike, kayak, board games with friends. Convention events, etc.

I'll date women with...older children...not tykes.

This is a woman's market and the majority (on both sides) are chasing an ideal that's influenced by social media.

These aren't the kind of women you want in your life as marriage material, that's for sure. Very shallow. A woman that's heavily influenced by social media is a deal breaker for me....and is an indicator of a weak mind.

Most of the women that I dated, that were attracted to me, was basically simple things "He was funny, he was nice/sweet"

I remember asking them and that was pretty much her answer, she had no long laundry list of demands like I see in some of these profiles.

I remember a woman saying in her profile that she was attracted to a guy with dark eye lashes. I had to re-read that because I thought she said eye-brows. I'm like "Eye lashes?" She looking for a guy who wears mascara? lol. Is metro-sexual?

 

[bèlla]

These aren't the kind of women you want in your life as marriage material, that's for sure. Very shallow. A woman that's heavily influenced by social media is a deal breaker for me....and is an indicator of a weak mind.

We're influenced by many things. Social media is a convenient vehicle. So is television, magazines, etc. Consider the things you enjoy. Where did they come from? You didn't emerge from the womb enjoying them. You saw something, read something, had an encounter, or someone shared it with you. That's how it happens.

Social media opened the world to everyone. We discover things about one another and life we wouldn't encounter otherwise. It doesn't have to be negative. Exposure can ignite a passion or curiosity about an unknown or topic we've wanted to explore but never a had chance to.

In some respects, we've expanded our conception of life and 'the good life' so to speak. Watching others pursue the things we dream about can inspire us to do the same. Sometimes we have to take the limit off ourselves.

For example, I saw a few things on Pinterest that really resonated. White on white decor for starters. It wasn't on my radar in the past. But the examples were well done and I loved the mood and decided to follow suit. Organization was the other. I wanted an orderly home with everything in its place. That required decluttering, purging and acquiring the cabinets and storage materials to make it happen. But the end result was worth it.

I use it as a tool and resource. I don't have to rebuild the wheel. I can take an idea and run with it for my purposes. But a stranger seeing the same may reach a different conclusion. They may think its overkill, too perfect, too expensive, and so on. They don't understand my reasons nor are they privy to them.

The same holds true for profiles. We don't know the why behind their interests or what appeals. It's usually a lot of things rolled into one. Hopes, dreams, fears, experiences and more. We shouldn't take it personal because its not about us or a rejection of us. They like what they like.

Much like my home. Some would love it, some wouldn't and more than a few would get offended. It sounds bizarre but it happens. They feel inadequate and judged. But you've never spoken or viewed their space. The differences between the two is the problem. They want to see themselves reflected on the screen and when they don't its bothersome.

God didn't make us identical. We can't expect everyone to look the same, feel the same, want the same things, or be attracted to the same things either. It's okay if they aren't because we aren't. And sometimes we forget that.

Most of the women that I dated, that were attracted to me, was basically simple things "He was funny, he was nice/sweet" I remember asking them and that was pretty much her answer, she had no long laundry list of demands like I see in some of these profiles.

If simplicity strikes a chord the rest are irrelevant. It doesn't matter what they want or how its conveyed. It doesn't resonate with you. You're looking for the one who demonstrates what you've described. That's where your focus belongs.

I remember a woman saying in her profile that she was attracted to a guy with dark eye lashes. I had to re-read that because I thought she said eye-brows. I'm like "Eye lashes?" She looking for a guy who wears mascara? lol. Is metro-sexual?

Not necessarily. Dark lashes deepen the color or intensity of the eyes. When they contrast the color pops. When they're close in hue it intensifies.

 

[bèlla]

It is true I am coming from a different place, than the guy from the example. I don't know if she is an unbeliever. I haven't met her. So she may be a a Christian. Based on her clothes she could be. I had teachers in school who were Christian and married that showed just as much cleavage.

You stand on the precipice of a decision that will shape the rest of your days. You can remain where you are, return to your former state, or step into the future. But whatever you choose you'll reap the consequences of your decision and all that follows naturally and spiritually. Choose wisely.

I pursue her becuse I can't get her out of my mind. I try and I prayed the soul tie prayer. She is till there in my mind.

You pursue this line of thought because you want her. It's a lot like Stockholm Syndrome. You're enslaved to an idea. If it doesn't have a human counterpart you ought to ask yourself who's pulling the strings.

I may not be that wise then. Because I would rather be shot down in flames by this woman at this point, than not knowing anything.

If that's the course you want to take you'll do it.

