Divorcing my father/ending all contact with my father

[Korean-American Christian]

Don't take some comments personally Korean-American Christian. I've been at these forums for over a decade (well I had another account before) and sadly there are some who can pretty harshly judge. The mods usually take care of them though. If you want to report them just click the report button at the bottom of their post and the mods will look into it. Americans are sadly very prideful about not living at home. Or maybe they just feel they are better then the person living at home (they forget you never know when something may happen and they may be stuck moving back home). I mean I won't disagree that its great to be independent. But in some cases you don't have a choice or can't move out yet. In my case my wife and I can't afford to move out yet. And now with my dad possibly having early stages of Alzheimers, we may be stuck here so we can help my mom take care of him. I personally think more of someone who lives at home then I do someone who lives not at home. I mean fo course this depends on why of course. But true family doesn't have a problem living at home if they need to. Assuming its working out well of course. I mean in your case its not working out so I'd understand you needing to move out. My wife was really sad when she found out what "nursing homes" were. She'd never heard of the term until she came to america. She said americans are selfish. I told her sometimes its true. Having so much freedom here, some can be that way and see parents (even if the parents take care of themselves) as a burden and a waste of money. >.<

Yesterday was a difficult day for me emotionally because I did take some comments personally. There were 2 people who judged me pretty harshly.

I agree that Americans are very prideful about not living at home. As you probably know, I have to deal with cultural issues....traditional Korean parental expectations

Thank you for being so understanding

 

[JesusIsMyTicket]

So as to the main issue, I really do recommend moving out if your parents do not actually...need you in some way. Need or not, he has no right to verbally abuse you. I think perhaps you should try having a discussion with them if possible. It may not lessen the pain for them, but it will give them an idea why you ARE leaving.

As to some other people criticizing you for being 38 and still with family... Perhaps I don't understand as well as a 19 year old college student, but I don't exactly plan to leave home. Not everyone who CAN leave home should LEAVE home, especially if there is a decent family relationship and they are needed. My family struggles financially, and my mother and two little siblings live on disability. My grandfather is not going to live forever, and my old brother chose an irresponsible sort of life. Someone should take care of the mother and the little ones and I intend to do so, so yes I actually intend to live in this house although after college I am sure I will be able to financially afford moving considering my major. I think the judgment here about living at home is a little harsh. Perhaps it is because family wise I've been raised to see the caring for your elders future. Me and my mother are very close.

I'm not saying at some point in my life I may not leave, but I would hope you would not judge me if I did not. It is kind of ridiculous to judge anyone for it. We don't know the full story. Walk a mile in their shoes before you pass judgment. See the log in your own eyes before pointing out the speck in anothers.