depression is killing me

[Mandahuff]

Depression for me right now is so real. I have been thinking about hurting myself off and on for the last two weeks. I sit and cry every single day, alone. I have no support and feel so alone. I really just want to end it. It seems like everywhere I go no one likes me. I feel so rejected by most people. I pray and pray and still hurt. I will try and reach out to someone and no one wants to talk to me. They do not care.

 

[MariaJLM]

I also suffer from depression(among other things) so I know what it's like. Prayers.

 

[dzheremi]

Lord have mercy. Thank you for reaching out here. That is a brave step. Please feel free to consult with people here in the support forums. There are people here who will not just care but also be able to relate. Please do not stop trying.

 

[Lost4words]

Depression for me right now is so real. I have been thinking about hurting myself off and on for the last two weeks. I sit and cry every single day, alone. I have no support and feel so alone. I really just want to end it. It seems like everywhere I go no one likes me. I feel so rejected by most people. I pray and pray and still hurt. I will try and reach out to someone and no one wants to talk to me. They do not care.

You are definitely not alone. Big sufferer here too. Anxiety also.

The way you feel is how i feel. And others too on this forum.

Look, offer up your sufferings to God. Lay them at His feet. God loves you so much. Its the devil that wants you to harm yourself or move away from God. Dont let him win! However hard it gets, keep turning to God. Again and again.

I have lost countless battles with evil but the devil will NEVER win the war!

Jesus is my rock. Get up, dust yourself off and continue towards Jesus. Trust in Him. You are loved.

God bless and protect you.

 

[SkyWriting]

Depression for me right now is so real. I have been thinking about hurting myself off and on for the last two weeks. I sit and cry every single day, alone. I have no support and feel so alone. I really just want to end it. It seems like everywhere I go no one likes me. I feel so rejected by most people. I pray and pray and still hurt. I will try and reach out to someone and no one wants to talk to me. They do not care.

Be the person you are waiting for others to become.
Help others first.

 

[The_wanderer 40]

I agree with all the comments made so far. Never give up. And whenever you’re down on yourself, pray for God to help you in whatever area(s) you think you are lacking. If you do not feel like praying, pray for God to help you to feel like praying. Helping/serving others is key; that’s what Jesus did. If you don’t feel like helping others, pray for God to help you feel like helping others. Seeking God by reading the Bible, praying, fellowshiping with other Christians, and helping others have been a tremendous help with my depression. I am praying for you. God bless!

 

[Newsgurl]

I care about you and I don’t even know you. You have a group of ppl on here that absolutely love you and want to help you with your problems including me. I suffer from depression also been battling it for 18 years. I admit there are times that are hard but you got to put the bad days aside and move on till tomorrow b/c for me the next day
Gets better for me. I can’t imagine not having a support group but I’ll help you out I’m always here if you need me. I will keep you in my prayers and know you got a friend in me that cares about you.

 

[Rescued One]

I like you!!!!! Click on these blue letters:

You may feel insignificant, but

We aren't perfect, but we want others to be happy!

 

[Messerve]

Depression for me right now is so real. I have been thinking about hurting myself off and on for the last two weeks. I sit and cry every single day, alone. I have no support and feel so alone. I really just want to end it. It seems like everywhere I go no one likes me. I feel so rejected by most people. I pray and pray and still hurt. I will try and reach out to someone and no one wants to talk to me. They do not care.

I've been there. On more than one occasion I was so depressed and lonely I was actually searching my house for something sharp to cut my arm with. Just a way to let out all the anger and grief that was pent up inside... For some reason it never happened, and I thank God it didn't.

In the past, I would start throwing things in the trash that I actually loved or had good memories associated with them. It just all seemed artificial. Like that special gift a friend gave me (a friend who no longer stayed in touch and didn't even seem to remember I existed) had changed form being a treasured gift to a source of mockery - reminding me continually of disloyalty and self-centeredness. So I'd grab that thing of my shelf and throw it in the garbage, which would give a temporary sense of revenge. Yet, a day or two later I would sorely regret it as it was the only thing I had to remember that person by and, in reality, they were a very caring person and life just pulled us apart for some reason.

