Depression is back. What do I do? I feel worthless.

[AmeriLovesJesus]

I feel hopeless. I thought Id be better come September.. I struggled all summer trying to get through this dark cloud. So I said come Fall I'd get back on my feet. Im here in the fall now & I hate myself even more then i did through the summer. Ive gone through some many weird episodes with different fears & worries. It just feels like one worry after another. I got a job at the beginning of fall finally but the drive to the job worried me so I left. Kept looking for something else. Til I got to the point that Id beat myself emotionally for giving up a job I waited for, for a long time. I dont know where to go with my life. I dont know what to do. I changed my major in school & now Im second guessing my decision. I dont want to fail in life. I want to stand for something. Im headed in this direction & I feel like my surroundings are not going to change. I do love my home you know but Ive always wanted to get out of here & explore life & pursue something greater.

I find myself being extremely negative towards my life. Ive been questioning God. I dont know where to go or where to turn for this. Im not happy at all.

 

[Everlasting33]

It really sounds like you have been through a lot and I can empathize. Unfortunately, I am talented at self-condemnation and I am working on it. When I do, I ask myself, "Why do you feel the need to hate yourself? What have you done to deserve such hate?"

Usually, we would never hate our friends, co-workers, or strangers like we hate ourselves. Why is it so easy to hate and so hard to love and accept?

That is something you must challenge yourself with. Challenge and seek to understand your own motivations and needs.

I have found that acceptance brings change and it really comes down to desire to show yourself compassion, love, and hope when you don't feel like its deserving.

Don't give up. There is hope and peace and you are capable of it!

You are not worthless! You may feel this way and I have been there...but it's a lie!

 

[plumsink]

You are not worthless Ameri. You were bought at an incalculable price. A dove in a world of wolves, the Lamb of God, was slain so that you could have Life.

It seems to me that you are so busy trying to control things in your life that you are too worried to do anything. Let God take the wheel. Just say to yourself, "I will let God control my life. If I get in a car crash and die, well everyone dies. May God's will, not mine be done."

You yourself cannot grow an inch by wishing it, nor change one gray hair. Trust God.

I will pray for you with all my heart.

Peace and love in Christ sister.

Robert

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Thanks so much both of you for your encouragement. Yes I do try to control things.. I guess there is just too much pain Ive gone through that Im too worried about trusting God with anymore. Im so depressed all of the time. Im going to school & feel like Im wasting my time with it or Im just wasting time focusing on it. I dont know what is ahead of me. At least my life before I took this leap I could predict what tomorrow brings... now Im scared to death.

Thank you for praying for me.

 

[miss-a]

I've been a big second guesser in my life, but I'm doing less since I heard a pastor say that God doesn't speak to us that way, that the Holy Spirit doesn't sit back, let us make the wrong move and then "should" us to death after we've done it. He leads us gently. Those shoulds are not from Him. When we do make wrong moves He graciously guides us back onto the right path. He's set us up to succeed, not fail. I'm saying this as much for myself as you. I'm grateful for your post reminding me of the truth, as I am having to make major life decisions very soon.

And here's another great one. Pastor Brian Broderson and wife Cheryl repeatedly say, you can't miss God's will unless you want to, unless you know it and intentionally disobey. If we don't know it and we're doing our best to do what we think He wants, then we can trust He'll get us there, and any mis-steps we take are no big deal for Him. He'll work with our fouls just as effectively as He works with our home runs. He works with a willing heart, and I can hear yours in your post.

I can also hear a weary heart, dear one. Please remember He is God. You don't have to be. I speak from experience. It's exhausting. Remember Psalm 34: " I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears . . . those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing." And I'm praying specifically when the enemy attacks with those thought of self hatred, lies that they are, that your mind and your mouth will instantly remember Psalm 45:10 &11: "Listen, O daughter, consider and incline your ear. . . the King is enthralled with your beauty." Jesus in enthralled with you.

