Divorce and Remarriage

[PollyJetix]

Hi there; good to see you on the forums. Just out of interest, how would you understand 1 Corinthians 7.11?

"But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."

I'm glad you asked.

If you look carefully at I Corinthians 7, you will see Paul first introduces the overall subject of how necessary marriage is, and how it is supposed to work, in verses 1-6.
But then he says each person has his own gift from God, as pertains to marriage. And then, he addresses 4 separate groups.
1. the unmarried and widows. (verses 8 and 9.)
2. the married (verses 10 and 11.)
3. "the rest" (verses 12-24.)
4. virgins (verses 25 and 26.)
And verses 27 to the end are the conclusion, where he speaks of life-focus, he reiterates his main points, and he wraps up loose ends.

Now, look carefully.
What Paul spoke to one group, did not apply to the other groups!
That is why he addressed each group separately.

Who are "the rest" Paul addressed beginning in verse 12?
Obviously, they were married, but not to believers.
Therefore, what was spoken to "the married" in verses 10 and 11 do not apply to "the rest" who were married to unbelievers!

That answers your question, I believe.
But let us continue our study of this chapter...

What was spoken in the middle of this chapter, about circumcision, servanthood, and "if you may be free, use it rather" ...was actually spoken in the context of a very orderly instruction manual about marriage... and it was spoken directly to those married to unbelievers. Circumcision and servanthood were only illustrations of being married to an unbeliever.

Paul says it's okay to let the unbeliever depart, if he or she isn't happy while married to you!
(In fact, the OT Law [and in the NT, "sin is the transgression of the Law"] allows for a woman to divorce a neglectful, abusive husband.)
Therefore, "if thou mayest be made free" was probably a direct reference to what was allowable under the OT Law, in obtaining a divorce. (And God did not allow separation without divorce papers. Deut 24:1-2.)

To "virgins" Paul had "no command from the Lord." (verse 25)
Yet, he had a command from the Lord to "the unmarried and widows."
Therefore, "virgins" are not included in the first group, the "unmarried".

Who are these "unmarried" who were neither virgins, nor widows??

Notice, that these are logically divided groups. It would be illogical to group virgins with those who were once married, but who now found themselves single. The logical thing would be to group all those who were once married, but who now found themselves single, in the same group. And that would include the divorced.

Did the 1st-century church have divorced people among them? You bet they did! Historians tell us that divorce was very easy to obtain, and it was common, both among the Jews, and among the Greeks and Romans. Roman women were said to divorce yearly, trading off husbands as if they were costumes of fashion.

Therefore, the early church had a LOT of divorced-and-remarried people in them! Yet, in all of the NT, there is not one instruction on how to treat this as a special situation, and needing careful instruction as to how to get back to the original partners... of course not. Because that would have been an abomination to God, as He instructed in Deuteronomy 24:4.

Now, go read 1 Corinthians 7:8-9.
This was spoken to divorced people.
I know. That idea would disturb quite a few religious devils in traditional churches.
But it's the Scripture.

And in Paul's conclusion, he reiterates what he said in verse 9.
Here it is without punctuation or verse divisions (they did not exist in the original.)

Art thou bound unto a wife seek not to be loosed art thou loosed from a wife seek not a wife but and if thou marry thou hast not sinned

The Greek word translated loosed both times in the above passage obviously means divorced, not death. The literal meaning is "broken."
There is another Greek word translated loosed", in Romans 7:2, but in that case, it's talking about death. That Greek word means "dissolved." So if Paul intended to tell only widowed people they were free to remarry, he would have not used the word he chose.

Therefore, 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 says very clearly that if a divorced person remarries, he has not sinned.


Edited on 2-24-17, to add:
I forgot to mention something else the Lord opened my eyes to, in this passage.
Remember the rule of Scripture interpretation that says "let the context define the terms"?

Do you see how the term "unmarried" is defined, in 1 Corinthians 7:11 ?
Therefore, the same definition applies to 1 Corinthians 7:8 !

To clarify: A woman separated from her husband, is called "unmarried."
Therefore, the term "unmarried," as used in the immediate context, must include separated and divorced people. Which means when Paul spoke to "the unmarried and widows" he was including divorced people. And the command to these, is that it's better to remarry, than to burn.

 

[1stcenturylady]

I'm glad you asked.

If you look carefully at I Corinthians 7, you will see Paul first introduces the overall subject of how necessary marriage is, and how it is supposed to work, in verses 1-6.
But then he says each person has his own gift from God, as pertains to marriage. And then, he addresses 4 separate groups.
1. the unmarried and widows. (verses 8 and 9.)
2. the married (verses 10 and 11.)
3. "the rest" (verses 12-24.)
4. virgins (verses 25 and 26.)
And verses 27 to the end are the conclusion, where he speaks of life-focus, he reiterates his main points, and he wraps up loose ends.

Now, look carefully.
What Paul spoke to one group, did not apply to the other groups!
That is why he addressed each group separately.

Who are "the rest" Paul addressed beginning in verse 12?
Obviously, they were married, but not to believers.
Therefore, what was spoken to "the married" in verses 10 and 11 do not apply to "the rest" who were married to unbelievers!

That answers your question, I believe.
But let us continue our study of this chapter...

What was spoken in the middle of this chapter, about circumcision, servanthood, and "if you may be free, use it rather" ...was actually spoken in the context of a very orderly instruction manual about marriage... and it was spoken directly to those married to unbelievers. Circumcision and servanthood were only illustrations of being married to an unbeliever.

Paul says it's okay to let the unbeliever depart, if he or she isn't happy while married to you!
(In fact, the OT Law [and in the NT, "sin is the transgression of the Law"] allows for a woman to divorce a neglectful, abusive husband.)
Therefore, "if thou mayest be made free" was probably a direct reference to what was allowable under the OT Law, in obtaining a divorce. (And God did not allow separation without divorce papers. Deut 24:1-2.)

To "virgins" Paul had "no command from the Lord." (verse 25)
Yet, he had a command from the Lord to "the unmarried and widows."
Therefore, "virgins" are not included in the first group, the "unmarried".

Who are these "unmarried" who were neither virgins, nor widows??

Notice, that these are logically divided groups. It would be illogical to group virgins with those who were once married, but who now found themselves single. The logical thing would be to group all those who were once married, but who now found themselves single, in the same group. And that would include the divorced.

Did the 1st-century church have divorced people among them? You bet they did! Historians tell us that divorce was very easy to obtain, and it was common, both among the Jews, and among the Greeks and Romans. Roman women were said to divorce yearly, trading off husbands as if they were costumes of fashion.

Therefore, the early church had a LOT of divorced-and-remarried people in them! Yet, in all of the NT, there is not one instruction on how to treat this as a special situation, and needing careful instruction as to how to get back to the original partners... of course not. Because that would have been an abomination to God, as He instructed in Deuteronomy 24:4.

Now, go read 1 Corinthians 7:8-9.
This was spoken to divorced people.
I know. That idea would disturb quite a few religious devils in traditional churches.
But it's the Scripture.

And in Paul's conclusion, he reiterates what he said in verse 9.
Here it is without punctuation or verse divisions (they did not exist in the original.)


The Greek word translated loosed both times in the above passage obviously means divorced, not death. The literal meaning is "broken."
There is another Greek word translated loosed", in Romans 7:2, but in that case, it's talking about death. That Greek word means "dissolved." So if Paul intended to tell only widowed people they were free to remarry, he would have not used the word he chose.

Therefore, 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 says very clearly that if a divorced person remarries, he has not sinned.

I want to start by placing the passage about virgins here, so we have something to read. It is the NKJV.

"25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away."

I have read this section a little differently than you have based on Hebrew wording. A "wife" could still be a virgin, because the engaged in those days were called wives. If the betrothal was broken, they were allowed to marry. No where is remarriage allowed, especially for a woman, that I can see convincingly.

The above scripture I copied from biblegateway.com and this was one paragraph based on virgins. That doesn't mean it couldn't be separated as you have, just that they chose to link it all together as I have.

I'm divorced from my Christian husband. But I don't date, even though he married his mistress. She was the wife of his best friend who lost seven best friends due to her infidelity! My husband was her last affair that I know of. Who knows she may now have been unfaithful again. I have no way of knowing. But I do know they are still married.

My question to everyone who reads this and your answers are important to me - seeing as my husband never repented of divorcing me without cause, is he living in "perpetual" adultery with his mistress wife? Just like homosexual "marriages" I don't believe God joined them together, so are they even married? And if they are not married, am I still married to him in God's eyes. All I know is life is short and I'm not chancing my eternal life by sinning a grievous sin.

 

[PollyJetix]

I want to start by placing the passage about virgins here, so we have something to read. It is the NKJV.

"25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away."

I have read this section a little differently than you have based on Hebrew wording. A "wife" could still be a virgin, because the engaged in those days were called wives. If the betrothal was broken, they were allowed to marry. No where is remarriage allowed, especially for a woman, that I can see convincingly.

The above scripture I copied from biblegateway.com and this was one paragraph based on virgins. That doesn't mean it couldn't be separated as you have, just that they chose to link it all together as I have.

I'm divorced from my Christian husband. But I don't date, even though he married his mistress. She was the wife of his best friend who lost seven best friends due to her infidelity! My husband was her last affair that I know of. Who knows she may now have been unfaithful again. I have no way of knowing. But I do know they are still married.

