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DestroyedByNarcissistEx;SoAloneNow

Discussion in 'Prayer Wall' started by StillBelieve, Jul 30, 2014.

  1. StillBelieve

    StillBelieve Newbie

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    HELP! I finally had enough July 26, '14, and lost it on my husband when he flipped out on me spewing the usual narcissistic rage stuff, and made him leave! I simply had enough of 14 and a half YEARS OF TORTURE!
    Now for the usual retaliatory stuff. The constant feeling of such evil I always felt around him was so weird, and so "not right".
    Even though I am better off, I have not been alone for more than the fourteen yrs. I feel SO ALONE and so unbelievable lonely. He ruined it for me with literally every single person on this planet that I know, or even remotely might have met somewhere , even at some businesses in town! I feel truly alone, except for God. But now when I need Him most, it seems as if I can't find HIM! I feel kind of far from Him, kind of in a state of "limbo" emotionally and psychologically. I feel as if Im in shock,or somehow stunned.
    Like Jesus, our Saviour, said on the cross….."Father, where are you"
    (What was that all about?) But I feel the same way ! SO ALONE!
    Please pray that God will do a MIRACLE in my soon to be ex's life, heart, mind and soul, and also IN MINE! Please pray that God will protect me from the evil retaliatory attacks.
    Please pray that God will alleviate this unbelievable horrible feeling of desperate loneliness! As much as I feel utter unbelievable contempt for my "ex", (which is not hard to do) I actually MISS HIM! I miss him terribly. But I know this is misguided and not good for me. HE is not good for me, and NEVER WAS!
    I know that I am missing a part of him that was an act in order to use me to stay here regardless of what I knew that he did. I don't know what to do. But I know that my getting him out was the right thing to do, and what I SHOULD have done from the very beginning. That was my biggest mistake
    The only thing I can do to counter this feeling is to just literally go out walking into town, looking for someone to talk to. I signed back up for job placement and will be taking the divorce papers back to the college lady to see if I can get in. If I don't do these things, Im afraid Im literally going to lose it.
    Please pray for me!:groupray:
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2014
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  2. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    Praying for you, that God strengthens and sustains you, guards and protects you, and grants you extraordinary wisdom, discernment, and clarity at this very difficult time. May He Light your way, and comfort you and lead you securely on the path that will bless you. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen (((hug)))
     
  3. christsoccer

    christsoccer Guest

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    praying for you
    :prayer::prayer::prayer::prayer::prayer::prayer::groupray::groupray::groupray::groupray::groupray:
     
  4. saved24

    saved24 Forgiven Supporter

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    Praying for you. God bless.
     
  5. LoveConquers

    LoveConquers Imperfectly Perfect Supporter

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    Praying for you and your ex
     
  6. Linus

    Linus Senior Veteran Supporter

    +2,346
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    Lifting up you and your ex in prayers to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ! Thank You Lord for blessing them with healing, guidance, peace and deliverance from loneliness!
     
  7. nicedream

    nicedream Senior Veteran

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    praying for you. i know what it means to be destroyed by a narcissist and to feel alone. it's okay to miss him...not okay to try to get back with him. i mean, it's up to you, but it will just be more of the same. 3 months after i broke up with my narcissist ex-bf , i met my husband, and we've been married for 6 years. so, there is hope!! praying that God heals you, and brings someone into your life who loves you.
     
  8. StillBelieve

    StillBelieve Newbie

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    Many many many THANKS to all of my sisters and brothers in the Lord.
    This is literally ALL I HAVE right now! As I read these thru my tears, I can't stop the unbelievable sorrow and especially knowing how my ex feels, I can't possibly imagine how ANYONE could be in a relationship with someone who totally loves them and adores them and bent over backwards like NO ONE ELSE EVER would or could do, and then have literally NO FEELINGS AT ALL WHATSOEVER when they have to leave because of their hideously unacceptable and inexcusable abusive behavior? It was soooooo obvious that guy NEVER loved me, and with the way he was around me, no wonder I was always asking him "why are you here?" ! He would always just give the "expected" answer that he figured was "appropriate", "because you're my wife and I 'love' you"..!
    Really! But he said that literally only 1 or 2 days BEFORE he flipped out on me for nothing more than because I handed him a religious tract and asked him if he could read it to me. It was a new one I saw on a website online that I had not seen before, and was actually curious about what he might think about it after he read it. The demons in him reacted instantly! He got instantly angry, violent, foul-mouthed, mocking the pamphlet with "you expect me to READ this? look how long it is! I don't wanna read this stuff!" and crumpled it up and messed it up into separate pieces and THREW IT! He gave me nothing but U-know-what for just a simple little paper pamphlet! How does someone do something like that and actually think that they are 'in the right' to behave like that for something so simple and minute?
    Now he's disparaged me to literally every single member of his family, making ME out to be "the bad guy" and already predating possible targets for his narcissistic supply! (don't ask me how I know this) How does someone go from saying "because your my wife and I 'love' you" to the next day being made to leave, and then literally jumping right back into the midst of the evil wickedness fray he chases after?
    How? I just don't understand. My mind is spinning, as if Im in some sort of weird shock or something.
    I can NOT even begin to fathom someone who can think like that!! And his entire family and friends just automatically believe HIM for no other reason than because he says it! Whats bizarre is that they already know he's literally infamous for being incapable of speaking the truth, and he's got one incredible reputation for doing that. Ive heard it from more than just one of his family members. Why oh why did I sweep it under the rug? Cant believe I did that.
    If it was ME, I would NOT be trying to act as if I'm "free and easy" to immediately jump into someone else's bed (or car) to "get back" at their soon to be ex-spouse. That is unbelievably radical, disgusting and downright gross! Its also extremely embarrassing!
    I'm sure the demons he's possessed by are extremely pleased, and probably having some sort of celebration party all around him without him knowing it! God is telling me I need to pray for Robert because he is doomed unless he changes. I can do no more for him. No one person can. This is a monumental task for God alone. BOTH of us need a miracle! I want it and will continue to seek God and His almighty help.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2014
  9. nicedream