Blessings, A

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Thank you for your encouragement it does help me. I feel like somewhere my life took a totally different turn. Im not being hopeful anymore & I dont know how to get that back. I honestly feel like a failure & dont know how to shake out of it. Everything I was once really confident about is destroyed. This has been going on since February. Im beating myself up even more because its taking so long to get through & what if I get to deep in it that I screw up way too much to get myself out of it. There were things I should have done, that I feel God was telling me to do but I was scared. I miss those chances.

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

I don't know what to do. I can't trust God anymore. Im going through something I dont know what it is. The people around dont believe in him. i tried staying hopeful. I tried for years and then my split & my SF left my mother who is ill for another woman last year. Now my mother needs financial help. Im sitting here getting into debt to go to school. I cannot trust him. Ive turned my back on my mother because she was getting too abusive. Now I feel like she wont forgive me. She has a way of doing that when you wrong she sucks the life out of it if you want her forgiveness. I cant do this faith stuff anymore. Look where Im at in my life now. I keep screwing up. I dont believe in myself. Everybody else around me is succeeding and they dont believe in God. I believe in God & here I am stressing & upset & everything I believed in & worked toward over the years has left me in this position. Ive isolated myself to the point I feel to ugly to even be considered for any kind of great job. Ive changed my major only to start all over again. I feel like a failure & any step I take next Im terrified I just put myself in a deeper hole.

Your encouraging words are very appreciated as I am hoping at some point Ill find a light & benefit from those words but it only feels like Im getting deeper. When Im here reading about encouragement everything is great but when I go back to the life I am living I feel buried & lost.

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

No I havent tried anti depressants. I havent been to the doctor. I dont have any money to do that.

 

[Everlasting33]

I don't know what to do. I can't trust God anymore. Im going through something I dont know what it is. The people around dont believe in him. i tried staying hopeful. I tried for years and then my split & my SF left my mother who is ill for another woman last year. Now my mother needs financial help. Im sitting here getting into debt to go to school. I cannot trust him. Ive turned my back on my mother because she was getting too abusive. Now I feel like she wont forgive me. She has a way of doing that when you wrong she sucks the life out of it if you want her forgiveness. I cant do this faith stuff anymore. Look where Im at in my life now. I keep screwing up. I dont believe in myself. Everybody else around me is succeeding and they dont believe in God. I believe in God & here I am stressing & upset & everything I believed in & worked toward over the years has left me in this position. Ive isolated myself to the point I feel to ugly to even be considered for any kind of great job. Ive changed my major only to start all over again. I feel like a failure & any step I take next Im terrified I just put myself in a deeper hole.

Your encouraging words are very appreciated as I am hoping at some point Ill find a light & benefit from those words but it only feels like Im getting deeper. When Im here reading about encouragement everything is great but when I go back to the life I am living I feel buried & lost.

I highly suggest challenging a lot of your feelings. Most people, including I, feel ugly, worthless, stupid, like a failure, a screw up and we just keep saying this over and over and over to ourselves. Obviously, we believe it or we wouldnt keep saying it.

Sooner or later, these feelings and thoughts appear to be true but that is because we have already decided on the outcome. We have already determined how we will feel and behave.

You are depressed and self-loathing. Accept it and feel it. Do not condemn it nor yourself ("oh here I go again! Why do I have to feel like this? I am so weak and I cannot change). It will pass.

Remember that your thoughts really do create your feelings.

 

[ke1985]

Dont give into the temptation of self-hate! It will ultimately destroy you.

 

[Criada]

Sweetie, I know how you feel.
And I'm not going to give you more words that don't mean anything at the moment, because you are not in a place where you can takew that.
But, try to live in this moment, ok? When things are very dark, just concentrate on what you can see and hear, smell and feel, right now. You can't change the past, and at the moment you are ill and can't do a lot about the future, so just be.
God is still there, and one day you will know that again. He won't let you go, you don't have to do anything to hold on to Him, because He is holding on to you.

Is there no scheme for getting medical help if you can't afford it? I'm in Britain, so I don't fully understand your system, but I thought there was provision for those unable to pay?

