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Do I have to confess my adultery to my spouse?

Discussion in 'General Struggles' started by NYH, Jul 24, 2021.

  1. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    Several years ago I was really bad...I mean really bad. I was angry to my wife and had several affiars...but then I nearly died. I repented women, porn sites etc....but if confess to my wife she will most certainly divorce me and I have kids. But if DON"T confess my repentecnce it cant be 100% repentance. This guilt will be me for the rest of my life. I need your help. Thanks.
     
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  2. anna ~ grace

    anna ~ grace Newbie Supporter

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    Disclosure to everyone does not necessarily have to be a part of being truly sorry for the horrible things we have done. Have you ever talked to a pastor or priest about this?
     
  3. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    No, just some friends on FB..they say going to a counselor.
     
  4. myst33

    myst33 Well-Known Member

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    Never, never, never, never, never, never commit adultery.

    But if you did, never, never, never, never tell anyone. It must be your dirty secret, your sacrifice for the good of your family. Your feelings are not the priority now. They are. They need a great husband and dad. If you are not, pretend to be.

    This will be your repentance and God will forgive you.
     
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  5. anna ~ grace

    anna ~ grace Newbie Supporter

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    Maybe go to a counselor as a Christian man, for one-on-one spiritual help. But I still wouldn’t tell your wife. Be sorry. Be repentant. Love her all the more. Yes, you’re going to feel awful about this your entire life. Maybe that’s a part of your penance in this life. But I still wouldn’t tell her.
     
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  6. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    I'm so sorry. I love Jesus
     
  7. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

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    Facebook ? You must be kidding !!!. She probably already knows !
    Anyway, you answered your own question by saying you're carrying this guilt. You need Christian counseling and she may too.
     
  8. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    My wife saved me and rushed me to a hospital...spent 3 days in ICU. My career is over too. But rather being bitter or angry..I choose to praise God to be here when I shouldn't.
     
  9. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    One of my christain friends said "nothing on earth is worth going to hell for..."
     
  10. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    "Maybe that’s a part of your penance in this life..."

    agreed..
     
  11. chilehed

    chilehed Veteran

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    Nonsense. Repentance is sorrow for having sinned, and a firm intention to sin no more. The best amends you can make to her is to never do it again - don't compound the harm you've done by breaking her heart.
     
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  12. chevyontheriver

    chevyontheriver Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We aren't the ones you should be confessing to. We can't provide absolution for your sins. I would recommend telling this to a priest but you are Baptist and you don't do confessing your sins to a priest to be absolved from your sins. Presumably you have some other way of taking care of the real guilt you have for your sins. But it doesn't look like that's working for you. Go find a Baptist minister (if there is one who can keep his mouth shut as Catholic priests must) and ask him what you should do.

    Maybe your wife already knows. Or not. But it sounds like almost the rest of the planet knows. How do you make it right with her and with God? The rest of us are pretty much irrelevant.
     
  13. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

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    Confessing to your wife will not solve anything. She will be devastated, even if she forgives you, and you've already considered other terrible consequences that could follow such a confession.

    So long as you have sincerely changed your ways, confess to God, but not to everyone else.

    You say the (sense of) guilt will be with you for the rest of your life, and this is probably true; but you will not feel exonerated or anything like that by laying bare your past wrongdoings in front of your wife (and, in fact, others who will find out afterwards).
     
  14. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    Someone said "Continuously dwelling on your past sin could mean one of two things; first, Jesus’ death on the cross wasn’t enough to pay for this sin or second, I don’t trust His forgiveness. (Both of these views are sins.) Which camp are you in right now? Repent." But another one said if you dont confess to your wife it cant be real repentance...so thats where I am.
     
  15. The Narrow Way

    The Narrow Way Master Herbalist Supporter

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    NYH, don't go to a Priest or a Pastor....the Bible tells us to go to Jesus, and confess our sins to Him. Private sins should be confessed privately, to God alone. If you have repented and forsaken the sin, leave it buried there....and trust God for His forgiveness. Telling your wife will only break her heart and cause your children to disrespect you.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself. Repent, learn from your mistakes, and thank God that you didn't die in that sinful state.


