Deep hurt and pain from a thought but good news

[Blaise N]

Hi everyone,

I have Good and bad news.


Allow me to start with the bad news,so a thought passed by my mind and it didn’t worry but gave me heartbreak,It hurt so deeply to my core it shocked me.

so the thought went like this,so I was battling ITs and a thought that said “Just move on from Jesus,Grow up”
It hurt me so badly and heart-broke my heart I almost cried,I thought to myself “I’ll never move on from Jesus,I love him too much,how can anyone move on from Jesus?” Now I can’t describe how I felt when i had this thought,I can only describe it accurately like this “Like when a parent tells a kid to grow up and stop holding onto a teddy bear or behaving in some way” now in a kinda paradoxical and opposing way I liked,extremely disliked,hated,felt sorry and hurt,and pained by this thought.And I’m confused as to wether I want to leave the lord or stay,I don’t want to leave him,because I can’t figure out how people can live without him.I don’t care if I stay a child by heart for life because I believe in Jesus,I don’t want to “move on” from him because that hurts,even more I even think of him crying over someone who abandons him.what really concerns me is how my emotions like this thought even though my heart and soul hate it,I can’t describe why I feel this way.The closest and most hurtful thing is I can articulate it this way “I don’t want to leave him because I love him too much and don’t want to hurt him”but at the same time I worry because I think of it in the way that I desire to leave but don’t because of not wanting to hurt Jesus,and that worries me more on why I would want to abandon Jesus when In sound mind I don’t think a thing of that even more so that I don’t even in good times with Jesus think or desire apostasy at all.Can anyone articulate and tell me if you’ve ever felt this way.If anyone out there is psychologically intelligent,can anyone offer an answer why I felt this way?


On the Good side of things,I had my doctors appointment today and I’ve had a medication updose and hope for the better.

 

[SarahsKnight]

I don’t care if I stay a child by heart for life because I believe in Jesus,I don’t want to “move on” from him because that hurts

Right on, man. And you won't. I just don't think the Lord will allow you to when clearly the very thought of it hurts you this much.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Basically, your thoughts matter too much to you, that's why they have so much power when they occur.

 

[Chris35]

Blaise, suggest you watch this. Hopefully it will help you understand whats going on.

Its a testimony of someone who was stuggling with bad thoughts.

There are other testimonies, suggest you seek them out, and do some research.