Are you in a church? They may be able to recommend a Christian counsellor who will only charge what you can afford to pay.

There are people here praying, sweetie, and when we can't find our own faith, we have to lean on our brothers and sisters.

 

[petrospetra]

[FONT=&quot]Dear AmeriLovesJesus,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It is hard when everything about us seems to fall apart. All of my goals for the future were destroyed in my early twenties. I thought God was angry with me for turning away from the path I had thought He wanted me to take. I thought I had ruined His plans.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But Jesus showed me that I had made the mistake of placing my faith and trust in following the path that I believed God had set for me. Eventually I became scared of making any decisions, or following any path, in case it was the wrong one.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Jesus set me free from that fear by showing me I needed to trust in Him instead of in what I believed my future should be. He showed that He will never leave or forsake me. "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Instead of building our lives on how we understand how our future will turn out, we need to build our lives upon God and trust Him whatever happens. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Proverbs 3:5. ‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]‘In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.‘ Proverbs 16:9[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]So please do not let fear dictate your steps. As others have said here, challenge your thinking. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Look to Jesus and ask Him to guide you, and to give you peace to be where you are at the moment. Accept yourself, and accept your current situation. Don't be hard on yourself.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]



[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

[miss-a]

I think it's a good sign that you feel better when reading our encouraging words. This tells me your heart is responding to God's truth even if your feelings are confused right now. And we all need to drink in His truth everyday, because we walk around in this world that is under the sway of the evil one. I bring 3X5 cards with Scriptures and Scripture prayers to work with me. I keep them close by, sometimes on my desk, sometimes in my bag, so I can refer to them often, as needed, which is often.

So definitely keep checking in here and reading lots of posts, but also consider printing out posts that really help you. Plug your pockets and purse full of them. Here's a great one to start with. Power2theweak posted it on another thread:

Its easy to be discouraged when things are going badly. But if you’re a member of Gods true Church he has a positive answer for all things.

You say: “Its impossible” God says: “All things are possible” (Luke 18:27)

You say: “ I’m too tired” God says: “I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: “ Nobody really loves me” God says: “I love you” (John 3:16)

You say: “I can’t go on” God says: “My Grace is sufficient” (II Cor 12:9; Psalms 91:15)

You say: “I can’t figure things out” God says: “I will direct your steps” (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

You say: “I can’t do it” God says: “You can do all things” (Philippians 4:13)

You say: “I’m not able” God says: “I am able” (II Cor:9:8)

You say: “It’s not worth it” God says: “It will be worth it” (Romans 8:28) Hallelujah!!!

You say: “I can’t forgive myself” God says: “I forgive you” (I John 1-9; Romans 8:1)

You say: “I can’t manage” God says: “I will supply all your needs" (Philippians 4:19)

You say: “I’m afraid” God says: “I have not given you a spirit of fear" (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: “I’m always worried and frustrated" God says: “ Cast all your cares on me" (I Peter 5:7)

You say: “I don’t have enough faith” God says: “I’ve given everyone a measure of faith" (Romans 12:3)

You say: “I’m not smart enough” God says: “I give you wisdom” (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: “I feel alone” God says: “I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)


From:
You say: “Its impossible” God says: “All things are possible” Luke 18:27


Also, if you can find some online teachers you like, if you have regular access to a computer, teachers who build you up, listen to them daily. There have been days, many of them , when I have had to listen to online teachers all day long because my own thoughts were not safe to be alone with. www.lifetoday.org/beth is my favorite. Just click the link, and then click on Watch Beth Online, then choose from literally dozens of teachings. What's great, aside from the incredibly healing teachings, is that they are in twenty minute segments. Most of us can squeak that out each day, and it's so important to get that truth into us. I also love this one: In Touch Ministries :: Video Archives - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009
and their radio archives, also: Audio Archives - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

I'm praying for you.
Blessings, A

 

[miss-a]

And here's one that's only 3 mins long. Please give it a listen. My pastor says that in times of difficulty it is important to remember that nothing on this earth is forever when you are in Christ. Even the difficulties that feel like they'll go on forever won't. It's all only temporary.

