Divorce Question

[Foundthelight]

Is filing for divorce a mortal sin? My friend's reason is that they just don't love each other any more. I think that reason alone puts it into the mortal category. He disagrees.

Can he receive absolution for this?

 

[lindart]

I am not a Catholic theologian but I did get a divorce. Divorce becomes an issue if you were to remarry. The first marriage must meet the criteria to qualify for an annulment. In the eyes of the Catholic Church she needs evidence that the first marriage was not a true marriage in a christian sense.

I will say this. Mortal sin or not, the consequences of divorce when there are children involved are horrendous to say the least! It is my God given mission to discourage any parent from contemplating divorce except in the case of abuse as was my situation. Even though mine was annuled by the Church, the horrible consequences remain the same. The children are always victimized by this!

God is All Good and His Words to us are Supreme.

And yet we think we know better.

 

[Foundthelight]

I once read that divorce is harder on kids than the death of a parent. This situation is so sad. The couple are4 empty-nesters.

I have advised counseling for them. He refuses.

Successful marriage is hard work. There are times that people fall out of love and times they fall back into love. He can't see that.

I don't know what his wife thinks, or if she even knows he feels this way.

He is a protestant with Catholic leanings.

 

[D'Ann]

The only thing that we can do is encourage them to talk with their pastor or priest. These things are so difficult to decipher and you are right, divorce is a type of death... and there is a lot of grieving on all sides and the children suffer the most... especially adult children. My parents divorced by the time I was one. I don't remember ever living in the same home with both of my parents and despite that, I still chose to live my life in a good way. On the other hand, my brother and sister where older than me and the divorce along with other things, kinda messed up their lives. It's not my parents fault... it's just the way life happens sometimes, but as a mother who is happily married to the father of my children... my one and only marriage to a great man... for over 30 years... it is a lot of work and you are right, there are times that a husband and wife feel a mixture of different feelings, but a couple really has to understand marriage and the sacrifice and the working it through concept to work through the ups and downs and to find that happiness within themselves and in Christ. That being said, I am married to a very good and decent and honorable and loving man, if he wasn't... I don't think we would still be married. So I make no judgment calls... just loving support and offer up my prayers for your friend and his family.

All we can do is pray and be a true friend and a strong friend. Marriage is like faith in a way... the road is paved with straight lines that are filled with a lot of curves and twists and turns... it's not an easy road, but if a couple can work it through and find a way to love each other, forgive each, laugh and cry with each other... they'll find their way throughout life together and building their lives and each other stronger, finer and better. But it's a difficult road at times. Praying...

God's peace,

Debbie

p.s. My husband's mother and father divorced when he was in college and 18 years old... till this day, he grieves for the lost of that family sense of being. He loves both of his parents dearly... but his heart still grieves and it will always grieve much differently than my own.

 

[BAFRIEND]

read what Jesus said about divorce

as for the kid thiing, if people are incapable of adult relationships than dont count on them being mature enouph to take their children's feeling or make their kids a priority either

the kids will be second hand citizens in their own home with step-parents (organic sex-toys) in the house and confussion and feeling their parents resent having them in the first place soon enouph anyway

 

[D'Ann]

read what Jesus said about divorce

as for the kid thiing, if people are incapable of adult relationships than dont count on them being mature enouph to take their children's feeling or make their kids a priority either

the kids will be second hand citizens in their own home with step-parents (organic sex-toys) in the house and confussion and feeling their parents resent having them in the first place soon enouph anyway

There was a time that I would agree with you, but over the years, I have learned that there are some step parents who are very capable of loving their step children as their own... if they are good and honorable and decent and Christian hearted, minded folks.

In my husband's life, his mother always put her children first... always. His dad... well, that's another story. You are right, it does depend on the maturity of the adults and in how they handle the situation. Divorce doesn't necessarily mean the end of a family, it means an end to a marriage, but not the family.. if the mother and father are mature enough, like you said, to handle their individual separation in a mature fashion.

Divorce is so damaging to children though... it really is... it opens up the family and especially the children to a whole different way of life and a whole different way of growing up and looking at life. If divorce can be prevented, it should be. Parents should put their children first... marriage isn't about love, it's about building a life together and thus building a family together as in a team. But if there is abuse, if there is hostility and danger to either spouse... then steps should be taken to preserve the well-being of the spouse and the children.

If it is really about one spouse feeling out of love... and etc ... then if they are religious and have religious Christian beliefs... then they need to talk to their pastor or priest... quitting is never the answer, but as Christians ourselves, it's vitally important that we approach these things with kindness and gentleness and be true to our beliefs... but not in a mean or self righteous, or authority kind of way... these things of the heart need to be handled in the right way.

