Did I do the right thing?

[Dkh587]

That's awesome what you did. It may seem small, but they may have felt very powerful conviction from your note. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when they opened and read the note(because you know they did )

Glad you handled it smoothly and weren't nasty. If they were sincere believers, I'm sure they'll consider what you said to them.

 

[tturt]

Pollyjetix think you did fine. The way they acted just shows how we can be. We can be so blinded.

Loved NothingIsImpossible's post. Several years ago, the pastor asks me to run an errand and return an item. It was expected to be a problem. I was thinking about how to approach this situation, not get upset, and needed to really be aware of my behavior since I was representing our church. Unexpectedly, The Holy Spirit said you represent Me all the time. That got my attention and I've failed zillions of times. But thanks for the reminder.

 

[Soyeong]

Today, I stopped for a burger, and decided to sit down to eat. I don't usually, but this time, I felt like celebrating. I had just deposited a very nice paycheck in my bank account.

So, I ordered and sat in a booth...
Right behind me sat 3 ladies, waiting for their food.
I couldn't help but hear everything they talked about.

Who they were discussing, I did not know, but everything they said was cutting and mean.
Then they mentioned another name, and the conversation continued to slice and dice people down to size.

When their food came, They said a few choice words among themselves about the ineptness of this establishment's management.

Suddenly, they all bowed their heads, and the most beautiful prayer thanking the Lord for the food, and asking blessings and giving thanks for all things in the Name of Jesus... it flowed over my soul like a balm.

"Amen" they all chorused.
And immediately, their tongues got back to the negative gossip.

I finished my food... and felt I could not leave without saying something to them. But I didn't want to make a scene. I mean, they could get very angry, and how would that serve Christ?

So I prayed, and suddenly felt maybe a note would work.

So... this is what I wrote on a small note paper, and gave it to them as I went out:

"The prayer I heard from your booth blessed me! I enjoyed hearing it so much!
But I can't say the same about the rest of your conversation.
If I were an unbeliever, the witness of your prayer would have been erased by the witness of your negative gossip.
- Because I love Jesus."

I signed my first name, got up, stopped by their table and said, "Hello, Ladies" with a smile... handed them the note... and scooted.

Do you think I did the right thing?
(I'm really doubting myself now, because I'm usually more gifted with succinctly speaking the truth, than with social grace.)

I'm a fan of notes, so I think everything you did was spot on. Often times in arguments I want to make a point, but keep getting interrupted without being able to fully express myself, so I think a note is a great way to calmly express a full thought, say what I want to say, organize it in the way that I want to say it, and have them focus on everything I have to say, without them being focused on interjecting their point.

The Bible has a lot to say about our use of the tongue, so evil speech can be a huge problem when it is not checked. Evil speech is anything said to lower someone's reputation, even if it is true. Naturally, there are instances where it is appropriate to speak negatively about someone where people need to know, but if no one needs to know, then it is better to keep our mouths shut, even if it is true.

 

[Xeena]

@PollyJetix
I think you did fine. I had a small group I went to dinner with quarterly. The others had friends I did not keep up with. They would talk non-stop about them. It made me so uncomfortable. I was a chicken. I dropped hints, reminded them I didn't know who they were dissecting, but they ignored me. I even sat silent. I finally quit going.
I know for a fact two are very active in their churches. One of them was not. I really thought the two would stop for the influence on the other when I hinted. I was too subtle.

@Another Lazarus
As far as going where we are not invited as Christians,
Matthew 28:18Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Luke 10:3Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. 4Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

5“When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ 6If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you

 

[Soyeong]

I was really angry at them... I didn't trust myself to speak to them. I probably would have said something cutting... just as bad as they were doing!

But it got me to thinking... this is how Christianity has gotten such a name for hypocrisy.
Because unbelievers hear the witness of the unchristian words far louder than the pious words.

In fact, it would have been better if those women would have skipped praying completely, if they were going to use their tongues to spew such venom afterward!