YouTube - Jeremy Camp - There Will Be A Day - Video Devotional

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

I think it's a good sign that you feel better when reading our encouraging words. This tells me your heart is responding to God's truth even if your feelings are confused right now. And we all need to drink in His truth everyday, because we walk around in this world that is under the sway of the evil one. I bring 3X5 cards with Scriptures and Scripture prayers to work with me. I keep them close by, sometimes on my desk, sometimes in my bag, so I can refer to them often, as needed, which is often.

So definitely keep checking in here and reading lots of posts, but also consider printing out posts that really help you. Plug your pockets and purse full of them. Here's a great one to start with. Power2theweak posted it on another thread:

Its easy to be discouraged when things are going badly. But if you’re a member of Gods true Church he has a positive answer for all things.

You say: “Its impossible” God says: “All things are possible” (Luke 18:27)

You say: “ I’m too tired” God says: “I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: “ Nobody really loves me” God says: “I love you” (John 3:16)

You say: “I can’t go on” God says: “My Grace is sufficient” (II Cor 12:9; Psalms 91:15)

You say: “I can’t figure things out” God says: “I will direct your steps” (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

You say: “I can’t do it” God says: “You can do all things” (Philippians 4:13)

You say: “I’m not able” God says: “I am able” (II Cor:9:8)

You say: “It’s not worth it” God says: “It will be worth it” (Romans 8:28) Hallelujah!!!

You say: “I can’t forgive myself” God says: “I forgive you” (I John 1-9; Romans 8:1)

You say: “I can’t manage” God says: “I will supply all your needs" (Philippians 4:19)

You say: “I’m afraid” God says: “I have not given you a spirit of fear" (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: “I’m always worried and frustrated" God says: “ Cast all your cares on me" (I Peter 5:7)

You say: “I don’t have enough faith” God says: “I’ve given everyone a measure of faith" (Romans 12:3)

You say: “I’m not smart enough” God says: “I give you wisdom” (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: “I feel alone” God says: “I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)


From:
You say: “Its impossible” God says: “All things are possible” Luke 18:27


Also, if you can find some online teachers you like, if you have regular access to a computer, teachers who build you up, listen to them daily. There have been days, many of them , when I have had to listen to online teachers all day long because my own thoughts were not safe to be alone with. www.lifetoday.org/beth is my favorite. Just click the link, and then click on Watch Beth Online, then choose from literally dozens of teachings. What's great, aside from the incredibly healing teachings, is that they are in twenty minute segments. Most of us can squeak that out each day, and it's so important to get that truth into us. I also love this one: In Touch Ministries :: Video Archives - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009
and their radio archives, also: Audio Archives - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

I'm praying for you.
Blessings, A

Thank you!! This is great... The idea for the cards is really good. At my old job I use to have a journal in my phone & every morning if I felt frustrated Id write in it right before I clocked into work. Also Id always have my devotional book with me. My work let me have that, it was like a security blanket to me. I even taken it with me in my car everywhere. I watch Joyce Meyer alot these past few days Ive been just listening to all of her videos in the background. I havent latched on yet but Ive surrounded myself with as spiritual things as possibly hoping at some point I will feel comfortable in my own skin again.

After all that has happened this past year with my family I just feel like somewhere along that road I lost it all or Im just missing something. The further I get with this though the worse I feel. I just cannot wait to get my life back to normal again, where I was patient, where I knew as long as I kept working hard everything will unfold, I just lost in completely though when my family fell apart. I felt betrayed by my stepfather. He was an abusive alcoholic during our childhood..& all we ever wanted as kids was for him to quit.. he almost destroyed my mother mentally who had become verbally abusive to us because of his behavior. Then he ran off to a better life with someone else & left my sister & I who have been through the worst with them.. to pick up the mess he made. My sister & I just feel like they always try to destroy our opportunities. My brother has taken on the abusive roll now. Well hes doing better but I had to leave living with my mother because it was getting to be a totally screwed up environment. I needed to get a way for awhile. My emotions got so mixed I cant explain how severe it got. Now Im terrified to try life again. Im sad I left my mother, Im scared Ill put this work in again & something else will happen. Im just totally sad all the time. This not how I wanted to spend the best part of my life. I just want a family .. I want support.. & Im so screwed up.

