M
mark321
Guest
Hi all,
Sorry for the long post.
I've been a Christian for about 6 years. I consider myself a reasonably minded person. I usually plan and study for things to make sure I make the right choices. I made a sincere and heartfelt commitment to Christ back then and stuck by it. My wife and I attended an Anglican Church where our Vicar even suggested I go into ministry! We moved and the local Anglican church was awful. In the meantime, I was concerned that I didn't really 'feel' the Holy Spirit guiding me. There was no still small voice or miraculous events in my life. We decided to attend a local 'contemporary' church. We were taken in by the modern music and atmosphere. A pastor who claimed that God had healed many through his fingers, there were prophets and visions, all the things that made God come alive for us. We gave large amounts of money to the church. This we were told unlocked God's promises for us - backed up with of course with Bible verses. Furthermore, the housegroups were a case of watching John Bevere, Creflo Dollar, Benny Hinn, Copeland etc. No discussion or Bible study. With millions of followers accepting what these and others said - they must be right, I thought.
The turning point came. One of the members, a friend and young adult who had been sexually abused by her father earlier in life was made homeless and we took her in. The girl also had many physical medical problems and had to have various stays in hospital. She was suicidal and made attempts on her life whilst staying with us. She finally got booked in with a counsellor and psychiatrist and this began to help her. The church leaders cornered her after one meeting and said that she needed to stop going to counselling because it was blocking God's natural flow of healing. She was told that she must stop telling people that she has medical problems because it's negative talk and upsets the church. She was told simply to 'speak out' that she was healed and leave it to God. Lastly she was told to ask God's forgiveness for having sex before marriage (having been raped). I was disgusted.
In some of the home group sessions, I tried to ask questions about videos I'd seen about Benny Hinn's lack of proof for his healings and tried to open a discussion about the love of money, tongues etc. I got sternly told that I was walking on dangerous ground if I try to critisise Benny Hinn because he is such an annointed person. At no point could anyone discuss what the pastor preached (in a negative or questioning way). You were not allowed even to say you have a cold or you feel a bit under the weather. We were taught that if you didn't speak tongues, you were a freak. If you didn't have any money, you had to give anyway or God would not bless you.
My wife and I broke away from this church thankfully but I have been left shattered.
In my efforts to not be tricked ever again, I began to study the bible in as much depth as possible. I tried to follow multiple trusted commentaries and study aides. I asked the holy spirit to guide me before I opened the book. I prayed for understanding, I followed as best as possible the greek and hebrew meanings but this has caused so many problems. Take the calvanist vs Armenian debate. There are huge heavyweights on either side or the argument(Spurgeon, Luther, Wesley, Graham). All these men probably spent 10 times as much time as I have to study the word and they are poles apart with their interpretations. What chance do I have? None of these men I believe tried to be deceptive, all claimed to be under guidance from the spirit. But how can this be. Of course there are arguments raging about baptism, eschatology, creation, salvation, gifts etc. To this end, my frustration grew and I've stopped reading the bible. If God is there then there should be one truth, but what chance do I have of finding it? If millions can find biblical proof on WOF, I guess that anything can be proved if twisted enough Greater men than I have failed repeatedly to come to one understanding. The Holy Spirit (if it exists) does not guide me. God does not speak to me.
I have asked for forgiveness for everything I have done knowingly or unknowingly, I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour, but I have never felt a relationship with him (despite many desperate prayers).
How can I read the Bible anymore. I don't want to lean on my own (or others) understanding yet the spirit does not guide me.
I'm stuck and losing my faith fast.
Your opinions would be appreciated. I apologise if there are WOFers reading this and are offended, but my opinion that this doctrine is at least anti biblical can now never change.
Mark
Sorry for the long post.
I've been a Christian for about 6 years. I consider myself a reasonably minded person. I usually plan and study for things to make sure I make the right choices. I made a sincere and heartfelt commitment to Christ back then and stuck by it. My wife and I attended an Anglican Church where our Vicar even suggested I go into ministry! We moved and the local Anglican church was awful. In the meantime, I was concerned that I didn't really 'feel' the Holy Spirit guiding me. There was no still small voice or miraculous events in my life. We decided to attend a local 'contemporary' church. We were taken in by the modern music and atmosphere. A pastor who claimed that God had healed many through his fingers, there were prophets and visions, all the things that made God come alive for us. We gave large amounts of money to the church. This we were told unlocked God's promises for us - backed up with of course with Bible verses. Furthermore, the housegroups were a case of watching John Bevere, Creflo Dollar, Benny Hinn, Copeland etc. No discussion or Bible study. With millions of followers accepting what these and others said - they must be right, I thought.
The turning point came. One of the members, a friend and young adult who had been sexually abused by her father earlier in life was made homeless and we took her in. The girl also had many physical medical problems and had to have various stays in hospital. She was suicidal and made attempts on her life whilst staying with us. She finally got booked in with a counsellor and psychiatrist and this began to help her. The church leaders cornered her after one meeting and said that she needed to stop going to counselling because it was blocking God's natural flow of healing. She was told that she must stop telling people that she has medical problems because it's negative talk and upsets the church. She was told simply to 'speak out' that she was healed and leave it to God. Lastly she was told to ask God's forgiveness for having sex before marriage (having been raped). I was disgusted.
In some of the home group sessions, I tried to ask questions about videos I'd seen about Benny Hinn's lack of proof for his healings and tried to open a discussion about the love of money, tongues etc. I got sternly told that I was walking on dangerous ground if I try to critisise Benny Hinn because he is such an annointed person. At no point could anyone discuss what the pastor preached (in a negative or questioning way). You were not allowed even to say you have a cold or you feel a bit under the weather. We were taught that if you didn't speak tongues, you were a freak. If you didn't have any money, you had to give anyway or God would not bless you.
My wife and I broke away from this church thankfully but I have been left shattered.
In my efforts to not be tricked ever again, I began to study the bible in as much depth as possible. I tried to follow multiple trusted commentaries and study aides. I asked the holy spirit to guide me before I opened the book. I prayed for understanding, I followed as best as possible the greek and hebrew meanings but this has caused so many problems. Take the calvanist vs Armenian debate. There are huge heavyweights on either side or the argument(Spurgeon, Luther, Wesley, Graham). All these men probably spent 10 times as much time as I have to study the word and they are poles apart with their interpretations. What chance do I have? None of these men I believe tried to be deceptive, all claimed to be under guidance from the spirit. But how can this be. Of course there are arguments raging about baptism, eschatology, creation, salvation, gifts etc. To this end, my frustration grew and I've stopped reading the bible. If God is there then there should be one truth, but what chance do I have of finding it? If millions can find biblical proof on WOF, I guess that anything can be proved if twisted enough Greater men than I have failed repeatedly to come to one understanding. The Holy Spirit (if it exists) does not guide me. God does not speak to me.
I have asked for forgiveness for everything I have done knowingly or unknowingly, I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour, but I have never felt a relationship with him (despite many desperate prayers).
How can I read the Bible anymore. I don't want to lean on my own (or others) understanding yet the spirit does not guide me.
I'm stuck and losing my faith fast.
Your opinions would be appreciated. I apologise if there are WOFers reading this and are offended, but my opinion that this doctrine is at least anti biblical can now never change.
Mark