By self-identifying as Christians in a public place, and then to follow that up with such evil talk, they did Christ more harm than good.

I think I'm still mad.

When a woman gets married, she takes her husband's last name and if she were to be faithful to him, then she would be bringing honor to his name, but if she were to be unfaithful to him, then she would be taking his name in vain, and this is what the commandment not to take God's name in vain is referring to. God's covenants are equated as marriage covenants and God said that he would put His name on His people (Numbers 6:27). We are God's ambassadors to the world with the mission of bringing glory to God's name. By praying they were representing God's name, and by gossiping, they were taking His name in vain.

 

[Soyeong]

<staff edit>

By choosing to speak in public, you are giving up your right to privacy to anyone in earshot. If the ladies had not prayer, then she would not have said anything to them, but as Christians we are told that God's Word us profitable for rebuking and to gently restore those who are caught in sin, so if she had not said anything, then she would have been shirking her responsibility.

 

[Neogaia777]

Today, I stopped for a burger, and decided to sit down to eat. I don't usually, but this time, I felt like celebrating. I had just deposited a very nice paycheck in my bank account.

So, I ordered and sat in a booth...
Right behind me sat 3 ladies, waiting for their food.
I couldn't help but hear everything they talked about.

Who they were discussing, I did not know, but everything they said was cutting and mean.
Then they mentioned another name, and the conversation continued to slice and dice people down to size.

When their food came, They said a few choice words among themselves about the ineptness of this establishment's management.

Suddenly, they all bowed their heads, and the most beautiful prayer thanking the Lord for the food, and asking blessings and giving thanks for all things in the Name of Jesus... it flowed over my soul like a balm.

"Amen" they all chorused.
And immediately, their tongues got back to the negative gossip.

I finished my food... and felt I could not leave without saying something to them. But I didn't want to make a scene. I mean, they could get very angry, and how would that serve Christ?

So I prayed, and suddenly felt maybe a note would work.

So... this is what I wrote on a small note paper, and gave it to them as I went out:

"The prayer I heard from your booth blessed me! I enjoyed hearing it so much!
But I can't say the same about the rest of your conversation.
If I were an unbeliever, the witness of your prayer would have been erased by the witness of your negative gossip.
- Because I love Jesus."

I signed my first name, got up, stopped by their table and said, "Hello, Ladies" with a smile... handed them the note... and scooted.

Do you think I did the right thing?
(I'm really doubting myself now, because I'm usually more gifted with succinctly speaking the truth, than with social grace.)

I think you did...

Their prayer was probably more of a Pharsitical prayer, I'm guessing, to be seen and viewed by men, which can sometimes seem very good, but I wonder about their alone, private prayers...?

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

I think you did...

Their prayer was probably more of a Pharsitical prayer, I'm guessing, to be seen and viewed by men, which can sometimes seem very good, but I wonder about their alone, private prayers...?

God Bless!

Matthew 23, Matthew 6...

 

[Neogaia777]

Their prayer...

Well, in the movie, "God's not dead", one guy mentions to another guy, a pastor that they should pray before trying to start their car, and the man agree's, and then the guy simply says, "God, please make our car start, Amen..." Then the man says, "That's it...?"

Then the guy says, "what, you have a better (more elaborate, more grandiose, prettier, more beautiful) anyway, the guy says, "what you have a better way of putting it or saying it...?" The man shrugs his shoulders, Then they both get in the car and it starts...

Beware of grandiose, elaborate, long winded prayers, while they may seem genuine, it is often not the way God wants our communication with him (very distant) to be like... And oftentimes the people that do it that way, just shows how far away and distant they actually are from God....

God Bless!

 

[Strong in Him]

Today, I stopped for a burger, and decided to sit down to eat. I don't usually, but this time, I felt like celebrating. I had just deposited a very nice paycheck in my bank account.

So, I ordered and sat in a booth...
Right behind me sat 3 ladies, waiting for their food.
I couldn't help but hear everything they talked about.