It go so bad I started emotionally beating myself to the point I was basically laughing at myself for ever thinking I could live a normal life.

I need God to intervene. Not to prove he exist but to just show me he is there & that everything is going to work out & everything Ive done over the years was worth it.

I was also going to the store one night & some really awesome God song came own but I was such a mess I couldn't remember any of the lyrics.

Also Im a little shy about church but I really want to join in time for Christmas. I have tried every year but Ive gotten scared. I want something like non denominational. Will you pray God will bring me a way to a church. We have so many around here but they are all divided my denomination & I really want to do this before Christmas this year.

Also please pray for me to get over this smoking habit. I find myself not enjoying it anymore I prayed before about it but I find myself just doing it to kill time & because Im stressed.

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

I think it's a good sign that you feel better when reading our encouraging words. This tells me your heart is responding to God's truth even if your feelings are confused right now. And we all need to drink in His truth everyday, because we walk around in this world that is under the sway of the evil one. I bring 3X5 cards with Scriptures and Scripture prayers to work with me. I keep them close by, sometimes on my desk, sometimes in my bag, so I can refer to them often, as needed, which is often.

So definitely keep checking in here and reading lots of posts, but also consider printing out posts that really help you. Plug your pockets and purse full of them. Here's a great one to start with. Power2theweak posted it on another thread:

Its easy to be discouraged when things are going badly. But if you’re a member of Gods true Church he has a positive answer for all things.

You say: “Its impossible” God says: “All things are possible” (Luke 18:27)

You say: “ I’m too tired” God says: “I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: “ Nobody really loves me” God says: “I love you” (John 3:16)

You say: “I can’t go on” God says: “My Grace is sufficient” (II Cor 12:9; Psalms 91:15)

You say: “I can’t figure things out” God says: “I will direct your steps” (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

You say: “I can’t do it” God says: “You can do all things” (Philippians 4:13)

You say: “I’m not able” God says: “I am able” (II Cor:9:8)

You say: “It’s not worth it” God says: “It will be worth it” (Romans 8:28) Hallelujah!!!

You say: “I can’t forgive myself” God says: “I forgive you” (I John 1-9; Romans 8:1)

You say: “I can’t manage” God says: “I will supply all your needs" (Philippians 4:19)

You say: “I’m afraid” God says: “I have not given you a spirit of fear" (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: “I’m always worried and frustrated" God says: “ Cast all your cares on me" (I Peter 5:7)

You say: “I don’t have enough faith” God says: “I’ve given everyone a measure of faith" (Romans 12:3)

You say: “I’m not smart enough” God says: “I give you wisdom” (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: “I feel alone” God says: “I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)


From:
You say: “Its impossible” God says: “All things are possible” Luke 18:27


Also, if you can find some online teachers you like, if you have regular access to a computer, teachers who build you up, listen to them daily. There have been days, many of them , when I have had to listen to online teachers all day long because my own thoughts were not safe to be alone with. www.lifetoday.org/beth is my favorite. Just click the link, and then click on Watch Beth Online, then choose from literally dozens of teachings. What's great, aside from the incredibly healing teachings, is that they are in twenty minute segments. Most of us can squeak that out each day, and it's so important to get that truth into us. I also love this one: In Touch Ministries :: Video Archives - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009
and their radio archives, also: Audio Archives - In Touch Ministries - Dr. Charles Stanley 2009

I'm praying for you.
Blessings, A

This tells me your heart is responding to God's truth even if your feelings are confused right now.

