Deeply Depressed and an Insomniac. Feeling Empty...

[Kyle W]

I have experienced a traumatic event back in July, and ever since then, I have gradually developed depression and insomnia.

In July, I had a falling out with a woman who scammed me for my money. I never met her in real life and she bugged with with texts and calls that I didn't answer. This kept happening and I was unable to sleep that night. She even bothered me with a nightmare.

Over time, my sleep pattern started to diminish. I had to turn her in and prepare all the evidence for law enforcement. This added to my stress. During this time, I kept praying for better sleep. But my sleep kept diminishing. I tried herbal tea, exercising, melatonin...they all seemed to help to some extent.

But in September, my sleep has gotten worse. I have become deeply depressed. The enemy has tried to torment me with his lies but I rebuked him in Jesus name.

I am seeing a counselor, and I have been trying to read my bible every day. I also attend church. I've been a Christian since 1999 and I haven't ever struggled with anything like this before.

Although I talk to God, I don't feel a closeness. I feel like he's watching me at a distance. I do pray and reach out to him. I just feel like this depression is making it hard to connect. I try to keep my feelings positive. Should I be more true with my feelings? (I think I should)

I am on a medication that is helping me sleep. But even that is not giving me much rest. It's hard for me to relax at night and I feel like everything feels like a chore. I will never take any desperate measures for my hope is in Jesus.

I hear voices saying that I will be healed and not to worry about what I've done, because I have a mental illness.

My feelings and thoughts have been very difficult to manage with so many sleepless nights and medication worsening the problem. I am hoping for changes, for God still has me alive for a reason. Both of these disorders have made things difficult and I want to see something good come out of it...

 

[Of the Kingdom]

Kyle, thank you for sharing. I am glad to hear that you remain committed to your relationship with God. I pray that you will be strengthened, and will overcome.

In Jesus name,
Amen.

 

[splish- splash]

This battle is mine says Jehovah ( 2 Chronicles 20:15)... Please be encouraged.

 

[Tolworth John]

I am seeing a counselor

am on a medication that is helping me sleep

May I suggest that you talk again to your doctor, as you may need a short course of stronger medication or even different medication.

May I also suggest that you exercise and pay attention to your diet, healthy eating, rather than processed food is better for you.

Lastly do tell God about being scammed, be practical and block those numbers, unfriendin Facebook etc, and let God know about your feelings etc re this incident and ask him to deal with the scammer and your emotions. Please do not try to make feelings of forgiveness, let God deal with her.

 

[Kyle W]

May I suggest that you talk again to your doctor, as you may need a short course of stronger medication or even different medication.

I have already talked to my doctor. From what what my dad and doctor agreed upon, I was prescribed with a new medicine. Tonight will be my third night taking it. I will be having a checkup with the doctor after a week and will switch medicines if this one doesn't prove effective.

May I also suggest that you exercise and pay attention to your diet, healthy eating, rather than processed food is better for you.

I do agree that exercise is important. I try to get a workout for most of the week. I try to keep my food wholesome, eating at least an apple a day, plenty of protein, and being watchful on the carbs. My meals are usually balanced and I try to be sparing on the processed foods.

Lastly do tell God about being scammed, be practical and block those numbers, unfriendin Facebook etc, and let God know about your feelings etc re this incident and ask him to deal with the scammer and your emotions. Please do not try to make feelings of forgiveness, let God deal with her.

I most certainly did ask God to deal with the scammer the night it happened. This all happened back in July. When I filed the report to law enforcement, I blocked her number and blocked her email. There was no Facebook account involved. I have asked for him to deal with my emotions. This is further being worked out with my counselor.

John, thanks for your encouragement and support! Insomnia is not an easy thing. I had a very mild form of it before but never this severe.

Thanks to everyone else for your comments!

 

[Jeshu]

Although I talk to God, I don't feel a closeness. I feel like he's watching me at a distance. I do pray and reach out to him. I just feel like this depression is making it hard to connect. I try to keep my feelings positive. Should I be more true with my feelings? (I think I should)

Good to hear you have not lost faith in God, for faith in God is the very best thing that can help you with your dilemma. When we become depressed then we can no longer rely on our feelings, for our feelings are operated by a sick mind, and hence produce a bad result.

