• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.
  3. Please note there is a new rule regarding the posting of videos. It reads, "Post a summary of the videos you post . An exception can be made for music videos.". Unless you are simply sharing music, please post a summary, or the gist, of the video you wish to share.
  4. There have been some changes in the Life Stages section involving the following forums: Roaring 20s, Terrific Thirties, Fabulous Forties, and Golden Eagles. They are changed to Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and Golden Eagles will have a slight change.
  5. CF Staff, Angels and Ambassadors; ask that you join us in praying for the world in this difficult time, asking our Holy Father to stop the spread of the virus, and for healing of all affected.
  6. We are no longer allowing posts or threads that deny the existence of Covid-19. Members have lost loved ones to this virus and are grieving. As a Christian site, we do not need to add to the pain of the loss by allowing posts that deny the existence of the virus that killed their loved one. Future post denying the Covid-19 existence, calling it a hoax, will be addressed via the warning system.

Divorce

Discussion in 'LCMS / WELS / ELS / LCC' started by Silverback, Oct 11, 2020.

  1. Silverback

    Silverback Well-Known Member

    +670
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    In 2014, I was diagnosed with Cancer. I have been put through the ringer since then with surgeries, procedures, and the list goes on. About that time my wife started a online affair with another man.

    Since then using credit cards, loans, our savings, and not paying our bills for the last three months, she has sent him close to $100,000. I found out about it just last month. She admitted to it, said she was wrong, an sorry, but she won't take full responsibility, if she doesn't like the questions, she just says I don't remember. If you ask me, she has no remorse, no shame, she doesn't care what her actions have done to our family, and feels quite proud of it.

    She lied to me about our finances a thousand times, and took steps to hide her actions, and cover her tracks. She put this guy above me, our adult children, our innocent pets, our home, and our property. She said she will "NEVER" do anything like this again, but she won't come clean about anything other than "yes I did it".

    She has devastated us financially, we will at some point have to file chapter 7 bankruptcy, which doesn't matter to her either. I am under no illusion she will stop these behaviors, she hid it from me for six years, and I will have no way of knowing if she gets additional credit cards, or other email, or social media accounts.

    Some months after this started, she retained an attorney ($10,000 part of our savings) and made plans to abandon me in the Hospital following one of the major operations I had in 2015. She won't come clean about why, or who the attorney was, she just says "yep I gave him the money" but claims to not remember why, same with the $5,000 (more of our savings) she wire transfered to some guy in the UK..."I don't remember" and another $7,000 (the rest of our savings) sent to "Janet Ward" with the same "don't remember".

    We have been married 35 years, and are knocking on the back door of 60 years of age (57 and 58). I can't say I hate her, I love her, but she has lied so much, destroyed us financially, and was so calm and collected about it, so calculating, and proud of what she has done, and absolutely cares nothing about those she has hurt, or the repercussions of her actions.

    Additionally, she is the subject of a lawsuit from somebody in New Jersey who claims she sold them $5,600 in devalued gift cards, she admits it, but it doesn't concern her that she ripped the guy off, she claims to have "proof" that they were fully charged when she sold them...trust me, I doubt she has any proof.

    Although I love her, I can barely stand to look at her, or stay in the same room with her, I want out. I don't know if any of this qualifies as a biblical reason for divorce, but she is slowly killing me, and using up what life I have left, as I have never been in remission from the Cancer, and have taken a turn for the worse over the last eight months. I have some very aggressive treatments coming up in the following weeks, and I don't think I can trust her to be there for me.

    Any comments, suggestions, or Ideas would be appreciated.

    Thank you all.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2020
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,783
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    Adultery is grounds for divorce. Lord Jesus said that even if the act is not carried out, the heart attitude is still adulterous. If not divorce, (which is extreme), could you legally separate and get her hands off your finances?
     
  3. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

    +5,248
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Married
    Taking your words a face value...

    In my view the marriage no longer exists.

    She had broken the marriage covenant.

    I would get legal aid immediately - there is a good chance she will be convicted of a criminal offence.

    This is the best way to protect the family from further plunder.

    Personally however I would not file for divorce.

    God works through civil law and I would suggest you need the assurance that matters are in hand before you face another round of treatment.
     
  4. Silverback

    Silverback Well-Known Member

    +670
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    Yes, my finances will soon be in another bank, as far as separating, we could, there is no legal separation in Florida, so I will have to find a place to live, but in the dire financial situation we are in that will prove difficult. A separation may help me, it will be viewed by her as a vacation from married life, and a license to do whatever she wants.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2020
  5. Daniel9v9

    Daniel9v9

    +1,068
    Japan
    Lutheran
    Married
    Well, first of all, let me just say thank you for sharing, and that I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, as this is all very difficult and regrettable. It is concerning on many fronts; both in relation to your physical and spiritual well-being, and for you as individuals and a family.

    Have you spoken to your local pastor about this? That would be my first advice, as the Church is for you, to help you and your family in your needs.

    Beyond this - I'm glad to hear you love and are faithful to your wife, which is the right and good thing to do. However, given the gravity of the situation, at least as far as I understand, it sounds like your wife is in need of true repentance and absolution - and if possible, to make amends. Perhaps if the both of you could speak to your pastor (or another counselor in your church body), and for you to raise all of your concerns first, and then to give your wife an opportunity to speak afterwards, that could be fruitful.

    Sexual immorality (which includes cheating) and abuse are grounds for divorce, but it should be a last resort, and we don't want to be too liberal with what constitutes abuse.

    While I can talk about the Biblical view on family, provision, divorce, and separation in general terms, I don't think it's a good idea for myself or anyone here to make any rash judgments. I think the best thing would be to try and involve the Church as much as possible, and I'm confident that it'll force an answer either way.

    I will pray for you.
     
  6. Silverback

    Silverback Well-Known Member

    +670
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    Thank you, I have wondered if perhaps she is suffering from mental illness. But there was just to much cold calculated lying and deceit to attribute her actions to a mental health reason. Thank you
     
  7. Silverback

    Silverback Well-Known Member

    +670
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    Thank you, our Pastor is on my list for this week.
     
  8. Sal Robinson

    Sal Robinson Member Supporter

    228
    +205
    Australia
    Baptist
    Single
    Hey brother, I definitely you are in a good position to cut the threads
     
  9. Silverback

    Silverback Well-Known Member

    +670
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    Thank you...it's just killing me, she's breaking my heart.
     
  10. Sal Robinson

    Sal Robinson Member Supporter

    228
    +205
    Australia
    Baptist
    Single
    Psalm 34:18
    18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

    praying for you brother....you've done your best to be loving to her...but I think it's you who needs to recognise how much you are loved nd need to be loved

    the whole reason why you're feeling this way is because she did not play her part
     
  11. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +5,078
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    US-Republican
    IMO, the lies and the financial fraud alone are of a level to be adequate grounds for divorce. The adulterous relationship only ices the cake. She has broken the marriage covenant, she in effect has "departed", all but physically. Paul says let the unbeliever depart. A divorce would only formalize what already is.

    My prayers for your physical healing, and for comfort and wisdom in dealing with this unfortunate situation.
     
  12. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,783
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    It sounds like she's already doing as she pleases. How come you have to move? How about she moves out?
     
  13. Hope1960

    Hope1960 Well-Known Member

    861
    +191
    United States
    Lutheran
    Married
    You’ll be in tonight’s prayers.
     
Loading...