My question to everyone who reads this and your answers are important to me - seeing as my husband never repented of divorcing me without cause, is he living in "perpetual" adultery with his mistress wife? Just like homosexual "marriages" I don't believe God joined them together, so are they even married? And if they are not married, am I still married to him in God's eyes. All I know is life is short and I'm not chancing my eternal life by sinning a grievous sin.

I do not see how a man can have an affair and remain saved while doing it.
It is an act of faithlessness (unbelief) to live in such ongoing sin.

I think I Cor 7 pronounces you free.

 

[1stcenturylady]

I do not see how a man can have an affair and remain saved while doing it.
It is an act of faithlessness (unbelief) to live in such ongoing sin.

I think I Cor 7 pronounces you free.

I've struggled with this for years. But, now I'm too old to care. LOL

Do you want to hear something else, Polly? He seduced her by preaching Jesus to her!!!!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I'm glad you asked.

If you look carefully at I Corinthians 7, you will see Paul first introduces the overall subject of how necessary marriage is, and how it is supposed to work, in verses 1-6.
But then he says each person has his own gift from God, as pertains to marriage. And then, he addresses 4 separate groups.
1. the unmarried and widows. (verses 8 and 9.)
2. the married (verses 10 and 11.)
3. "the rest" (verses 12-24.)
4. virgins (verses 25 and 26.)
And verses 27 to the end are the conclusion, where he speaks of life-focus, he reiterates his main points, and he wraps up loose ends.

Now, look carefully.
What Paul spoke to one group, did not apply to the other groups!
That is why he addressed each group separately.

Who are "the rest" Paul addressed beginning in verse 12?
Obviously, they were married, but not to believers.
Therefore, what was spoken to "the married" in verses 10 and 11 do not apply to "the rest" who were married to unbelievers!

That answers your question, I believe.
But let us continue our study of this chapter...

What was spoken in the middle of this chapter, about circumcision, servanthood, and "if you may be free, use it rather" ...was actually spoken in the context of a very orderly instruction manual about marriage... and it was spoken directly to those married to unbelievers. Circumcision and servanthood were only illustrations of being married to an unbeliever.

Paul says it's okay to let the unbeliever depart, if he or she isn't happy while married to you!
(In fact, the OT Law [and in the NT, "sin is the transgression of the Law"] allows for a woman to divorce a neglectful, abusive husband.)
Therefore, "if thou mayest be made free" was probably a direct reference to what was allowable under the OT Law, in obtaining a divorce. (And God did not allow separation without divorce papers. Deut 24:1-2.)

To "virgins" Paul had "no command from the Lord." (verse 25)
Yet, he had a command from the Lord to "the unmarried and widows."
Therefore, "virgins" are not included in the first group, the "unmarried".

Who are these "unmarried" who were neither virgins, nor widows??

Notice, that these are logically divided groups. It would be illogical to group virgins with those who were once married, but who now found themselves single. The logical thing would be to group all those who were once married, but who now found themselves single, in the same group. And that would include the divorced.

Did the 1st-century church have divorced people among them? You bet they did! Historians tell us that divorce was very easy to obtain, and it was common, both among the Jews, and among the Greeks and Romans. Roman women were said to divorce yearly, trading off husbands as if they were costumes of fashion.

Therefore, the early church had a LOT of divorced-and-remarried people in them! Yet, in all of the NT, there is not one instruction on how to treat this as a special situation, and needing careful instruction as to how to get back to the original partners... of course not. Because that would have been an abomination to God, as He instructed in Deuteronomy 24:4.

Now, go read 1 Corinthians 7:8-9.
This was spoken to divorced people.
I know. That idea would disturb quite a few religious devils in traditional churches.
But it's the Scripture.

And in Paul's conclusion, he reiterates what he said in verse 9.
Here it is without punctuation or verse divisions (they did not exist in the original.)


The Greek word translated loosed both times in the above passage obviously means divorced, not death. The literal meaning is "broken."
There is another Greek word translated loosed", in Romans 7:2, but in that case, it's talking about death. That Greek word means "dissolved." So if Paul intended to tell only widowed people they were free to remarry, he would have not used the word he chose.

Therefore, 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 says very clearly that if a divorced person remarries, he has not sinned.

An excellent post!
I think my own testimony would be helpful here.
I was married to a Christian wife and we had an effective ministry together for six years. Then, after the birth of our child, she became deeply depressed and I believe that this changed her perspective on our marriage. We went for counselling over two years but it didn't make any difference. I was only when I went to a Christian counsellor for myself and started to respond positively, that one day she decided to just leave. I was away from home for the week as part of my employment, and she had planned her departure like a military operation, and when I arrived home I found she had taken all the good furniture, cleaned out the bank account and left me a note detailing what was left for me. She had worked out the value of everything so it was divided half in half, except that she went on the purchase prices and not the market value. So she took the things that had the highest market value and I was left with the others that had a lower resale value. No matter what I tried to do through writing to her and praying, she was adamant that she did not want our marriage to continue. She also prevented me from having reasonable access to my four year old daughter (she is now 40 and has been influenced against me through lies and halftruths that were fed to her throughout her childhood). Two years later, we had a mutual divorce. All this happened in 1980-1982.

I went to God in prayer, and I actually started shouting at Him. I told Him that if I was going to be punished for the divorce even though it was not my fault, I might as well have picked up some floosie of the street and committed adultery, because an elder in my church told me I could never be remarried; and this condemned me to a the same punishment as an adulterer! I yelled at God so loudly that I thought the big thumb was going to come down on me! I told Him that if I was going to be punished by having to remain unmarried that would mean that He is unjust, punishing the innocent with the guilty, and I have never seen Him do that in the Bible. Even when He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, He rescued the innocent Lot out of it first! At the end of my tirade, I told Him that well, now, I have put my case and that is all I can do.

A while later, He spoke into my mind and this is how I interpret what He said. I had learned to recognise His voice ever since He revealed Himself to me when I went into the middle of a golf course in the night and "introduced" myself to Him. He said this:
"I did not write the Bible to be a hard and fast lawbook for lawmakers. It is designed to be a description of My nature, how I created the world, how I worked with My people, and how people need to put their faith in My Son, Jesus, and how they should do that. It is also a guide to holy living and it sets out My standards, which you will never be able to keep, and that is why your faith has to be in My Son to be covered with His righteousness and therefore be acceptable to Me. I know your situation and I haven't given up on your marriage yet. But when the day comes when I give up, I will find another partner for you. Trust me."

I did my best to trust Him for the next seven years. But I "fired" all my mentors and spiritual guides in that church. I actually left the Charismatic movement because I believed that I had no further ministry there because of my divorce. I told the Lord that I was going to live how I wanted to live. The interesting thing was that I could not stop speaking in tongues and loving the Bible. I joined an Angican Church, then a year or so later, a Baptist church, which I stayed with for four years in Christchurch and three years in Dunedin (New Zealand). Then, after having being bailed out of some disastrous relationships with women (so, I wasn't being as faithful as I should be! In the middle of one, the Lord told me that I was not living according to His standards, but don't stop talking to Him about it, and we can work through it. He and I did work through it wonderfully without causing hurt to anyone), I told the Lord that I was giving up on women and concentrating on my career. Three months later I met the woman who was to become my second wife. It was so definite. I just knew that she was the one for me. Funny thing, she was Catholic! God is an interesting Person, isn't he? We got married in 1990 and have been happily married ever since.

Now, it is interesting to note that all the material possessions I lost from my first marriage were restored double. The daughter that I was denied access to, was added to by a second daughter who is now 25 years old and a joy to us both. I reconnected to my elder daughter when she was 16 and had 22 years of good rapport together. Then suddenly she did not want any further contact with me. I guess that she was influenced against me by my wife's family. But as a result of that, the bond with my younger daughter was very strengthened and she remained totally loyal to me. I lost my home when I got divorce, but my second wife had a freehold home left to her by her previous husband who died of bone cancer. The pastor of the church told me that coming into her life was a Godsend to her because she was having big difficulties coping with loneliness. Also, she would get very clucky when around little babies, and have a baby with me was one of the high points of her life, and she is now totally dedicated to her daughter.

The only hiccup was that she told me that she did not marry me to become a minister's wife. I see that as God telling me that I am not called to be a minister. But she has never stopped me from being fully involved in the church as a lay preacher and elder. When my daughter was baptised in a Pentecostal church at the age of 16, I was permitted as her father to give an Abrahamic blessing prophecy over her. Instead of prophesying I spoke out in tongues! My wife was right beside me and she had never heard me speak in tongues before! I then gave the interpretation which was the prophecy. Actually, during that service people were speaking in tongues all around us, and she asked me, "Are those people speaking in tongues?" I answered, "Yep!" She did say later that those things were not her cup of tea, but she did consider herself a Christian, and I have no reason to doubt it. After hearing me speak in tongues, she has never criticised me for it or expressed any doubts about my language being inspired by the Holy Spirit. She just thinks at times I get a bit "holy" for her (that is a Catholic expression for someone she thinks is super-spiritual).

My first wife remarried somewhere along that time line, and I believe at that time God had set me free from that obligation. Also, He told me to forgive and pray for her, because He is wanting to enhance her experience with God as well. I think that praying for someone is a sign of forgiveness.

So, I hope that my testimony helps others who are struggling with divorce and what God thinks of them. It is very interesting that I met someone on CF who had divorced her husband just because she didn't want to be married to him any more. She experienced extreme guilt about that and tried to run away from God. She had a vision of God running after her crying, "Stop and let me forgive you!" Her heart was melted and she gave herself back to Christ and was restored. This was a great lesson for me, because it settled my attitude to my first wife, because I could then see God running after her desperately wanting to forgive her too! Isn't it wonderful that God brings people across your path to show His kind and gentle nature toward us!