Who they were discussing, I did not know, but everything they said was cutting and mean.
Then they mentioned another name, and the conversation continued to slice and dice people down to size.

When their food came, They said a few choice words among themselves about the ineptness of this establishment's management.

Suddenly, they all bowed their heads, and the most beautiful prayer thanking the Lord for the food, and asking blessings and giving thanks for all things in the Name of Jesus... it flowed over my soul like a balm.

"Amen" they all chorused.
And immediately, their tongues got back to the negative gossip.

I finished my food... and felt I could not leave without saying something to them. But I didn't want to make a scene. I mean, they could get very angry, and how would that serve Christ?

So I prayed, and suddenly felt maybe a note would work.

So... this is what I wrote on a small note paper, and gave it to them as I went out:

"The prayer I heard from your booth blessed me! I enjoyed hearing it so much!
But I can't say the same about the rest of your conversation.
If I were an unbeliever, the witness of your prayer would have been erased by the witness of your negative gossip.
- Because I love Jesus."

I signed my first name, got up, stopped by their table and said, "Hello, Ladies" with a smile... handed them the note... and scooted.

Do you think I did the right thing?

Yes; your note was gracious, and hopefully you gave them food for thought.
I think a lot of people, me included, would have ignored the situation. Better to feel bad because you DID do something, than ashamed because you didn't.

 

[dqhall]

<staff edit>
People speaking loudly in restaurants may expect to be heard. The restaurant is a public place.

When I was young some cigarette smokers used to ask me if I had a light. I told them, "Don't smoke." No one has asked me for a light in years. Fewer people are smoking or carrying a lighter/matches.

 

[Strong in Him]

<staff edit>

No privacy was violated; the women were talking in a public place.

<staff edit>Those women were free to talk about whatever they wished. They were also free to pray out loud - and thank God they could, without fear of being arrested.
But in their prayer, they called on the name of the Lord and identified themselves as Christians; people who belonged to him. And other people, non Christians, could also hear them do that. Why is it wrong to point out that their private conversations don't exactly reflect the words of their public prayer? It could have been a non Christian sitting at the next table, who went away thinking, "Christians are hypocrites. Look what religion does for people."

<staff edit>
In Luke 8:49, an official went to Jairus and said, "your daughter is dead; don't bother the preacher any longer". What did Jesus do when he overheard - say "it's nothing to do with me, that was a private conversation"? No, he answered Jairus and then went and brought a young girl back to life again.
In Mark 9, Jesus had clearly heard his disciples arguing amongst themselves; should he have said, "that was a private conversation and none of my business"?

And what about the times when he knew what people were thinking? Never mind public conversations; Jesus knew about, revealed and commented on people's unspoken words and private thoughts.


A knight in shining armour is someone who rescues someone else; comes to their aid or sticks up for them. This was not a knight in shining armour situation - except maybe that other people's actions/reputations were being trashed and they could not defend themselves.

 

[Kerensa]

Hi PollyJetix,

It's a tough situation and there are certainly good arguments on both sides, but I think you did do the right thing. You chose to handle it very gently and graciously — I would say very Christian-ly! — avoiding confronting them personally and angering them or embarrassing them in public, while making your point in a way that will hopefully make those ladies stop and think. You showed you truly appreciated their prayer and simply pointed out what was lacking in the rest of their conversation, and clearly with no offence intended. Whether or not they behave differently from now on is up to them, of course, but you've done your part in what you sensed was needed and can leave them in God's hands.

 

[Quasiblogo]

No, I don't think you should have passed the note, though it is obvious you meant well.

My point is that we all have our edges of hypocrisy and shortcomings, and just one lesson learned for yourself, to ensure your own propriety, has more "counter-power" as it were.

 

[PollyJetix]

Thank you, everyone.
This conversation has convinced me that I did do the right thing.
Not because others told me I did, but because I watched the reason behind each person's reaction... and I realize that if I had just stuffed it, and only tried to quietly learn a lesson for myself... then I would have been in a way, denying Christ.