I will stay focused on God, that won't change. I want to get closer to God, I think I can get much closer. Actually I know I can get closer. What is between me and God, I don't think that's it. I think there is more, but I also think I have to as you have said yourself get out there. Find a church and meet other Christians. Other Christians to pray with.

You've spent your life living alone and in your head. That's why you're in this place. You must decide that life is more important than fantasy and stay the course. Otherwise, you'll be where you were and worse off than before.

Society is very worldly. It's brainwashed alot of people. I have been brain washed myself. Considering how I go on and on about mystery woman, you will probably say I'm still a bit brain washed. I am not trying to be stubborn here. I know what you're saying. I know what you mean. Yes I may very well be blind sided by her beauty. But she is there.

It demonstrates a depth of brokenness and emptiness that divorced you from the world to the point where you've created a dollhouse. Make believe is your reality and you're filling the rooms with fantasies. You can be all you've desired and have everything you longed for too. What a sad way to live.

But that's only romantic if I was a dreamboat or a nice rich guy. But when a guy on a fixed income who is also paranoid schizophrenic does somethig like that, it's not going to be romantic, it's going to be considered creepy or psycho.

Would this look any different?

You brush it off as some introvert loner who needs to get out more. I know what that means more than anyone. Why do you think I have been a bench warmer for the past 15 years, looking at my own life passing me by. Because I knew I couldn't compete. So why even try.

You feel sorry for yourself and resent your circumstances. Instead of confronting them and doing what you could you threw in towel. Now you're dealing with the ramifications of inaction. You see what you've missed and it hurts. Remember that feeling. Everyday you spend in the clouds is another step backwards.

You want out? Take the hit. Stop doing the things that keep you bound. If you don't want to be liberated don't play at it. Cause you're only fooling yourself. I can tell you how to be free but I can't make you relinquish the chains. Understand?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

We're influenced by many things. Social media is a convenient vehicle. So is television, magazines, etc. Consider the things you enjoy. Where did they come from? You didn't emerge from the womb enjoying them. You saw something, read something, had an encounter, or someone shared it with you. That's how it happens.

Social media opened the world to everyone. We discover things about one another and life we wouldn't encounter otherwise. It doesn't have to be negative. Exposure can ignite a passion or curiosity about an unknown or topic we've wanted to explore but never a had chance to.

In some respects, we've expanded our conception of life and 'the good life' so to speak. Watching others pursue the things we dream about can inspire us to do the same. Sometimes we have to take the limit off ourselves.

For example, I saw a few things on Pinterest that really resonated. White on white decor for starters. It wasn't on my radar in the past. But the examples were well done and I loved the mood and decided to follow suit. Organization was the other. I wanted an orderly home with everything in its place. That required decluttering, purging and acquiring the cabinets and storage materials to make it happen. But the end result was worth it.

I use it as a tool and resource. I don't have to rebuild the wheel. I can take an idea and run with it for my purposes. But a stranger seeing the same may reach a different conclusion. They may think its overkill, too perfect, too expensive, and so on. They don't understand my reasons nor are they privy to them.

The same holds true for profiles. We don't know the why behind their interests or what appeals. It's usually a lot of things rolled into one. Hopes, dreams, fears, experiences and more. We shouldn't take it personal because its not about us or a rejection of us. They like what they like.

Much like my home. Some would love it, some wouldn't and more than a few would get offended. It sounds bizarre but it happens. They feel inadequate and judged. But you've never spoken or viewed their space. The differences between the two is the problem. They want to see themselves reflected on the screen and when they don't its bothersome.

God didn't make us identical. We can't expect everyone to look the same, feel the same, want the same things, or be attracted to the same things either. It's okay if they aren't because we aren't. And sometimes we forget that.



If simplicity strikes a chord the rest are irrelevant. It doesn't matter what they want or how its conveyed. It doesn't resonate with you. You're looking for the one who demonstrates what you've described. That's where your focus belongs.



Not necessarily. Dark lashes deepen the color or intensity of the eyes. When they contrast the color pops. When they're close in hue it intensifies.

Funnily enough, this was a post bya woman who had come across an "accomplished man's" profile:

I’ve met this type a few times and recently met one so “accomplished” that I wanted to share.

He claimed to be a former professional athlete, that he had been on and custom designed/built components of every cruise ship built over the span of a decade, that he had been to every national park, lived all over Europe, ran triathlons, and regularly bikes 300+ miles on a trip, and pays for houses in cash. He doesn’t own a TV and complained that he can’t find a woman because they are all 9-5 people who just go home at the end of their workday.

