Divorced Christian woman not interested in never married man?

[ThisIsMe123]

Funny how ironic this is.

Been doing online dating, and specfically trying to meet Christian women. This one woman expressed emphatically she wants a Christian man that is also marriage-minded. She's divorced...but it's okay to remarry, because her husband cheated on her.

She speaks broken English, she's Hispanic. She said she wanted to ask me few questions before moving forward, otherwise we'd be wasting each other's time (according to her).

I told her I've never been married and thus this was an issue with her, that the frame a mind of a never married man is different than of a divorced person.

She was kind of moreso interrogating me with a battery of questions and not letting the conversation get organic.

But should a true Christian really let the never marrieds conflict with the divorced? Should it be a deal breaker?

I find it mind blowing that she's taking secular views on this.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

If it's a deal breaker to her then it's obviously an issue. But there's definitely not a biblical precedent for it. That's for sure.

 

[Sam91]

Funny how ironic this is.

Been doing online dating, and specfically trying to meet Christian women. This one woman expressed emphatically she wants a Christian man that is also marriage-minded. She's divorced...but it's okay to remarry, because her husband cheated on her.

She speaks broken English, she's Hispanic. She said she wanted to ask me few questions before moving forward, otherwise we'd be wasting each other's time (according to her).

I told her I've never been married and thus this was an issue with her, that the frame a mind of a never married man is different than of a divorced person.

She was kind of moreso interrogating me with a battery of questions and not letting the conversation get organic.

But should a true Christian really let the never marrieds conflict with the divorced? Should it be a deal breaker?

I find it mind blowing that she's taking secular views on this.

I can see why some divorced women would object to a never married man.

1) The man might think he is purer, less tainted and look down on her.

2) With marraige comes tolerance and learning how to treat someone.

3) At least with someone else who has been divorced that person can identify with the hurt and disappointment. Also, the challenges of starting again.

4) The married before person has a better idea of what they are getting into. So many bethrothed have a rose tinted view of marraige. They also have no experience of when the initial feelings transform from excitement to a deeper level of companionship.

 

[mukk_in]

I don't think so. She may have some psych or insecurity issues as well and that may have made her defensive. We should still be led by the Holy Spirit and act in grace.

 

[Miles]

People want different things in life.

 

[sunshine100]

Funny how ironic this is.

Been doing online dating, and specfically trying to meet Christian women. This one woman expressed emphatically she wants a Christian man that is also marriage-minded. She's divorced...but it's okay to remarry, because her husband cheated on her.

She speaks broken English, she's Hispanic. She said she wanted to ask me few questions before moving forward, otherwise we'd be wasting each other's time (according to her).

I told her I've never been married and thus this was an issue with her, that the frame a mind of a never married man is different than of a divorced person.

She was kind of moreso interrogating me with a battery of questions and not letting the conversation get organic.

But should a true Christian really let the never marrieds conflict with the divorced? Should it be a deal breaker?

I find it mind blowing that she's taking secular views on this.

I'm not so sure about that,be careful on the dating sites,I myself don't put a lot of faith in dating sites.

 

[Sketcher]

Hey, it's her loss. If she has that much of a lack of respect for you, you dodged another bullet.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I can see why some divorced women would object to a never married man.

1) The man might think he is purer, less tainted and look down on her.

2) With marraige comes tolerance and learning how to treat someone.

3) At least with someone else who has been divorced that person can identify with the hurt and disappointment. Also, the challenges of starting again.

4) The married before person has a better idea of what they are getting into. So many bethrothed have a rose tinted view of marraige. They also have no experience of when the initial feelings transform from excitement to a deeper level of companionship.

On #2, her husband cheated on her. So there goes that theory. Some of this is just speculation.

 

[Sam1986]

Online dating is like running through a minefield! One false move and boom.

 

[Sam91]

On #2, her husband cheated on her. So there goes that theory. Some of this is just speculation.

I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about why someone who has been divorced would not necessarily prefer someone who hadn't been married.

She would have had to tolerate him before he cheated.

I'm also speaking from experience. Thankfully, I want to remain single forever (I view remarraige as unbiblical) but if I didn't I would have qualms about marrying someone who hadn't been married. Mostly for reason 1 after seeing what people post on here. Then a bit of number two and a little of number 4. Number 3 only as far as they can identify with the challenges of starting again.

I disagree that it is speculation. It is my views on why I would not like to date someone who hasn't been married.

 

[bekkilyn]

It could be that she's mentally not really ready to date anyone and will therefore come up with problems with any potential candidates. For a never-married man, one might question exactly why he never married, particularly if he's an older man. Is he still dependent on mama? Is he a closet homosexual? Does he have commitment issues and couldn't stick with a woman for more than two weeks? For a divorced man, one might question why he is divorced. Did he cheat on his wife just like the woman's husband did? Did he abuse her and she finally got tired of it and left? Is he really looking for a babysitter for the small children of his previous wife/wives? Did he just go through divorce number six? Is he *really* divorced or is just lying about still being married?