 

[PollyJetix]

An excellent post!
I think my own testimony would be helpful here.
I was married to a Christian wife and we had an effective ministry together for six years. Then, after the birth of our child, she became deeply depressed and I believe that this changed her perspective on our marriage. We went for counselling over two years but it didn't make any difference. I was only when I went to a Christian counsellor for myself and started to respond positively, that one day she decided to just leave. I was away from home for the week as part of my employment, and she had planned her departure like a military operation, and when I arrived home I found she had taken all the good furniture, cleaned out the bank account and left me a note detailing what was left for me. She had worked out the value of everything so it was divided half in half, except that she went on the purchase prices and not the market value. So she took the things that had the highest market value and I was left with the others that had a lower resale value. No matter what I tried to do through writing to her and praying, she was adamant that she did not want our marriage to continue. She also prevented me from having reasonable access to my four year old daughter (she is now 40 and has been influenced against me through lies and halftruths that were fed to her throughout her childhood). Two years later, we had a mutual divorce. All this happened in 1980-1982.

I went to God in prayer, and I actually started shouting at Him. I told Him that if I was going to be punished for the divorce even though it was not my fault, I might as well have picked up some floosie of the street and committed adultery, because an elder in my church told me I could never be remarried; and this condemned me to a the same punishment as an adulterer! I yelled at God so loudly that I thought the big thumb was going to come down on me! I told Him that if I was going to be punished by having to remain unmarried that would mean that He is unjust, punishing the innocent with the guilty, and I have never seen Him do that in the Bible. Even when He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, He rescued the innocent Lot out of it first! At the end of my tirade, I told Him that well, now, I have put my case and that is all I can do.

A while later, He spoke into my mind and this is how I interpret what He said. I had learned to recognise His voice ever since He revealed Himself to me when I went into the middle of a golf course in the night and "introduced" myself to Him. He said this:
"I did not write the Bible to be a hard and fast lawbook for lawmakers. It is designed to be a description of My nature, how I created the world, how I worked with My people, and how people need to put their faith in My Son, Jesus, and how they should do that. It is also a guide to holy living and it sets out My standards, which you will never be able to keep, and that is why your faith has to be in My Son to be covered with His righteousness and therefore be acceptable to Me. I know your situation and I haven't given up on your marriage yet. But when the day comes when I give up, I will find another partner for you. Trust me."

I did my best to trust Him for the next seven years. But I "fired" all my mentors and spiritual guides in that church. I actually left the Charismatic movement because I believed that I had no further ministry there because of my divorce. I told the Lord that I was going to live how I wanted to live. The interesting thing was that I could not stop speaking in tongues and loving the Bible. I joined an Angican Church, then a year or so later, a Baptist church, which I stayed with for four years in Christchurch and three years in Dunedin (New Zealand). Then, after having being bailed out of some disastrous relationships with women (so, I wasn't being as faithful as I should be! In the middle of one, the Lord told me that I was not living according to His standards, but don't stop talking to Him about it, and we can work through it. He and I did work through it wonderfully without causing hurt to anyone), I told the Lord that I was giving up on women and concentrating on my career. Three months later I met the woman who was to become my second wife. It was so definite. I just knew that she was the one for me. Funny thing, she was Catholic! God is an interesting Person, isn't he? We got married in 1990 and have been happily married ever since.

Now, it is interesting to note that all the material possessions I lost from my first marriage were restored double. The daughter that I was denied access to, was added to by a second daughter who is now 25 years old and a joy to us both. I reconnected to my elder daughter when she was 16 and had 22 years of good rapport together. Then suddenly she did not want any further contact with me. I guess that she was influenced against me by my wife's family. But as a result of that, the bond with my younger daughter was very strengthened and she remained totally loyal to me. I lost my home when I got divorce, but my second wife had a freehold home left to her by her previous husband who died of bone cancer. The pastor of the church told me that coming into her life was a Godsend to her because she was having big difficulties coping with loneliness. Also, she would get very clucky when around little babies, and have a baby with me was one of the high points of her life, and she is now totally dedicated to her daughter.

The only hiccup was that she told me that she did not marry me to become a minister's wife. I see that as God telling me that I am not called to be a minister. But she has never stopped me from being fully involved in the church as a lay preacher and elder. When my daughter was baptised in a Pentecostal church at the age of 16, I was permitted as her father to give an Abrahamic blessing prophecy over her. Instead of prophesying I spoke out in tongues! My wife was right beside me and she had never heard me speak in tongues before! I then gave the interpretation which was the prophecy. Actually, during that service people were speaking in tongues all around us, and she asked me, "Are those people speaking in tongues?" I answered, "Yep!" She did say later that those things were not her cup of tea, but she did consider herself a Christian, and I have no reason to doubt it. After hearing me speak in tongues, she has never criticised me for it or expressed any doubts about my language being inspired by the Holy Spirit. She just thinks at times I get a bit "holy" for her (that is a Catholic expression for someone she thinks is super-spiritual).

My first wife remarried somewhere along that time line, and I believe at that time God had set me free from that obligation. Also, He told me to forgive and pray for her, because He is wanting to enhance her experience with God as well. I think that praying for someone is a sign of forgiveness.

So, I hope that my testimony helps others who are struggling with divorce and what God thinks of them. It is very interesting that I met someone on CF who had divorced her husband just because she didn't want to be married to him any more. She experienced extreme guilt about that and tried to run away from God. She had a vision of God running after her crying, "Stop and let me forgive you!" Her heart was melted and she gave herself back to Christ and was restored. This was a great lesson for me, because it settled my attitude to my first wife, because I could then see God running after her desperately wanting to forgive her too! Isn't it wonderful that God brings people across your path to show His kind and gentle nature toward us!

Oscarr, that testimony was so beautiful!
And I love what God said to you on the golf course. It completely meshes with what God has revealed to me about Himself.

I personally did not feel free to even date any other person since my husband left, until only a year or so ago... (He left me about 14 years ago.) I was still bound in my mind to the way I had been taught. Little by little, God showed me how that way of interpreting the Scriptures on divorce and remarriage was not correct. It created an even heavier bondage than the Old Testament did, and it bound that heavy chain on the weakest, most wounded members in the body of Christ... shades of the Pharisees, there.

Thank you for sharing your testimony.
It was for freedom that Christ has made us free!

 

[1stcenturylady]

Oscarr, that testimony was so beautiful!
And I love what God said to you on the golf course. It completely meshes with what God has revealed to me about Himself.

I personally did not feel free to even date any other person since my husband left, until only a year or so ago... (He left me about 14 years ago.) I was still bound in my mind to the way I had been taught. Little by little, God showed me how that way of interpreting the Scriptures on divorce and remarriage was not correct. It created an even heavier bondage than the Old Testament did, and it bound that heavy chain on the weakest, most wounded members in the body of Christ... shades of the Pharisees, there.

Thank you for sharing your testimony.
It was for freedom that Christ has made us free!

God speaks to me a lot, but on this subject He has been silent. I'm standing still until He speaks to me. However, if He says I'm free to remarry, I sure hope He sends Prince Charming at the same time or I'll live the rest of my life very frustrated. LOL

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

As the result of being counselled by a Methodist social services counsellor and introduced to Transactional Analysis, I got so interested in psychotherapy that I got every book I could on the subject and read them. I should have done my first degree in Psychology because I had a good background in it in the year before I went to university at the age of 33. I did two papers in psychology and got good grades. I ended up doing my degrees in English Literature.

I read some very amusing books about shyness, how to know whether a woman likes me with the "coffee cup test", how to behave at parties and why people don't carry on long conversations at parties. I also read a good book on Crisis Counselling and taught it at church once. I have written my own book now, merging common psychotherapy techniques with Christian counselling. It is in the hands of a Christian counsellor friend to ensure that I have got things right. Another amusing book told me that I could tell if someone liked me by the size of the pupils in their eyes. So I used to go around saying that if a person wants to be safe on the back of a horse, they'd better look at their eyes first! And if the pupils are small, in no way get into that saddle! These books were a great comfort to me while I was recovering from the heartbreak of my divorce.

What I need to say here though is that in one good book about restoring relationships after a bereavement or a divorce, there is section on getting the confidence to start social interactions and not sit at home afraid of meeting people again. It said that men and women who have had a relationship break up can be so afraid of committing themselves again, they miss a number of opportunities to meet a good partner who will restore their happiness and give them satisfying companionship for the rest of their life.

It also warned about people going into the next relationship with the same type of person who broke up with them. This is especially true of domestic violent relationships and then the next partner is just as violent and so on with a succession of partners. I saw that when I was a Victim Advisor in the District Court for the last ten years.

But I believe that a Christian man or woman whose marriage has broken up due to bereavement or divorce, needs to restore social interaction and to meet members of the opposite sex. This takes faith to overcome their fear. In my storm and stress years, I got out there and met women. I joined a singles club. I met some wonderful people, but I knew they were not to be permanent for me. I got into a few scrapes where the Lord had to bail me out. I tried a "one night stand" while I was at university, and I stopped it because I knew that it wasn't going to give me the satisfaction I wanted because I had no feelings for the person I was with. I felt horrible about it and it took me quite a while to forgive myself and get free of the shame of it, even though the Lord forgave me instantly. But that's what the Holy Spirit does inside a believer when he does something so contrary to holiness! I still wince when I think of it, and that was 35 years ago! Five years later, I met up with that person, and we both agreed that we had made a mistake and we parted amicably. God has a way of resolving things between people.

