Difference between a Christian marriage and an Atheist marriage

[mkgal1]

These comments are from another thread, but were more of a side conversation. I thought it'd be better to create a new conversation.

It was posted:

Being an atheist, could you stand by your wife is she wanted to become a Christian? Even if by her doing so, she would not want to engage in some of the things you both used to love doing together?

what sort of things do you think we do that she would no longer want to do if, as in your scenario, she did become a Christian. I would really like to know.

We don't do things that are harmful to ourselves or our marriage, so the question of her becoming a Christian doesn't arise, just as the question of being drug or gambling addicts doesn't arise. You still haven't told me what you think the things are that my wife may no longer wish to share with me if she, in your scenario, became a Christian. What on earth could they be I wonder?

Since it was @EastCoastRemnant that originally posed the question....it would be nice for him to explain what he's imagining is different between Par5's marriage and the general Christian marriage. It seems there's a subtle presumption there with the comment about "not wanting to engage in some things you both used to love doing together". What is being presumed will possibly change? What are these possible "things you both used to love doing together" that are going to have to be ditched (hypothetically)?

​

 

[Macril]

What is being presumed will be possibly change?

Anything really. Perhaps no sex at all - devoted to God, some sexual practices - I am no longer such a deviant as you, singing gospels with foreplay ?

Everything could possibly change. This thread seems bit pointless.

 

[Halbhh]

Well, it's not to the question (at first glance), but it's a crucial thing for Christians, that if we put into action Christ's instruction to us to "forgive from your heart", then the outcome of doing this is a far better marriage than not doing it. So, one way to answer his question 'from left field' is instead to point out not a loss, but a huge gain.

 

[mkgal1]

This thread seems bit pointless.

I'm unsure of why you took the time to post, then?

The point was to get the original statement clarified (and to see what presumptions are made by some Christians about the typical Atheist marriage). From your post (and others I've seen)....there seems to be this idea that Atheist's marriages (and the way they live in general) looks completely different than a Christian marriage...like you seem to be hinting at here:

Anything really. Perhaps no sex at all - devoted to God, some sexual practices - I am no longer such a deviant as you, singing gospels with foreplay ?

....I don't know. Maybe I'm completely out of touch with the lives of fellow Christians. Do YOU sing hymns and gospels during foreplay? Do you consider sex to be in opposition to your Christianity?

 

[snoochface]

We're partial to singing Rock of Ages right before hitting the sheets.

The only kinds of sexual things that I can think of that might distinguish a Christian marriage from an atheist one might be the acceptance of third parties or inappropriate content - but I know just as many non-believer marriages as Christian ones who wouldn't welcome that in their bedrooms too. So I'm stumped.

 

[Macril]

there seems to be this idea that Atheists (and the way they live in general) looks completely different than a Christian marriage

For some they are and for some they are not. I would imagine that for example a gay marital sex for Christians would be loaded with all kind of extra guilt atheists could care less about.

 

[sfs]

I'm kind of at a loss, too. Reduced use of the divine name during sex?

 

[Jane_Doe]

(I don't know the original conversation, just coming into this thread)

These comments are from another thread, but were more of a side conversation. I thought it'd be better to create a new conversation.

It was posted:

​

Since it was @EastCoastRemnant that originally posed the question....it would be nice for him to explain what he's imagining is different between Par5's marriage and the general Christian marriage. It seems there's a subtle presumption there with the comment about "not wanting to engage in some things you both used to love doing together". What is being presumed will be possibly change?

​

The phrase "not wanting to engage in some things you both used to love doing together" seems to be to be talking about behaviors, rather than beliefs so I'll focus my answer on that. (Granted, obviously behavior should be informed by belief). I also feel that it's important to stress that some atheists couples do live great lives like the lives Christians should be living: serving their spouse, family, and community with great love.

But on to answering the question which talks about a couple which was previously engaged in not-Christ-like behavior (and quite enjoyed it), and now one of those spouses converted to Christianity and is no longer ok with that behavior. This behavior should be any number of things: inappropriate sexual things, over-indulgence of substances, illegal activities, or just not serving your fellow men. Heck, it could even be something that's not sinful itself, but conflicts with Christian life (like having sports game on Sunday mornings conflict with going to church).