Faith in God's love goes by knowledge, you know God loves you there fore you put your faith in Him, that is the way to fight depression. Go by your knowledge of the Lord.

Please understand that all good comes from God, your good life as well, but that the lies we believe about ourselves can destroy our good life. This scammer badly influenced you and brought a lot of bad life into your life. Feelings of betrayal, distrust, hypocrisy and the many lies told, all affected you very badly.

Only with God's love can you overcome all of this bad life. It is about going in your bad life to God and confess why you have it and ask Him to replace it with His good life and then practise faith in His good life. The more you place your faith in God's love the quicker you will be able to deal with all of this properly.

The same as with your insomnia - use this time to bring yourself to Jesus in your inner unrest, for it is the inner unrest that keeps you awake. To hand over the unrest, as you go through it, and accept His inner peace back in return, is the best way to step back into His loving truth.

So please try and ignore your depressive feelings and instead practise faith in God's love. God is not idly standing by letting you suffer, He loves you immensely and loves it even better if you would come to Him with your bad life to find your good life back.

Please forgive the person who scammed you, and keep on forgiving for as long unforgiving feelings about her dwell in your heart and bring all the distrust and fear to Jesus to take care of. Keep doing that until the bad feelings have been replaced with good feelings, this could take some time.

Please know that Jesus loves to help you through this difficult time.

Peace.

Feasting My Good Life.

The Wicked captivated my truth
the truth of my heart and mind
and wound me around their lies
knotted me out of my own reality
into the dungeons of torture below.

Unable to unravel their cob webs
the wicked took control of my life
and brought much pain and misery
feasting on my God given good life
at the expense of my own welfare.

Yet when Christ light lit up my night
and i saw Him on the clouds of heaven
The Wicked sprung all their traps
thinking i was as good as dead
trapped in their nasty fowler's nets.

Yet the Lion of the tribe of Judea
killed the goats great and small
and set me free from their control
and gave me back my freedom in Him
feasting good times growing New Life.

 

[Kyle W]

Good to hear you have not lost faith in God, for faith in God is the very best thing that can help you with your dilemma. When we become depressed then we can no longer rely on our feelings, for our feelings are operated by a sick mind, and hence produce a bad result.

Faith in God's love goes by knowledge, you know God loves you there fore you put your faith in Him, that is the way to fight depression. Go by your knowledge of the Lord.

Please understand that all good comes from God, your good life as well, but that the lies we believe about ourselves can destroy our good life. This scammer badly influenced you and brought a lot of bad life into your life. Feelings of betrayal, distrust, hypocrisy and the many lies told, all affected you very badly.

Only with God's love can you overcome all of this bad life. It is about going in your bad life to God and confess why you have it and ask Him to replace it with His good life and then practise faith in His good life. The more you place your faith in God's love the quicker you will be able to deal with all of this properly.

The same as with your insomnia - use this time to bring yourself to Jesus in your inner unrest, for it is the inner unrest that keeps you awake. To hand over the unrest, as you go through it, and accept His inner peace back in return, is the best way to step back into His loving truth.

So please try and ignore your depressive feelings and instead practise faith in God's love. God is not idly standing by letting you suffer, He loves you immensely and loves it even better if you would come to Him with your bad life to find your good life back.

Please forgive the person who scammed you, and keep on forgiving for as long unforgiving feelings about her dwell in your heart and bring all the distrust and fear to Jesus to take care of. Keep doing that until the bad feelings have been replaced with good feelings, this could take some time.

Please know that Jesus loves to help you through this difficult time.

Peace.

Feasting My Good Life.

The Wicked captivated my truth
the truth of my heart and mind
and wound me around their lies
knotted me out of my own reality
into the dungeons of torture below.

Unable to unravel their cob webs
the wicked took control of my life
and brought much pain and misery
feasting on my God given good life
at the expense of my own welfare.