But maybe I had to learn through my mistakes. I got involved with a woman at a Baptist church I went to. She was freshly divorced. Alarm bells! Relationships on the rebound don't work! I found out that she separated from her husband to form a relationship with me! I felt very uncomfortable about that, especially when the husband was still visiting her, and she had two children as well. I had to get out of that one, and so I did, but she went and gossiped around the church about us, and I didn't know for a year afterward. When I heard about the gossip I had a go at the pastor for not telling me and at least talking about it, and then walked out of that church vowing never to go back to a church again. But when I got to Dunedin to my first teaching position I got board - and it was with a Baptist pastor! God does have a sense of humour, doesn't He?

After seven years of getting into relationships and breaking some hearts as I realised that they weren't the ones for me, I decided to give up on women. Then the pastor decided to match make me with the attractive 30 something year old church secretary. So they invited her around for dinner and social time afterward in the hope that the spark would ignite. It didn't.

The next day, it was disclosed that one of the members was diagnosed with cancer and the church was asked to pray for her. I noticed another member, whom I had met once before, was visibly upset. I found out that her husband had died of cancer three years before and she was having a flash back. The pastor invited her home for lunch. In the afternoon they all had to go out somewhere, and Catherine was going to go home alone. I offered to keep her company for the afternoon. Guess what! The spark ignited! We quickly came to an understanding, and the rest is history. But it took her a long time to commit to marriage. I told her that she was the one for me and I was prepared to wait for as long as it took. After three years I was made redundant in my teaching job and I got a job in another city. Catherine said she would come with me, and I said well, we'd best get married. She agreed, but because she had contracted a viral condition which made her tired and weak, I organised the whole wedding, which turned out amazingly well.

We have been married since 1990 and subsequent experiences and events have proved that I married the right woman. If I had married Catherine in the first place, I don't think I would ever have had to go through a divorce, but then, the experiences we have make the persons we are now. I had some deep experiences with the Lord and I learned a lot of things which matured me during those storm and stress years between marriages.

The upshot of all this, is to step out in faith and meet people. One book gave me the theory that out of 3 million people in my country, half of them would be men, and then 500,000 would either be too young, too old, or gay, That would leave 1 million. I would say that three quarters of them would not be attracted to me for a variety of reasons. That would leave 250,000.
240,000 might be unbelievers, so that might leave 10,000. maybe 5,000 might not agree with my style of Christianity, so that would leave 5,000 eligible women that I could choose from. All I have to do then is to find just one. To do that, I would have to play the field and meet as many as I could. One book said that we might have to kiss quite a few toads before we meet our handsome prince[ss]!

Of course, that technique may not find you the right person if you use it without prayer and faith. But God will hear your prayers and honour your faith and will bring the right one across your path like He did for me. Catherine, at first glance, was not someone I would have thought would be the one. It was when she was placed right in front of me that I saw her character and was attracted to her. Then I got that witness in my Spirit, "She's the one." I said at first, "What? Her?" The Spirit said, "Yep. You'd better believe it!" I accepted her in faith, and I think she accepted me in faith too, and God has honoured it over the years.

 

[1stcenturylady]

As the result of being counselled by a Methodist social services counsellor and introduced to Transactional Analysis, I got so interested in psychotherapy that I got every book I could on the subject and read them. I should have done my first degree in Psychology because I had a good background in it in the year before I went to university at the age of 33. I did two papers in psychology and got good grades. I ended up doing my degrees in English Literature.

I read some very amusing books about shyness, how to know whether a woman likes me with the "coffee cup test", how to behave at parties and why people don't carry on long conversations at parties. I also read a good book on Crisis Counselling and taught it at church once. I have written my own book now, merging common psychotherapy techniques with Christian counselling. It is in the hands of a Christian counsellor friend to ensure that I have got things right. Another amusing book told me that I could tell if someone liked me by the size of the pupils in their eyes. So I used to go around saying that if a person wants to be safe on the back of a horse, they'd better look at their eyes first! And if the pupils are small, in no way get into that saddle! These books were a great comfort to me while I was recovering from the heartbreak of my divorce.

What I need to say here though is that in one good book about restoring relationships after a bereavement or a divorce, there is section on getting the confidence to start social interactions and not sit at home afraid of meeting people again. It said that men and women who have had a relationship break up can be so afraid of committing themselves again, they miss a number of opportunities to meet a good partner who will restore their happiness and give them satisfying companionship for the rest of their life.

It also warned about people going into the next relationship with the same type of person who broke up with them. This is especially true of domestic violent relationships and then the next partner is just as violent and so on with a succession of partners. I saw that when I was a Victim Advisor in the District Court for the last ten years.

But I believe that a Christian man or woman whose marriage has broken up due to bereavement or divorce, needs to restore social interaction and to meet members of the opposite sex. This takes faith to overcome their fear. In my storm and stress years, I got out there and met women. I joined a singles club. I met some wonderful people, but I knew they were not to be permanent for me. I got into a few scrapes where the Lord had to bail me out. I tried a "one night stand" while I was at university, and I stopped it because I knew that it wasn't going to give me the satisfaction I wanted because I had no feelings for the person I was with. I felt horrible about it and it took me quite a while to forgive myself and get free of the shame of it, even though the Lord forgave me instantly. But that's what the Holy Spirit does inside a believer when he does something so contrary to holiness! I still wince when I think of it, and that was 35 years ago! Five years later, I met up with that person, and we both agreed that we had made a mistake and we parted amicably. God has a way of resolving things between people.

But maybe I had to learn through my mistakes. I got involved with a woman at a Baptist church I went to. She was freshly divorced. Alarm bells! Relationships on the rebound don't work! I found out that she separated from her husband to form a relationship with me! I felt very uncomfortable about that, especially when the husband was still visiting her, and she had two children as well. I had to get out of that one, and so I did, but she went and gossiped around the church about us, and I didn't know for a year afterward. When I heard about the gossip I had a go at the pastor for not telling me and at least talking about it, and then walked out of that church vowing never to go back to a church again. But when I got to Dunedin to my first teaching position I got board - and it was with a Baptist pastor! God does have a sense of humour, doesn't He?

After seven years of getting into relationships and breaking some hearts as I realised that they weren't the ones for me, I decided to give up on women. Then the pastor decided to match make me with the attractive 30 something year old church secretary. So they invited her around for dinner and social time afterward in the hope that the spark would ignite. It didn't.

The next day, it was disclosed that one of the members was diagnosed with cancer and the church was asked to pray for her. I noticed another member, whom I had met once before, was visibly upset. I found out that her husband had died of cancer three years before and she was having a flash back. The pastor invited her home for lunch. In the afternoon they all had to go out somewhere, and Catherine was going to go home alone. I offered to keep her company for the afternoon. Guess what! The spark ignited! We quickly came to an understanding, and the rest is history. But it took her a long time to commit to marriage. I told her that she was the one for me and I was prepared to wait for as long as it took. After three years I was made redundant in my teaching job and I got a job in another city. Catherine said she would come with me, and I said well, we'd best get married. She agreed, but because she had contracted a viral condition which made her tired and weak, I organised the whole wedding, which turned out amazingly well.

We have been married since 1990 and subsequent experiences and events have proved that I married the right woman. If I had married Catherine in the first place, I don't think I would ever have had to go through a divorce, but then, the experiences we have make the persons we are now. I had some deep experiences with the Lord and I learned a lot of things which matured me during those storm and stress years between marriages.

The upshot of all this, is to step out in faith and meet people. One book gave me the theory that out of 3 million people in my country, half of them would be men, and then 500,000 would either be too young, too old, or gay, That would leave 1 million. I would say that three quarters of them would not be attracted to me for a variety of reasons. That would leave 250,000.
240,000 might be unbelievers, so that might leave 10,000. maybe 5,000 might not agree with my style of Christianity, so that would leave 5,000 eligible women that I could choose from. All I have to do then is to find just one. To do that, I would have to play the field and meet as many as I could. One book said that we might have to kiss quite a few toads before we meet our handsome prince[ss]!

Of course, that technique may not find you the right person if you use it without prayer and faith. But God will hear your prayers and honour your faith and will bring the right one across your path like He did for me. Catherine, at first glance, was not someone I would have thought would be the one. It was when she was placed right in front of me that I saw her character and was attracted to her. Then I got that witness in my Spirit, "She's the one." I said at first, "What? Her?" The Spirit said, "Yep. You'd better believe it!" I accepted her in faith, and I think she accepted me in faith too, and God has honoured it over the years.

I wish I could trust myself to step out, but I've married twice on impulse to Christian men who were both unfaithful. Nope, God will have to bring him to me (like the sperm swims to the egg) and then God will have to speak audibly to me, with bells and whistles, and thunder and lightning.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I wish I could trust myself to step out, but I've married twice on impulse to Christian men who were both unfaithful. Nope, God will have to bring him to me (like the sperm swims to the egg) and then God will have to speak audibly to me, with bells and whistles, and thunder and lightning.

Better be careful! He might just do that! Reminds me of Martin Luther who was travelling through a thunder storm and a lightning strike hit the ground very near to him. He was going to train as a lawyer as his father wanted him, but the account says that he got such a fright he prayed to St Anne saying, "I'll be a monk! I'll be a monk!"

It seems that you have kissed too many toads and not yet found your handsome prince.