 

[Macril]

Also I remember reading someone charmingly commenting on his Christian sexuality that “everything to do with a butt is a big no no” From context I gathered he was in a traditional relationship.

So guess that is issue for some.

 

[SkyWriting]

It seems there's a subtle presumption there with the comment about "not wanting to engage in some things you both used to love doing together". What is being presumed will be possibly change?

After one is married, one focuses more attention on
pleasing the other and "Getting more" less.

It can go that way.

 

[mkgal1]

We're partial to singing Rock of Ages right before hitting the sheets.

 

[mkgal1]

It's a crucial thing for Christians, that if we put into action Christ's instruction to us to "forgive from your heart", then the outcome of doing this is a far better marriage than not doing it. So, one way to answer his question 'from left field' is instead to point out not a loss, but a huge gain.

I agree. Isn't Christianity supposed to be about "good news"....and shouldn't that goodness just naturally extend to others---especially our spouse?

 

[Hank77]

Perhaps no sex at all

She/he would be disobeying the Bible.

 

[Jane_Doe]

I agree. Isn't Christianity supposed to be about "good news"....and shouldn't that goodness just naturally extend to others---especially our spouse?

It SHOULD be. However, unfortunately, many nonChristians do view Christianity as a burden rather than a source of rejoicing. Sad (and I think inaccurate), but it is there.

 

[mkgal1]

It can go that way.

I'm unsure if I'm understanding what you mean.

What way? Focusing more on pleasing one's spouse over pleasing God? Is that what you mean? If so....I guess the question then is: in what way would there be a distinct conflict? If the other spouse is respectful and not thought-controlling....what scenarios are you imagining where the spouse would be asking for something that's contrary to what would please God?

 

[mkgal1]

She would be disobeying the Bible.

Right. It seems only a cult would lead her to change that about her marriage.

Wasn't this one of the questions new followers were confused about....and asked Paul (who answered them by saying "if your spouse consents to live with you, you must not send them away. The unbelieving husband is sanctified through his believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband.")? That's what I read.

 

[mkgal1]

many nonChristians do view Christianity as a burden rather than a source of rejoicing. Sad (and I think inaccurate), but it is there.

A burden when it's another person's belief (their spouse)? The only way I can see that happening is if the new believer is asking for their spouse to make some sort of change in their beliefs (or requesting they join them for church services). If that's the case.....I don't believe that's being respectful of their spouse's ability to form their own beliefs (that was granted to them.....it should go both ways, IMO).

 

[mkgal1]

For some they are and for some they are not. I would imagine that for example a gay marital sex for Christians would be loaded with all kind of extra guilt atheists could care less about.

Okay.....we aren't discussing gay marriage (that's against the SOP here). We're speaking of the general assumptions made about Atheist's marriages. What you said about "for some they are [different] and for some they are not"--that's my point, really (that generalities and presumptions are just our biases and aren't reliable in informing us about reality).

 

[Jane_Doe]

A burden when it's another person's belief (their spouse)? The only way I can see that happening is if the new believer is asking for their spouse to make some sort of change in their beliefs (or requesting they join them for church services). If that's the case.....I don't believe that's being respectful of their spouse's ability to form their own beliefs (that was granted to them.....it should go both ways, IMO).

Hypothetical example:
Husband is a devoted hockey fan. Watches games with his wife (also a devoted hockey fan) every Sunday morning-- it's their "us" time. Now wife wants to go to church Sunday mornings. Husband doesn't stop her, but is sad that they don't have that Sunday morning "us" time any more.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Honestly, the tone of the source questioning made it sound like this double whammy of insults to both atheists and Christians that made it hard to take seriously the question. The idea that Christians are too pious and self righteous to dwell with an unbeliever and the atheists are militants bent on destroying God was just too much of a cartoon-like stereotype for me.

The reality is the functional life between atheists and Christians isn’t dramatically different than anybody else’s. Unless somebody was converting to the most radical form of either religion, I doubt the picture painted is one most deal with.