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Divorce and remarriage: ongoing adultery?

Discussion in 'For New Christians' started by Kelly Lucas, Oct 21, 2021.

  1. Kelly Lucas

    Kelly Lucas New Member

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    My 55-year-old sister called me today. She said she's upset because she just read in scripture that she is living in sin because she is divorced and remarried. Her first husband divorced her because of her mental health issues, and she remarried. Does this mean she is now living in a state of constant adultery? What should I say to her?
     
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  2. Michie

    Michie Human rights begin in the womb. Supporter

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    No. She is not living in adultery. The husband is the one who left her and remarried. She really should talk to a priest or pastor to set her mind at ease about her marriage now.
     
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  3. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

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    "But if the unbelieving spouse depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, for God hath called us to peace."
    (1 Corinthians 7:15)
     
  4. iLearn

    iLearn New Member

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    But how do you know if he is an unbeliever? A believer who is also a sinner is NOT an unbeliever in my opinion. Unless he said he no longer believe Jesus is his Saviour... or he married first (he committed adultery) then the divorce is valid.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2021
  5. Palmfever

    Palmfever Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I guess Christ was wrong when He said it is sin.
     
  6. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Is he not behaving like an unbeliever in this case? The verse (Matthew 5:32) she uses to condemn herself is written for HIM, not her. ALSO, the NIV translates it, "...makes her the victim of adultery.", which is in keeping with the versions that say, "...makes her commit adultery." or "makes her an adulterer." One version even goes so far as to say, "...makes her appear to be an adulterer." which may well be the intended meaning.

    Many versions of (1 Corinthians 7:15) use the word 'but': "But God has called you into peace."; "but God hath called us to peace." Sounds to me like, there's an overriding principle of peace, in the matter. Matthew 5:32 is a remonstrance against divorce, not a condemnation of the wife who has been divorced.

    1 Corinthians 7:15 doesn't say, "in the case where the unbelieving husband wants to leave..."; it says, "in such cases". To me, that includes cases LIKE the one described.

    This is not a black and white issue, and in the end, what's done is done. But he calls us to peace.
     
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  7. TzephanYahu

    TzephanYahu Active Member

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    Hi Kelly,

    From my study into this text, it seems that what Messiah may have meant is those who divorce IN ORDER to marry another commit adultery, which makes perfect sense.

    For example, imagine a married man who sees and lusts for another woman. He divorces his first wife in order to marry the second. This is tantamount to adultery. Jumping through official hoops of separation doesn't hide that fact, it just makes it legal. But it's the same as cheating.

    This was a huge political issue at the time of the Messiah, as Herod was involved in such a scandal with his sister in law. The phraisees were shocked at this and it was the very reason that John the Baptist was beheaded. This seems to be why the pharisees press the Messiah for His stance in the gospels.

    But there is also another element at play. It seems that in the first century there was almost like a "mock divorce" practice, where the husband would send the wife away, as if officially divorced, but not actually give her a bill of divorce (a "get"). Though in each others eyes they were thoroughly separated, if they were to marry another it would be adultery. The marriage was still legitimate. Unfortunately this could have been common place in the first century as the Pharisees had some very evil laws as to why you could divorce, including if the wife ruined dinner!

    Therefore, what shall we say of your sister's situation? She was handed a bill of divorce and she didn't divorce IN ORDER to marry another, so does her new marriage constitute as adultery? I don't think so.

    Nevertheless, let me end with a more severe note. Marriage should not be taken lightly and divorce should never be on the table. We must work on the marriage and not give up when it gets hard. Marriage is sacred to Yahweh. Yes, it seems your sister didn't instigate the divorce, but I just want to be clear that I'm not making light of divorce or consenting to it as a viable option for struggling couples.

    I hope something in that helps.
    Peace
     
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  8. Kelly Lucas

    Kelly Lucas New Member

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    Thank you everyone, for your observations and advice, it's all very helpful. I will share with my sister.
     
  9. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc We are saved purely by the work and grace of God. Supporter

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    She is committing adultery. Because Jesus is very clear that one who gets divorced (even if her husband left her) and remarries commits adultery. Because marriage is sacred in God's sight. However, Jesus did not mean that she is not a Christian or that she is going to hell if she's elect. Christian's are not punished for their sins, they lose rewards at the bema seat. So your sister is going to lose a reward for doing so. However to people who are not Christians, yes its a message of condemnation and a warning not to do so because God judges adultery harshly.

    All of this being said, everything that happens happens within the will of God and with God's permission as well. Something for your sister to think about.
     
  10. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

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    True that! One of the things that has bothered me for years is the way Christians use Scripture, one verse or passage at a time, to excuse them to do what they wanted to do, purposely ignoring the point of the passage.
     
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  11. Palmfever

    Palmfever Well-Known Member Supporter

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    It is black and white. And the main principle is don’t do it, but if you do, stay single or reconcile. There is also another element society does not wish to address. You are one in marriage, you may not refuse sex. You own each other as you have become one.

    10. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

    1 Cor, 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

    Sex can be an overwhelming drive and those who are feeling deprived present fertile ground for temptation. This is precisely why withholding sex is spoken against.

    Christ spoke of divorce when the Jews attempted to catch Him off guard in this manner;

    The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

    4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

    6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

    7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

    8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

    ( Moses allowed divorce because men were stubborn and rotten, but he did not here give permission to remarry.)

    9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery.

    (If you divorce because of spousal fornication, okay, but if you marry another you commit adultery.

