Hi friends,
I am a father of an extremely "difficult" teenage boy. So many times he is out of control and I have the feeling that talking or yelling doesn't help anymore. What do you think I can do about this behavior? Do you believe in spanking still? If so, how do I do it properly according to the scripture (any experts here on this?)? I myself have never been spanked and I'm afraid it would just worsen my relationship to him.
Thank you for your help!
by the time you get to the teenage years they really are to old to begin spanking at that point. Spanking (not abuse) is for a very young child that your teaching consequences to for breaking rules. These life lessons of every action having either positive or negative consequence should be ingrained into the child by the time he's a teenager - for just this reason.
Because by the time they hit the teenage years they are far more difficult to deal with as they are trying on their independence while still in a safe environment. But since this world and their decisions can have severe consequences we still can't let them have total independence yet. Baby steps.
Every parent deals with this fight for independence and pushing of boundaries to one degree or another - what makes it either difficult or easy on you is your parenting skills (and how the child's life went) up to that point.
If your son was never given rules and boundaries, and was basically spoiled to this point in his life, your going to have your hands full and I honestly wouldn't have a clue where to begin either because all children are asserting their independence at this stage, and any control you have is usually well established at this stage.
I will say that my daughter was raped at the age of 15 and that affected her very negatively and her entire attitude changed from that day forward.. After that incident she fought me tooth and nail over everything and was very self destructive. I remember once i had to sit on her to keep her from leaving the house and going to drink alcohol with a bad crowd she had fallen in with. Very self destructive.
I had her in counseling, but it was so difficult to get her through her teenage years, and she still dropped out of school and left home before she was of age.
My son on the other hand, who was 7 years older than my daughter, was an angel through his teenage years in comparison. Never any real issue, so I'm positive it was the emotional issues from the rape that caused my daughters self destructive behavior.
I mention that because if you feel that while you may not have spanked your child you did teach consequences and rules, and as such didn't spoil him, you may look the for external issues (like my daughter who was raped) that might be causing your child to go to extremes right now..
Hormones and the fight for independence can cause issues, but it's generally more that causes a child to go to extremes - whether that is mental health issues or not I can't say.. but counseling might be in order if your having to sit on your kid like I did, or if they are especially self destructive.