Preaching and negative feedback and negative judgment won't work... it will only cause more heart ache and pain... misery and a downward spiral direction. Children will already feel some what octricized (?spelling)... and so as Christians, we do need to speak the truth, but in a very compassionate and loving way... in which I'm sure you agree with.

God's peace,

Debbie

 

[D'Ann]

When I say that marriage isn't about love... what I mean is that love should be apart of the marriage, but love is never the center of the marriage... love is a blessing.. it's a wonderful gift, but people who are married for a long time, do go through times of not "feeling" that love, but by faith and by maturity, by the willingness to fall in love again perse' they find each other again and that love deepens to a greater love, but unless a couple is willing to walk through the desert, they won't find that deep soothing loving water of love.

My husband tells me everyday how much he loves me... he tells me that everyday his love deepens for me. I don't understand that because I don't think about it that much... but with all of my heart, I know that I love him more than the air I breathe, wider than the sky and deeper than the ocean and yes, I love him much deeper in each day that goes by (don't tell him that though... don't want him to know). He is my sunlight... he is my smile... he is the most beautiful sunset that I have ever seen... but for me personally... marrying so young, it was not always so easy... for me... there was some struggles, but ultimately, I knew that God blessed me with the best man for me and I'm sooo thankful and grateful... he is my love, my true love...

That being said, it took me 30 years to realize that and each couple has to walk through the fire and figure that part out in their own way...

I don't know what to tell you FoundThe Light... I think divorce for dumb reasons is a mortal sin, but who am I to say that? Who am I judge? God has blessed me with so much... how can I judge another couple? I can't. That is really up to them and God and all we can do... is pray and encourage them to talk with their pastor and/or priest. I don't know what else to say.

 

[BAFRIEND]

Preaching and negative feedback and negative judgment won't work...

of course it wont work, they put themsleves and their needs above the needs of their kids- the kids are just objects too them, so when you use negative feedback they act like babys themselves

preaching and negative feedback is what Jesus does about the issue in the Bible

but Jesus was teaching his followers about the issues, not those who dont care

 

[JimR-OCDS]

The Church does not recognize divorce. That being said, it's not a sin to get a divorce, because the Church still considers the couple married.

However, if a couple obtain a civil divorce and then get involved with another person, then the Church sees this as disordered and the person must refrain from receiving Holy Communion until their situation is resolved.

Divorce is a difficult thing to go through and those of us with happy marriages should be compassionate and charitable with those who's marriages have failed.


Jim

 

[BAFRIEND]

my advice to anyone is not to get in the middle of a divorce

they will only try to use you to get back at the other spouse and to validate their own actions

 

[BAFRIEND]

The Church does not recognize divorce. That being said, it's not a sin to get a divorce, because the Church still considers the couple married.

However, if a couple obtain a civil divorce and then get involved with another person, then the Church sees this as disordered and the person must refrain from receiving Holy Communion until their situation is resolved.

Divorce is a difficult thing to go through and those of us with happy marriages should be compassionate and charitable with those who's marriages have failed.


Jim

and what did Jesus say about divorce ?

the Church does too care about divorce

 

[D'Ann]

and what did Jesus say about divorce ?

the Church does too care about divorce

Yes, of course, the Church cares about divorce... I don't think Jim is saying otherwise...

With these matters of the heart, one needs to be compassionate and gentle... we are only laity, we are not priests or nuns... nor the pope. As laity, we need to pray and encourage troubled folks to talk with a priest and/or their pastor. We must always allow compassion and love to govern our heart and what advice we give. It is the only right thing to do, imo.

Which I know you are doing in your own way.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

and what did Jesus say about divorce ?

the Church does too care about divorce

The Church cares about divorce in that they are marriages that end and often cause harm to children of those marriages.

But officially, the Church doesn't recognize divorce.

Until you're marriage is annulled, the Church considers you married.

Jim

 

[lindart]

D'Ann and BaFriend,

It is a blessing to read the discorse between the both of you. D'Ann you speak out of the blessing of a good marriage. Yes, your parents divorced when you were one. You mention that your older siblings who remember your Dad are having a tough go of it. The children who remember do suffer the most. You were spared.
BaFriend speaks of his own personal pain resulting from divorce. You can 'hear' his pain in his position against divorce. I was pregnant with my fifth child when 'Dad' left. My older children suffer the most. All divorced children suffer but the negative impact is more obvious among those who remember.
Divorce is never good. Please help any child in your church who if from a broken home. I grieve for all of them!

