Hey Mark,
That's a tragic story, I'm really sorry about that.
I think we all know now, and indeed other posters have touched on it that you were in a bad church basically. Yes, they exist, churches are not free from corruption and I don't even think any denominations are free. Anywhere that man has a say in things, corruption has a chance to be present. We are fallen and that extends to everything we set our minds too.
But enough about that. You have expressed some concern over your faith. I think there are two things which can be most helpful to you, as I went through a similar phase over our origins, you know, the whole creation vs evolution debacle that is currently going on. First and foremost, don't invest too heavily in something that is not from faith. Perhaps there is a reason why the Bible doesn't clearly explain the mechanics of our world and how we came to be, building your faith around something that it doesn't talk about in no uncertain terms, will set you up for a fall should anything knock those legs out from under you.
The second thing, which helped me greatly, would be for you to realise that Christianity is a relationship between you and God. No one else. There is just the two of you. I was a Christian for some months before I declared it publicly, even my wife didn't know. That helped me a great deal, as it gave me time to find out about God before having to define my faith for others. Even now I am non-denominational, I wear the tag of Christian only.
Focus on God alone, and pursue His character and His teachings as revealed in scripture.
There is much I don't know about the Bible. I don't think I've read it cover to cover, I may have throughout my life, but not intentionally heh. Get the basics, sin, salvation, our calling to God and how we pray, why, how we receive answers and so on. I also attended an
Alpha Course which helped greatly, as it covers the basics.
Also, I know no better way to find out the truth of the matter, than to argue with people.
In the nicest way possible, but talk about it. Get involved in discussion on the forum here, in the Philosophy and Ethics areas, or Thelogy, there is a forum here too called Ask a Pastor where you can ask anything, and if you are interested in just the Old Testament, there is a site that is run by Jewish scholars called AskMoses(.com). Go ask them stuff if you have questions.
But above all, don't lose sight of
your personal one on one relationship with God. If you don't feel God in your life, don't stress over it. It doesn't mean He isn't there, or He has abandoned you. That will never happen. It just means you don't feel Him. That's it. I don't feel my wife in my life all the time, yet I know she is there and she cares for me. The single thing that I 'think' may be God in my life, all the time, is the peace I feel in myself and in my life, I never had that before God.
So take a deep breath, take small steps, focus on small things and complete them - then move on. Before you know it you will be back where you used to be, burning with a passion for Christ.
Cheers!
Digit
