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Do I really want a Christian woman?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Servant68, Apr 21, 2017.

  1. Servant68

    Servant68 Well-Known Member

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    My ex-wife of 20 years was the first Christian I had dated and she ended up leaving me for her old high school boyfriend who she reconnected with on Facebook.

    Divorce rates among Christians are just as high as non-believers. Pre-marital sex, living together, rates of infidelity, etc. are all about the same with Christians as with non-believers.

    When I searched on dating sights, I always searched for Christian women only. Very few results.

    In my profile, I talked about how important my faith was to me and wanted a similarly committed Christian to date.

    Very few responses.

    I was introduced to a Christian woman yesterday and we talked a bit. What's your favorite music? She only listens to gospel. Favorite TV show? Doesn't watch TV other than Christian documentaries.

    She also was a strict vegetarian, did not drink any amount of alcohol, and had very few activities outside of the church.

    But she was beautiful and sweet; just someone I don't think would be much fun to hang out with.

    I felt like an absolute awful person compared to her with all of my Netflix watching and burger eating, and wine drinking, and good-time having...

    I am fully aware that I am a sinner. I know that there are things I need to work on in my life that are not reflecting God's glory or healthy to my spirit. But I am always trying to increase my time within the Christian community by going to men's prayer groups on Thursdays, Bible study on Saturday, church on Sunday, etc.

    I honestly do want to be more spiritual and holy...

    I don't know. I started to think that maybe I'm just not "Christian" enough for a lot of Christian women and maybe I should just look to date a mature and sweet girl that has no faith. There are a ton of those around here. Then perhaps I could lead her to Christ as our relationship progressed.

    I don't know about that; I do not believe in being unequally yoked. And why would I date someone without the intention of it leading to marriage? I've done the pre-marital sex thing and it left me feeling empty and guilty. Awful.

    This whole question came up because the same day I met the boring Christian girl, my buddy introduced me to his single mother-in-law who is Greek/Italian and beautiful, but not a Christian. Believes in God but not religious. Recently out of a relationship with a pill popper and looking for someone with more morals. Bingo.

    It's frustrating. Having my ex-wife cheat on me while she was going to church every week has made me a little bitter, I think.

    I'll stop rambling now...

    For topic of discussion: Should Christians even date non-Christians?
     
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  2. PropheticTimes

    PropheticTimes Work in Progress Supporter

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    Not all Christian women are like that. I'm quite rough around the edges in certain things and I certainly cannot go a day without giggling at some sort of inappropriate humor...but I love Jesus and I really try to follow Him closely, but He also made me an individual...one who is sarcastic, whose brain will turn an innocent comment into an innuendo, and who WILL break out in laughter if I see someone walk into a tree while texting.

    Don't give up hope. :)
     
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  3. ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat I Can't Breathe! Help!

    +985
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I say go with a woman you like regardless of her faith. Without any expectations of her converting to your faith. Beats trying to find a very specific type of christian woman that is obviously difficult to find.
     
  4. Khalliqa

    Khalliqa Junior Member

    473
    +161
    Atheist
    In Relationship
    1.Christian women aren't monolithic so they may not all be boring to you. Which means possibly you're in an environment with not enough interesting Christian women to choose from and should expand, perhaps you should re-evaluate what is boring or give yourself more time to get to know a person

    2. I'm a boring atheist- we exist ( don't drink, don't smoke, don't own a tv -though I watch it over other people's homes), don't go clubbing, am vegetarian etc) so belief or lack thereof won't promise you a non boring woman nor an exciting woman

    3. Your faith may not be as important to your happiness as you think.. your day to day indulgences/ habits may be more important - only you can evaluate that but at least be honest with yourself. We all pick and choose what we can live with. And life is too short not to be honest about what gives us fulfillment.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2017
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  5. TailsFox

    TailsFox Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,112
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    Protestant
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    She sounds like my type. Lol.
     
  6. Servant68

    Servant68 Well-Known Member

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    If you lived around here I'd totally hook you up! She was also way too young. Friend thought she was in her 30's and she was only 27. That's a negative, Ghostrider...
     
  7. PropheticTimes

    PropheticTimes Work in Progress Supporter

    698
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    Love the Red Green quote in your sig (just noticed it). :D
     
  8. sundewgrower

    sundewgrower Well-Known Member Supporter

    +545
    United States
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    Most Christian women don't interest me personality wise or otherwise. it doesn't mean we don't keep looking or trying--but it shows us how few work for us and that many aren't attuned to what they should be.
     
  9. joinfree

    joinfree Member

    250
    +44
    Christian
    Single
    Better to stay alone: love the people like the Jesus does, but do not open their pens. Best wishes!
     
  10. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,894
    Christian
    Single
    Before considering non-christians. Might be best to "try" to date a "real Christian" first and see how that goes.

    You referred to your X as a Christian, and while some would say she is and always will be saved by grace alone, others would say she either never really was or fell away to where she was no longer a Christian.

    All I can say is she doesn't act like a Christian, and whether she did at one time or not, IDK.

    Ether way, there are no guarantees. A Christian may fall away and a non-Christian may come to the faith. Just don't be blinded, and try to make the right decision before the fact, something that isn't always easy, if even possible.

