Divorce legal question

[Dogbean]

Question....this seems to be the best forum for it but forgive me if wrong.

Hypothetical situation:

I have 3 kids, from a previous marriage that ended in death. She has two kids, also previous. We have none together. If we divorced, we each get the kids we originally had, right? Neither of us can legally claim custody (joint or otherwise) of the other's natural kids?

d

 

[Macx]

State laws vary widely. You are going to need a lawyer, you should spend more than you think you can afford on the lawyer, because it will end up being cheaper than paying for the lawyer you can afford in the long run.

IANAL (Criminal Law is my specialty, civil law I have just dabbled in + personal experience) CA law goes to the best interest of the child. If there is something glaring like the spouse has developed a Meth habit and is doing petty theft to pay for the habit . . . you could end up with the spouse''s kids even though they aren't biologically yours. That is a pretty bold example, the less glaring the more it becomes about who can afford the better lawyer and who wants the kids.

 

[Dogbean]

There's no meth habits or anything like that. We might just want to make a clean break. It's not that nasty.

 

[Macx]

It'll probably go to everybody getting what they want or she gets her two and you get your three, unless, she wants them all or you want them all and then the winner is the owner of the deeper pockets. Depending on your lawyers, what starts amicably can get bloody in a hurry to. Lawyers will try and provoke each side to push for a lil more, and a lil more. . . . they bill by the hour, quick and easy doesn't pay well for them.

 

[JBJoe]

Unless there is something unusual here, the court will grant custody to a biological parent. Here's a blurb written by an attorney in a case where the step parent and step child wanted to stay together and the attorney is giving the bad news:

Parenting Stepchildren: Custody of Step-Children, custody decisions, divorce case

 

[Dogbean]

if we did it, we'd do one of those do it yourself ones where you fill out the forms and agree on everything without lawyers.

 

[Dogbean]

But I'm seriously jumping the gun here, just doing homework. In all likelyhood we'll work something out and stay together. But I like to do homework and be prepared, so she can't try to freak me out with bad news.

 

[BeanMak]

Wouldn't it just make sense for each to have custody of their own children, and visitation of the other's if you feel a bond?

 

[Dogbean]

Update: if this happens, I know I want my three biological kids, and she'd want her two, but she has declared she would fight for mine too. Who has the deeper pockets? All our money is blended right now, and we don't have all that much. What can happen? She has a past record with CPS, which was unsubstantiated. I'm in the military.

 

[b.hopeful]

If she hasn't legally adopted your children...she has a huge and probably unsuccessful uphill battle.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

Why on earth would anyone fight for custody of someone else's child?! Even if there is a bond between step mother and child, and the father isn't harmful to the children..she's got no reason to file for custody for YOUR children. I think you'll be fine.

 

[Dogbean]

She would try because of two reasons....she'd want to stick it to me, and she claims she's too attached to them.

But silly me...I would think if she loves my children so much, she'd respect them enough to build a good relationship with their father, but I guess that makes too much sense!

 

[Dogbean]

Does anyone know what kind of factors go into play when a judge considers alimony? We have been married for 3 years. I have three kids from previous marriage, she has two from previous marriage, and we have none together. I'll probably get stuck paying her car payment, cus I don't want her car, and I have more kids to take care of than her if we split. WOudl the judge consider all this and not force me to pay her a ton of additional cash?

 

[bliz]

GO TO A LAWYER!! State laws vary, the laws change, and no one here is a legal expert. Many lawyers will give you a free consultation. GO TO A LAWYER!

 

[Hentenza]

Dear Dogbean,

Brother, you really need to get legal advice from a professional. Have you thought about asking if there is a lawyer in your church that might help you? Also, doesn't the military have programs for inexpensive or free legal advice?