Desire For Marriage (Or Lack Of)

[PeculiarTreasure]

There was a time in my life when I desired to marry. I prayed for my future husband (off & on)

In the recent years, however, this desire has diminished dramatically.

It's kind of funny, because in those times I desired marriage I actually prayed that the Lord would take the desire away from me if it wasn't in His will or until the time is right for my future hubby to come into my life. Perhaps He just answered my prayers.

The way the world is now I just don't desire marriage as much as I used to. My own parents are divorced. I've seen people my age or younger than me already get married and divorced. I've seen the seeming perfect marriage on the outside fall apart due to infidelity. The woman didn't have a clue anything was wrong. It's sad. It's tragic.

I used to whole heartily believe that if God was the center of the marriage then it would last. I'm not sure I believe this statement anymore. Things happen. People change. Nobody wakes up one day and says "I'll think I'll get divorced today" ya know. It isn't planned.

I don't know, the more I think about it, the more it's just not worth it to me. Perhaps I've just seen too much or just have simply given up.

Thoughts? Comments? Has this happened to anyone else?

 

[Messy]

The way the world is now I just don't desire marriage as much as I used to. My own parents are divorced. I've seen people my age or younger than me already get married and divorced. I've seen the seeming perfect marriage on the outside fall apart due to infidelity. The woman didn't have a clue anything was wrong. It's sad. It's tragic.

I used to whole heartily believe that if God was the center of the marriage then it would last. I'm not sure I believe this statement anymore. Things happen. People change. Nobody wakes up one day and says "I'll think I'll get divorced today" ya know. It isn't planned.

I don't know, the more I think about it, the more it's just not worth it to me. Perhaps I've just seen too much or just have simply given up.

Thoughts? Comments? Has this happened to anyone else?

God was in the center of our marriage, he was the one God had for me and still it happened. I don't want it anymore. Someone wanted to marry, I asked my kid and he said: Oh no, we thought the other guy was nice too. And almost everyone's on inappropriate content these days, you can't trust someone anymore. I'll marry Jesus.

 

[Cute Tink]

It would have to be someone seriously special. Otherwise, I don't want to go through that again.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

God was in the center of our marriage, he was the one God had for me and still it happened. I don't want it anymore. Someone wanted to marry, I asked my kid and he said: Oh no, we thought the other guy was nice too. And almost everyone's on inappropriate content these days, you can't trust someone anymore. I'll marry Jesus.

My mom feels the same way. She never wants to marry again.

I've never been married but I've seen and experienced too much to desire it anymore.

I know it's not the way God intended for marriage to be viewed but with the way the world is...I'm like... why risk it.

It's quite sad...

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

It would have to be someone seriously special. Otherwise, I don't want to go through that again.

Can't say I blame ya there...

Sorry you had to go through what you did.

 

[Cute Tink]

Can't say I blame ya there...

Sorry you had to go through what you did.

Thanks

I guess my lesson is that marriage may not be for me? I dunno.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

Thanks

I guess my lesson is that marriage may not be for me? I dunno.

I don't know anymore either to be honest...

 

[Saucy]

I'm the opposite. I've desired relationships and such, but there were a lot of times in my 20s I was glad I wasn't married, but I don't know. Since hitting 30, it's like a switch was turned on. I don't know if that's God's way of saying, "hey, you're time is near!" or what, because I've also prayed for Him to take the desire away and it only got stronger.

I understand about the state of marriage right now, but really I'm not going to use the mindset of 'why do it when it doesn't work for others'. Well, there's even more happy stories of people it does work for and I can see why their marriages fail. They don't take time and build a foundation of friendship, they rush in and let their desire for sex rule their decisions. Not everyone, but most people I see who have gotten divorced were for petty reasons.

So personally I will have high standards and not go in with the negative attitude of 'oh, most marriages fail, so eh". No I won't get divorced and the woman I marry should have the same attitude and desire to work everything out at all costs and understand what true love and marriage is. It will be a constant work of progress and bettering each other and sacrifice.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

I'm the opposite. I've desired relationships and such, but there were a lot of times in my 20s I was glad I wasn't married, but I don't know. Since hitting 30, it's like a switch was turned on. I don't know if that's God's way of saying, "hey, you're time is near!" or what, because I've also prayed for Him to take the desire away and it only got stronger.

I understand about the state of marriage right now, but really I'm not going to use the mindset of 'why do it when it doesn't work for others'. Well, there's even more happy stories of people it does work for and I can see why their marriages fail. They don't take time and build a foundation of friendship, they rush in and let their desire for sex rule their decisions. Not everyone, but most people I see who have gotten divorced were for petty reasons.

So personally I will have high standards and not go in with the negative attitude of 'oh, most marriages fail, so eh". No I won't get divorced and the woman I marry should have the same attitude and desire to work everything out at all costs and understand what true love and marriage is. It will be a constant work of progress and bettering each other and sacrifice.

I used to have this attitude. I used to say I'm never going to get divorced. We're not even going to mention the "D" word not even in a joking manner.

But like you said, it takes TWO people. Both the man and wife to have this desire. Which sadly, is hard to find these days.

It's like when I turned 30 my brain switched to "No marriage for this girl!"

 

[Messy]

I used to have this attitude. I used to say I'm never going to get divorced. We're not even going to mention the "D" word not even in a joking manner.