 

[1stcenturylady]

Better be careful! He might just do that! Reminds me of Martin Luther who was travelling through a thunder storm and a lightning strike hit the ground very near to him. He was going to train as a lawyer as his father wanted him, but the account says that he got such a fright he prayed to St Anne saying, "I'll be a monk! I'll be a monk!"

It seems that you have kissed too many toads and not yet found your handsome prince.

Kissed too many toads is right!

 

[Goatee]

An excellent post!
I think my own testimony would be helpful here.
I was married to a Christian wife and we had an effective ministry together for six years. Then, after the birth of our child, she became deeply depressed and I believe that this changed her perspective on our marriage. We went for counselling over two years but it didn't make any difference. I was only when I went to a Christian counsellor for myself and started to respond positively, that one day she decided to just leave. I was away from home for the week as part of my employment, and she had planned her departure like a military operation, and when I arrived home I found she had taken all the good furniture, cleaned out the bank account and left me a note detailing what was left for me. She had worked out the value of everything so it was divided half in half, except that she went on the purchase prices and not the market value. So she took the things that had the highest market value and I was left with the others that had a lower resale value. No matter what I tried to do through writing to her and praying, she was adamant that she did not want our marriage to continue. She also prevented me from having reasonable access to my four year old daughter (she is now 40 and has been influenced against me through lies and halftruths that were fed to her throughout her childhood). Two years later, we had a mutual divorce. All this happened in 1980-1982.

I went to God in prayer, and I actually started shouting at Him. I told Him that if I was going to be punished for the divorce even though it was not my fault, I might as well have picked up some floosie of the street and committed adultery, because an elder in my church told me I could never be remarried; and this condemned me to a the same punishment as an adulterer! I yelled at God so loudly that I thought the big thumb was going to come down on me! I told Him that if I was going to be punished by having to remain unmarried that would mean that He is unjust, punishing the innocent with the guilty, and I have never seen Him do that in the Bible. Even when He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, He rescued the innocent Lot out of it first! At the end of my tirade, I told Him that well, now, I have put my case and that is all I can do.

A while later, He spoke into my mind and this is how I interpret what He said. I had learned to recognise His voice ever since He revealed Himself to me when I went into the middle of a golf course in the night and "introduced" myself to Him. He said this:
"I did not write the Bible to be a hard and fast lawbook for lawmakers. It is designed to be a description of My nature, how I created the world, how I worked with My people, and how people need to put their faith in My Son, Jesus, and how they should do that. It is also a guide to holy living and it sets out My standards, which you will never be able to keep, and that is why your faith has to be in My Son to be covered with His righteousness and therefore be acceptable to Me. I know your situation and I haven't given up on your marriage yet. But when the day comes when I give up, I will find another partner for you. Trust me."

I did my best to trust Him for the next seven years. But I "fired" all my mentors and spiritual guides in that church. I actually left the Charismatic movement because I believed that I had no further ministry there because of my divorce. I told the Lord that I was going to live how I wanted to live. The interesting thing was that I could not stop speaking in tongues and loving the Bible. I joined an Angican Church, then a year or so later, a Baptist church, which I stayed with for four years in Christchurch and three years in Dunedin (New Zealand). Then, after having being bailed out of some disastrous relationships with women (so, I wasn't being as faithful as I should be! In the middle of one, the Lord told me that I was not living according to His standards, but don't stop talking to Him about it, and we can work through it. He and I did work through it wonderfully without causing hurt to anyone), I told the Lord that I was giving up on women and concentrating on my career. Three months later I met the woman who was to become my second wife. It was so definite. I just knew that she was the one for me. Funny thing, she was Catholic! God is an interesting Person, isn't he? We got married in 1990 and have been happily married ever since.

Now, it is interesting to note that all the material possessions I lost from my first marriage were restored double. The daughter that I was denied access to, was added to by a second daughter who is now 25 years old and a joy to us both. I reconnected to my elder daughter when she was 16 and had 22 years of good rapport together. Then suddenly she did not want any further contact with me. I guess that she was influenced against me by my wife's family. But as a result of that, the bond with my younger daughter was very strengthened and she remained totally loyal to me. I lost my home when I got divorce, but my second wife had a freehold home left to her by her previous husband who died of bone cancer. The pastor of the church told me that coming into her life was a Godsend to her because she was having big difficulties coping with loneliness. Also, she would get very clucky when around little babies, and have a baby with me was one of the high points of her life, and she is now totally dedicated to her daughter.

The only hiccup was that she told me that she did not marry me to become a minister's wife. I see that as God telling me that I am not called to be a minister. But she has never stopped me from being fully involved in the church as a lay preacher and elder. When my daughter was baptised in a Pentecostal church at the age of 16, I was permitted as her father to give an Abrahamic blessing prophecy over her. Instead of prophesying I spoke out in tongues! My wife was right beside me and she had never heard me speak in tongues before! I then gave the interpretation which was the prophecy. Actually, during that service people were speaking in tongues all around us, and she asked me, "Are those people speaking in tongues?" I answered, "Yep!" She did say later that those things were not her cup of tea, but she did consider herself a Christian, and I have no reason to doubt it. After hearing me speak in tongues, she has never criticised me for it or expressed any doubts about my language being inspired by the Holy Spirit. She just thinks at times I get a bit "holy" for her (that is a Catholic expression for someone she thinks is super-spiritual).

My first wife remarried somewhere along that time line, and I believe at that time God had set me free from that obligation. Also, He told me to forgive and pray for her, because He is wanting to enhance her experience with God as well. I think that praying for someone is a sign of forgiveness.

So, I hope that my testimony helps others who are struggling with divorce and what God thinks of them. It is very interesting that I met someone on CF who had divorced her husband just because she didn't want to be married to him any more. She experienced extreme guilt about that and tried to run away from God. She had a vision of God running after her crying, "Stop and let me forgive you!" Her heart was melted and she gave herself back to Christ and was restored. This was a great lesson for me, because it settled my attitude to my first wife, because I could then see God running after her desperately wanting to forgive her too! Isn't it wonderful that God brings people across your path to show His kind and gentle nature toward us!

Superb story. Thanks for sharing

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Superb story. Thanks for sharing

I believe that we go through some life experiences for a reason, and it is usually so we can assist others when they go through the same. 2 Corinthians 1 says that God is the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, and when He comforts us, we can comfort each other by the same comfort that He comforts us.

When I was watching my first wife's car going away down the road and I knew that I was never going to see her or my young daughter again, it seemed that Jesus came, stood beside me, put His hand on my shoulder, and said, "I am your refuge and strength; a very present help in time of trouble." I replied by saying to Him, "Well, it will be the greatest test to see whether I am a genuine Christian nor not." That was 1980, and it is now 2017, and through the years, God has shown me without a single doubt that He kept His promise even though I wasn't faithful to Him all the time in trying to cope with things, but regardless, He showed His faithfulness to me, and that is why I love Him so.

 

[PollyJetix]

I believe that we go through some life experiences for a reason, and it is usually so we can assist others when they go through the same. 2 Corinthians 1 says that God is the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, and when He comforts us, we can comfort each other by the same comfort that He comforts us.

When I was watching my first wife's car going away down the road and I knew that I was never going to see her or my young daughter again, it seemed that Jesus came, stood beside me, put His hand on my shoulder, and said, "I am your refuge and strength; a very present help in time of trouble." I replied by saying to Him, "Well, it will be the greatest test to see whether I am a genuine Christian nor not." That was 1980, and it is now 2017, and through the years, God has shown me without a single doubt that He kept His promise even though I wasn't faithful to Him all the time in trying to cope with things, but regardless, He showed His faithfulness to me, and that is why I love Him so.

I would never have chosen for my marriage to break up, even though it had been rough for many years. I know I was not the perfect wife. I grew up in a codependent home, where Mom was a caregiver and martyr, needing for her husband to be super-dominant and needy. Mom was never happier than when she was surrounded with far too much to do, and far too many children to care for.

Mama had 7 children by her first husband ("Daddy") who was killed instantly in a head-on collision. I was the baby, at 16 months old. The oldest was 12. Mom remarried 2 years later, to a man ("Papa") much older than herself, and had 2 more children, making 9. But she cried when she heard this was to be her last.

So Mama found a way to start taking in foster care children. Handicapped, sibling groups, other races, all were welcome in our home. And Mama was very loving. I never saw her angry. Over the span of 15 years, we took in 41 foster children... and we 7 daughters learned how to "mother", but never how to "daughter".
Papa turned 60 when his youngest child was 2 weeks old. Not only was he handicapped, but he was also growing old fast. So, he did hobby farming while on crutches. Mom built a bakery in the backyard, putting the whole family to work. We sold Mennonite baked goods at the local farmers market.

I was groomed to become a responsible caregiver, not a care-receiver. Besides which, I had never had a loving relationship with a male family member. Papa was very distant emotionally, and easily angered. We learned to obey without question. (Of course, as strict Mennonites, this was ingrained from babyhood.)

No wonder I married the man I did.
I knew he was "different" but I didn't put a label on it. I found him soft-spoken, gentle and kind. I didn't know he had Aspergers, besides paranoia... almost Schizophrenic sometimes. He was very controlling, but I was used to that. I thought it was normal. He wasn't very sociable, but I could live with that. I knew he didn't have good intuition in many situations... but I didn't really realize how that would affect my life. I was young, and feeling "in love" and took the jump, like a good Mennonite girl.

