disappointment with people

[soyness]

I know people aren't supposed to to relied on. But why am I sooooo diappointed in them?
I'm not expecting perfect friend, but at least have hte courtesy to email or call back, be responsive at least.

I"m just really tired reaching out to people. All I want is the Love of God to be surrounded by people. I'm carrying too much burdens.

 

[chilibowl]

Often times God starts to cut us off from others when we are over loaded in order to force an other wise burden hording distrubtor to put down some of there load.. In Other word, when we become excessively needy and reaching out to others we tend to turn them off "seemingly in our greatest hour of need" and in doing so we have to face the facts that we are ill-equipt to handle such a load ourselves, Forcing us to put down what we can and get professional help on what we can't... This seems alittle harsh now, but look at what would happen if you continued to accumlate "Burdens" and depended heavily on those around you... At some point they would have to stop living there lives and help you live yours.. one that you wouldn't be able to bear because your whole life would be one unresolved issue after another...

So put down what you can "Say NO" or stop persuing what can't be caught.
And/or
Get help with what you can't put down.

Good luck and god bless

 

[Petunia]

I'm not expecting perfect friend, but at least have hte courtesy to email or call back, be responsive at least.

You want them to be responsive. They probably want you to be patient. Either way.. I learned a long time ago that people mostly disappoint you when you've made your expectations unreachable. And if you don't expect anything at all from them.. you can't be hurt or disappointed in them. That's why it's good to have more than one friend. If you can't reach one.. you can reach the others.

 

[PromiseSeeker]

I saw a quote a couple of weeks ago that said something like this: You can make more friends in a weeks time by being the friend to them that you want them to be to you, instead of expecting them to come to you and start things first.

I think sometimes we sit back and wait too much for people to come to us instead of being persistant. Let those people know that you care about them. Ask them to do things with you. Be patient and don't give up. When they don't call you back, call them. I know that this may be out of character for you (because it would be for me a little..) but you can do it, and it will pay off.

I'm praying for you....

 

[BohemianChris]

Drop some of your burdens off.

Chris

 

[Johnnz]

Learn to live with this happening. It's a fact of life. Churches, businesses, volunteer organisations all lament the growing lack of committed people who can be relied on to be there when needed. This sad societal attitude spills over into relationships in the church too. There are two essential responses we must make.

1 Don't exect too much from people. If you do you are going to be disappointed over and over again.

2 Don't be one of them. Develop your own character. Faithfulness and steadfastness are biblical character traits.

John
NZ

 

[BeforeThereWas]

Sometimes it takes much time to find quality believers who know how to love others more than themselves. You just keep expecting too much from people who love self more than you. Therefore your misery in all this is self-inflicted. Go out there and find those who have learned to grow outside of themselves. Most times such people are older and more mature. Don't be afraid of elder believers who have so much richness of spirit and knowledge to share. Touch their lives, and they will pour out what they have if they are truly in Christ.

BTW

 

[soyness]

chara,
It's kinda hard when they can't do the basic (small)things.

 

[Petunia]

chara,
It's kinda hard when they can't do the basic (small)things.

Then let them go. If they can't give decent basic respect.. their friendship probably isn't worth the worry over it. Find yourself other friends.

 

[Hope_0004]

Soyness, I understand your feelings. I have a "friend" who is coming back home for Easter, and I am just dreading it. She's one of those people who does absolutely nothing for you but somehow still expects you to entertain her when she's around. She only has negative things to say about every aspect of my life... i.e., "your job must be so boring" or "the guy you're dating, you don't think you could do better?" It is neverending, but she always adds something at the end to make you wonder if you are the one that's being too sensitive or not. Master manipulator.

Everyone tells me to just quit speaking to her, that she is toxic, but for obvious reasons she has no other friends and no one else to talk to when something good or bad happens, so I always answer the phone. I'm a sucker.

 

[Mea Culpa]

I know people aren't supposed to to relied on. But why am I sooooo diappointed in them?
I'm not expecting perfect friend, but at least have hte courtesy to email or call back, be responsive at least.

I"m just really tired reaching out to people. All I want is the Love of God to be surrounded by people. I'm carrying too much burdens.

You have to come the the conclusion that you can't trust people. That doesn't mean that you can't reach out, that you can't minister or love anyone. You just have to be ready and alert.

Jesus didn't trust man, but He loved us enough to die for us:

John 2:25 (Amplified Bible)
25And He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man [needed no evidence from anyone about men], for He Himself knew what was in human nature. [He could read men's hearts.]

You are not God. I know that is news to you! But you can't carry everyones' problems. You have to learn to let go. God lets go too. He loves us, but He allows us to make our own choices, so if we choose something other then Him or His will, He will let us make our own choices. Do you see what I mean?

I have gone through a period like you, where I basically lost all my friends. My best friend who is like a brother betrayed me. But I just decided to love him, but to hold our friendship at a distance, not to let him know too much about me or what is going on.

There is a fine line there. We have to be careful to to be exclusive either. But just be on the alert, and remember what Jesus did. He didn't trust men becasue He knew mans heart. But He still loved us enough to die for us.