It really helps how many of you see this in me even through this dark cover I am experiencing. This really encourages me. I know my faith is not very strong right now but Im truly holding onto God knowing at some point I will stand up again & really follow him without struggle. At least this time Im not becoming too wreckless & totally walking away from him. For now I think God is just dragging me along... I can here him saying to me "You know this would be a little easier for you if you actually stood up & walked with me"...lol.. Its still very hard but Im going to keep saying encouraging things to myself until i start believing them.

I'd also like to add something I didnt realize. There were two people near the grocery store today who had ran out of gas and were out of money. Something in the store told me to get a little bit of cash out. Actually there were some people outside taking donations for a school when I was going in. Well something encouraged me to take a little bit of cash out. When I came out the store the donation people were gone. I thought to myself ok well I have some cash now.. a few more steps There is a girl standing there upset. She asked if I had had a few dollars I could spare for gas. The gas station was right in the same area. I gave her some money. I thought Id be loosing out cause I really didnt have much money anyway.. well later this evening I got a phone call from my mother saying I recieved some more money from school.

God is showing himself. I love him I really do.. I dont think its so much God as it really might come down to faith in myself. Gods doing his job but Im having a terrible time believing in myself anymore. I do love how far of come in my life & charish every step I took to get here except this past year has brought my family & I so much pain. I hurt my mother out of anger & feelings of betrayal when parents split ...etc. Im having a terrible time forgiving myself.

 

[plumsink]

Hi Ameri:

About the smoking, don't be hard on yourself to quit if you are already depressed. I have been smoking since I was 18, longest time quitting was like 6 months, but I always go back. One reason why people smoke is that they are actually self-medicating. Tobacco contains naturally occuring antipsychotic drugs and naturally occuring mood elevators among other things.

So as bad as tobacco is, my advice is to give yourself some leeway on it if you are not feeling good.

Peace and love to you sister

Robert

 

[aflower4God]

Hi there my dear sister,
First and most importantly you are a VERY VERY SPECIAL person, God loves you with ALL of his heart.
Please don't doubt Him I say this cause I was there, the doubting. I lost everything since beginning of this year. I got to a point (when I was homeless for the second time) that God really did NOT care. BUT then one thing after another seemed to happen. Example God always cover me meaning that some how I got money from civilians to pawning jewlery that was given to me by family. But I always had somewhere to stay. Then I lost almost all of my posessions BUT God let me keep very few of them. He has always come through and I AM CERTAIN that he will for you.
Here I am in my mid thirties and I am single, no kids, no boyfriend, no job, I have many fears one is a fear of driving, so NO CAR, my family is very toxic and they blew me off when they found out I was homeless, so I so much KNOW the feeling of worthlessness. BUT when I read the Bible I feel so much better, he speaks to me. PLEASE KNOW you are NOT alone and I WILL be activly praying for you my dear sister. GOD LOVES YOU, HE WILL see you through.
Lots of LOVE to you my dear sister and GOD BLESS

 

[maycin19]

I think that many people find it very hard to find their niche in this world. And they do struggle with the same feelings that you are having. It just when you deal with depression and anxiety it is just so overwhelming because everything is magnified. It's so wonderful that you truly want to make a difference in this world. God knows your heart. And that is the beautiful thing about knowing our Lord. He knows our heart and we know his. I know it is so hard to do when you are dealing with so much anxiety, but try to remember that God will use you in ways that you never imagined. May he hide you beneath the shadow of his wings until this storm has passed.

 

[maycin19]

Your situation is very difficult. If you are around those that don't believe, then Satan can really use that against you....the situation with your mother is so difficult. I am also estranged from my mother and it hurts so much and I struggle with how she could do this to me. But in your situation as hard as it is, you can continue to pray for your mom, give the worries and situation with her to the Lord, but you have to take care of yourself. You can't be around abusive people to you. I think it is important to remember as it was mentioned before that we need to treat ourselves as we would a close friend. We would love them thru this. You need to try to do this for yourself, of course with God's help......everything seems hopeless and like there is no real answer to your problems, but I think you really have to get to a doctor and get some medication help......i know it seems impossible, but we just need to pray for a way. Just keep coming here for support and understanding.