Disabled as a man, in late 30's, am I just destined to be single in this life?

[Jamdoc]

I've seen some threads from women who worried about being single their entire lives because of disability, I worry about that too, I'm a little extra worried because of society, as a man, I can't be a provider for a family because of my disabilities (I also worry isn't it biblical teachings that a man should be the head of household and provider for his family?). It's emasculating to think about even in the most unlikely scenarios that some woman was able to love me, she would be providing for me. I feel socially pressured that it'd be impossible for me to meet a woman, fall in love and get married because I feel I'd be a bad husband unable to provide for himself much less a family, and I feel like there's no way I could be desirable to anyone given my physical condition and lack of job, money, possessions, prospects, etc. So I'm worried I'm single forever (remember, Matthew 22, there's not going to be a "second chance" after the resurrection, if I'm single this life I will be single eternally). I don't even know how to meet someone since I'm homebound most of the time, haven't been able to go to church in years because I can't drive myself and family are not believers. As bad as the physical pain is, the loneliness and only company being non believers (and they think my beliefs are silly to say the least, I'm worried if I push the issue more I will find myself homeless) is worse in many ways.

 

[iamchance]

You’re good, man, God has got you and your circumstances in the palm of His hand. Don’t use the scripture as a weapon against yourself. God may be using what you see as a weakness as a catapult to deliver the right woman to you. Sometimes it seems like it’s a good thing not to have the possessions of the world, that way when somebody really takes interest in YOU, you know it’s genuine. Prayers up

 

[devin553344]

I've seen some threads from women who worried about being single their entire lives because of disability, I worry about that too, I'm a little extra worried because of society, as a man, I can't be a provider for a family because of my disabilities (I also worry isn't it biblical teachings that a man should be the head of household and provider for his family?). It's emasculating to think about even in the most unlikely scenarios that some woman was able to love me, she would be providing for me. I feel socially pressured that it'd be impossible for me to meet a woman, fall in love and get married because I feel I'd be a bad husband unable to provide for himself much less a family, and I feel like there's no way I could be desirable to anyone given my physical condition and lack of job, money, possessions, prospects, etc. So I'm worried I'm single forever (remember, Matthew 22, there's not going to be a "second chance" after the resurrection, if I'm single this life I will be single eternally). I don't even know how to meet someone since I'm homebound most of the time, haven't been able to go to church in years because I can't drive myself and family are not believers. As bad as the physical pain is, the loneliness and only company being non believers (and they think my beliefs are silly to say the least, I'm worried if I push the issue more I will find myself homeless) is worse in many ways.

I have 4 disabilities now most likely, 3 for sure, I'm getting tested on the 4th. And I was married for 10 years. Had a divorce when I became disabled. My wife didn't want to be married to a disabled person.

I know how you feel perhaps. I could have a girlfriend if I wanted, but it just seems like it wouldn't end well for me so I stay single.

I tend to this other disabled homeless guy and believe it or not he's always got a girlfriend, sure they're always homeless girls, but he manages.

Maybe that can give you hope in some way? Prayers for you

 

[Jamdoc]

You’re good, man, God has got you and your circumstances in the palm of His hand. Don’t use the scripture as a weapon against yourself. God may be using what you see as a weakness as a catapult to deliver the right woman to you. Sometimes it seems like it’s a good thing not to have the possessions of the world, that way when somebody really takes interest in YOU, you know it’s genuine. Prayers up

I wouldn't say it's a weapon against myself, the scripture is just truth, and its up to me to accept that truth and it may be that that truth for me is the gift of singleness. I referenced scripture because at some times I've laid my anxieties about the subject on people and well meaning, christian people who maybe forgot the scripture say things like "If you don't get married in this life, after the resurrection I'm sure God will have the most amazing woman for you and the happiness will be unimaginable even compared to a relationship in this life". They mean well, but their position is contradicted by scripture. The only eternal marriage is the one to Christ and well, if I am 100% honest to the core, since I was talking about emasculation, that one is also a little bit embarrassing because as a man I'm referred to as "the bride" while Christ is the groom. How do other men feel about that wording?
But anyway, singleness forever has me anxious. I'm anxious because in this body, in this life, I'm DESIGNED to crave marriage. That is all on me to not be anxious about it, or to, in something that would completely blow me away, by some surprise actually meet someone and all that.