If Jesus had been sitting there physically, and these women had gone up to him and shown great affection, and then turned around and slapped His face... what reaction would I have shown? Would I have said to myself, "Oh, well Jesus can stand up for Himself, He doesn't need any help in this situation"... and continued to sit in my booth, pretending to ignore the whole situation...

I think I would have been actively ignoring the best Friend I have ever had.
If my best friend would have ignored me in such a situation, I would have taken it personally.
I would have felt they denied they knew me, by not standing up for me in public.

" Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven." Matthew 10:32-33

 

[Strong in Him]

<staff edit>

All that's needed for evil to flourish, is for good people to do nothing.

<staff edit>
So someone hears people first talking in a negative and destructive way, and then thanking God - thus proving the truth of James 3:9 - and your response is, "just learn a lesson for yourself"??
I don't see anything wrong with telling fellow Christians that their behaviour might not be fitting; we are told to correct brothers and sisters who we see going astray.

 

[Kerensa]

I don't see anything wrong with telling fellow Christians that their behaviour might not be fitting; we are told to correct brothers and sisters who we see going astray.

I agree, so long as it's done in an appropriate manner at the right time — which PollyJetix very much took into consideration. A lot of the most important learning experiences I've had have been when a fellow Christian has had the courage to point out to me that I'd said or done something inappropriate; the correction may have been very hard (sometimes outright painful) to take at the time, but if I hadn't had it, I might never have learned any better.

 

[dqhall]

<staff edit>
Matthew 18:15-17
15 “If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. 16 But if he doesn’t listen, take one or two more with you, that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established" 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector.

It is better to advise good behavior than bad behavior.

If someone is heading towards destruction, you may keep quiet about it to lessen risk of provocation and avoid a beating. If you correct a lost soul, you might get the glory.

 

[Hearingheart]

Today, I stopped for a burger, and decided to sit down to eat. I don't usually, but this time, I felt like celebrating. I had just deposited a very nice paycheck in my bank account.

So, I ordered and sat in a booth...
Right behind me sat 3 ladies, waiting for their food.
I couldn't help but hear everything they talked about.

Who they were discussing, I did not know, but everything they said was cutting and mean.
Then they mentioned another name, and the conversation continued to slice and dice people down to size.

When their food came, They said a few choice words among themselves about the ineptness of this establishment's management.

Suddenly, they all bowed their heads, and the most beautiful prayer thanking the Lord for the food, and asking blessings and giving thanks for all things in the Name of Jesus... it flowed over my soul like a balm.

"Amen" they all chorused.
And immediately, their tongues got back to the negative gossip.

I finished my food... and felt I could not leave without saying something to them. But I didn't want to make a scene. I mean, they could get very angry, and how would that serve Christ?

So I prayed, and suddenly felt maybe a note would work.

So... this is what I wrote on a small note paper, and gave it to them as I went out:

"The prayer I heard from your booth blessed me! I enjoyed hearing it so much!
But I can't say the same about the rest of your conversation.
If I were an unbeliever, the witness of your prayer would have been erased by the witness of your negative gossip.
- Because I love Jesus."

I signed my first name, got up, stopped by their table and said, "Hello, Ladies" with a smile... handed them the note... and scooted.

Do you think I did the right thing?
(I'm really doubting myself now, because I'm usually more gifted with succinctly speaking the truth, than with social grace.)

Totally agree...that was a good way to handle it. I pray the Holy Spirit speaks to their hearts.

 

[AlexDTX]

<staff edit> If you are speaking in public loud enough for others to hear, then what you say is public property. This is like the law of photography. When cameras first came out there was public outcry that they were being photographed by strangers without their permission. But the courts ruled that if you are in public, then then your right to privacy is gone. This is why red light cameras today are allowed today: you are in public and can be photographed by anyone.