When I was in college, the week before I graduated I knew I was about to be separated from a lot of people I loved. It had become my home and my fellow students were like family. Yet, having chosen to forego social media, I knew I'd very likely never hear from most of them again the moment I was handed my diploma... And that hurt deeply. So I began going through my whole dorm room throwing all kinds of things away - throwing school supplies at the floor and smashing them, throwing out favorite clothing, tearing up photos of friends, ripping the posters off my walls and crumpling them... It wasn't good. It was actually a sinful way to act and I let my anger get the best of me very badly. I still miss my track jacket... I haven't seen another like it yet.

Anyway, all this to say I do understand how you feel. Depression is a tricky and confusing thing. It isn't all about self-centerdness because even when you're out helping others you can still feel alone and abandoned. Some of my loneliest moments as a teenager were helping make shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child while in youth group. Somehow, all the youth ended up in the pastor's office watching a movie. Except me. Apparently I was too intent on picking out a teddy bear for my box or something... Suddenly I realized the room was empty. Just me and a pile of unfinished boxes and a table full of toys. Even the youth pastor was gone. I felt so rejected, I just found my parents and asked to go home.

Again, while in college, I was out with a group of people in the city. We were all good companions - a mix of guys and girls. We went ice skating together (in the rain!) which was some great memories and then got back on a train to return to campus. While on the train my mind was wandering and I was completely oblivious that we had reached our stop and everyone else was getting off. Just as the doors were closing I realized and ran over, but it was too late. I watched my friends all walking away down the platform as the train pulled out of the station. Not one of them noticed I was missing. I got off at the next stop, sat there for about an hour waiting for the next train and then finally got back to campus. I walked into my dorm room and my roommate, who was part of our group, asked if I was at the library. That kind of hurt. But the fact that no one girl noticed I was missing either, might have hurt even more.

Well, I feel like I'm being more depressing than anything! Hahaha So... the point.

There are times like this in life when it seems like you could die and no one would even notice (that's a lie straight from Satan, by the way). And then there are times where you feel overwhelmed by the love and concern of others. You suddenly make a great friend who truly takes an interest in you and cares about your well-being and you enjoy that while it lasts. The relationship may not last forever, but if God could answer that prayer once He can certainly do it again.

Instead of letting your depression overwhelm you, consider the fact that it may be Satan's goal that you do end your life because He knows God will use you in amazing ways! Satan doesn't want that. Don't let him have his way. Cling to God and His promise to never leave us or forsake us and have faith that He will use your struggles for His glory.

For myself, I resorted to writing music to express my pain. Some of that music has touched others deeply and been a tool of healing in God's hands.

Don't give up! There's more to see.

 

[Rescued One]

 

[Jeshu]

14 years ago i joined Christian forums feeling very much the same as you do now. However i've learned to understand depression better and have met scores of supportive people over the years some of whom i proudly call my friends.

Honest reach out support and good will will come your way.

Fighting depression is a heavy battle but we are not without help. God can get us through it and get us better off on the other side.

Be of good courage.

 

[SkyWriting]

Depression for me right now is so real. I have been thinking about hurting myself off and on for the last two weeks. I sit and cry every single day, alone. I have no support and feel so alone. I really just want to end it. It seems like everywhere I go no one likes me. I feel so rejected by most people. I pray and pray and still hurt. I will try and reach out to someone and no one wants to talk to me. They do not care.

There are times in our lives when we do feel alone and working through those hard times without blaming others is the key to more satisfied life. My granddaughters boyfriend committed the ultimate violence yesterday and you can only imagine the pain he was going through and the emptiness he created in scores of people. Living through the pain of life is how we learn to live.

 

[Tempura]

Do not give up. Many of us know exactly what depression can be like, and we've been (sometimes still are) there, in that dark, lonely miserable pit. Look how many people care right here in this thread. Don't be a stranger, let us hear from you. You can always PM me if you want to talk, and I'm sure that's the case with all people here, you can reach out and not feel guilty about it one bit. Praying for you dear one.

 

[gym_class_hero]

God bless you. He has a plan for your life!

 

[Mandahuff]

Thanks for replies. Trying to figure out how to make it through work today. I posted in a pretty desperate state of mind. Just tried of feeling alone and I’m weird and can’t really make friends I’m very socially awkward. I don’t really know what purpose I have. Yeah I can’t even connect with others how can I focus on them. Would love to focus on anything but this right now. I look around me and see everyone has a support system or friends who care about them. I don’t get what’s wrong with me. There is definitely something wrong with me. Trust me if you knew me you would understand. Thanks for trying to help me feel better.

