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Discussing sex with youth and young adults

Discussion in 'Full and Part Time Ministry' started by 49erfan, Jun 27, 2003.

  1. 49erfan

    49erfan Member

    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Shamash Of Yeshua

    Shamash Of Yeshua Servant

    I am going to have to say since I know what it feels like to be with a woman with only one layer of clothing as the statement you showed. I have to disagree. The reason being is obvious IMHO. Keep in mind this is when I wasn't following the Messiah. I would say don't remove the others clothing at all unless it is removing their coat period. Don't you know what even holding can bring on? Granted the couple might want to be married, maybe. Don't you know what getting horny is? Can a man or a woman do as the statement above and hold each other without getting Lustful thoughts of the other? I don't think many wouldn't get lustful thoughts. So I would recommend not removing any clothing, but be dressed as if you were going to be in public. And I don't see a Believer in the Messiah going out in public with skimpy clothing on at all.

    I think boundaries are this if you are single and are with your girlfriend if you are male or boyfriend if your female. Do you respect her/him? If so then save all the heavy petting for marriage for it doesn't have any place out of marriage for it can go to far at times because one or both parties are in heated lust for one another.
    Remember it is a sin to have lustful thoughts and well if you bring yourself into a situation as desribed the above quote in removing someone else's clothing or even letting them remove their own clothing then you are walking down a street to lust. Of course if you really respect and care for each other then you won't go to that. Where has respect gone to these days between couples?

    May the peace that transcends all understanding be with you,
  3. Magisterium

    Magisterium Praying and Thinking

    I teach 10th graders about sex and I use this approach.

    First of all, I begin by elevating the marital act back to its appropriate place. I explain under no uncertain terms that it is nothing short of sacred. I then ask if Marraige is 50/50, 60/40, or some other odd ratio, most say 50/50. Then I explain that it is 100/100. It is the TOTAL self giving of one spouse to the other. Once this baseline is established, I build on it with the marital act. I use the following analogy (borrowed from Scott Hahn)...

    Let's say you're in church after mass one sunday praying and a man who is hungry walks in... He then proceeds to walk up to the alter, open the Tabernacle, and begins munching down on the Eucharist. No doubt this would be unnerving...
    they I explain how this relates to sexality. Like that man's hunger, man's sexual drive is natural. However, like the Eucharist, The marital act is sacred. Punching bags, bicycles, and weight machines are examples of suitable releases of this tension...

    Next, we then discuss the fact that in our society, the marital act is regarded as little more than a marketing tool. As a result, our natural sex drive is overstimulated making it near impossible to control. However, as we know from 1Cor 10:13:
    13 Let no temptation take hold on you, but such as is human. And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it.

    At this point I distinguish the difference between what Jesus says is the single greatest act of Love possible and what society would have you believe...

    Society would have you believe that "if the love is true, it can't be wrong to have sex" In "fact" sex is the ultimate act of love...
    However, Jesus says (in Mt:15:13)
    13 Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

    Now we've established marital relations to a proper place to set limits. Typically, we then discuss the difference between affection and sexual stimulation. Any direct sexual stimulation (touching breasts, crotch, buttocks, etc. is direct sexual stimulation and outside of the acceptable bounds of affection. A warm embrace and kissing are acceptable forms of affection. (effectively what you would to to a family member of the opposite sex in affection).

    Of courser I did more as a teenager and I know know today's teenagers will do more, but it is important that they are properly armed with the truth so that they can be responsible at least in their thoughts and so that they can have rightly formed consciences.
  4. Shamash Of Yeshua

    Shamash Of Yeshua Servant

    Shalom A_B_liever,

    Great explanation!!! :D

  5. ScottEmerson

    ScottEmerson I Like Traffic Lights

    It's not about how far is too far. It's about purity. Can you do it and remain pure to God, to yourself, and to your future self?

    Teaching sex to students is all about purity. The other stuff will follow if the students commit to purity.
  6. David Mark

    David Mark Junior Member

    Nice and concise.

    Stay pure.

  7. Magisterium

    Magisterium Praying and Thinking

    Concise indeed. However, you are now faced with defining "pure". In the fundamental biblical sense, it could mean not having sexual intercourse. In that case, many other types of immoral sexual practices can be rationally justified. If teens today are anything, they are certainly rational. Simply saying "stay pure" does little to form the conscience of an adolescent who is bombarded with sexuality all day every day through the media and even by the clothing of his/her peers.
  8. ian

    ian Member

    Hi guys~!

    Thanks for the many great advices and ways to communicate to the youths about this very important issue in life

    I think that the reminder that our body is the "Temple of God" is important too

    and similiarly as A_B_liever had said, we had to give 100% and in this instance it is for the Lord to keep it holy by not polluting it by touching, petting and so on between unmarried couple.