My mom was relieved. After all, a straight-A student who was a girl, who wanted to go to college was dangerous. She had pulled me out of school 2 months before graduation, to help her at home... Looking back, I think I understand why. She had pulled me out of what she thought was danger.

Our marriage started out lovingly enough. But when I miscarried before he was ready for children, and he was relieved while I grieved, it made me wonder...
And then, the jealousy started. He was certain I was having affairs on the side. He began demanding I dress the way he wanted me to, disregarding my conscience, to "prove" to him I was faithful to the marriage. I began to feel dead spiritually. I was coming apart, in my soul.

On the outside, it looked like our marriage was okay, for 18 long years. He never lifted a finger to hurt me physically. But he ruled me emotionally, with an iron fist. And I felt incapable to resist. Indeed, I felt I was assigned this martyrdom by God. After all, did He not decree that my husband was to "rule over me"?

And yet, the whole time, I loved my husband with everything I had in me.
I tried, and I tried, and I tried.
I instinctively knew what I refused to acknowledge: that he was going to leave me.

My worldview did not allow for divorce. In the doctrine of the Mennonites, a divorcee was worse than a streetwalker. If a marriage fell apart, the woman was somehow to blame, for not being a better wife. Because woman was created to make a man happy. So if he wasn't happy, she was to blame, somehow.

He began to spend more and more time on the internet, or out very late. He never told me where he spent his time. And he started arguing late, late into the night. Every night. I tried to calm him down, to help him see it wasn't working to discuss things that late, but nothing worked. I was exhausted.

After a few months of that, something dramatic happened. God pulled me to Himself. I cannot explain it any other way. I was so broken inside. So destroyed. I thought of suicide daily.

My husband began spending his nights on the computer with other women, instead of arguing with me. And night after night, I learned to kneel, instead of cry alone.

One of those nights, while in prayer, I suddenly found myself in a vision, standing on the edge of a cliff, like the bluffs in the Arkansas Ozarks. Far, far below, I knew there was a horrible raging river. And in my vision, it was so dark I could not see my hand before my face. I drew back, in fear. (I don't do heights.)
In my vision, suddenly I felt a strong arm go around me, and I heard the voice of Jesus:
"Yes, you will go down there, and I will go with you. I will bring you through."

I didn't know my husband had been seeing a lawyer, making plans, drawing up a "separation agreement" for me to sign (under threat of him skipping country with the kids if I didn't.)

Two weeks later, I came home and found my husband had moved 1/2 of the furniture out, for himself.

Completely blindsided and not able to think, I signed the "agreement" he forced on me. I had no job, no money, and no friends. (We had moved over 12 times in 18 years. I had learned not to make friends too deeply.)

I found a part-time job, and I had to find a cheaper place to live, because he said he wasn't going to pay my rent or utilities anymore. Gathering the children into the living room, I asked if they believed God answered prayer. I wasn't prepared for their answers. Each of them said they no longer believed in God, or that if God existed, he didn't' care about them. My heart broke all over again.

But I told them, that was okay, they didn't have to have faith. I had enough for their part. All I asked of them was to hold my hands as we knelt on the floor, and asked God to send us a place to live. I listed my needs. I was willing to live in a trailer, but not in a trailer park, for my children's sake. I asked for privacy, and I told God I felt I could afford $200 a month. And I knew it wasn't out there, because I had looked everywhere.

Growing bolder, I decided to just go ahead and tell God what I really wanted. I asked Him for 5 acres, and for woods, and a creek. And then, I told God I wasn't going to go looking for it. I was going to let Him have someone offer it to me, without me asking them.

Yeah, I know. That was putting it on the line.

But 2 weeks later, I called my mother to wish her a happy birthday. She had no idea I had to move. I had not told my family my dire situation.
And out of the blue, she said,
"You have been on my mind so much lately. We have a 5-acre wooded tract of land, and would love to put a trailer on it, for you, if you would like to come live here. You could buy it from us at $200 a month, if that would work for you.

I had one question, "Does it have a creek, Mom?"
It did.
And that's why we moved 3 hours away from my children's father, who took it personally, and has never forgiven me for it. But we found such freedom!

Here, my children had aunts and uncles, and cousins galore, --free babysitters while I had to work, unlike other Mennonite moms.
And needless to say, my children both believe deeply in God. My daughter said God answering that prayer restored her faith in Him.

I could tell of miracle after miracle, but this post is lengthy enough.

Looking back, I can only say... Satan meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.
I would never have left my husband. I tried to fight the divorce, but it was useless.
And today, I'm thankful. It took over 10 years to stop crying. 12 long years, until I realized I no longer loved him. And now almost 15 years, and I feel completely free. Free enough to actually consider if the ... right... fella showed up.

But believe me, he'd have to be some kind of special, for me to look twice.
Call me silly, but I've given God my list of qualifications.
(Kind of like those "wooded 5 acres, with stream, @ $200/mo.")

And I'm gonna wait for God to move, again.
I don't have to go looking.

 

[PollyJetix]

I've edited the original post, to add a clarification I had forgotten to include.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I would never have chosen for my marriage to break up, even though it had been rough for many years. I know I was not the perfect wife. I grew up in a codependent home, where Mom was a caregiver and martyr, needing for her husband to be super-dominant and needy. Mom was never happier than when she was surrounded with far too much to do, and far too many children to care for.

Mama had 7 children by her first husband ("Daddy") who was killed instantly in a head-on collision. I was the baby, at 16 months old. The oldest was 12. Mom remarried 2 years later, to a man ("Papa") much older than herself, and had 2 more children, making 9. But she cried when she heard this was to be her last.

So Mama found a way to start taking in foster care children. Handicapped, sibling groups, other races, all were welcome in our home. And Mama was very loving. I never saw her angry. Over the span of 15 years, we took in 41 foster children... and we 7 daughters learned how to "mother", but never how to "daughter".
Papa turned 60 when his youngest child was 2 weeks old. Not only was he handicapped, but he was also growing old fast. So, he did hobby farming while on crutches. Mom built a bakery in the backyard, putting the whole family to work. We sold Mennonite baked goods at the local farmers market.

I was groomed to become a responsible caregiver, not a care-receiver. Besides which, I had never had a loving relationship with a male family member. Papa was very distant emotionally, and easily angered. We learned to obey without question. (Of course, as strict Mennonites, this was ingrained from babyhood.)

No wonder I married the man I did.
I knew he was "different" but I didn't put a label on it. I found him soft-spoken, gentle and kind. I didn't know he had Aspergers, besides paranoia... almost Schizophrenic sometimes. He was very controlling, but I was used to that. I thought it was normal. He wasn't very sociable, but I could live with that. I knew he didn't have good intuition in many situations... but I didn't really realize how that would affect my life. I was young, and feeling "in love" and took the jump, like a good Mennonite girl.

My mom was relieved. After all, a straight-A student who was a girl, who wanted to go to college was dangerous. She had pulled me out of school 2 months before graduation, to help her at home... Looking back, I think I understand why. She had pulled me out of what she thought was danger.

Our marriage started out lovingly enough. But when I miscarried before he was ready for children, and he was relieved while I grieved, it made me wonder...
And then, the jealousy started. He was certain I was having affairs on the side. He began demanding I dress the way he wanted me to, disregarding my conscience, to "prove" to him I was faithful to the marriage. I began to feel dead spiritually. I was coming apart, in my soul.

On the outside, it looked like our marriage was okay, for 18 long years. He never lifted a finger to hurt me physically. But he ruled me emotionally, with an iron fist. And I felt incapable to resist. Indeed, I felt I was assigned this martyrdom by God. After all, did He not decree that my husband was to "rule over me"?

And yet, the whole time, I loved my husband with everything I had in me.
I tried, and I tried, and I tried.
I instinctively knew what I refused to acknowledge: that he was going to leave me.

My worldview did not allow for divorce. In the doctrine of the Mennonites, a divorcee was worse than a streetwalker. If a marriage fell apart, the woman was somehow to blame, for not being a better wife. Because woman was created to make a man happy. So if he wasn't happy, she was to blame, somehow.

He began to spend more and more time on the internet, or out very late. He never told me where he spent his time. And he started arguing late, late into the night. Every night. I tried to calm him down, to help him see it wasn't working to discuss things that late, but nothing worked. I was exhausted.

After a few months of that, something dramatic happened. God pulled me to Himself. I cannot explain it any other way. I was so broken inside. So destroyed. I thought of suicide daily.

My husband began spending his nights on the computer with other women, instead of arguing with me. And night after night, I learned to kneel, instead of cry alone.

One of those nights, while in prayer, I suddenly found myself in a vision, standing on the edge of a cliff, like the bluffs in the Arkansas Ozarks. Far, far below, I knew there was a horrible raging river. And in my vision, it was so dark I could not see my hand before my face. I drew back, in fear. (I don't do heights.)
In my vision, suddenly I felt a strong arm go around me, and I heard the voice of Jesus:
"Yes, you will go down there, and I will go with you. I will bring you through."

I didn't know my husband had been seeing a lawyer, making plans, drawing up a "separation agreement" for me to sign (under threat of him skipping country with the kids if I didn't.)

Two weeks later, I came home and found my husband had moved 1/2 of the furniture out, for himself.

Completely blindsided and not able to think, I signed the "agreement" he forced on me. I had no job, no money, and no friends. (We had moved over 12 times in 18 years. I had learned not to make friends too deeply.)