 

[Yusuphhai]

I pray you can find a supportive group ,face to face talking.and find rest. e.g. an orphanage.

 

[Mandahuff]

There are times in our lives when we do feel alone and working through those hard times without blaming others is the key to more satisfied life. My granddaughters boyfriend committed the ultimate violence yesterday and you can only imagine the pain he was going through and the emptiness he created in scores of people. Living through the pain of life is how we learn to live.

I blame myself

 

[Tempura]

There is definitely something wrong with me. Trust me if you knew me you would understand.

If you're not talking about any medical situation or physiological/psychological condition, but about some personal flaws or "curses", that's just depression telling its lies to you, and you believing them. Everyone who has been severely depressed knows this. We know it's not just a sad feeling, it's not just a mood, it's not just lingering melancholy. It's a heavy reality of its own forcing itself on you, and it's all lies. Everything about it tells you these things: "you cannot be loved", "you're evil", "you're useless", "you're here for others to laugh at", "you don't deserve anything", "hope is a lie", "everything is your fault". It's a condition that makes everything good and hopeful and truthful seem like a horrible lie or a platitude, and it makes everything miserable and hopeless seem like the only truth that other's just can't see.

But it's not your fault, you didn't ask for it, I didn't ask for it either nor did anyone else. And when we can't see better, and we're slaves to our feelings and depression itself, we just have to endure and get whatever help we can. I've needed professional help many times in my life, even if I made all the excuses for not getting it, or I quit when it didn't work. Sometimes getting good help might be like banging your head against a wall, but it's worth it. But in the meantime we can reach out to others, just like you're doing right now, and it's not by accident. I believe you're being guided by the Spirit.

If someone told me something like this, or anything that was supposed to help me carry on, when I was at the darkest pit of my depression, I wouldn't have believed them for one second. I would have just thought of them as words from someone who doesn't understand me or reality itself. I'm not at that pit anymore, but I can still remember how distant everything felt, how disconnected I was. I also happen to know many others in my real life who've been through depression in various forms. Everyone's experience of it is personal, but it always works in the same way: it wants to drive people out of everything good, isolate themselves into self-loathing and hopelessness where they can't see anything else but pointless suffering and sadness. If someone is lonely, depression will surely use that, and if someone has many people in their lives, depression will use that too and turn it into a different kind of loneliness where one feels out of place, ungrateful and isolated in the midst of others.

But the Lord is greater than anything, and love, hope and faith will remain no matter how dark things might seem. God's love for you is great, you are precious to Him, and for us too, since you are a sister/brother in Christ. You will get through this. Do not give up. We will be praying for you and you can always talk to us.

 

[Mandahuff]

Thank you for this post it help me feel little better. Still been crying all day and thinking thoughts of ending it. I have been seeing a therapist already. Not sure, it doesn’t seem to help. I have social anxiety and cannot open to people so yeah. When I do they typically treat me different. I just want someone to talk to and not to feel alone

 

[Drifter Kybe Scythe Kane]

Depression for me right now is so real. I have been thinking about hurting myself off and on for the last two weeks. I sit and cry every single day, alone. I have no support and feel so alone. I really just want to end it. It seems like everywhere I go no one likes me. I feel so rejected by most people. I pray and pray and still hurt. I will try and reach out to someone and no one wants to talk to me. They do not care.

hi Mandahuff...i'll be here for you...if you wanna talk...we can...mandahuff...like yourself...don't corrupt yourself with corruption and try not to hurt yourself...life always has hope as long as there is life...i support you...i will never pull you down...don't blame yourself...just do your best...i'm not christian but if god will help...then pray to Him...do not only see the threat of the dark world we live in today but instead emerge with comfortability...take wisdom in these dark times...but don't go look for dark and corrupted things out there...for it is only bad...don't just live for the sake of living only...side approach things with strategy if you want...not every loss teaches you something so be careful if you'd like...life is up to you...and i'm here...find your path with harmony as your foundation before anything else as you live your life...there are plenty of comfortable things out there and solutions...just go with what sings to you...care about yourself...i hope you find sanctuary in what sings to you...there is a lot of betrayal out there...watch for it if you want...i advise you to...love exists and no one is alone...but for now, i'm with you...if you found your identity...keep it...when something comes to you in life...and you're not ready for it you think...don't just meet it head on unless you know you're ready for the most part of things in life i would say...discovering things about yourself and other things in life is good but there is no shame in asking for help...