    nicedream Senior Veteran

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    StillBelieve - it's not your fault. he's not able to love anyone except himself. he's sick. but he doesn't need care from a wife...he needs a psychiatrist's care. be free of him. i know...it's difficult to feel happy about it right now. just realize that this man is so sick that he really shouldn't be around anyone. i'm praying for you to be free of him, in your heart, and to realize *how lucky* you are to be free of him. it will take some time.
     
  10. StillBelieve

    StillBelieve Newbie

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    Thank you so very much NiceDream, from the bottom of my heart. I know you're right.
    And yes, I actually DID tell him waaaaay back years ago that it seemed as if he's just not able to love anyone but himself! But becuz every time I tried to say to him things like that about his mental insanity symptoms he just argued or poo-poo'ed it, so it just got swept under the rug again. And yes, he does desperately need a therapist, and I was able to get him to pastoral counseling, but becuz all THREE of them said the exact same things about him, he didn't like that, and didn't want to return. He would only go to regular therapy a couple of times, but always made excuses to not return. Of course, now he never will unless ordered by a court which just may happen since he's a sexual predator of underage minors also. Something's bound to blow! thank you so very much for your kind words and keeping up with me on this, it is a daily battle of unbelievable sadness, hideous sorrow the likes of that which I could never describe, and guilt and crazy anger. Im praying constantly the God will take these things away from me once and for all and free me from them. Thank you for doing the same. You really know what needs to be asked for. Bless you!
    (I'm new to this site, so it will take me a bit to learn how to use everything on it)
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2014
  11. nicedream

    nicedream Senior Veteran

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    StillBelieve - NONE of this is your fault. you tried to love someone who was sick. you are probably a very kind, thoughtful and intelligent person. you thought he could be saved, and he *can* be saved, but...like you said...by God alone. praying with my whole heart for you. Lord, reach out and help this daughter of yours in her distress...Your love is so much more powerful and constant and steady and GOOD than anyone elses.
     
  12. StillBelieve

    StillBelieve Newbie

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    Thank you......thank you.....thank you......now thru my tears are tears of relief and gratitude.....thank you................
     
  13. summie

    summie Newbie

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    Lord please let Your will and word be heard and implemented in StillBelieve's life, let her stand strong on her own w/ You by her side. Open doors for her that were once closed and carry her thru the hard trials. Lord let her feel relief that You are here and already working thru things behind the scenes. We ask all of this in the name of thy son Jesus Christ..AMEN!
     
  14. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    Praying in agreement! Amen!
     
  15. In His Love Forever

    In His Love Forever Newbie

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    Praying for you.
     
  16. ThyLovingkindness

    ThyLovingkindness Senior Veteran

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    Hi, it may be hard to extract oneself from a toxic relationship, but it can be accomplished. And once the grieving and healing begins (it takes time), it's very likely you'll look back and know in your heart that you've done the right thing. As women who involve ourselves with this type of dynamic, we have a part in both the problem and better yet, the solution. I hope you receive guidance from a wise person who'll encourage your healing and the importance of being safe. God bless.
     
  17. nicedream

    nicedream Senior Veteran

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    it's not your fault, dearheart. i think what ThyLovingkindness means about being part of the solution is that you should learn the signs of an abuser, so that you can avoid men like this in the future. those signs are super-jealousy, controllingness, rage and possessiveness. but as far as helping your ex-husband, leave that in God's hands and just heal yourself, not him. praying that you will continue to heal...
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014
  18. Lily76_

    Lily76_ pro life christian Supporter

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    praying:prayer:
    please stay safe
     
  19. StillBelieve

    StillBelieve Newbie

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    I can't thank my brothers and sisters enough, but I also have to give a warning. My pc and emails are being watched, and I noticed that what I've seen before is that one of the emails that I get from this website showing a reply from another member was deleted. Before when that happened, the cyber stalker actually posed as ME, and said things that turned everyone on the site against me and/or got me kicked off the site! Please, if you EVER get ANYTHING AT ALL that is negative in ANY way, like something I would say about myself or someone else on this website, or just sounds like something I might not say, please do not just automatically believe it like everyone else has done in the past. Please message me asap, and don't just message me once in case he gets it and deletes it after making a nasty reply. Thats what has happened before. If that happens again with this site, I will simply delete my membership and sign on again from the library under a new email and a new user name.
    Just want to let others know that this is happening. Thanks be to God for His Grace and all fellow believers in their precious support.:prayer:
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014
  20. nicedream

    nicedream Senior Veteran

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    have you changed all your passwords? have you reformatted your computer and uninstalled any spyware? sounds like this is your ex. can you go to Best Buy and have them clean up your computer, so that he doesn't have access anymore?
     
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