Did I not understand when God was trying to bless me?

[Isop777]

I’ve been working on a new skill for the last 1.5 years.
Back in November 2018 I had a great opportunity to apply all my new knowledge and skills and possibly quit the miserable job and work for myself.
I was super cautious, trying to have perfect timing, and due to some circumstances, I’ve missed that opportunity.

I cried my eyes out. I was devastated, months and months of work and solitude ended up nowhere.

Somehow I gathered my strength and started to prepare for another opportunity in this field (I had a feeling it would come).

I timed it to the beginning of February. More months of work and solitude (I don’t go out anymore, don’t travel or party, only work my day job to pay the bills and work on my project).

February came. My timing was a bit off. I was ready to give up. When one day I came from work. I was going to go sleep right away to wake up fresh next morning and go back to working on my project.

But something have kept me up. All of a sudden, I got news, that opportunity that I’ve been waiting for, came, and I was right on time to take it. I took it.

The next day I was playing Christian radio in my car. (I want to mention, last year has been horrendous for me, as if I was under attack: from car accident to emergency room and possibly brain cancer diagnosis. I almost felt like Job).

And there was a song playing, I don’t know the name, but there was a phrase “did you think I would forget about you my child”. I felt like God had given me this opportunity Himself, after all my sufferings in the year before.

Shortly I got some doubts, anxiety, that this was all a deception and illusion, that my calculations and preparations were wrong and I was probably setting myself up for more pain.
I opted out from that opportunity.

Fast forward to June, and I realize, that was a lifetime opportunity, that I had in my hands and let it go.

Why did this happen to me? If God was trying to bless me, why did I not understand? Did I not have enough faith? Was it not meant to be? Is He going to give me another opportunity?

I’ve also had very serious suicidal thoughts in the last months, as if someone was whispering them into my ears.
I prayed and cried and listened to Gospel (the book of Job is my favorite), and watched some Christian educational videos on YouTube. One day it just went away. Those thoughts are gone. I am looking back and feel like I was not in my right mind.

But missing that opportunity is still extremely painful. I don’t know how to cope with it.

 

[eleos1954]

I’ve been working on a new skill for the last 1.5 years.
Back in November 2018 I had a great opportunity to apply all my new knowledge and skills and possibly quit the miserable job and work for myself.
I was super cautious, trying to have perfect timing, and due to some circumstances, I’ve missed that opportunity.

I cried my eyes out. I was devastated, months and months of work and solitude ended up nowhere.

Somehow I gathered my strength and started to prepare for another opportunity in this field (I had a feeling it would come).

I timed it to the beginning of February. More months of work and solitude (I don’t go out anymore, don’t travel or party, only work my day job to pay the bills and work on my project).

February came. My timing was a bit off. I was ready to give up. When one day I came from work. I was going to go sleep right away to wake up fresh next morning and go back to working on my project.

But something have kept me up. All of a sudden, I got news, that opportunity that I’ve been waiting for, came, and I was right on time to take it. I took it.

The next day I was playing Christian radio in my car. (I want to mention, last year has been horrendous for me, as if I was under attack: from car accident to emergency room and possibly brain cancer diagnosis. I almost felt like Job).

And there was a song playing, I don’t know the name, but there was a phrase “did you think I would forget about you my child”. I felt like God had given me this opportunity Himself, after all my sufferings in the year before.

Shortly I got some doubts, anxiety, that this was all a deception and illusion, that my calculations and preparations were wrong and I was probably setting myself up for more pain.
I opted out from that opportunity.

Fast forward to June, and I realize, that was a lifetime opportunity, that I had in my hands and let it go.

Why did this happen to me? If God was trying to bless me, why did I not understand? Did I not have enough faith? Was it not meant to be? Is He going to give me another opportunity?

I’ve also had very serious suicidal thoughts in the last months, as if someone was whispering them into my ears.
I prayed and cried and listened to Gospel (the book of Job is my favorite), and watched some Christian educational videos on YouTube. One day it just went away. Those thoughts are gone. I am looking back and feel like I was not in my right mind.