But like you said, it takes TWO people. Both the man and wife to have this desire. Which sadly, is hard to find these days.

It's like when I turned 30 my brain switched to "No marriage for this girl!"

Yes it takes two people and it helps a lot when both don't have bagage. Non christian people at my office are all happily married, my sister too.

 

[Saucy]

Yeah for me it's like everything is ramped up. Sexual desire, feeling more alone, wishing I had a partner to help me grow and even desiring to help my partner grow, they've all just turned on and revved full blast

 

[russianorth]

I'm the opposite. I've desired relationships and such, but there were a lot of times in my 20s I was glad I wasn't married, but I don't know. Since hitting 30, it's like a switch was turned on. I don't know if that's God's way of saying, "hey, you're time is near!" or what, because I've also prayed for Him to take the desire away and it only got stronger.

I understand about the state of marriage right now, but really I'm not going to use the mindset of 'why do it when it doesn't work for others'. Well, there's even more happy stories of people it does work for and I can see why their marriages fail. They don't take time and build a foundation of friendship, they rush in and let their desire for sex rule their decisions. Not everyone, but most people I see who have gotten divorced were for petty reasons.

So personally I will have high standards and not go in with the negative attitude of 'oh, most marriages fail, so eh". No I won't get divorced and the woman I marry should have the same attitude and desire to work everything out at all costs and understand what true love and marriage is. It will be a constant work of progress and bettering each other and sacrifice.

I find this is mainly done due to church and social pressure. I dont know anyone that would have rushed into a legal marriage had it not been from heavy outside pressures.

 

[PeculiarTreasure]

Yes it takes two people and it helps a lot when both don't have bagage. Non christian people at my office are all happily married, my sister too.

I've seen one lasting marriage in my life. That was my grandparents.

They were married for 50+ years.

My grandpa had cancer and one day while he was very sick in bed, he asked my mom to get some money out of his wallet and go get his wife (my grandma) a gift for Valentines Day. Even on his deathbed, he thought of her.

He has since passed away and I still miss him.

Their marriage is the only lasting, Godly marriage I've ever seen.

 

[Cute Tink]

I find this is mainly done due to church and social pressure. I dont know anyone that would have rushed into a legal marriage had it not been from heavy outside pressures.

What about just being young, stupid and overly optimistic?

 

[Messy]

I find this is mainly done due to church and social pressure. I dont know anyone that would have rushed into a legal marriage had it not been from heavy outside pressures.

With my second marriage this was the reason. He couldn't wait and I was afraid Jesus would come back again and I'd be living in sin and miss the rapture. Everybody warned us not to marry, but we just rushed into it. It was a disaster from day 1. My mother who believes sex before marriage is wrong even told me: Oh God wouldn't mind if you'd live together some more and marry later, which she never says, she just hoped I'd wait and it would end. Had it been two months later I think I'd have found out he didn't give a heck about my kids and we'd never have married.

 

[Messy]

What about just being young, stupid and overly optimistic?

Oh yes those are great ingredients too.
And the most important one: never let your kid sleep in between you.

 

[russianorth]

With my second marriage this was the reason. He couldn't wait and I was afraid Jesus would come back again and I'd be living in sin and miss the rapture. Everybody warned us not to marry, but we just rushed into it. It was a disaster from day 1. My mother who believes sex before marriage is wrong even told me: Oh God wouldn't mind if you'd live together some more and marry later, which she never says, she just hoped I'd wait and it would end. Had it been two months later I think I'd have found out he didn't give a heck about my kids and we'd never have married.

I think this was a key ingredient. IF someone can make someone else they are going to LITTERALLY burn in hell for eternity people will do some crazy things (or not do things they really ought to). Even though all of the reference in the bible to sex and not going to heaven has to do with idol worship.

King david went to heaven and he had hundreds of women to chose from to have sex with and to think that me sleeping with my gf is going to send me to hell is abusrd. Of course staunch Christians will say oh david got a pass

Of course God can do what ever he wants, he is God after all. I will do the best I can in this life but I have done enough self sabatouge for one life time with 2 divorces. But unfortunately I still love sex so that's just the way it goes.

 

[russianorth]

What about just being young, stupid and overly optimistic?

But typically absent any social or church pressure, young dumb kids will just sleep with each other and maybe live together. The marriage licence is an instrument of the state that is not really in young peoples minds. They just want sex and love.

Young dumb kids will have kids WAY before they want them which is the major issue.

 

[Saucy]

Yeah that's a huge factor in me deciding I don't want to get married. I don't think I could handle living the rest of my life without sex. It's not the most important factor going into marriage, but it's a big one. It's been difficult waiting this long.

 

[russianorth]

Yeah that's a huge factor in me deciding I don't want to get married. I don't think I could handle living the rest of my life without sex. It's not the most important factor going into marriage, but it's a big one. It's been difficult waiting this long.

You don't get the time back, just make a decision to do SOMETHING.

But I agree don't get legally married, in fact the less govt lists you can get your name on the better. Maybe do a private ceremony or something and spend the money to go to Hawaii or buy a house or something. Anyone who thinks the govt has your best interests in mind is a fool.

I can gaurentee there is a woman out there desperate for a man as well. She may not be the best looker but she will be appreciative.