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Defeating Lust

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Blueforest, Jun 16, 2011.

  1. Blueforest

    Blueforest Created well and commanded to be sick

    Other Religion
    As a normal, healthy, red-blooded member of the male tribe, I have a strong sex drive. Perhaps too strong. I am seeking input into how to defeat this dragon in my life called lust. Some say, read the Bible, pray, memorize scripture, get accountability, etc. All noble suggestions. I've done all that; I'm a super Christian - I can quote the Bible right and left, pray to God like nobody's business and I have had accountability buddies before. None of that worked.

    I'm naturally a very strong-willed person so I'm not apt to fall into any addiction, unless it is by choice. I admit, when struggling with lust, I often times, do not see it as "sinful" or wrong, but there is another part of me that says that it IS wrong, and I am only harming myself, upsetting God, and possibly even doing damage to my own spirit and future. Obviously I wish to avoid the above ramifications, but I often find myself believing the lie that it's not so bad, or it's okay. That is my Achilles' Heel. If not for that, I could easily overcome the lust issue, as I am a strong-willed person.

    But I am open to thoughts about how to defeat this ugly, vicious dragon in my life called Lust.
  2. dewba

    dewba Senior Member

    "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl."
    Job 31:1

    ...an agreement with yourself, like Job had, is in order.

    You can do it! Anything is possible, with Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior!
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2011
  3. Pickle88

    Pickle88 Newbie

    In Relationship
    Look for a nice Christian Girlfriend, then go through it together, two wills are stronger than one, and at least then if you split up, it wont be so bad because at least you are in a commited relationship
  4. dewba

    dewba Senior Member

    What do you consider lust, blueforest?
  5. Lee52

    Lee52 Well-Known Member

    Twice in your post you say you are a strong-willed person. How about this: Surrrender your will to Jesus. From what little I glean from you short post, you are attempting to overcome something that humans are created to do, procreate, on your own strong will. Can't be done. You are setting yourself up for failure. The ONLY ONE, that can overcome your natural sex drive is Jesus, especially if you are a male between the ages of 16 and 30.

    Stop trying and turn it over to Jesus.

    I know, sounds pretty arrogant. But, it is the only real solution.

    Paul said that if you cannot live without sex, get married.

    Be blessed,
  6. Erenoth02

    Erenoth02 Newbie

    I suffer from the same problem, though I am not as strong willed as you are, I can quote scripture right and left, a lot of church members and friends rely upon my opinion or scriptural thoughts. I teach the teen church meetings as well.

    As much as I try to fight it the dragon of lust continues to defeat me, I continue to pray and give it up to God asking him to help me deal with it, however it still haunts me today. I also believe it is a real problem for christian's especially with the current state of the world.

    Often I fall and take matters into my own hands, Im still a virgin, I don't do porn, but I resist until I cannot function any longer, I get shaky, hard to swallow cant focus... I wish that God would show me some direction or bring a woman into my life to help me deal with this.

    If I keep resisting.. I end up walking around and having everyone else notice my problem, embarrassingly. Which is not a good idea in my book, but its something that I cannot control unless I'm carrying an ice pack.

    If just one girl bumps into me or brushes up against me I will have a problem... Its not lust for the sake of lust, its procreation. If I am dating a girl and she mentions "Id love to have kids one day, would you?, maybe with someone like me?". That's the one thing that really triggers me into a lust spiral.

    The world itself has become a very sinful place, perhaps God has become more and more distant because of that, He still loves us but because of the dirty state around us He has become more withdrawn.
  7. timf

    timf Regular Member

    You may want to differentiate between "lust" and the biological sex drive. There is a natural drive males have. On a farm the difference between a ewe and a ram or a cow and a bull is obvious. Paul addresses this with his admonition it is better to marry than to burn. God created us to function in certain ways. His institution of marriage and family fits in with that design. Satan has created a society where just at the time people would normally marry (18-22), they are in college. This serves his purpose in a number of ways.

    The forced separation or segregation during this time creates what Johnny Cash called a fever "hotter than a pepper sprout". In this unnatural state, people are more inclined to not only view abortion and birth control as OK, but as necessary tools. The concepts of marriage and family do not fit as well as thinking in terms of relationships and "hooking up".

    Jesus expands the concept of adultery to include looking at a woman to lust after her. The word lust is epithumeō which means to long for, desire, or set the heart upon. The case can be made that this is distinct from the normal sexual drive of males. Feelings of attraction are distinct from the self-stimulation of selecting a "target" to be the object of inflamed desire.

    If your problem is a strong sex-drive, you should find a good Christian girl and get married and start a family.