But missing that opportunity is still extremely painful. I don’t know how to cope with it.

What's in the past is in the past .... continue in the Lord and move forward.

Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life ...

Every day is a new day.

Psalm 118:24
24 This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Be at peace.

 

[com7fy8]

Whenever I react negatively about how things go, this is proof of how I am not submitting to God in His peace. I need to stop and trust God to correct me so I am submissive to Him in His peace, then discover what He has me doing. He might have me do the same thing, or something else, but it is better with Him in His peace.

So, whatever God really has called us to do, this means how He has us doing things with Jesus in "rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)

Also, God never fails to do what He is committed to doing with us. But first we need real and deep character correction (Hebrews 12:4-14) so we are capable of submitting to how our Heavenly Father personally rules each of us in His peace >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

Notice how God's word says we are "called in one body" to be ruled in our "hearts" with God's own peace. This is a basic of our calling in Jesus > for every one of us > "in one body". So, this is included in doing whatsoever God really wants with us. And I understand how being ruled is all the time, 24/7, with no time out.

So, we can always test for what God wants > exactly > at any moment, simply by being submissive to doing what His peace rules us to do.

And if I get away from this peace, this is proof of how I need to stop, right away, and wait while God corrects me and restores me to be submissive to Him in His peace. And then enjoy discovering what He has me doing in sharing with Him and with all my brothers and sisters > "in one body", wherever we all are

So, whatever I do in God's will is not at all only or mainly about me. And in our Creator's peace, we have His creativity being shared with us. And God all-loving has us doing what is all-loving.

So, we can see God's peace is not only feeling good. God's peace is His harmony of how He functions spiritually in love, and shares this with us in His love. And this peace is almighty to keep us safe > Philippians 4:6-7 > from negative reacting and fear and confusion and unforgiveness and unhelpful guilt and criticizing and dominating and dictatorial drives for pleasures which do not love us.

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

 

[com7fy8]

But missing that opportunity is still extremely painful. I don’t know how to cope with it.

So, how about sharing more about yourself. Would you care to share what this opportunity is? It possibly is of God. I have had times I greatly valued how I might do certain things; but it wasn't there. And I might just forget it.

But then, even years later, things would work out, and it would come to my mind, something like, "Didn't you want this?" But it would come . . . perhaps . . . after I had matured more so I could do more with it, plus I now have relating and a church which I did not have while . . . day dreaming, or day praying?? lolololol

And I might need enlightenment about what God really would want. For example, I have dreamed of being a pastor. But things have kept on being opposite of me being in authority of a church.

But > > > real pastoring needs to include feeding the sheep with good example >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And now I have more personal sharing with people, so I can feed them my example. I used to be more distant, mainly trying to tell tell tell all I knew about the Bible. But now it is more about caring for people personally, and being God's way in love while doing things to help people. I am not only trying to help people get out of problems like being homeless, but be how they need to become in love. And in love, they can have God's creativity which will have them taking care of themselves while also loving any and all people.

And I wanted to get married. I felt in love with at least thirty different Jesus ladies, and it is good they knew better than to marry me; but all along the way, each one was just right for me at the point of my development where each one blessed me.

And now I have been with one lady for years, while staying with my church. And she has helped me find out how to love, plus she is so caring and generous with anyone; so I have with her an instant missionary field of ones she is helping and I support and honor and encourage her.

That was another item > I wanted to be in missionary ministry.

Well, that has turned out to be right near my church where she lives. She is a door for me, to more loving of different people. Plus, she is not perfect, often the opposite of what I am sure would be right; so I always have opportunity to get more real in love, learning with her how to love and be creative when we differ, instead of getting bitter and bent out of shape. And, by the way, usually she is right but I am being too practical while her reasoning has to do with having compassion, feeling for other people.

For example, I could say just dump so-and-so who is trying to use her; but she will say the person needs Christian fellowship. And yes, we do things with people so they can feed on our example, certainly not only so they can get help to keep living their selfish lives!!

 

[lastofall]

Colossians 3:2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.