- Jun 19, 2016
- 723
- 373
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I am 19 and am a nobody. I have no friends and although I have a job which is good, it is pretty boring and don't want to do it much longer. I also go to university and do maths and even though I find this subject relatively straight forward if I study enough, I don't find it exciting at all - I picked it because my mother told me God gave me the gift for a reason.
I'm on summer break for university which lasts 5 months and since May I have sat in my room all day every day whenever I'm not working because I find it difficult to know what to do. If I do leave it's because I find a reason to leave like to get a haircut or to look at a pair of shoes but apart from that I finding reasons to do stuff is hard.
This behaviour of mine has made me think I'm depressed. I've lost interest in things and I'm always tired and bored. Nothing ever truly excites me or makes me happy - I just try to shield my sadness when doing 'fun' things. I also think I've become very lazy and so don't appreciate my job. I'd much rather run a few YouTube channels and talk about subjects that interest me or own my own company and work for myself. That would be my dream but unfortunately I have no skills in this area and wouldn't know where to start.
I've been very lonely as I have no friends. The group of people that were meant to be my so called friends haven't sent me a message in a month at least. I always sent one of them messages to hang out and the response was always an excuse. He was always too tired for me but no one else. This hurt me and so I stopped asking him and have never been texted back.
Also when I was 16 my attraction to women suddenly left me one day and never came back so I've felt dead inside since. I care for no one now - not even myself. I've had awful thoughts of even killing myself and family members but I assure you I wouldn't act on these.
I seem to live such a boring life where I have no joy. If anyone could help me find joy I'd appreciate it. I won't go to a doctor as I don't like the idea of physciatrists guessing what's going on in my brain.
I'm on summer break for university which lasts 5 months and since May I have sat in my room all day every day whenever I'm not working because I find it difficult to know what to do. If I do leave it's because I find a reason to leave like to get a haircut or to look at a pair of shoes but apart from that I finding reasons to do stuff is hard.
This behaviour of mine has made me think I'm depressed. I've lost interest in things and I'm always tired and bored. Nothing ever truly excites me or makes me happy - I just try to shield my sadness when doing 'fun' things. I also think I've become very lazy and so don't appreciate my job. I'd much rather run a few YouTube channels and talk about subjects that interest me or own my own company and work for myself. That would be my dream but unfortunately I have no skills in this area and wouldn't know where to start.
I've been very lonely as I have no friends. The group of people that were meant to be my so called friends haven't sent me a message in a month at least. I always sent one of them messages to hang out and the response was always an excuse. He was always too tired for me but no one else. This hurt me and so I stopped asking him and have never been texted back.
Also when I was 16 my attraction to women suddenly left me one day and never came back so I've felt dead inside since. I care for no one now - not even myself. I've had awful thoughts of even killing myself and family members but I assure you I wouldn't act on these.
I seem to live such a boring life where I have no joy. If anyone could help me find joy I'd appreciate it. I won't go to a doctor as I don't like the idea of physciatrists guessing what's going on in my brain.