 

[SkyWriting]

I've seen some threads from women who worried about being single their entire lives because of disability, I worry about that too, I'm a little extra worried because of society, as a man, I can't be a provider for a family because of my disabilities (I also worry isn't it biblical teachings that a man should be the head of household and provider for his family?). It's emasculating to think about even in the most unlikely scenarios that some woman was able to love me, she would be providing for me. I feel socially pressured that it'd be impossible for me to meet a woman, fall in love and get married because I feel I'd be a bad husband unable to provide for himself much less a family, and I feel like there's no way I could be desirable to anyone given my physical condition and lack of job, money, possessions, prospects, etc. So I'm worried I'm single forever (remember, Matthew 22, there's not going to be a "second chance" after the resurrection, if I'm single this life I will be single eternally). I don't even know how to meet someone since I'm homebound most of the time, haven't been able to go to church in years because I can't drive myself and family are not believers. As bad as the physical pain is, the loneliness and only company being non believers (and they think my beliefs are silly to say the least, I'm worried if I push the issue more I will find myself homeless) is worse in many ways.

Then you need to start being desirable, wanted, and valuable. Others have, you can too.

See: Sean Clinch Stephenson

 

[DennisTate]

I've experienced healing a number of times in my life.....
if God had not healed me of rheumatoid arthritis I could be disabled at this time as well. I am sixty... i was healed when I was about twenty or twenty one. I developed arthritis when I was about fourteen.


Jas 5:14

Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord

 

[dailyprayerwarrior]

As I read your post I thought of 2 men I know whose wives provide more than they do for their family. They are both happily married. Don't let self-limiting beliefs take over your mind. There is someone for everyone, no matter what their circumstances are. Very, very few women are shallow enough that they cannot see past a man's disability and look at their heart. You are a son to the Lord of the universe. He has a wonderful plan for your life but you must BELIEVE in order to allow Him to bring it to pass. The devil is a liar. If you have a desire in your heart to meet someone then keep your faith in the One who does impossible things - He parted the Red Sea. Praying for you!

 

[Aussie Pete]

I've seen some threads from women who worried about being single their entire lives because of disability, I worry about that too, I'm a little extra worried because of society, as a man, I can't be a provider for a family because of my disabilities (I also worry isn't it biblical teachings that a man should be the head of household and provider for his family?). It's emasculating to think about even in the most unlikely scenarios that some woman was able to love me, she would be providing for me. I feel socially pressured that it'd be impossible for me to meet a woman, fall in love and get married because I feel I'd be a bad husband unable to provide for himself much less a family, and I feel like there's no way I could be desirable to anyone given my physical condition and lack of job, money, possessions, prospects, etc. So I'm worried I'm single forever (remember, Matthew 22, there's not going to be a "second chance" after the resurrection, if I'm single this life I will be single eternally). I don't even know how to meet someone since I'm homebound most of the time, haven't been able to go to church in years because I can't drive myself and family are not believers. As bad as the physical pain is, the loneliness and only company being non believers (and they think my beliefs are silly to say the least, I'm worried if I push the issue more I will find myself homeless) is worse in many ways.

It's easy for those who do not suffer to tell you to keep the faith and such. I thought my life was over when I suffered a physical ailment that was supposedly incurable. The Lord gave me a word of exhortation. Just take one day at a time. I do not have to worry about tomorrow and the past is done. I used to go to bed thinking that I've made it for that day. That's all I had to do. Looking ahead for a lifetime of distress was not helpful. After 6 months or so, the medical profession woke up and said that there was an answer. I am completely well now. I do not know exactly your problem. I do know that God can keep you in His keeping power. Use this awful time to get close to God and to depend entirely on Lord Jesus. This life is a blink of an eye compared with eternity. I was divorced over 20 years ago and I did not know how I would survive. God's grace is sufficient. He is able to cause us to stand. Trust Him. You will gain far more in spiritual life than you miss out on in the natural.

 

[Jamdoc]

Then you need to start being desirable, wanted, and valuable. Others have, you can too.

See: Sean Clinch Stephenson

I'm baffled as to how, outside of a miracle that healed me completely and I was able to turn around and start a new career (I don't even know what I'd do, I've asked for revelation on what I'm intended to do but nothing really comes as an opportunity, my condition just becomes worse over time). Who else but Christ could love me when I come to them broken, ugly, poor, and dependent on others just for survival? That's the only one I can see loving me is Jesus Christ.

 

[joshua 1 9]

They mean well, but their position is contradicted by scripture.

Even now our fellowship is with Heaven. Oden Hetrick & his daughter both have written about Heaven and they talk about what they call a 'covenant companion'. They explain this by saying that we do not have a physical body in Heaven, we only have a Spiritual body. So we are not actually married. In the Bible we know that God made them male and female so that they could be joined back together as one. Oden's daughter is convinced that she spends time in Heaven and she spends time there with her companion and adopted children. Perhaps it is all imagination or fiction, but their books were still very interesting to me, fun to read and loaded with lots of scripture.