I found a part-time job, and I had to find a cheaper place to live, because he said he wasn't going to pay my rent or utilities anymore. Gathering the children into the living room, I asked if they believed God answered prayer. I wasn't prepared for their answers. Each of them said they no longer believed in God, or that if God existed, he didn't' care about them. My heart broke all over again.

But I told them, that was okay, they didn't have to have faith. I had enough for their part. All I asked of them was to hold my hands as we knelt on the floor, and asked God to send us a place to live. I listed my needs. I was willing to live in a trailer, but not in a trailer park, for my children's sake. I asked for privacy, and I told God I felt I could afford $200 a month. And I knew it wasn't out there, because I had looked everywhere.

Growing bolder, I decided to just go ahead and tell God what I really wanted. I asked Him for 5 acres, and for woods, and a creek. And then, I told God I wasn't going to go looking for it. I was going to let Him have someone offer it to me, without me asking them.

Yeah, I know. That was putting it on the line.

But 2 weeks later, I called my mother to wish her a happy birthday. She had no idea I had to move. I had not told my family my dire situation.
And out of the blue, she said,
"You have been on my mind so much lately. We have a 5-acre wooded tract of land, and would love to put a trailer on it, for you, if you would like to come live here. You could buy it from us at $200 a month, if that would work for you.

I had one question, "Does it have a creek, Mom?"
It did.
And that's why we moved 3 hours away from my children's father, who took it personally, and has never forgiven me for it. But we found such freedom!

Here, my children had aunts and uncles, and cousins galore, --free babysitters while I had to work, unlike other Mennonite moms.
And needless to say, my children both believe deeply in God. My daughter said God answering that prayer restored her faith in Him.

I could tell of miracle after miracle, but this post is lengthy enough.

Looking back, I can only say... Satan meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.
I would never have left my husband. I tried to fight the divorce, but it was useless.
And today, I'm thankful. It took over 10 years to stop crying. 12 long years, until I realized I no longer loved him. And now almost 15 years, and I feel completely free. Free enough to actually consider if the ... right... fella showed up.

But believe me, he'd have to be some kind of special, for me to look twice.
Call me silly, but I've given God my list of qualifications.
(Kind of like those "wooded 5 acres, with stream, @ $200/mo.")

And I'm gonna wait for God to move, again.
I don't have to go looking.

I loved reading your testimony. Isn't it great to get to know a person better by reading a testimony like yours. I could see what was happening to you in my mind's eye while I was reading it. What a wonderful way for God to show you that you can trust in Him to give you the desires of your heart. It takes courage to share a testimony like that, and I now know what a courageous, strong woman with a unshakeable faith in God, and your faith brought all your children back to God!

I think it is the type of testimony that could enable you to write a book that would bless many people. It is not difficult to publish it on Amazon Kindle.

 

[PollyJetix]

I loved reading your testimony. Isn't it great to get to know a person better by reading a testimony like yours. I could see what was happening to you in my mind's eye while I was reading it. What a wonderful way for God to show you that you can trust in Him to give you the desires of your heart. It takes courage to share a testimony like that, and I now know what a courageous, strong woman with a unshakeable faith in God, and your faith brought all your children back to God!

I think it is the type of testimony that could enable you to write a book that would bless many people. It is not difficult to publish it on Amazon Kindle.

Thank you. I only hope, like you, that my testimony helps others.
My children are grown and gone, leading independent and successful lives.
I have thought of writing a book of my experiences, but my children's lives are so deeply a part of it all that I don't think I should, yet. Someday, perhaps. But not yet.

Now living alone, it's just me and God.
And God has changed me from a Mennonite doormat wife with a martyr complex, into someone I hardly recognize.

The past 5 years have been transformative.
I had received the baptism of the Holy Ghost back in my upper 20's, and the Comforter was my help during those horrible years, when we dabbled into many denominations, going from church to church. I had become so confused, trying to obey my husband! I hardly knew what I believed anymore, and was on the verge of giving up everything, like my husband did, just before he left us.
On the outside, I had left the Mennonites 10 years before my husband left. But inside, I felt so condemned, because I was not who was I was on the outside. So when my husband left, God moved me back into the Mennonite church. I felt so at peace! So at home!

But, in that setting, I came to realize my Holy Spirit was not welcome among the Mennonites. They were afraid of what I had. I was open and honest about praying in tongues, even though I never flaunted it before anyone else. I did not have the gift of interpretation, so I only practiced tongues in private.

However, a well-meaning sister in the church came and tried to "put these tongues of yours to the test". She ordered me to pray in tongues, and she then asked, "Who is Jesus?"
What exploded out of my mouth set me back in shock.
"Jesus Christ, Son of the Highest, Most Blessed forever!"
She wasn't satisfied. The "spirit" didn't confess explicitly that "Jesus is come in the flesh."
She left me alone after that, but still doubts that my tongues are the real thing.

I talked one-on-one with the Mennonites about the doctrinal basis of modern-day Pentecostal experience. I know I scared them, as I would sit down with them and open my Bible, showing them how the Word actually clearly taught it was for today, and how it was supposed to operate in the church.

And, as my primary gift is teaching, I just couldn't sit down and shut up anymore, like a good little Mennonite woman.

One morning, a young nephew got up to teach the adult Sunday School class. And he made an announcement. Based on his understanding of "I suffer not a woman to teach..." and "Let your women keep silence in the churches..." he was making a rule for while he was teaching. He said the women present were asked to not speak.

And the church leadership took this issue up as a search for truth. Of course, since their approach to the New Testament is that Jesus replaced the Law with a "higher, better standard" then this was seen as "perhaps we aren't being obedient enough to the New Testament rules!"

The outcome of it was a church-wide rule: women were no longer allowed to speak. And the men decided it was better for the women to learn at their sides (and bolster their egos as they spoke their wisdom) in a mixed Sunday School class, than for women to have a separate class. So, I was effectively shut down. The few times I dared to open my mouth during the "open discussion" to simply mention a reference that might have a bearing on the discussion, I was rebuked afterward. I was trying to "teach the men."

The year of 2012 was a year of decision for me. I knew I had to choose to stop thinking in church, so I could stop speaking up, or else I would have to leave the church. I didn't want to choose. So I just tried to shut down, to avoid choosing. But doing this, was a choice.

And I began to die inside, just like I had under the leadership of my mentally-ill husband. I did not realize it at the time, but I again was choosing another god: the security of my Mennonite family and church.

God was so gracious. He gave me a vision, in dream form. It was so vivid, and I will never forget it.

I dreamed I saw Jesus separating people to His right and to His left. I was in a line of people, waiting for our turns. I thought, "I'm pretty sure I'll go on that side. That is the right side." And sure enough, when it was my turn, He placed me on that side.

But when I turned around, feeling secure and righteous, suddenly I saw I had misjudged the entire situation. What had appeared to be the right side, was actually HIS LEFT!
A horrible sensation began rising from the pit of my stomach.
I began to scream, "Jesus! I don't belong here! You've made a mistake! Don't you remember me? I've served you for many, many years! You walked with me and did miracles in answer to my prayers!"
But Jesus refused to acknowledge me. He acted as if I didn't even exist. He turned away, and began leading those on His right, away to heaven.
And I was left behind. He acted as if I wasn't even there.

I began to wail as only the eternally lost, can. I knew there was forever no hope.

And I woke, with that wail starting to rise physically from my throat.
"OH GOD! Please give me some hope! Show me how to KNOW I have eternal life!" I cried, flailing for the neglected Bible on my night table.

It fell open to this passage:

And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, "Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"
He said unto him, "What is written in the law? how readest thou?"
And he answering said, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself."
And he said unto him, "Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live."
Luke 10:25-28

God had spoken. I had heard.
And I have left the Mennonite church.
There was no way I could stay alive spiritually, and remain there.
It was a choice between my family and my God.

So I found a local Pentecostal church where I could operate in the gifts God has placed in me, and there I have found a place in His Kingdom.

And then in 2014, God floored me again.
He started speaking to me every time I began to pray, calling me to preach.
There was no escaping it.
To refuse that call, would be to turn away from God--to die again, spiritually.
So, I entered training, and have become a licensed Exhorter in the Church of God denomination. God is opening doors to preach in pulpits and to minister in the community through music, and I feel a mantle falling on my shoulders. I see the Spirit of God moving through the ministry he has placed upon me. I seek no position of authority, nor the approval of man. I only want to do the will of my God.

He led me to begin a "Women's Prayer Warriors" meeting that meets 7 a.m. on Saturdays. This April, it will be a year since we started this. We have 5 to 7 women that meet at the church and do nothing but pray, for an hour or two. Social conversation is forbidden. I prepare a prayer list weekly from requests that come in, and ladies pick up the list at the table when they enter. We pray aloud, together, as the Spirit leads. We pray over each other, and over the whole structure and grounds. And we are seeing answers happening! We are seeing miraculous healings, and salvation of loved ones. And the church is in revival mode.

Word has gotten back to my family, via the community, that I am preaching.
I had dreaded this, but now that they know, it's a relief. And yes, I have been publicly shamed and rejected strongly for it. But that's okay. I know they love God the best they know how. I hope and pray I will be reunited with them in heaven. But until then, I have to follow God.

Looking back, I realize I would never be today who I am now, if it weren't for all the things I have gone through.
Would I have become a Pentecostal, if my husband hadn't broken me out of my comfortable Mennonite mold? Would I have come back to God, if Steve hadn't left me?
Would God have gotten the last of the "Mennonite" out of me, if I hadn't rejoined the Mennonites for those 9 years?
Would I have gotten so desperate for God, if things hadn't been so hard?
Would I have gotten so bold for the Lord, if I hadn't faced such opposition?