I hope that helped, at least a little!! Hang in there, we are all in this together!

 

[soyness]

well i have these two friends, to make it easier.
I still love them.
They've been there for me (like 2 years ago) when i was really going through deep valleys. They did things that I actually did not expect. Prior to that I was disappointed by a whole church of people, especially a small group leader... But, there are these two girls and they were younger than me. I guess things were going strong.
But then jump to a couple years forward.....
I guess the big thing is that they're still in college and I'm in another city doing grad school. Iguess my ideal is that we would keep good contact with one another and that we would keep each other posted on our lives - accountability.
Maybe i'm just super sensitive. Sometimes neither of them really calls me back. Maybe it is paranoia that they would leave me (the friendship) or get angry at me (this is because I've dealt with broken relationships before many times). I always get afraid i insult people.

So, they dont' call me back which is cool sometimes, but i leave them a couple of messages and they just wouldn't call me back. I always thought it was courtesy for people to call back at least to say their busy if they are and if they could talk later. I even sent them birthday gifts recently, to each one of them, and I don't get a call or email that they received it or say a thank you.... at least that they received the gifts! I'm just confused. I'm sure i'm making it a bigger deal than it really is, probably. Are people jus lacking common courtesies. Am I overrreacting?

 

[perfection]

You know jesus had said something about this.

If you do good to someone , don't expect something back. If you do something good to someone with your right hand don't let your left hand know about it.

But moreover , you are 'expecting things'.

You are selfish and you expect people to make your life happy by putting a mere investment into their lives. Making them supposedly make your life wonderfull for eternity. The thought is nice , but the point is your not being realistic.

So how do you get yourself that love that you desire.

Jesus told us to be an all servant towards others.

Happyness is caused by your loving interactiong with others without expecting anything back for it.

Therefore you must put droplets of love and light into other people's lives so that your life may be enriched with the blessed lives that you put upon these people.

GO VOLENTEER, that word must sound like a nightmare to you at this point. But stay calm and analyse it, if you stop being selfish and help others , namely those people who could really really use your help, they will express their gratitude. For instance helping your mom with the dishes, helping your dad with the garden, (if they are still alive that is) and do things to others that make them happy. Any act of pure and continuing unselfish love is great,fantastic,superb.

You can at least 'try' it. If you desire that is.

 

[soyness]

well, I'm not their friends to fulfill their happiness, I want to fulfill theirs too. I know things wouldn't be easy for them lately, but they haven't said anything about it and it bothers me that they can't share to me. I mean I give them assurance and love to. It hasn't alway sbeen a one way street.

 

[Petunia]

Everyone tells me to just quit speaking to her, that she is toxic, but for obvious reasons she has no other friends and no one else to talk to when something good or bad happens, so I always answer the phone. I'm a sucker.

You are lending your attention to her.. because you think she doesn't have anyone else to talk to. That's not being a sucker.. that's being charitable. It's a bit of a different situation than Soyness too. Soyness wants their attention. You are just giving yours.

 

[Petunia]

well i have these two friends, to make it easier.
I still love them.
They've been there for me (like 2 years ago) when i was really going through deep valleys. They did things that I actually did not expect. Prior to that I was disappointed by a whole church of people, especially a small group leader... But, there are these two girls and they were younger than me. I guess things were going strong.

If they've been your friends for 2 years.. it's unlikely they've stopped being your friends. Give them some space. They may need space to adjust to their new surroundings. You sound like you may be a bit too dependent on them. So in the meantime... find yourself new friends.. but also take this time.. to grow abit for yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Go to a library or a movie alone. Or maybe even a restaurant. It's a start towards your learning to be more independent. May be frightening.. at first, but you'll get over it.

 

[madison1101]

When people disappoint me, I realize that God is telling me that I have not brought my burdens to Him, and trusted Him to help me. He never disappoints. I have to stop leaning on people as much as I have been, and start getting on my knees and giving my cares to Him.

I must read my Bible and turn to Him with everything.

 

[soyness]

I mean I do give them space. I just call them once a week... that's not too bad, is it?

I just get curious how my bestfriends are doing... I just hate not keeping in touch with people. that's just how i am.

Yea, space...

 

[minisam]

Soyness, I know where you are coming from. I have had friends in the past (non-Christians) who I enjoyed being around. We were always doing something or going somewhere. But there was always something missing from all of those relationships. I never felt a closeness to them because they had never shared their problems with me when I had shared mine with them. It was difficult to know whether they were "true" friends or not. Eventually I met new people, and my old friends left. I didn't push them away but they felt that I had found these true friends. They know that I seeked a deeper relationship with them (former friends), but it never reached a point where we really knew one another. Now, I have the best friends I could ask for. They help me with problems, I tell them new things that are happening in my life and they share their experiences. Once you meet a true Christian friend, you'll feel a change in yourself. I still talk with my old friends but we don't have that closeness that I now have.

Take a break from the world. You need to have some quiet times (if you don't already) and talk with God about your situation. I'm sure everything will eventually come together . You need to pray and never give up! When you can't depend on the world, there is always Someone listening! God Bless You!