 

[SkyWriting]

I'm baffled as to how, outside of a miracle that healed me completely and I was able to turn around and start a new career (I don't even know what I'd do, I've asked for revelation on what I'm intended to do but nothing really comes as an opportunity, my condition just becomes worse over time). Who else but Christ could love me when I come to them broken, ugly, poor, and dependent on others just for survival? That's the only one I can see loving me is Jesus Christ.

The only future that maters is who you love.
What people you love and appreciate is your future.
You didn't look a Sean? He is no underwear model.
The richest man in the world is dependant on others.
You have to be dirt poor, naked, and in the wilderness
to not be depending on others. And most naked people are ugly.

 

[joshua 1 9]

my condition just becomes worse over time

Then you need to draw closer to God. WE go from Glory to Glory. The people in the world go from bad to worse because they are not where they need to be with God and they need to seek to know Him with all their heart, mind, soul & strength. Of course we do not actually find Him - He comes to us. But He draws close to those who want to draw close to Him. David tells us that God writes the book of our life before we are even born, at conception: "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God, how vast is their sum!" (Psalm 139:16,17) All of our gifts, talents and abilities are given to us at conception. If we do not develop them here on Earth then we will develop them in Heaven. Everyone has a gift or a talent in Heaven and it is a delight to use this to bring Honor and Glory to the Father. So we put it under the Blood of Jesus so we can be washed and cleansed of anything that is not of God. We are healed in the river of life. Here on Earth this is the Holy Spirit of God in us. Through fire and water we are washed and cleansed, purified - healed and made whole. If we are not healed here on Earth then in Heaven they will take us to the river of life and we will be wash & cleansed & healed. At first we get our feet wet, then we are up to our knees, our waist and before long in over our head. The prophets in the Bible have written about this.

 

[Jamdoc]

Even now our fellowship is with Heaven. Oden Hetrick & his daughter both have written about Heaven and they talk about what they call a 'covenant companion'. They explain this by saying that we do not have a physical body in Heaven, we only have a Spiritual body. So we are not actually married. In the Bible we know that God made them male and female so that they could be joined back together as one. Oden's daughter is convinced that she spends time in Heaven and she spends time there with her companion and adopted children. Perhaps it is all imagination or fiction, but their books were still very interesting to me, fun to read and loaded with lots of scripture.

Heaven's only a temporary stop, we're really meant for bodily resurrection and life on a New Earth that has been rebuilt from scratch to be absent of sin and death in glorified bodies like the one Christ was resurrected in. I do not know the biology of those bodies, but I do know that Jesus said there will be no marriage after the resurrection in the next age. Maybe we won't have the body parts that we associate with the genders at all, I don't know. Maybe those parts were only made for reproduction on this Earth and in our new bodies we won't have them and so there will be no sexual desire since we don't have the parts required for it to begin with, maybe that's the solution, I cannot be sure though that is all speculation I just know that Jesus said there will be no marriage except for the Lamb's wedding to all of his faithful, and that the rationale is that we cannot die once resurrected and that marriage on earth is meant to just be a hazy mirror reflection of the relationship to God after he makes all things anew.

 

[joshua 1 9]

marriage on earth is meant to just be a hazy mirror reflection of the relationship to God after he makes all things anew.

Yes marriage is to show us the relationship we are to have with Jesus. We are to joined together and become one with Him. God is in the Church, and we need to be Holy, Sanctified & Consecrated. Without spot, blemish or wrinkle. Washed & Cleansed in the Precious Blood of Jesus. Also in the Parable of the Bride she is to have oil in her lamp. This represents the Holy Spirit of God. We are told that: "Five of them were foolish, and five were wise". (Matthew 5:2)

 

[keith99]

Look to what you can do. Robert Anson Heinlein, Octavia Butler, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, John Milton and many other authors were disabled. Today there are far more choices. There are more and more jobs that can be done from home and that do not require any physical skills beyond using a computer keyboard.

EDIT: I'm not saying it will be easy, I hate it when people do that. Just that it is possible with a lot of work.