I'm thankful now for every tear I have cried, and every struggle I have faced.

 

[PollyJetix]

I've struggled with this for years. But, now I'm too old to care. LOL

Do you want to hear something else, Polly? He seduced her by preaching Jesus to her!!!!

I hear you, sister.
My ex was actively giving up on our marriage, blaming me for all our problems, going to a lawyer behind my back... and spending hour after hour late at night "counseling" teen girls.
There are none so blind as those who refuse to repent.

 

[1stcenturylady]

Thank you. I only hope, like you, that my testimony helps others.
My children are grown and gone, leading independent and successful lives.
I have thought of writing a book of my experiences, but my children's lives are so deeply a part of it all that I don't think I should, yet. Someday, perhaps. But not yet.

Now living alone, it's just me and God.
And God has changed me from a Mennonite doormat wife with a martyr complex, into someone I hardly recognize.

The past 5 years have been transformative.
I had received the baptism of the Holy Ghost back in my upper 20's, and the Comforter was my help during those horrible years, when we dabbled into many denominations, going from church to church. I had become so confused, trying to obey my husband! I hardly knew what I believed anymore, and was on the verge of giving up everything, like my husband did, just before he left us.
On the outside, I had left the Mennonites 10 years before my husband left. But inside, I felt so condemned, because I was not who was I was on the outside. So when my husband left, God moved me back into the Mennonite church. I felt so at peace! So at home!

But, in that setting, I came to realize my Holy Spirit was not welcome among the Mennonites. They were afraid of what I had. I was open and honest about praying in tongues, even though I never flaunted it before anyone else. I did not have the gift of interpretation, so I only practiced tongues in private.

However, a well-meaning sister in the church came and tried to "put these tongues of yours to the test". She ordered me to pray in tongues, and she then asked, "Who is Jesus?"
What exploded out of my mouth set me back in shock.
"Jesus Christ, Son of the Highest, Most Blessed forever!"
She wasn't satisfied. The "spirit" didn't confess explicitly that "Jesus is come in the flesh."
She left me alone after that, but still doubts that my tongues are the real thing.

I talked one-on-one with the Mennonites about the doctrinal basis of modern-day Pentecostal experience. I know I scared them, as I would sit down with them and open my Bible, showing them how the Word actually clearly taught it was for today, and how it was supposed to operate in the church.

And, as my primary gift is teaching, I just couldn't sit down and shut up anymore, like a good little Mennonite woman.

One morning, a young nephew got up to teach the adult Sunday School class. And he made an announcement. Based on his understanding of "I suffer not a woman to teach..." and "Let your women keep silence in the churches..." he was making a rule for while he was teaching. He said the women present were asked to not speak.

And the church leadership took this issue up as a search for truth. Of course, since their approach to the New Testament is that Jesus replaced the Law with a "higher, better standard" then this was seen as "perhaps we aren't being obedient enough to the New Testament rules!"

The outcome of it was a church-wide rule: women were no longer allowed to speak. And the men decided it was better for the women to learn at their sides (and bolster their egos as they spoke their wisdom) in a mixed Sunday School class, than for women to have a separate class. So, I was effectively shut down. The few times I dared to open my mouth during the "open discussion" to simply mention a reference that might have a bearing on the discussion, I was rebuked afterward. I was trying to "teach the men."

The year of 2012 was a year of decision for me. I knew I had to choose to stop thinking in church, so I could stop speaking up, or else I would have to leave the church. I didn't want to choose. So I just tried to shut down, to avoid choosing. But doing this, was a choice.

And I began to die inside, just like I had under the leadership of my mentally-ill husband. I did not realize it at the time, but I again was choosing another god: the security of my Mennonite family and church.

God was so gracious. He gave me a vision, in dream form. It was so vivid, and I will never forget it.

I dreamed I saw Jesus separating people to His right and to His left. I was in a line of people, waiting for our turns. I thought, "I'm pretty sure I'll go on that side. That is the right side." And sure enough, when it was my turn, He placed me on that side.

But when I turned around, feeling secure and righteous, suddenly I saw I had misjudged the entire situation. What had appeared to be the right side, was actually HIS LEFT!
A horrible sensation began rising from the pit of my stomach.
I began to scream, "Jesus! I don't belong here! You've made a mistake! Don't you remember me? I've served you for many, many years! You walked with me and did miracles in answer to my prayers!"
But Jesus refused to acknowledge me. He acted as if I didn't even exist. He turned away, and began leading those on His right, away to heaven.
And I was left behind. He acted as if I wasn't even there.

I began to wail as only the eternally lost, can. I knew there was forever no hope.

And I woke, with that wail starting to rise physically from my throat.
"OH GOD! Please give me some hope! Show me how to KNOW I have eternal life!" I cried, flailing for the neglected Bible on my night table.

It fell open to this passage:



God had spoken. I had heard.
And I have left the Mennonite church.
There was no way I could stay alive spiritually, and remain there.
It was a choice between my family and my God.

So I found a local Pentecostal church where I could operate in the gifts God has placed in me, and there I have found a place in His Kingdom.

And then in 2014, God floored me again.
He started speaking to me every time I began to pray, calling me to preach.
There was no escaping it.
To refuse that call, would be to turn away from God--to die again, spiritually.
So, I entered training, and have become a licensed Exhorter in the Church of God denomination. God is opening doors to preach in pulpits and to minister in the community through music, and I feel a mantle falling on my shoulders. I see the Spirit of God moving through the ministry he has placed upon me. I seek no position of authority, nor the approval of man. I only want to do the will of my God.

He led me to begin a "Women's Prayer Warriors" meeting that meets 7 a.m. on Saturdays. This April, it will be a year since we started this. We have 5 to 7 women that meet at the church and do nothing but pray, for an hour or two. Social conversation is forbidden. I prepare a prayer list weekly from requests that come in, and ladies pick up the list at the table when they enter. We pray aloud, together, as the Spirit leads. We pray over each other, and over the whole structure and grounds. And we are seeing answers happening! We are seeing miraculous healings, and salvation of loved ones. And the church is in revival mode.

Word has gotten back to my family, via the community, that I am preaching.
I had dreaded this, but now that they know, it's a relief. And yes, I have been publicly shamed and rejected strongly for it. But that's okay. I know they love God the best they know how. I hope and pray I will be reunited with them in heaven. But until then, I have to follow God.

Looking back, I realize I would never be today who I am now, if it weren't for all the things I have gone through.
Would I have become a Pentecostal, if my husband hadn't broken me out of my comfortable Mennonite mold? Would I have come back to God, if Steve hadn't left me?
Would God have gotten the last of the "Mennonite" out of me, if I hadn't rejoined the Mennonites for those 9 years?
Would I have gotten so desperate for God, if things hadn't been so hard?
Would I have gotten so bold for the Lord, if I hadn't faced such opposition?

I'm thankful now for every tear I have cried, and every struggle I have faced.

Polly, our stories are so similar. I will tell mine later, but thank you so much. I've been so depressed lately over the whole women teaching and wondered why in the world would God, over a period of 7 years, give me so much insight and truth to the subject of speaking in tongues, that He had me write a book. Why a book on tongues? It is hardly a book for women only!

Now he has given me insight on grace and faith and two new books are in the making.

Oscar has been the life-giving breath I needed to come back from the dead, and now God has sent you too. I'm so happy I found this forum!

We'll talk later, I just got up and need to start my day. Coffee is beckoning. (Actually, tea first, then coffee. LOL I've had tea since I was 18 mo. old - mum was an Aussie).

 

[Phil Lacefield]

Yes, your ex-husband IS living in "perpetual" adultery with his mistress/wife--since he is "the guilty party." According to Matthew 19, he is, in fact, living in perpetual adultery, and he is NOT free to remarry, since he is the one who committed adultery against you. According to Matthew 19, the adulterer's punishment/penalty for committing adultery is to remain celibate the rest of their Christian life. The reason for this is that the adulterer is the one who made the decision to break the bond of marriage and voluntarily become "the guilty party." Therefore the adulterer is the one who must bear the penalty for his/her actions. "The innocent party," in this case you, did absolutely nothing wrong and therefore does NOT bear any penalty.

Therefore, the "good news" is that you ARE free to remarry, since you are "the innocent party."

(My ex-wife did the very same thing to me--which is typical sociopathic/psychopathic behavior.)

I want to start by placing the passage about virgins here, so we have something to read. It is the NKJV.

"25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away."

I have read this section a little differently than you have based on Hebrew wording. A "wife" could still be a virgin, because the engaged in those days were called wives. If the betrothal was broken, they were allowed to marry. No where is remarriage allowed, especially for a woman, that I can see convincingly.

The above scripture I copied from biblegateway.com and this was one paragraph based on virgins. That doesn't mean it couldn't be separated as you have, just that they chose to link it all together as I have.

I'm divorced from my Christian husband. But I don't date, even though he married his mistress. She was the wife of his best friend who lost seven best friends due to her infidelity! My husband was her last affair that I know of. Who knows she may now have been unfaithful again. I have no way of knowing. But I do know they are still married.

My question to everyone who reads this and your answers are important to me - seeing as my husband never repented of divorcing me without cause, is he living in "perpetual" adultery with his mistress wife? Just like homosexual "marriages" I don't believe God joined them together, so are they even married? And if they are not married, am I still married to him in God's eyes. All I know is life is short and I'm not chancing my eternal life by sinning a grievous sin.