    Christ grudgingly allows for divorce based on fornication. He does not sanction re-marriage. )

    Put away means divorce.

    Many in today’s church are living in adultery so they naturally defend the lie that it’s okay. Draw closer to God and quit justifying yourselves.

    When Paul states this, “But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” he has the benefit of the Spirit of God within him. He knows what Christ has said. He states, DON’T LET THE HUSBAND GET DIVORCED! Sure peace is to be desired for, but not at any cost.

    The problem with re-marriage is it is constant. Every morning another day of sin, a little harder heart. Until you believe it is your right. You twist scripture. You learn to love your spouse. You make children you love and extraction seems unthinkable, inconvenient and impractical.

    Many are born into or raised by divorced and remarried parents and it seems normal. It may be, but it is outside of God’s will.

    For he who has ears to hear...
     
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  12. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I'm not sure what you are trying to do in answering me with this post. I agree with these verses. And I decry using scripture to justify what one wants to do.

    I don't wish to pose a scenario to point out that grace is lacking from your post, but you allow for no situation where the pompous shout-down and the pounding of the fist on the table don't prevail. If a woman who grew up believing that marriage is for companionship, love and mutual support and enjoyment, ends up with a rude, crude and hateful man, bent only on his own satisfaction, and that, with a need for sadism to get his jollies, whose mere presence now makes her skin crawl, nevermind his touch, whose coercive forcing himself (requiring her, by his use of those verses, to submit) on her is mental anguish and emotional abuse, not to mention accumulated trauma, you would have her continue to submit anyway.

    In the old days, a few stout men from the church would pay him a visit, whereby he would either change his ways or leave the area for good. Nowadays, that means is no longer available.
     
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  13. Palmfever

    Palmfever Well-Known Member Supporter

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    No shout down. I respect you Mark. Simply stating what is written and I understand the difficulty of marriage. I have always been attracted to intelligence and and little crazy in a woman. I've never had a need to to impose my will on any. I would have little respect or interest in a doormat or slave. That being said the scripture is the scripture and difficult as it may be, I make no excuses for it. I am divorced and would love to have a friend, lover, companion. I'm compelled by God's Spirit to refrain.
     
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  14. Francis Drake

    Francis Drake Returning adventurer.

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    The answer is that as her husband divorced her, she becomes unmarried. And in remarrying, she does so as a single woman and is not living in adultery.

    However, however however. ------------
    Even if the accusers were somehow correct, which they are not, the goodness and mercy of God extends light years beyond their petty legalism.

    The church is full of Christians who have betrayed their partners, and then remarried. Do we imagine that in turning to Christ and asking for his cleansing of all possible errors, He will say no?

    Tell your sister to get close to Jesus and not let Satanic accusations destroy that relationship.
     
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  15. Francis Drake

    Francis Drake Returning adventurer.

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    Christ wasn't wrong, but the false accusers are.
     
  16. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I wasn't referring to you shouting me down. I was referring to the habit some spouses have, which your post didn't allow for, along with such scenarios as I described. God is gracious, and while I make no excuses for countering scripture, I don't believe scripture is that adamant about all situations. To take it to the extreme, should a woman whose life and the lives of her children are in immediate peril by remaining with her husband take scripture to be saying she should remain?

    This principle of absolute application of scriptural principles as law, no exceptions, has its place, but the grace of God allows for more. God says submit to authorities. Does that mean we should load ourselves onto the boxcars?
     
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  17. Eloy Craft

    Eloy Craft Myth only points, Truth happened! Supporter

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    So few people these days understand what the marital bond is. Less people enter into it because of that. Many look it but aren't.Vows of permanence for human life is a necessary component. Familiarity with all humanity requires a man and a woman.
     
  18. Palmfever

    Palmfever Well-Known Member Supporter

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    No, she is not obligated to remain. That isn't the issue here though. It is the remarriage. Think Hosea. Gomer wandered off repeatedly. I would not stay in any situation dangerous to the children. If it were immediate, as much as I like to think of myself as following peace, I'd likely waste the sucker.
     
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  19. Palmfever

    Palmfever Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Scripture speaks of unrepentant hearts such as Esau. The problem, as I stated is in divorce and remarriage we actually take a vow to live in sin. In another thread someone desired to argue about ‘feelings.’ Where does God say, ‘come let us feel together.’ No He invites us, “Come let us reason together.” In this thread, I assume referencing the woman caught in the act of adultery, someone stated ‘the false accusers were wrong.’ They were not, She was.

    When she was brought before Christ He did not sanction nor excuse her behavior, He let the accusers know they were not without sin. Then He corrected the woman with the command, “Go and sin no more.”

    I hear grace, grace, grace often and I thank God for it. But as Paul states, Shall we sin more so that grace may more abound? God forbid.

    I also hear, judge not, judge not, judge not. Christ did not say that exactly. What He did is warn us that we will be held accountable for our judgments by the standard we set.

    Paul rebukes the church at Corinth, “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?”

    To quote Keith Greene, ‘The church is asleep in the light.’ The gospel is soft peddled to spare peoples feelings. Kinda like the Cretin News Network interview of that senile old white boy in the White House.
     
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  20. Mark Quayle

    Mark Quayle Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Not sure I get the point you are trying to make with the last half or so of your post. Of COURSE! we are not to sin that grace may abound. But we do, and so, it does.

    As for the first part of your post, I agree about the woman caught in adultery. I'm not in agreement that by definition, divorce and remarriage means a vow to live in sin. It definitely CAN be that, but not in every case.
     
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