- Mar 27, 2017
- 4,310
- 6,638
- 36
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
I have been processing what was done to me and I see more and more it was torture. I was hurt constantly by the woman who tortured me. I never got any peace. She overfed me, beat me, didn't let me talk to my friends, told me I should kill myself, made me overdose on Advil twice, let her male friends rape me, she also raped me herself, she would not let me use the bathroom properly, she would call me fat and ugly, she would not let me leave her apartment without her, she would put tools in me sexually to cause me pain, she would say she would make me like the devil. She did this for many months. I know I am still traumatized by what she did. I keep trying to pray for her and forgive her but then when I think about everything she did to me I get very scared and cant pray for her or forgive her. I know she is still laughing at me and wishing ill of my life. She was an extremely evil woman. I know I am a changed person and something in me has died because of the torture. My torturer often said I should forgive her and then she would hit me or molest me. She did that many many times. She made me fear forgiving her by her hurting me while asking for forgiveness. Often times I still want to die. I wish I had died before I ever had to experience torture. I think she used forgiveness as a way of controlling me. She wanted me to always think about her, for the rest of my life. I cant explain how evil this woman is. It is hard to even express it. She was more evil than I can cope with and once again Jesus expressed to me that all I need to do is not wish ill will on her and he will take care of the rest.