    If your problem really is lust, you need to apply truth to what you are doing. For example, if you look at a woman to derive pleasure from the contemplation of pursuit and conquest, you may want to counter with thinking about her as someone's daughter. Truth is like a bucket of cold water, it can extinguish the hottest flame.
  8. Erenoth02

    Erenoth02 Newbie

    " For example, if you look at a woman to derive pleasure from the contemplation of pursuit and conquest"

    Now that is the one thing that will actually kill my sex drive, my mind rarely goes there if it ever does at all, that is the one thing that kills me.

    If I'm dating a girl who wants that I immediately lose any sexual attraction to her she becomes dirty rags to me.

    There are times however when a girl only wanted that from me and I almost gave in due to the fact that I loved her so much however I thank God that I was able to resist instead of continuing to think that if i compromised and had relations that she would cave into me and get married.
  9. SoldierOfSoul

    SoldierOfSoul Senior Veteran

    Lust and especially pornography is evil.

    "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!" (1 Cor. 6:15)

    "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." (1 Cor. 6:16)

    Sexual relations with a prostitute/harlot is sin and considered fornication (sex outside of marriage) and it is evil, a transgression of God's law.

    "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matt. 5:28)

    Jesus made the point that the physical act itself did not need to be committed in order for sin to manifest, the look and intent is considered sin in the eyes of God.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2011
  10. BlondieLashes

    BlondieLashes Finally a butterfly...

  11. angelstain

    angelstain Newbie

    Meditating every day and anytime you are feeling weak will help. Try to do more healthy activities to take your mind off of it or read a book, exercise ... just a couple of ideas. GOD BLESS!
  12. Tommy_S

    Tommy_S Θωμᾶς χιόνισπίτι

    First of all I want to give you a little bit of encouragement. Lust is something every guy deals with and if they say they don't they are struggling in another area and that is being a liar. Lust is one of the most disgusting sins when you really think about it. If you are having this trouble now, getting into a relationship will not help you. There are a couple of areas where you might be weak.
    First of all you may not have a true hatred for your sin and you must ask yourself which is more important, your sin or God?
    The second thing I want to remind you about is the Gospel. You have to understand that while you were yet a sinner Christ died for you. You need to remind yourself of that daily and you will grow in self-control.
    You can also check out this website for all kinds of amazing resources. Christian Counseling Resources
  13. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    I agree very much with Lee52. Surrender is a vital part of being brought under the control, not of your lust, but of God's Holy Spirit.

    Apart from a love-relationship with Christ none of these things have any use or power at all. Doing these things in an attempt to rid yourself of lust rather than to fellowship with your Maker mistakes the purpose of doing these things entirely. God intends that your obedience to Him arises out of your love for Him. He intends that that love exceed all other loves in your life. Apparently, this isn't yet the case. You love your lust more than your Lord. The only way this is going to change is if you apply to God in prayer for His love to grip your heart and mind. Paul's prayer for the Ephesians comes to mind:

    Ephesians 3:14-19
    14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
    15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
    16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
    17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
    18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--
    19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

    When you are filled with all the fullness of God, lust won't be in control.

    What does God's Word say?

    James 1:14-15
    14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.
    15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

    Nothing pierces through sinful desire like "the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." (Eph. 6:17)

    Hebrews 4:12
    12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

    The simplest and best remedy for a lie is the truth. When you are tempted to lust and to sin, tell yourself the truth, God's Truth, about that lust and sin and anchor your will to it.

    See above.

  14. Blueforest

    Blueforest Created well and commanded to be sick

    Other Religion
    This is true. I need to develop that kind of distaste.

    It is certainly more difficult as a single person though. But I also know until this problem is resolved, that is the last thing I need right now. Getting involved with someone, so long as this is an issue in my life, would only make matters worse for everyone.

    Of course, at least the married person has a spouse to be with, which is some consolation. The single has nothing, only compounding his or her problem. (Probably why Job could say what he did - he was married!)

    It's also an insidious thing, the enemy uses to tempt people with, seeing how it is a natural, normal, good thing. Similar to food, sleep or drink, complete and utter deprivation runs entirely contrary to our design, making it more unnatural to quit.

    I know what the real problem is. I've sought God's wisdom on this matter in times past. The lust is merely a symptom of something else in its stead.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2011
  15. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    Apostle Paul's answer was to be married....

    If you have such a strong need and yet you want to honor God
    and not sin, then marriage is one way to honor God and
    find the fulfillment of sex in marriage for the purpose
    of procreation....

    If marriage is not an option then devotion to the service of Christ
    is the other option that Paul offered.

    Your choice in the matter will determine the course you should take.

    Either choice requires prayer and submission to Christ.

    Ask God for guidance and help....

    God is your Father and He wants to help you and He wants the best for
    you and wants your relationship to Him to become more than you asking Him
    to enable your own plans, thoughts and desires for your life.