Yet when Christ light lit up my night
and i saw Him on the clouds of heaven
The Wicked sprung all their traps
thinking i was as good as dead
trapped in their nasty fowler's nets.

Yet the Lion of the tribe of Judea
killed the goats great and small
and set me free from their control
and gave me back my freedom in Him
feasting good times growing New Life.

Thanks Jeshu!

As I was reading halfway through your post, I started to cry. They were good tears. Tears that needed to be released. With this depression, it has actually been very hard for me to cry...

For my depression and my insomnia, I will practice faith in God's love. With my bad life, I will come to him seeking my good life. From my inner unrest, I will work on handing all that over to receive the inner peace that Jesus wants me to have.

As for the scammer, I do indeed forgive her. The night that I cut off all ties with her in July, ignoring her texts and calls, I prayed to God, telling him that I placed her in his hands. What bothered me that night was fear, coming from guilt. I knew that I had to let her go, and let God take care of her.

In feeling empty, I feel like God is emptying me out so that he can fill me with his fullness.

Thanks again for your words of encouragement!

Blessings!

Kyle

 

[Jeshu]

For my depression and my insomnia, I will practice faith in God's love. With my bad life, I will come to him seeking my good life. From my inner unrest, I will work on handing all that over to receive the inner peace that Jesus wants me to have.

An excellent path to take. i really encourage you onwards as an added support medication can help at times, though we have to be careful, they can benefit. For my insomnia the doctor pre scripted me an anti depressant called Mirtazapine , this antidepressant in low doses, i take only 7.5 mg at night, makes you very sleepy. So i have been using it to sleep on longer and more restful than ever before in my life.

i suffer from P.T.S.D as well as a depressive illness and also struggled for years with insomnia until the doctor came up with these. Unfortunately 7.5 mg does not treat my depression but i sleep on it which is good enough for me. It only works in low doses that is why i don't use it to treat my depression but only my insomnia.

It is hard fighting depression when we lack sleep, i know all about that. i wish you God's blessing as you fight your way out of your depression.

In feeling empty, I feel like God is emptying me out so that he can fill me with his fullness.

Yes that is how it has been in my life, as the bad life left His good life grew back in its place. Faith in God's love because of Jesus brings us freedom from the darkness. That is worth fighting depression for.

Remember it has to do what we sow in our heart that matters. If through faith we sow love, kindness, gentleness, self control, long suffering, patience, endurance, joy, thankfulness and the likes in our heart then we will harvest such guaranteed by God Himself.

Sow the good seed and appoint Jesus the gardener of your inner paradise, for then you can be assured that even if bad life attacks all your life down here, you will only gain good life back in return.


Blessings and prayers your way.

Good Enough In Christ.

i kept hearing voices in my head,
saying i was not good enough.
It never dawned on me,
to get rid of wicked thrash.
Until Jesus came with His Sword
cutting the wicked down
with the truth of His mouth
freeing me from those voices within.

For God so loved this fallen world
That He send His only begotten Son
to suffer and die for our sins.
So that whosoever believes in Him
shall not perish but have eternal life.
This is the promise He gave me.
My life in Him will be from Above!
i have full confidence in Him.

 

[Kyle W]

I took the medication last night and I only slept a couple hours. I might try to find something more effective if this doesn't work. Laying there unable to get enough rest is frustrating. I have prayed for the inner peace of Jesus to fill my heart and replace the inner unrest. I guess I need patience now. I'll pray continually.

Also, with this depression, I still find it hard to connect with God. He knows that I'm going through this and I hope that he speaks to me in a profound way soon. I desire to connect with him. Is there something that I need to add/give up/confess to him?

Anyway, thank you for your advice and your prayers. I will continue waiting and see what God will bring about in this trial...

 

[Jeshu]

Also, with this depression, I still find it hard to connect with God. He knows that I'm going through this and I hope that he speaks to me in a profound way soon. I desire to connect with him. Is there something that I need to add/give up/confess to him?

When we are depressed we have to let Jesus build a dwelling place for Him and His Father. Jesus uses the truth to do that so build with the truths of your Heavenly Father and brother and the truth will set you free.

