Did I do the right thing by cutting off contact with this online guy?

[brinny]

It's good you recognized this. Alot of people especially women, try to fix people at their own expense.

I agree. It seems many of us do, right Moon?

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I agree. It seems many of us do, right Moon?

Yeah.. it's a nurturing quality.

 

[brinny]

Yeah.. it's a nurturing quality.

Alot of people especially women, try to fix people at their own expense.

No. It's co-dependency, and the antithesis to anything having to do with genuine love or anything healthy.

It's destructive and it contributes to the making of absolute monsters.

Be careful, Moon. Narcissists would love this, and are looking for anyone who would do this.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

No. It's co-dependency, and the antithesis to anything having to do with genuine love or anything healthy.

It's destructive and it contributes to the making of absolute monsters.

Be careful, Moon. Narcissists would love this, and are looking for anyone who would do this.

What do you mean it contributes to making absolute monsters?

 

[brinny]

What do you mean it contributes to making absolute monsters?

It does.

Co-dependency feeds monstrosities. The bottom line is that co-dependency is equally responsible for the making of monsters as the monsters themselves.

 

[akaDaScribe]

That sounds like a recipe for an unhealthy relationship. If two people are isolated, they need to seek help from family and friends, not develop a romantic relationship where they will depend on each other for their emotional needs and become toxic and clingy.

Marriage is co-dependence. It is a symbiotic relationship. Either you are the right combination together or you are not. If you are both clingy, what's the problem? If you both can be clingy but need your down time, what's the problem? How can 2 become one flesh and not be co-dependent?

 

[brinny]

Marriage is co-dependence. It is a symbiotic relationship. Either you are the right combination together or you are not. If you are both clingy, what's the problem? If you both can be clingy but need your down time, what's the problem? How can 2 become one flesh and not be co-dependent?

My friend, if it is a Christian marriage, both had better be dependent upon GOD, and not each other/themselves. He is to come FIRST. There is a very good and solid reason for that.

 

[pinkjess]

Marriage is co-dependence. It is a symbiotic relationship. Either you are the right combination together or you are not. If you are both clingy, what's the problem? If you both can be clingy but need your down time, what's the problem? How can 2 become one flesh and not be co-dependent?

If that is what marriage is I want no part of it. If it is my my duty to keep my husband happy and if he has to rely on me to keep him happy 24/7 then I do not want to be involved with that. That is unhealthy.

 

[pinkjess]

My friend, if it is a Christian marriage, both had better be dependent upon GOD, and not each other/themselves. He is to come FIRST. There is a very good and solid reason for that.

AMEN

 

[brinny]

If that is what marriage is I want no part of it. If it is my my duty to keep my husband happy and if he has to rely on me to keep him happy 24/7 then I do not want to be involved with that. That is unhealthy.

Good catch Jess.

 

[akaDaScribe]

This is a DANGEROUS person, my friend.

Not "different".

You are basing this on the one post?

 

[brinny]

You are basing this on the one post?

Do you know which post i'm referring to?

 

[pinkjess]

You are basing this on the one post?

He is very melodramatic and has posted lots of poetic, "angry" posts and has ranted about his life in the past. I have to say his most recent one concerns me the most.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

If that is what marriage is I want no part of it. If it is my my duty to keep my husband happy and if he has to rely on me to keep him happy 24/7 then I do not want to be involved with that. That is unhealthy.

The husband also has the responsibility to keep his wife cared for as well. Also I don't think it's so much as happy but with marriage it's making sure your husband is cared for and his needs are met. But you still put God first. Sometimes when you put God first that won't make your spouse happy ( depending on what level of maturity they're in in Christ) My aunt went through that.

 

[akaDaScribe]

My friend, if it is a Christian marriage, both had better be dependent upon GOD, and not each other/themselves. He is to come FIRST. There is a very good and solid reason for that.

So Jesus didn't say that they would become one flesh? Yes both individuals need to have allegiance to God first, but that does not mean they don't meld. I'm pointing this out because our society identifies independence with being healthy today. I think this healthy independence is why we have a 40-50% divorce rate in this country.

 

[brinny]

The husband also has the responsibility to keep his wife cared for as well. Also I don't think it's so much as happy but with marriage it's making sure your husband is cared for and his needs are met. But you still put God first. Sometimes when you put God first that won't make your spouse happy ( depending on what level of maturity they're in in Christ) My aunt went through that.

It is the husband's responsibility to ensure his wife's needs are met as well, even to the extent that he is willing to lay his life down for his wife.

This is not possible unless Jesus Christ is the head of both husband and wife.

In addition, you might want to read Proverbs 31, Moon, to see God's own description of a Godly wife, and how the children and the husband, in essence, rise up and call her bless-ed, which is basically a "standing ovation".

 

[brinny]

So Jesus didn't say that they would become one flesh? Yes both individuals need to have allegiance to God first, but that does not mean they don't meld. I'm pointing this out because our society identifies independence with being healthy today. I think this healthy independence is why we have a 40-50% divorce rate in this country.

Becoming "one flesh" means that the husband, for instance, loves his wife to the extent that he is willing to care for her as if she was his own body, and to lay his life down for her.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I took a look at his profile page to see if he made any recent posts and found one that really concerns me. It makes me wonder if he is some sort of sociopath. I think I made the right choice after all. But I am still sad but its not that bad. I feel ashamed and saddened that i shared so much of my heart with this person. I wish i wouldn't have. But just goes to show you never know who you're talking to online!

Here is his post if anyone can read it and see if my convictions are correct.

r/infp - Help.

Hes a nutter, stay away. Anyone who writes that he is full of rage, it is justified and he wont even consider forgiveness is not to be trusted in a relationship. He seems form his profile to be the sort of person who will be violent towards his wife when she does not make his life perfect, and issues like that cant be fixed by marriage.

Ive got issues myself, but the biggest difference is I dont see the answer as being rage, but in forgiveness and peace.

 

[pinkjess]

Hes a nutter, stay away. Anyone who writes that he is full of rage, it is justified and he wont even consider forgiveness is not to be trusted in a relationship. He seems form his profile to be the sort of person who will be violent towards his wife when she does not make his life perfect, and issues like that cant be fixed by marriage.

Ive got issues myself, but the biggest difference is I dont see the answer as being rage, but in forgiveness and peace.

Thank you. I agree.

 

[brinny]

@pinkjess, more recently someone brought this woman who is a survivor of much hardship and heartbreak to my attention. Her name is Lisa Nichols. She is now one of the richest corporate women in America, and shares her story to others to inspire and urge them to hang tight to their dream or to even discover what their dream is, and to move forward in whatever way is meant for them.

I saw this video and i was inspired by this courageous woman. I hope that she can offer inspiration to you too Jess.

Love, prayers, and hugs

Here's a longer version: