Discussion questions to ask before marriage

bèlla

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Greetings,

Congratulations on your engagement. I wish you much love and happiness with your beloved.

I would tackle these subjects first. They’re the main ones that divide couples.

- Money (who manages it, how are preexisting debts handled, how much to save, spend, tithe, etc.)

- Sex (previous experiences, interests, areas of discomfort)

- Expectations (division of labor at home, time with friends and family, quality time together, shared goals and dreams, etc.)

- Communication (making time to talk, how to disagree amicably, sharing your concerns without blame or judgment)

- Ministry (defining your wants and needs individually, discussing how they’re met, designating an agreed source for concerns and support, praying for one another and together, learning how to serve one another and committing to do so)

Here’s a list of Christian books for engaged couples. Many are available at your local library or through Scribd and Hoopla Digital.

Lastly, I think a couple’s gratitude journal is an excellent idea. Acknowledging your daily blessings keeps complaints at bay and nurtures a grateful heart.

You can take a blank journal book and make an entry each day. It will be nice to reference at year’s end. Little things make the greatest difference in building a house and maintaining its warmth. :)

~Bella
 
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topher694

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Congrats! There are the bigger and more obvious ones: sex, kids, finances...

But, I'll give you one that is less obvious, yet can become quite an issue. Talk a lot about your family traditions/expectations.

If you are used to something happening one way around the house because that's how it was in your family and your spouse is used to it happening a different way because that's how it was in their family, it can create major issues without either of you realizing why. Simply because that is your default expectation and you never considered anything different. This could be almost anything: dishes & laundry, who drives the car, family holidays is a big one, cooking, what to do when you are sick... things like that. Hope that helps a little.

Abundant blessings on your future marriage!
 
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Angeleyes7715

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Here's the thing. We've kinda broke the rules and have been living together for 5 years and I have a baby coming 12/06. We just had our baby shower last Saturday. Finances we've just been splitting everything, but I don't think married people do that. Holidays we've been doing most stuff with his family since mine is mostly passed away or spread apart now.
He's been doing more cooking than I do. I clean way more than he does. I usually make the doctor appointments and what not. I also make sure that the bills get paid even though the money comes from both of us. I manage apps on my phone. Praying together we've tried a few times but usually fall off we should start that again.

Right now trust is an issue. Debts are an issue. Socializing and friends are a slight issue. Without getting into it too much sex is an issue.

I am very stressed out. It's partly the pregnancy and everything going on at once. I recently had to start Zoloft again because I have bad depression and anxiety that has landed me in the hospital twice.

...please don't say anything harsh. I can barely stand to think about it myself, but there's something I've been dealing with lately that I want straightened out to move forward. I found some things on his phone when I was trying to send a picture to his phone yesterday. What I found really upset me because he had told me something different a while back. There was a period when we had broke up I had left him like a year ago and he was with another woman and I found sexual images from that in our apartment and bed and couch even though he said previously he never took pictures. He had also said he didn't do anything with her at the house but that was also a year or so ago. I didn't get to see a date on the pictures, but I know for a fact he did stuff with her a year or so ago when we broke up.

He claims it was long ago. etc. Claims it must have been backed up on his phone. I have a hard time believing anything he says rn. I couldn't really talk to him for a day. Then now that I have talked to him I told him we need to discuss things. Those images have to go.

And we can't get married until there is trust. Cause I don't want to marry someone who lies. Please help. I'm very heartbroken. I don't even know how our discussion over all this marriage stuff will go and the little baby is coming and is on the way and we both love him.
 
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bèlla

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There are three issues at hand.
  • What happened in the past: his relations with another
  • Where you are today: engaged and expecting a child
  • What you’re walking towards: marriage
Are you willing to set aside what might be in deference to yesterday? Breaches must be rebuilt brick by brick. Healing and forgiveness don’t happen overnight.

No matter what he says or does. You must be determined not to be held captive by the past. You must decide your peace of mind is greater than recollections. You must take hold of God’s promises.

In spite of his failings. Despite the disappointments. In light of the trust issues and pain you’re feeling. You can’t remain in this place. Its a desert and you’ll circle this mountain many times and arrive at the same point.

Affirm your love and forgiveness everyday when you wake and before you go to bed. Keep praising the Lord for what He’s done. Pray that problem away. When it resurfaces rebuke the thought and refute it with the godly traits you long for in yourself and your partner.

Bathe him in love. Let your prayers flow down like oil upon his head and see what the Lord does in you both. If you don’t know what to pray, get this book. I’ve prayed through it many times. She covers everything and uses scripture in the prayers. I also like this one too. I’ve used both for someone I labored for and my future spouse.

~Bella
 
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