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Featured Devasting effects of divorce on children

Discussion in 'Christian Philosophy & Ethics' started by Goodbook, Apr 15, 2017.

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  1. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Is it moral to divorce, do parents ever really stop to think about the effects it has on their children?

    Im suspecting not. I've known so many children of divorce..it really messes them up. :-(
     
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  2. Left

    Left Well-Known Member Supporter

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    What's even worse is when they stay together just for the child, and hate each other.

    But yeah, divorce is very hard.
     
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  3. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    Hate is becasue people care deeply, not becasue they don't.
     
  4. PropheticTimes

    PropheticTimes Lord Have Mercy Supporter

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    Yep, took the words right out of my mouth.
     
  5. SilverBear

    SilverBear Well-Known Member

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    Yes divorce is tough on anyone. My question is how do you look at children and separate the effects of divorce from the effects of a failing, troubled marriage?
     
  6. LastSeven

    LastSeven Amil Supporter

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    I couldn't disagree more. It's a thousand times better for your kids if you stay together. As long as you're civil towards each other in front of the kids.

    Yes it's tough for the parents to stay together if they hate each other, but the parents made that choice and that commitment. If it doesn't work out, then the kids should not be the ones to pay the price.

    Divorce is a selfish act that the children pay for. It's no wonder the kids become resentful. Suck it up, honour your commitment and put your children first. Even if you end up being nothing more than roommates, it's better for the kids.
     
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  7. Left

    Left Well-Known Member Supporter

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    So you've been in my situation?

    My mom and my dad both loved and absolutely hated each other, and fought all the time. It really brought me down.
     
  8. LastSeven

    LastSeven Amil Supporter

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    Of course it brought you down, but divorce would've changed everything about you. It would've changed the way you see your parents, adults in general, authority, relationships, respect, responsibility, commitment, etc...
     
  9. Left

    Left Well-Known Member Supporter

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    No. My mom would have made a wise decision for kicking my dad to the curb, and I would have respected her for it.

    Since she didn't, I may still need future therapy.
     
  10. LastSeven

    LastSeven Amil Supporter

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    I should clarify that my position can not be applied to all cases. I don't know what you situation was, but generally speaking divorce is the worst thing you can do to your kids. I'm talking about lazy divorces, "irreconcilable differences", the "I'm bored of you" divorces or "we've grown apart". Cry me a river.

    If there's violence or some kind of abuse involved, that's different. Then you're screwed no matter what.
     
  11. Left

    Left Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My mom was a Lutheran Christian, and my dad was a psychic Atheist.

    He was somewhat violent to my brother and sister, and he threw a cup of hot coffee on me when I was 11.

    He passed away 2-3 years ago from medical conditions. He was 60.
     
  12. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Hmm i think if both are christians, believers, divorce ought to be out of the question.

    But while theres troubled marriages which can always be worked on Im thinking in terms of inheritance, the children of divorce are forced to make their own way or utterly abandoned.

    Many end up self medicating. I knew someone whos parents divorced when she was young and she was in her 40s and was alcoholic and anorexic..directly related to the turmoil she faced with her parents.

    I also knew those who had parents that fought, they may have separated but still remained married at least so that if something happens their child will still have an inheritance, a name, etc. and they dont have to contend with stepmothers, step dads, half brothers and sisters and horrible and awkward family gatherings.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2017
  13. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    I wonder if theres like a dog box town where unfaithful husbands and wives go to live. They can stay there for a while until they repent and ask forgiveness. They should stay there for 7 days and be treated like lepers and then go on a course where they learn to take some parental responisbility and grow up.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2017
  14. SilverBear

    SilverBear Well-Known Member

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    Do you think kids don't know that their parents are only acting civil towards one another?

    of course then the kids have issues with guilt. Mom and dad are only staying togehter because of me and they are miserable all day every day.
     
  15. LastSeven

    LastSeven Amil Supporter

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    They might, but even so, growing up with both a mother and a father is very important.
     
  16. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Because normal parents DO make an effort to be civil towards each other and yes parents stay together because they are a family and the children are part of the family too. Why a child would feel guilty becaue of this I dont know, NO child has EVER said to me they felt guilty for something that isnt their fault that their parents who are supposedly ADULTS couldnt work to resolve. Divorced oarents are far more miserBle apart..you dont knkw how much misery divorcees can pour out on others, if it was that bad they would be HAPPY they are divorced.
     
  17. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    If I had a coin for every hard luck story a divorcee poured out on me i would be very rich indeed. At least if you were still married you could work things out.

    Then these divorcess go latch on to anyone breathing thats single, instead of thinking of their childs other parent. They just let them off the hook.
     
  18. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    Normal people act civil to each other and say hello even if they dont like each other. Even christians do that. because you know, thats what God wants us to do, stop being a misery guts and live life.
     
  19. SilverBear

    SilverBear Well-Known Member

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    So is growing up in a family that has healthy relationships.

    There isn't a single right or wrong way for everyone. Sometimes it is best to work out marital differences, sometimes it is best to end a toxic relationship.
     
  20. SilverBear

    SilverBear Well-Known Member

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    Younger children tend to be egocentric, it's just how they are built so wheat ever is going on around them is viewed to going on because of them.
    Children know when adults are not happy, they can sense anger and resentment no matter how civil a face adults put on. However they don't have the insight or the coping skills to figure our or accept why mom and dad hate each other.

    And sometimes they do have that insight. My wife's parents divorced when she was six. To this day she and her sisters says it is the best thing that ever happened to their family.

    some people are miserable even after divorce, some are much better off.

    One size does not fit all.
     
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