    God works with our hopes and dreams.
    God does not want us to become robots.
    God asks that we tell Him what our hopes and dreams are
    and then submit those plans, hopes and dreams to Him for
    His approval and then allow Him to work it out.

    Many of the hopes and dreams in our lives are good and Godly and
    yet God still asks that we would give them back to Him and to
    trust that He knows what is best and that He will weed out the bad from
    the good and return our plans, hope and dreams in a better way than
    we could have ever imagined.

    I think that the most miserable people in the world
    are those who sit on the fence.

    They never let go and let God act in a way that would allow
    God to bless them as He would like to bless them because they are afraid
    that they might miss something on the otherside of the fence.

    Go Godward young man, go Godward....:)
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2011
  16. dewba

    dewba Senior Member

    Good point, Pal Handy. and whoever else made the point that Paul's answer was to get married, if you it's uncontrollable.

    Blueforest: You never know if Job made the covenant before or after marriage. It's nice to believe that it was before, though, to be encouraged that it is possible. You can get to that point of self-control if you really work at it and apparently, God is calling you to use some kind of self-control.

    I do agree with Paul saying to get married, though, so that, "Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

    And...not sure how exactly you live your life but it will help if you keep busy with God's work. Reading the bible, forum, earning a living, working out, ...just keeping busy with what you know is right.

    Flee youthful lusts.
    2 Timothy 2:22

    Fleeing is not slowly walking away....fleeing is FLEEING:

    Anyways, God did allow this temptation so you know that he has provided an exit.

    No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
    1 Cor 10:13

    It's not beyond your ability to control it.

    I would also suggest you request some prayers in the prayer request section, which is very helpful. Maybe you can pray for God to send you a wife, if it's both your wills, like...as soon as possible. tomorrrow, even. it is possible!!!!! like isaac and rebekah:

    This is my request. I will ask one of them, ‘Please give me a drink from your jug.’ If she says, ‘Yes, have a drink, and I will water your camels, too!’—let her be the one you have selected as Isaac’s wife. This is how I will know that you have shown unfailing love to my master.”
    Genesis 24:14..

    until then...flee, pray and work on your self-control.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2011
  17. chefjason

    chefjason humbled

    I do not want to offend anyone or start any kind of debate, so please, if what I say offends you, don't take it personally.

    I have read most of the post in this thread and thus far I have not seen an answer for this young man that he has not either already concidered or attempted. Job made a convenat with his eyes. Job didn't live in a society that promoates woman wear no more than skimpy underwear as their only form of clothing and walking the halls and malls. So, this suggestion is not applicable. Paul said get married. Ha. That means finding the right woman, dating, engagement then marriage and THEN your problem is solved, in theory. Give your will over to God. Easy statement to write. Impossible for any man to do. Don't believe me? Find me a saved person who since they have been saved has not made one single choice that was not self motivated. Don't try. You will only be depressed when you can't even make it past the mirror.

    OP, if you look at my info you will see that I have only started one thread. And in that thread you will read that I have fallen to the sins of lust of the eyes....more than once. I just found out today what will help me with this. Love. In my case the love of my wife. When I think of another woman I now get a pain in my heart. When I browse the net and come across a harmless site that has an advertisement with tempting women, I get a pain in my heart. The love of a woman is the only thing I can come up with that will block out the lust of the eyes. Now, "I don't have a wife" you say. I know. But you do have a mother. The love my wife showed me today was the kind of unconditional love a parent shows a child. I have four children. There is not a force on this earth that could make me forsake them. None. Your mother feels that way about you I'm sure, or at least, I pray she does. Look at a woman with lust in your eyes, then think of your mother sitting next to you. Imagine doing sinful things with that woman, then try to imagine your mother watching. It may sound contrite and too simple, but it's the only thing I can think of to help you that you yourself have not thought of and tried. Call your mother. Talk to her. Ask her to tell you the stories of all she gave up for you. All the pain she suffered for you. All the things she protected you from. Then put her face on one of the bodies of the woman you have lusted after. It'll stop you dead in your tracks. The closest thing a single man has to the love his wife will give him is the love of his mother.

    I truly hope you overcome this demon. I failed, for so long. And now I carry the burden of raising two sons and two daughters. The idea of one of my sons looking and thinking as I have before makes me sick. The idea of some man looking at my daughters like I used to look at other mens daughters makes me shamed and angry. Please don't let yourself get to a point where you have the kind of cross to bare that I do. If you would like further communications, feel free to PM me.

    Praying for you Brother.
  18. dewba

    dewba Senior Member


    Do NOT be dismayed.

    To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
    1 Cor 7:8...

