Difference between a Christian marriage and an Atheist marriage

[mkgal1]

Hypothetical example:
Husband is a devoted hockey fan. Watches games with his wife (also a devoted hockey fan) every Sunday morning-- it's their "us" time. Now wife wants to go to church Sunday mornings. Husband doesn't stop her, but is sad that they don't have that Sunday morning "us" time any more.

That's a great (and realistic) example, I think.

I believe it depends on how a person perceives God (like just about anything we're trying to navigate our responses to). Personally.....I see Him to be like a lot of human parents that long for their children (His creation) to all get along in harmony (and that He doesn't have "favorites").

Our greatest instruction is to love others (and God)....right? I don't think those are to be set in competition with one another but to, instead, be carried out simultaneously.

In a case like that....I think what would please God would be for the wife to figure out a way to spend time with her new Christian community on another day so she doesn't have to disrupt her traditional time spent with her husband (which is only a season). To my mind....and the way you presented the scenario....that husband isn't being demanding or controlling (or even asking for much)....so that time and tradition should be honored. Don't you agree? Doesn't that go along with the idea that "they will know us by our love" and that without words some will be convinced to believe by our conduct (not that we are trying to manipulate others)?

 

[Jane_Doe]

That's a great (and realistic) example, I think.

I believe it depends on how a person perceives God (like just about anything). Personally.....I see Him to be like a lot of human parents that long for their children (His creation) to all get along in harmony (and that He doesn't have "favorites").

Our greatest instruction is to love others (and God)....right? I don't think those are to be set in competition with one another but to, instead, be carried out simultaneously. In a case like that....I think what would please God would be for the wife to figure out a way to spend time with her new Christian community on another day so she doesn't have to disrupt her traditional time spent with her husband (which is only a season). To my mind....and the way you presented the scenario....that husband isn't being demanding or controlling (or even asking for much)....so that time and tradition should be honored. Don't you agree? Doesn't that go along with the idea that "they will know us by our love"?

I totally agree. However, I do also see the other side, putting myself into other people's shoes. It's something to be conscious of-- the wife and husband need to understand and love each other. In this case, loving each other and going the extra mile could include the husband being ok with watching recorded games after church, and wife making sure husband knows he's being acknowledged/thanked/loved. Maybe they also do a Saturday date night thing too.

 

[mkgal1]

Honestly, the tone of the source questioning made it sound like this double whammy of insults to both atheists and Christians that made it hard to take seriously the question. The idea that Christians are too pious and self righteous to dwell with an unbeliever and the atheists are militants bent on destroying God was just too much of a cartoon-like stereotype for me.

Thank you. I had the same impression, but couldn't come up with the words to express it. That's it exactly.

 

[mkgal1]

I missed this post earlier.

The phrase "not wanting to engage in some things you both used to love doing together" seems to be to be talking about behaviors, rather than beliefs so I'll focus my answer on that. (Granted, obviously behavior should be informed by belief). I also feel that it's important to stress that some atheists couples do live great lives like the lives Christians should be living: serving their spouse, family, and community with great love.

I absolutely agree (which is partially why I started the thread). It just seems to be too common of a presumption that this isn't the case at all (or even possible).

But on to answering the question which talks about a couple which was previously engaged in not-Christ-like behavior (and quite enjoyed it), and now one of those spouses converted to Christianity and is no longer ok with that behavior.

Actually......it's not even like that (I realize you have a disadvantage at not seeing the original context). The poster I quoted in the OP only saw "Atheist" on Par5's profile and seemed to make assumptions based only on that. Here's the full context (if you're at all interested):
Thinking about leaving my wife...

ETA: Par5 had also posted this (so a bit more had been shared about what sort of marriage he was referring to):

I am a believer in marriage, I have been married for 48 years, but my marriage is a happy one, his marriage is not.

Mutual respect is vital in a marriage. If that goes, then it is a marriage in name only.

 

[Par5]

For some they are and for some they are not. I would imagine that for example a gay marital sex for Christians would be loaded with all kind of extra guilt atheists could care less about.

It is not that I, as an atheist, couldn't care less about people having gay sex. It is just none of my business so I don't think about it. For me to know for certain that someone was having gay sex I would have to ask them and I would no more dream of asking them than I would of asking you if you had heterosexual sex. Like I said, absolutely none of my business.

 

[Par5]

Hypothetical example:
Husband is a devoted hockey fan. Watches games with his wife (also a devoted hockey fan) every Sunday morning-- it's their "us" time. Now wife wants to go to church Sunday mornings. Husband doesn't stop her, but is sad that they don't have that Sunday morning "us" time any more.

In any marriage, there are that things crop up that may cause an interruption in routine, but routines can be changed. In your scenario, I am sure there are hockey games they can watch together that don't coincide with church services and I am sure that there is more than one church service on that day, so maybe she could attend a later service. If there is something important enough for your spouse to do that means the loss of a particular "us" time, then if you have a good relationship that shouldn't be a problem and anyway, you can always make another "us" time to compensate.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I don't know really. The only thing that dictates a christian marriage over a non-christian marriage is w follow the "rules" of the bible, the system of God. Non-christians follow their own rules/views/morals when it comes to marriage.

I can't even make a stretch to think of anything. For a second I was like "Well non-christian couples are more likely to be ok with looking at inappropriate content or even sleeping around with anothers spouse and what not!". But then I realize some christians marriage may do that already, even despite the fact we have rules we are suppose to follow.

 

[mkgal1]

The only thing that dictates a christian marriage over a non-christian marriage is we follow the "rules" of the bible, the system of God. Non-christians follow their own rules/views/morals when it comes to marriage

The atheists I know follow a framework of love and treating others as they'd like to be treated (doesn't that sound a bit familiar?). What rules from the Bible can you think of that an Atheist wouldn't follow (besides loving God)? Didn't Jesus sum up the law into just two instructions?

Par5 had said he and his wife don't do things that are harmful to to their marriage or their own selves....so, to me, that seems like there's not a difference between how their marriage functions and how our [Christian] marriages should function.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

it would be nice for him to explain what he's imagining is different between Par5's marriage and the general Christian marriage.

Biggest difference? A Christian marriage has a higher probability of divorce.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm

Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, and much higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience.

Variation in divorce rates by religion:
Religion % have been divorced
Jews 30%
Born-again Christians 27%
Other Christians 24%
Atheists, Agnostics 21%

 

[mkgal1]

Personally I don't see Christianity to be about "following the rules" (to me that's legalism and often bears hypocrisy which is what turns a lot of people off). Jory Micah posted the following this AM and I thought it's a great description of Christianity:

Spirituality is not about following rules & regulations; it’s about becoming aware of the invisible world all around us and learning to see with our inner-spirit more than with our physical eyes.

If rituals help us do this, wonderful; but if we come to rely on rituals alone, we will quickly regain our physical sight alone.