    Or in short...it's complicated....so goes love. :)
     
  11. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +1,846
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    There's not much room for fun in being a Christian.

    But for me, listening to nothing but Gospel music only is a bit over the top.... If you've been carefully hearing the lyrics of many Gospel music, it's not even Biblical!

    I'd hate to say it but I think many of them are nothing but false teachings in song form! :eek:
     
  12. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,586
    Baptist
    Single
    Can't be unequally yoked. I hear you on feeling less holy than them. I wasn't a Christian my whole life and lived in sin for most of mine. Now I'm a Christian but still carry past habits like swearing (around certain people for the most part but sometimes it slips out), or my music tastes, or just my overall life experiences that shapes my personality.

    I have a date Monday but that's actually one of the things that's on my mind - 1)will my past sinful life be looked at and judged 2)will our personalities mingle since we grew up 2 completely different ways?

    I guess I'll find out. In either case I know it's the Most High who brings people together, so if it's in His will for me to have a gf and then marry then it's ultimately up to him.
     
  13. CodyFaith

    CodyFaith Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,586
    Baptist
    Single
    But really when I think about it, I'd probably only ever be able to date Christian women anyway.

    I mean, who else would believe ones actually changed from their past mistakes than a Christian? Christianity is all about a new life in Christ, being born again and "all things made new". The world's not really about second chances, Christianity is.
     
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  14. Swan7

    Swan7 You are made to Shine Supporter

    +5,170
    Canada
    Baptist
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    @Servant68. What is it that you want? You expressed (and from what I gathered) that you seem to admire this Christian woman's faith, which is awesome! I also really admired a woman's faith, so close with God that I wanted to reflect that as well when I had lived in BC for a year.

    You want to have a holy life, yeah? But you also don't want a "boring" Christian woman. This tells me (correct me if I am wrong) that you are struggling with things of the Spiritual realm against carnal things? If this is the case, my advice is always the same. Go to God. Ask Him for guidance and most importantly - talk to Him! He's there for you and He's waiting for you. Christ has already done the most difficult of things for us - dying on that cross for all our sins. Why don't we show Him the same love He has shown us all throughout the OT right into the NT? God wanted, and still does want/desire, to be with us and us with Him.
    Honestly, I would have to quote the Bible in its entirety.
     
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  15. Toro

    Toro Oh, Hello!

    +8,939
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    Just my opinion...... which means very little.... but:

    The problem with those numbers you state of the "Christians" being the same as those of the world.

    How many of these people that claim Christ do you believe are truly followers of Christ?

    I can call myself a Dr. doesn't mean anything. I could call myself a writer, after all Im typing this.....doesnt mean its true or that youd want to read a novel from me.

    If "Boring" means someone that stands by their faith and is immovable against the stresses and temptations of this world.....then I personally see "boring" as a beautiful thing. That is a strong and virtuous woman if she can stand against the pressures of this world and still stay on her knees focused on the Lord.

    I mean if you want things of this world..... then do as the world does and thats exactly what you will get. But I guess the bright side, at least you wont be bored.
     
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  16. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +3,047
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    So you are interested in finding someone who you might really love and then realize as you hold them dying someday, that they will spend their eternity separated from Christ .... or do you plan on converting them ... or a few good laughs now is all that really matters?

    Wearing the name "Christian" doesn't mean boring...or else maybe you ought to look in the mirror figure out if you are boring too. Yes, Christian woman come in all packages including ones that aren't that smart or make horrible decisions including sinning.

    I think that part of your problem is that you are looking for someone who wears the sign "Christian" as her identity, isn't of someone who lives the life and has her identity in Christ. If you tell someone you are looking for a Christian woman, they are going to picture the most outwardly pious woman they know, not the Christian woman who stays after the service and cleans up the mess left by everyone else. When I filter men by the label "Christian", I usually won't get the most godly lives but rather the best church attenders.

    I think you need to rethink your personal pity party and revisit how important your identity is in Christ if you really think that all Christian women are like the ones you describe or that you are so willing to throw away this requirement for a wife. "Yes, God, I know that she doesn't believe in you but look at her, she is pretty and fun...and somehow, I do think my life will be improved by living part of it without You in my life."
     
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  17. Khalliqa

    Khalliqa Junior Member

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    That's interesting. This makes it seem like character is less important than filling a pew. Why?
     
  18. Keath

    Keath Member

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    Don't be unequally yoked with a non-believer; the Spirit of Christ dwells in you; you are the temple of the Holy Spirit. But with that said, find a Christian woman who isn't ruined by feminism and self-service like a lot of American women. I for one went with a Dominican woman; best decision; I have never been so cared for and cherished. I also had a 23 year marriage destroyed by my wife's unfaithfulness.
     
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  19. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic Supporter

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    difficult maybe, but not impossible.
    We reasonable Christian women are absolutely out there waiting to be found, provided you are looking, and looking in all the right places.
     
  20. buzuxi02

    buzuxi02 Veteran

    +920
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    Most Christian women are modernists, they are the product of western culture. Meaning that things like divorce rate and infidelity are probably higher than in non-christians. I prefer women from traditional cultures who are usually not christian nor of western 'values'.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2017
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