    Paul says that if you cannot exercise self-control, then you should marry, lest you BURN with passion, which isn't very healthy or fun to live with. This above verse assures ANYONE that they CAN exercise self-control.

    Stay busy, dude. Don't LET your mind wander to lust. Busy with what God wants you to do means FOCUSED....which means self-control.

    I can vouch that staying busy helps. If I go to a store, I go with a purpose and don't dawdle through the store, waiting for the devil to tempt me. If somebody tries to hit on me, I try to be kind but immediately flee as soon as the opportunity presents itself...usually I remember something that needs to be done and excuse myself...there is ALWAYS something to be done..."I really have to go to the bathroom, I gotta go, have a good day blah blah blah" (God ALWAYS gives you an exit from temptation) I don't stand around, surveying all the...um..."pretty" people that God has created, I KEEP MOVING.

    If you go to the beach and just lazily sit there, of COURSE you're going to notice all the women that "wear skimpy underwear," as chefjason put it. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with relaxing after a hard day's work but you obviously shouldn't do it where you're going to be tempted. perhaps in an empty part of the beach would be better.

    And DON'T be dismayed that it's impossible for God to provide you with a wife asap, if it is his will, because it HAPPENED TO ISAAC. If that's what you really want, and God wants it to happen, it WILL happen. If it doesn't, then KEEP MOVING.

    ALWAYS have a purpose and keep doing it...
    if a fire needs to be put out, you walk over slowly and start chatting with some chick along the way, you GET IT DONE. and then after that's done, you don't let the hose keep running water, you turn off, and thn after that's done you don't let the hose drag through the street behind the firetruck...you PUT IT AWAY...etc etc etc...

    Keep busy, dude.

    I, for one, don't want a spouse, or TRUE friend, that has no self-control or very little of it. I want somebody STRONG and somebody willing to pour out self-control over me if it just so happens that I somehow lose it. I DON'T want to be humiliated that my spouse is struggling with self-control in public. I don't want to worry about my spouse, AT ALL.

    Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.

    Proverbs 31:11

    I'm not saying there's no chance of stumbling. I'm saying that IT IS POSSIBLE and making excuses for yourself is not becoming whatsoever.

    You know that it's possible, or you wouldn't be asking for advice to cure it and I know you're not writhing in lustful pain all over the floor, foaming lust all over the place so that you can't do something about it so man up.. Do it because you're disgusted with yourself when you do soemthing that disgusts the Lord, which is doing it for the Lord...because you wouldn't be seeking self-control if it weren't for the Lord. keep busy, dude. keep busy. or have faith like Isaacs...and do BOTH.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2011
  19. dewba

    dewba Senior Member

    IT'S NOT OKAY TO STARE AT ANYONE LUSTFULLY. EVER. It's actually incredibly disgusting and DISGUSTINGLY uncomfortable. Have YOU ever been stared at by some chick that wants to get in your pants? I truly want to punch people in the face that stare at me that way. I want to scream: "DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?" You shouldn't be finding it amusing...you should be fuming that someone sees you as a piece of a delicious meat instead of a lovely human being. Have some respect for yourself, first, and respect for others will come.

    Lust is the devil and if you're exhibiting it, then the devil is in you, for Jesus even called one of his DISICPLES "Satan," when he said and did the WRONG thing.

    21 From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.
    22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

    23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
  20. Tommy_S

    Tommy_S Θωμᾶς χιόνισπίτι

    I wouldn't say it gets any easier after getting into a relationship and you're right it does compound the problem because then you risk hurting the one you are with. This is something that you might be able to mortify or it may be something that you struggle with for the rest of your life. Does this mean you cannot seek a wife for yourself? No, but I strongly suggest being totally honest with whomever you choose.

    I have struggled in this same area for as long as I can remember, and my wife knows it. When I fail I confess to my wife that I have sinned against her and persevere.

    Although it is important to have someone you can talk about these issues, I'm not completely fond of an "accountability partner" simply because it creates a temptation to lie.

    I want you to think about this also, have you gone through any particular day and feel as if you suceeded because you haven't given into this temptation, and felt some sort of accomplishment? Do you beat yourself up when you fail? Listen, when we've given our very best attempt to live righteously, we've failed.

    There are two ditches we can fall into, either self-righteousness or inverted self-righteousness. When we feel like we've succeeded we are being self-righteous, but when we beat ourself up because we've failed we are trusting on our work and not the works of Christ.

    Something I have discussed great much with my wife has been when I lust I ignore every other area of sin in my life and all of those other sins implode on me causing me more grief than before.

    So examine yourself in other areas as well. This is a besetting sin for us but we cannot neglect other areas we need to work on. I have some help in this. As other areas of sin begin to be exposed we bear fruit and grow in holiness.