He shared these and many more accomplishments and views on our less than 2 hour date.

The entire thing was so off putting.

She said he would spout off all these things to her, and she got the vibe that he was just waiting for some kind of shocked or stunned reaction.

Someone gave their take:

I know the type and I’m cracking up! Ive gone out with my fair share of “high achievers” and most of them are alike in the worst possible way. They spend the entire date monologuing about themselves, their achievements and niche interests. Like hello? I thought the purpose of going on a date was getting to know the person sitting across from you? I’ve concluded they’re single despite being a good catch on paper because they’d rather date themselves.

 

[bèlla]

Funnily enough, this was a post bya woman who had come across an "accomplished man's" profile:

As someone who falls in that group I stand by my previous comments. High/over achievers are best suited for people like themselves or someone who thrives in a COO/co-pilot role. Their mindset and drive are overkill for most and they'll make you crazy if you don't have the same disposition.

When it comes to accomplished men only three roles exist: right hand, looking glass, or power couple. If you can't envision yourself in those positions you have no business getting involved with him. It goes with the territory. Hearing him expound in that manner wouldn't bother me. Success is a shared venture and his ascent is ours. You have to be in the right headspace to make it work.

The faux pas wasn't his behavior. It was the lack of self-awareness that put her there. Taking the time to write about it was equally unwise. There's nothing attractive about berating someone or complaining either. They're turnoffs.

 

[Vinter]

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[bèlla]

YAlthough I think you give mystery woman to much credit. She is not the be all and end all of me being free. I won't bring her up again, everytime I do it derails our discourse.

You like what you like. Do what you want.

 

[Vinter]

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[bèlla]

With this message. You leave little room for interpretation.

Getting delivered isn’t the hardest part. It’s maintaining it that’s the problem. You can’t entertain the thoughts and behaviors that led you there. When you do it strengthens them.

You’re battling the most powerful kingdom of darkness. Lust, inappropriate contentography, and beautiful women (spiritual agents) hail from the same place. They’re responsible for stagnation: relational, marital, financial, career, and prosperity of all kinds.

As long as the connection remains you’ll be enslaved in one way or another. You cannot acquire freedom when you desire your captor or partner with them. You’re putting yourself back in chains. If you study the marine kingdom and its agents you’ll grasp the consequences of continuance. Perhaps that will open your eyes.

 

[Vinter]

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[Vinter]

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[bèlla]

I am also thinking about this book.

Dictionary Of Demons & Complete Deliverance by Prayer M. Medueke

His books are very good. I’ve been praying through them this week and related authors the previous one. It’s helpful to have some familiarity with spiritual warfare beforehand. There will be pushback. I had a manifestation yesterday and similar events earlier. It’s important to press through no matter the thought, feeling, etc.

While I’d recommend Derek Prince to most in your circumstances I can only surmise that the Lord led you to him for a reason. You’ll learn more than you expect.

Amazon carries most of his books. You’ll need the series. They’re available on Kindle Unlimited. I know you prefer physical copies but in this instance I recommend the digital versions to enable your progression. He gives a few away if you sign up for his newsletter.

When it comes to spiritual warfare African teachers are best. They tackle subjects you won’t hear from others and the demonic is understood far more than elsewhere. You will break a lot of chains going through his resources.

Do this series first then the second. Abstain from food when praying and you’ll want to fast at the onset. Don’t be surprised if you’re attacked. It’s part of the process.

Given the warfare I’m experiencing its unlikely I’ll see a response in quite awhile. When you begin you’ll understand. I do one book everyday in addition to other prayers.

You’ll have greater success if you start and end your day with prayer. Doing so before retiring is advisable. Lest your sleep be impacted. Put on an audio bible too. They have them on YouTube. Let it play while you rest. We are most vulnerable in that state.

When you finish the series follow up with Prayers to Heal Broken Relationships and Prayers to Marry Without Delay by the same author. Then tackle infirmity, poverty, and so on. They hail from the same place (marine kingdom).

I needn’t wish you luck. The battle isn’t ours its His. Christ defeated our foe. When we realize the gravity of His work and our bondage we’ll forsake the chains for the freedom He wrought. Trust Him and you’ll be alright.

Yours in Christ,

~bella

 

[Vinter]

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[Will Joseph]

I think the expression is "nice guys finish last." I see no benefit in finishing first. "Yay, I won the race to get a new strand of Herpes!" Yeah, I'd gladly finish last in that race.

 

[Vinter]

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