depression is killing me

[Mandahuff]

i know very much what you mean. i've been in that horrible pit, plenty of times, its a awful place, the worst beside hell i reckon.

There is a way out though and that is by using mindfulness the biblical way. In the bible it is written that we harvest what we sow. Now depression tricks us into believing/sowing lies about God, ourselves and others. Hurtful lies that bring misery.

For example when i was at my worst i didn't believe God loved me but that He hated me. That were the thoughts i cultivated into my heart and mind and that is what i believed feeling terrible that God had destined me to burn in hell. i believed i wasn't loveable, friends had forsaken me, people at Church more often than not judged me instead of supported me - or so i thought. i saw myself as useless, a burden, someone to dislike and do away with.

All of that began to change when i realised that i had been sowing negativities into my heart and mind for many years and that this was the biggest reason my depression was so bad. So i began to sow faith, love, kindness, gentleness, kindness, thankfulness and joy into my heart. I prayed for such times and asked God to rebuild me into someone who could suffer from a depressive illness without having to be suicidal all the time.

He did. In less than 4 years i left the pit behind and my suicidal ideation had disappeared. Sure i still suffer from depression but God's good life is so much better at fighting the lies of depression.

i found that faith in God's love brought me hope again and that my hope in God is never a disappointment. Using God's word as my weapon i fight the lies of depression. It is amazing how much better the truth of God deals with a depressive mind than a low self esteem hurt by people.

So yes there is hope for you as well. Fighting the lies of depression and cultivating good life can lift you out of this horrible pit you are in now. For one thing stands out we can't believe our depressive feelings to tell us the truth, they hurt us so! God's truth brings love and thankfulness alive even in a depressed heart.

Be of very good courage.



To God's Depressed Child,

To think less of yourself then God's own
Brings you much pain and suffering.
Your worth is an incredible high price
Also for you did Jesus die on the cross.

Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

His loving truth brings you His good life
While to believe lies brings pain and grief
So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
and don't let Satan your good life squander.

Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.

Thank you. This sounds so much like what I’m going through. I have the same issues with attending church. Any little thing I blow it out proportion in my mind and think everyone is working against me. I actually fell away from God for the last few years and I convinced myself God hated me and only recently been able to get back on track and accept his love. I struggle now attending church, along with any place with a group situation. I’m glad there people who understand.

 

[Mandahuff]

Thank you for all the comments. I was in desperation mode with no where to turn. It helped me greatly to read all that you posted. I’m glad to see others understand. Im really working hard with Gods help to overcome this. Thanks again.

 

[Tempura]

only recently been able to get back on track and accept his love.

This makes me teary, because I've had that struggle, and sometimes still do. It's such a sadness. How we build up these walls against His love. That we can't have it, we can't deserve it (as if it's something to be deserved), we're not worthy, how it's not "real" love, how it's just a competition and we're already disqualified. We think of love itself as an exchange, and ourselves as destitute. We see ourselves as people who need it so badly, but we can't get it. It's there, but it's so hard for us to see it. Those walls of ours can be strong. But God Himself will tear them all down. He will break through. He will not stop, He will not rest. He won't get tired.

Christ be with you. Don't be a stranger.

 

[Mandahuff]

My sister, you are definitely not alone in this. I know it feels like you are. I was smothered in depression and attacked by suicidal thoughts most of my younger years. Still tries to attack me from time to time, but God has shown me how to see it coming and I praise Him for giving me the weapons to fight against the oppressing weight of depression. Here is a link to my deliverance from depression. I pray God will touch your life and show you how precious you are to Him. Keep faith my sister. A Light in the Darkness

I just read your link. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Jeshu]

I struggle now attending church, along with any place with a group situation.

i have regained my faith in God's love but i haven't been inside my church for years struggling with big groups and with what is preached from the pulpit makes me often sadder rather than happy.

It is hard being depressed and we have to learn to take good care of ourselves. Be mindful about our moments with depression. It can be a real struggle not to believe the feelings but hold onto rational thought instead. i found that love for God and neighbour as well as ourselves is an excellent weapon against depression.

Have you got a pet? That can help as well. To love and take care of a pet can ground us enormously.

blessings

 

[Mandahuff]

i have regained my faith in God's love but i haven't been inside my church for years struggling with big groups and with what is preached from the pulpit makes me often sadder rather than happy.

It is hard being depressed and we have to learn to take good care of ourselves. Be mindful about our moments with depression. It can be a real struggle not to believe the feelings but hold onto rational thought instead. i found that love for God and neighbour as well as ourselves is an excellent weapon against depression.

Have you got a pet? That can help as well. To love and take care of a pet can ground us enormously.

blessings

Thank you for the response. I seem to feel a lot better every time I pray so, I have been just running to God with it lately. I do have three cats and they love to be petted.

 

[Jeshu]

I seem to feel a lot better every time I pray so, I have been just running to God with it lately.

Good on you, that is the way out of the pit. Each time we take our negativity to Him we get good life back. Be it the ability to survive the hard ship, or more love, kindness, gentleness, long-suffering or patience, God helps us through.

For as long as we go to Him with faith in His love we do not get disappointed in the outcome. i've been battling my depression all my life but ever since i'm convinced of God's love for me i have been able to keep my head above water. It is hard battling depression with God's loving truth because we have to go against our feelings, but so worth it when one suffers from a depressive illness.

God's promises are much better than the negative life depression has in store for us.

So yes i want to encourage you to keep running to God and to put your faith in His love so your life can have hope again.

Peace