 

[D'Ann]

D'Ann and BaFriend,

It is a blessing to read the discorse between the both of you. D'Ann you speak out of the blessing of a good marriage. Yes, your parents divorced when you were one. You mention that your older siblings who remember your Dad are having a tough go of it. The children who remember do suffer the most. You were spared.
BaFriend speaks of his own personal pain resulting from divorce. You can 'hear' his pain in his position against divorce. I was pregnant with my fifth child when 'Dad' left. My older children suffer the most. All divorced children suffer but the negative impact is more obvious among those who remember.
Divorce is never good. Please help any child in your church who if from a broken home. I grieve for all of them!

Amen and I agree with you. Divorce is NEVER good and it breaks my heart to see so much divorce... I feel helpless.

My brother and sister suffered in so many ways... my sister died a week before she turned 48 years old... from diabetes.. along with a few other complications. My brother is not there "mentally"... he disconnected with our whole family and I've tried to get a hold of him, but he won't allow it... it's complicated.

With all of my heart, I know divorce hurts the children and the spouses. I've seen both of my parents suffer.. and have seen hate and bitterness govern most of their lives. Even now, they both are Christian and they both have forgiven each other, but they both have bitter memories that they are trying to work through... I know personally the pain from a child's perspective on divorce. I could share stories upon stories about my childhood... but I won't because... despite or because of my family's division due to divorce... despite of it and/or because of it... somehow... God made something good of me... He helped me to overcome it.

I join in with your prayer for the children of broken homes. I know of their pain.. in a very personal way. Yes, I'm doing fine, but I still grieve too... I'm just trying to be strong and be a good wife and woman and mother and daughter... keeping my family strong and together... that is how I combat this world of divorce... which brings so much heartache and pain to OUR children. HUGS

 

[CruciFixed]

read what Jesus said about divorce

as for the kid thiing, if people are incapable of adult relationships than dont count on them being mature enouph to take their children's feeling or make their kids a priority either

the kids will be second hand citizens in their own home with step-parents (organic sex-toys) in the house and confussion and feeling their parents resent having them in the first place soon enouph anyway

I know that all too well. I realize as an adult I should not turn to my parents but my dad is wealthy. I asked my dad in tears a few weeks ago if I could come back home and he said no BECAUSE of my step mom.He said he cannot have two women under the same roof. "It never works"

What did he think me and my mom were? However, I know without a doubt that if my step sister who is also now an adult wanted or needed to move back in without question my dad would have her back.....because that is his wife's daughter.

He once wrote me off for his wife. She has messaged me on Facebook on numerous occasions to cause me drama. She has torn down my own mom and has counted my brothers amongst her kids calling them her sons even though last I checked my mom gave birth to and raised those boys.

That house is a big competition between my dad's kids and that woman's 1 daughter. Always is and unless THEY also get divorced....always will be.

my advice to anyone is not to get in the middle of a divorce

they will only try to use you to get back at the other spouse and to validate their own actions

 

[D'Ann]

I know that all too well. I realize as an adult I should not turn to my parents but my dad is wealthy. I asked my dad in tears a few weeks ago if I could come back home and he said no BECAUSE of my step mom.He said he cannot have two women under the same roof. "It never works"

What did he think me and my mom were? However, I know without a doubt that if my step sister who is also now an adult wanted or needed to move back in without question my dad would have her back.....because that is his wife's daughter.

He once wrote me off for his wife. She has messaged me on Facebook on numerous occasions to cause me drama. She has torn down my own mom and has counted my brothers amongst her kids calling them her sons even though last I checked my mom gave birth to and raised those boys.

That house is a big competition between my dad's kids and that woman's 1 daughter. Always is and unless THEY also get divorced....always will be.

Fortunately or unfortunately... they will get divorced. Second marriages with kids... they don't last that long... at least that has been my experienced with my own father and my friends and their fathers... and mothers.

You'll get your dad back and things will be better as time goes by. I can promise you that... because I have had a few bad step mothers in my life. LOL hugs

 

[JoabAnias]

Is filing for divorce a mortal sin? My friend's reason is that they just don't love each other any more. I think that reason alone puts it into the mortal category. He disagrees.

Can he receive absolution for this?

Civil divorce doesn't end a sacramental marriage. It can be done for either good or bad reasons.

 

[BAFRIEND]

The Church cares about divorce in that they are marriages that end and often cause harm to children of those marriages.

But officially, the Church doesn't recognize divorce.

Until you're marriage is annulled, the Church considers you married.

Jim

Divorce is born of perverted morals and leads to vicious habits.
-Pope Leo XIII

.