     
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  16. The Narrow Way

    The Narrow Way Master Herbalist Supporter

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    The person telling you that if you don't confess to your wife, it's not real repentance, is wrong. Following their advice will only bring you and your family more sorrow and heart ache.
     
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  17. NYH

    NYH New Member

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    Thanks for the responses....I appreicate it...I will never do that again... and I wont tell anyone else. I spent days in ICU with a medical emergency...praise God and Jesus all the time....
     
  18. busrider

    busrider New Member

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    Why make more misery, who does it help telling your wife? No one, it just causes more pain. Sure you missed up an you repented. So who are your accusers now? God loves you, God has forgiven you, God is not angry at you, God will never leave you nor forsake you. Go in the peace of Christ and sin no more.
     
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  19. public hermit

    public hermit social troglodyte Supporter

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    Look, first of all, God is steadfast love and faithfulness. You are created to know when you have stepped outside the way that leads to life. Your pain is not a design flaw, but a sign that you are loved. That being the case, let it go. Set your heart on all that is good, and true, and beautiful (all of which is also God's love for you), and don't look back! :)

    As far as telling your wife, you really need to think about that. Will you cause more pain than good? Will it contribute to the good of your family? Do not satisfy your conscience at their expense. If you feel bad, then get serious about living the life that is life. You'll be fine, God loves you and your family. Christ didn't die for nothing.
     
  20. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    There were things that got the better of you, so you could fight and then get into adultery. You need to get rid of those ways that could get you to be so angry and do what you did; feed on what the Bible says about those things. And there might be selfish ego things you like, but it is worth not holding on to them . . . so you can get more into loving with her.

    Instead of worrying about what you did, get with God, instead, so you are kind and caring . . . not the same person anymore. And be her example of this, plus enjoy however she helps you to become real in loving.

    There are various scriptures about how to relate in a close relationship.

    And perhaps there were things you were ready to fight for > may be these need to be sacrificed.

    "with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

    Well, Jesus wants us to forgive. So, in case you really feel she is not capable of honoring Jesus, you might want to pray about the fact that you see her like this. It probably is not true . . . if she is a maturing Christian.

    But in case you are correct, you need to love her and pray for her and show her how to be forgiving and kind and not arguing. Because if she really is so ready with unforgiveness, she can get into various kinds of trouble > unforgiveness can maintain any of us so we can get into various sorts of trouble, especially spiritually and emotionally; because the weakness of unforgiveness works overtime to make us weak for other evil things, too.

    Jesus has His reason for expecting us to forgive. So, if He is first, for us, forgiveness is first.

    By the way > any time we sin, we are cheating on our Groom Jesus; and does He dump us, divorce us??

    So, be strong with compassion ready, in case she really does have a forgiveness problem. I do not mean to confess to her, but if you really are sure she is not right with God so she is ready to forgive, this is important, and you need to care for her and minister to her, versus hiding in guilt and fear. And I would say your children need to not be your only or main reason for not wanting a divorce; but you need to love her as a major reason . . . right? :)

    "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)

    Loving your children in God's way includes how you love her, by the way, as your children's example. Or else, they can learn your ways and later those ways can have them doing evil like you have done!! Even if you don't do an obvious adultery thing, being faithful includes how we love the way God has us loving.

    Like I say, I do not mean you should confess to her, but I would be careful about assuming you know her about something. Possibly, still you have much more getting to know her to do :) . . . instead of assuming she is predictable. If God is growing her in Jesus, she is not going to stay the same; she is not going to be predictable. And it is very enjoyable to keep discovering each other, as you grow together.

    "the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" > in James 1:20.

    You were able to connect in marriage with each other; so I would think you both could have issues. And you can help each other. This is for God our Father, so we can become like Jesus and love like Jesus, and this is for truly loving each other and our children. Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7)
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2021
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