 

[Jamdoc]

Then you need to draw closer to God. WE go from Glory to Glory. The people in the world go from bad to worse because they are not where they need to be with God and they need to seek to know Him with all their heart, mind, soul & strength. Of course we do not actually find Him - He comes to us. But He draws close to those who want to draw close to Him. David tells us that God writes the book of our life before we are even born, at conception: "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God, how vast is their sum!" (Psalm 139:16,17) All of our gifts, talents and abilities are given to us at conception. If we do not develop them here on Earth then we will develop them in Heaven. Everyone has a gift or a talent in Heaven and it is a delight to use this to bring Honor and Glory to the Father. So we put it under the Blood of Jesus so we can be washed and cleansed of anything that is not of God. We are healed in the river of life. Here on Earth this is the Holy Spirit of God in us. Through fire and water we are washed and cleansed, purified - healed and made whole. If we are not healed here on Earth then in Heaven they will take us to the river of life and we will be wash & cleansed & healed. At first we get our feet wet, then we are up to our knees, our waist and before long in over our head. The prophets in the Bible have written about this.

I could be wrong. I'm humble and I accept that. But I'm not aware that Jesus ever said that he promised us good health in this life in this fallen world in this short life where we inevitably physically die because even through faith, even if we try REALLY REALLY HARD, we cannot separate ourselves from sin it's our very nature. Only Jesus himself never sinned. So, I would not say that our physical health here is an indicator of our relationship to God. God promises hardship and tribulation to test those who would claim to love him, like in Job, Job's friends sought to point out that he was sick and suffered misfortune because he displeased God and that he would be better if he changed things. God put that notion to rest himself. Jesus healed those who were sick to demonstrate that he truly was the Son of God, he did things that we would think are impossible to show that He is the way the truth and the life. God promises we will be free of sickness and pain and death after the resurrection, but he promises hardship before.

 

[joshua 1 9]

I'm not aware that Jesus ever said that he promised us good health

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I Know The Plans I Have For You' Declares the Lord, 'Plans to Prosper You and Not to Harm You, Plans to Give You Hope and a Future.'" A house divided can not stand. Either God is life, health & healing or He is death and destruction. Healing can be very slow and gradual over a long period of time. We know that the resurrection power of God is already at work in us to raise our body up on the appointed day.

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. This will bring healing to your body and refreshment to your bones" (Proverbs 3:7,8)

Jesus healed those who were sick

If Jesus healed the sick then we know that it is His will to heal those who have faith to receive what He has for them. Of course this faith is a work of God in and through us. The enemy likes to trick and deceive people so he can keep them in bondage.

"He did not do many miracles there, because of their unbelief." (Matthew 13:48)

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

If it makes you feel better I am disabled and didn't find someone until my early 30s. Met her in Nov 2011, got married in 2013. Been happily married since then.

 

[Jamdoc]

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I Know The Plans I Have For You' Declares the Lord, 'Plans to Prosper You and Not to Harm You, Plans to Give You Hope and a Future.'" A house divided can not stand. Either God is life, health & healing or He is death and destruction. Healing can be very slow and gradual over a long period of time. We know that the resurrection power of God is already at work in us to raise our body up on the appointed day.

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. This will bring healing to your body and refreshment to your bones" (Proverbs 3:7,8)


If Jesus healed the sick then we know that it is His will to heal those who have faith to receive what He has for them. Of course this faith is a work of God in and through us. The enemy likes to trick and deceive people so he can keep them in bondage.

"He did not do many miracles there, because of their unbelief." (Matthew 13:48)

I don't think it's that simple. If this was the case, then nobody has ever been saved because everyone's health fails and they die, so nobody would be right with God. I sure hope that is not the case. These bodies are absolutely wracked with sin, nobody lives as long as Noah or Adam anymore. "he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation". The damage of sin compounds from generation to generation, you see it everywhere, food allergies on the rise, autoimmunity on the rise, cancer on the rise. It's the rot of sin and its not an individual thing it's collective. It's all of us, we're all rotting from sin in various ways. Physically, we're all going to die, spiritually we can be saved, and resurrected far far from sickness and death ever again. But these bodies fall so far short of the glory of God that they just can't hang. This flesh is gonna fail us.

 

[joshua 1 9]

I don't think it's that simple.

Jesus said that it is so simple a child can understand. If you have faith to believe God for healing then you will be healed. If you have faith to believe the devil that God can not heal you, then that is what you are going to receive. As I said, healing can be slow and gradual over time. God is no respecter of persons. If there is one person walking in health then anyone can walk in health. There are lots of people that have a testimony of receiving their healing from God. He can do restoration miracles. He can go beyond the power of suggestion and the power of positive thinking. He can go beyond the placebo effect. This is how we know that it is God that is healing us, giving us deliverance, setting us free and showing us the way of salvation. So we need to continue to put it under the blood, trusting and believing God for what He an do in our lives.