 

[Sam1986]

I am divorced. Very long story indeed. Not enough toilet paper in the world to write it on!

 

[JustSomeBloke]

I can see why some divorced women would object to a never married man.

1) The man might think he is purer, less tainted and look down on her.

2) With marraige comes tolerance and learning how to treat someone.

3) At least with someone else who has been divorced that person can identify with the hurt and disappointment. Also, the challenges of starting again.

4) The married before person has a better idea of what they are getting into. So many bethrothed have a rose tinted view of marraige. They also have no experience of when the initial feelings transform from excitement to a deeper level of companionship.

I'd say 2, 3, and 4 apply to anyone who has been in a long term relationship. And 1 only applies if the man has remained a virgin. In any case, I think 1 is a pretty toxic view to have of another human, so probably best avoided if someone thinks that way.

 

[Radagast]

Funny how ironic this is.

Been doing online dating, and specfically trying to meet Christian women. This one woman expressed emphatically she wants a Christian man that is also marriage-minded. She's divorced...but it's okay to remarry, because her husband cheated on her.

She speaks broken English, she's Hispanic. She said she wanted to ask me few questions before moving forward, otherwise we'd be wasting each other's time (according to her).

I told her I've never been married and thus this was an issue with her, that the frame a mind of a never married man is different than of a divorced person.

She was kind of moreso interrogating me with a battery of questions and not letting the conversation get organic.

But should a true Christian really let the never marrieds conflict with the divorced? Should it be a deal breaker?

I find it mind blowing that she's taking secular views on this.

You seem to be posting a lot of "so and so wouldn't date me" threads.

My advice is: just let it go. Women are under no obligation to date any of us.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm also speaking from experience. Thankfully, I want to remain single forever (I view remarraige as unbiblical) but if I didn't I would have qualms about marrying someone who hadn't been married. Mostly for reason 1 after seeing what people post on here. Then a bit of number two and a little of number 4. Number 3 only as far as they can identify with the challenges of starting again.

Agreed with you on remarriage, but coming from the side of a never-married man, 1 isn't a problem if he knows her status and is interested/pursuing her anyway. Fools and abusers need not apply of course, but they're to be avoided anyway. If I look down on a woman, I don't ask her out, period.

 

[usexpat97]

You are allowed not to date someone for any reason you want. Not all reasons are smart, but all reasons are allowed.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It could be that she's mentally not really ready to date anyone and will therefore come up with problems with any potential candidates. For a never-married man, one might question exactly why he never married, particularly if he's an older man. Is he still dependent on mama? Is he a closet homosexual? Does he have commitment issues and couldn't stick with a woman for more than two weeks? For a divorced man, one might question why he is divorced. Did he cheat on his wife just like the woman's husband did? Did he abuse her and she finally got tired of it and left? Is he really looking for a babysitter for the small children of his previous wife/wives? Did he just go through divorce number six? Is he *really* divorced or is just lying about still being married?

That's just it, they are all questions and speculation. Wouldn't it behoove the person that all these questions to...you know...have a cup of coffee with him/her and find out their story as opposed to launching him/her immediately?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Thankfully, I want to remain single forever.

Curious...how old are you?

I disagree that it is speculation. It is my views on why I would not like to date someone who hasn't been married.

So you wouldn't want to even try to find out their situation?

 

[Sam91]

Curious...how old are you?



So you wouldn't want to even try to find out their situation?

I'm 36.

The only way it would entice me is if I knew them in real life and those silly things like brain chemicals got in the way. But you see, after seeing all the posts from guys on here talking about purity and the pride that ensues from that, it really prejudices me against people who haven't been married.

That prejudice also colours the way I read your OP. You see, I even feel that you think that because you haven't been married you are somehow a better catch than a women who has been divorced. I am not saying you are like that. Just the prejudice makes me see that, even where it might not be.

But even if those brain chemicals got in the way I would seriously consider whether after being single so long they could adapt to married life.

Older women, especially those who have been married, the wiser ones will be reluctant to get involved. They know the freedom of being alone and how much happier they are alone than with a guy who is unkind or selfish.

If you could become friends with someone without chasing them, there is a chance that feelings can develop. Then she'd be more receptive to your advances.

 

[bekkilyn]

That's just it, they are all questions and speculation. Wouldn't it behoove the person that all these questions to...you know...have a cup of coffee with him/her and find out their story as opposed to launching him/her immediately?

Yes, sure...*if* you are actually ready to start dating again. But having a cup of coffee with a potential axe murderer isn't going to help someone who isn't ready to trust again to start being trustful.