When Jesus revealed Himself to me it took me still more than 3 years to break free from my suicidal depression. So building a dwelling place for God can take some time. However the truth brings us peace, rest and love each time we go to Him for it. Let this be a sign to you, the moment you place your faith in God's love you will begin to feel a little better, the moment you let go of your faith in God's love depression will be back full pelt.

The best thing to do is crown love for God king of your heart and ask Jesus to teach you to love your neighbour as He loves you and all will be well in no time.

The more you seek after feeling God, the more He will get lost, our God is not just a feeling, but true and Eternal God, He wants us to have faith in His love.

There are a few spiritual enemies to be aware of.

First of all the accuser dwelling in your guilty conscience. The accuser accuses us with sin/guilt and denies us the grace of God through Christ. With him Jesus will not be good enough, you yourself have to do this or that. Heeding him makes our lives so desperately desolate, especially when we are depressed already.

Second of all unfaithful love dwelling in your heart. Everyone of us sinners has unfaithful love dwelling within us, this is what makes us sinful. Unfaithful love is the mother of our big egocentric self, or our big I, both need to go out of our lives before God can dwell in our heart again. Faithful love grows by practising our faith, love and hope in real life. Battling depression by itself will not heal you from sin dwelling within you, loving God above all and your neighbour as yourself will.

Thirdly we have the false prophet. The false prophet is that part of us where we speculate about the truth. The false prophet makes constant predictions based on our actions, the world's ways of doing things, and backs up the accuser. If you do this or that, or don't do this or that, then this or that will happen/not happen, are classic lines of his.

Please learn to ignore these forces in your heart and mind and instead get to know the truth in real life. As He truly is. God is love. So truthfully loving is what He is all about. To get to know Him we have to truthfully love God and neighbour, for then He will makes His dwelling with us.

If you faith in Jesus and have been baptised in His holy name then you have a holy Spirit in your heart. It is about getting to know this Spirit, for He is God and brings the Son and the Father along with Him when we do God's will, Jesus promises in the bible. The Holy Spirit is love for God and neighbour within you.

So practise faith in God's love and you shall soon have hope again. Build on this hope and so build with faith, love and hope and you will soon see God reigning in your heart again.

i found that fighting the depressive lies i was hearing with God's truth works the best, but is an ongoing concern that we have to get in the habit of doing. Depression is hard to beat.

If you have a mental illness then depression might stay all your life, as it is most likely going to be for me, but even then God's loving truth is the best thing that you can get on site. Make all God's promises your own and fight the darkness to make room for the light. You can fight the darkness by exposing its lies and setting it straight with the truth.

i found that Scripture is the best weapon to fight for us so i bought all kind of scripture songs and had them play as i battled depression. This helped a lot. Sons Of Korah, an Australian gospel band, have many songs all out of the bible. Sherri Youngward has a lot of good songs as well, as well as Scripture in Song, all of that kind of Music brings God's word alive into your house. It is God's word that you need to know to be able to escape your torturers.

Also have you considered your diet? Good food and supplements can make world of difference. Depressed people often lack vital vitamins and minerals, such as magnesium, zinc, iron, and vitamin D3 and of course all of the Bs especially B12. Depression can also be caused by thyroid trouble or other medical conditions.

Finally sometimes our depression lingers because we are on the wrong medicine. If your sleeping aids are not working then it is best not to take them and find something different, the same with the anti-depressants. For if you battle against your negative feelings and live an open honest loving life with the Lord, but depression keeps on going, then i would advise you to change your medicines. Doctors don't know which one works and which one doesn't, it is all guess work, every person is different.

Be of good courage. It seems like you know why you became depressed, so undoing the negativity of this event and good medicine should in principle get you back on your feet again.

Much love on your way.

 

[Kyle W]

Thanks Jeshu.

All of this is very good to practice.

I am still having trouble resting. None of my efforts can change this situation. Only God can resolve this. I just need to be patient and trust him at his word.

My will is fallen and I am broken. It needs to surrender. Please help me God to do this...