    We too have to be understanding of the pressure and the influence of the temptation that they (we all) are in and Love them more than our hatred for their sin. Love covers a multitude of sins

  9. PurdueChristian

    PurdueChristian New Member

    You know, I think most young adults know what is too far. We want to listen and we know that its wrong but we do it anyways. It's not that hard to say no to sex, but its all that 'other' stuff that isn't so easy. I am speaking from personal experience. I know what is wrong and I try to be a loving Christian, but this is one area that I have given up on. I have tried for 3 years to find the answer to not being lustful and to this day I have not found one. It is not easy being 21. The only thing I can say is that I'm waiting till marriage for the 'real deal' and that I try everyday to stop the immorality. I'm not proud of myself and I am not excusing myself but to me, this is one of the hardest sins I've ever had to face. I want to get married, but my boyfriend wants to wait till we are out of college and saved some money for a home. Till then I am stuck dealing with this. I don't want to break up, I want to get married! And its not just because of the sexual immorality, but that does have a lot to do with it. What is person to do! I have prayed, tried leaving the room, almost everything except totally avoiding each other. WIth society today, its getting worse.
    Very few christians dont have Televisions or magazines in their homes. Everything around us say 'sex'. It may be extreme but when I get a family I don't want a tv in the house and I am going to know my kids friends! I want them to have Godly friends, at least till they get about 15-16...I think Kids need all the guidance they can get, shy of depriving them from life! I think homeschooling is a great idea too, as long as you take many trips outside the house with other Christian people! I'm saying this because the church I started going to "Bible holiness" is awesome!! All the youths seem so pure and I'm friends with a lot of them. Especially my pastors kids! My friend is 20 years old and she is amazing! She grew up with the things I mentioned above (no tv, homeshcool) and their family is really close. She was not deprived of anything good! It is a hard step for secular christian to take but its almost, and I say almost for a reason, the only way to get youths to become Godly Christians without first experiencing tons of evil in their lives before they realize God is the way.

    Sorry this was long, I just felt I had to get it out. Many of you may feel that I am being extreme, but I am 21 and I totally believe this is how to keep kids pure. Sure, it won't work for everyone but at least you tried to do what was right. ANyways, sorry if I offened anyone, I didn't mean to. I'm sure there are other ways to keep kids pure too, I just find this one to be the best for me.

    In Jesus' love
  10. RED that's ME

    RED that's ME *~*God *IS* Love*~*

    One idea that my youth pastor did was bring in a medical doctor who goes to our church and discuss sex from a christian perspective and was very blunt which help a lot of ppl. We have also had separated male/female discussions. We have discussed how dressing can effect the other either male or female and what purity means using scripture. Teens need to hear this because there are a lot of parents that don't truly discuss it with them. Too many Christian teens think a lot of things are ok because other christian teens or doing them or saying it is. They need to hear the truth what God says about it.
  11. Living4Him03

    Living4Him03 Just wanna dance with you

    I agree with Redgoddess. My sex education was mainly through peers and also, thank goodness, through church. You really need to get the parents involved in educating their kids if you can. Sex was not discussed in my home and is still VERY taboo! That made it difficult for me to sort through all the confusion about sex and gender alone that teens face. They need to know the straightforward facts about what sex is and how it affects you physically and emotionally. They also need to know God's view of sex and need to know how to set boundaries, how to resist temptation, and how to hate sin!
  12. Phileo

    Phileo Well-Known Member

    As a Youth Minister I have taught quite a bit on this subject this past year... I have a gazillion study resources. They are long but I have posted this one on my server... if you want more please send me an email. http://kathy.to/abstinence.htm
  13. EdmundBlackadderTheThird

    EdmundBlackadderTheThird Proud member of the Loud Few

    I just took over the youth group at my church, and will teaching about sex and sexuality in the near future. I am not jumping into right away because I want the respect and trust of the group before I breech this topic. There are some things that you should do before teaching your youth group about sex. First and foremost you should get their parents permission, this is very important as the parents need to know what the youth are being taught and sex is a real hot button topic. If you go to the parents, I have found, they will give permission. I have heard from other youth ministers who did not that they had to deal with many parents who were offended and most commonly heard that the parents were offended because they were not asked in advance, they were not offended by what was taught though. It is strange but you could save yourself a lot of trouble by going to the parents first!

    I have to disagree that kids no how far is too far though. If you have a spirit filled group of youth who are not out in the world every day this may be the case, but most youth groups are not like this. You are dealing with youth who are hit with sex at every turn, it is on t.v., it is in popular music, it is at the movie theatre, it is on billboards, it is everywhere. This can really wear down the morals of a young person who may not be that strong in their faith to begin with. Approaching it from this perspective you will insure that you do not miss anything that you should have said.

    I am using a kit to teach this but am adding some rules to what they talk about, if these rules are followed then it becomes very hard to go too far.

    1. Lights and people.
    When you are dating someone make sure everywhere you go is well lit and/or has a lot of people around.
    2. Both feet on the floor
    Make sure you keep both feet on the floor when you are with someone, it is hard to have sex while your feet are on the floor and you are in a well lit place with people around.
    3. Public places
    A well lit party that is full of people drinking and carousing is not the best place to be, confine your dates to public places like restaraunts, museums, art galleries, etc.

    Those are three good rules to teach, I know that some of them won't be followed and have heard complaints that they exclude the movies, and yes they do. But when you are dealing with youth who have budding libidos maybe the movies should be avoived. I know I should have avoided them when I was 17!

    Also if you are going to teach this subject you should line up some resources. You may need Christian counselours ready to be available to your group. Do not be suprised if a history of sexual abuse is revealed by one of your group when you start teaching on this. If you are not equipped to handle it you need someone standing by that is. If it is ongoing abuse you also need to realize that you may have an obligation to involve the authorities, religious privelege does not extend to ongoing acts in most states and if you do not report it and it continues then you have not helped the situation at all.

    If you are a man you and are teaching a co-ed group then you should have women from the church standing by in case the girls in the group are not comfortable talking about things with you and vice versa.

    This is a very serious subject and while it should be approached head on, it also needs to be approached with a lot of prayer and the knowledge that you may well open floodgates of problems that you did not know your group had. Be well prepared and ready to deal with this.