Dealing with emotional indifference towards God, my fire is gone

[pinkjess]

I had a Holy Spirit experience in 2010 when I truly understood why Jesus died. It was the most amazing emotional feeling ever. I felt a newness wash over my soul and I was never the same. My fire for God was huge. I was always happy and a blessing to those around me.

It seems like after my mom passed away in 2014 my fire started to slowly die off. I began to realize life isn't going to be as good as I hoped it would be as a teen. I got diagnosed with a prolactinoma the following year (2015) and started dealing with health issues I wasn't expecting. My dreams of being an evangelist and opening my own homeless shelter went to the backburner as I focused on getting my health back to a functional state. I tried to witness to my dad and brother sometimes and realized they were really indifferent to anything pertaining to salvation and it disheartened me a bit. I started feeling ashamed of my faith because I realized a lot of people don't even think God is real, even those who claim they go to church and crap--Jesus just isn't a real part of life for them but a novelty. I am afraid that is what He is becoming to me.

I don't feel any zeal to read the Bible anymore. The words just gloss over to me now. They are merely words on a page. I hate to admit it but that is how it is to me now. I've been trying to pray more and keep God in the forefront of my thoughts as I go about my day, but I wonder, does He even hear me? Is He real? What if He isn't?

I don't like any of this. I would love nothing more than to be on fire for Jesus again and have an active and thriving relationship like I used to have. I know the Christian life is not a life based on feelings but it has a lot to do with staying motivated to be close to God. I value emotional intimacy in all of my relationships, including the one I have with God.

But the fact that I notice all of this and the fact it bothers me...that is a good sign, right?

 

[redleghunter]

Advice? Jesus gave some very good advice to the Ephesians:
Revelation 2: NASB
1“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
The One who holds the seven stars in His right hand, the One who walks among the seven golden lampstands, says this:

2‘I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot tolerate evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to befalse; 3and you have perseverance and have endured for My name’s sake, and have not grown weary. 4‘But I have thisagainst you, that you have left your first love. 5‘Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place—unless you repent. 6‘Yet this you do have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7‘He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will grant to eat of the tree of life which is in the Paradise of God.’

 

[pinkjess]

Advice? Jesus gave some very good advice to the Ephesians:
Revelation 2: NASB
1“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
The One who holds the seven stars in His right hand, the One who walks among the seven golden lampstands, says this:

2‘I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot tolerate evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to befalse; 3and you have perseverance and have endured for My name’s sake, and have not grown weary. 4‘But I have thisagainst you, that you have left your first love. 5‘Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place—unless you repent. 6‘Yet this you do have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7‘He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will grant to eat of the tree of life which is in the Paradise of God.’

Sounds like good advice to me. I agree. I have forgotten my first love.

 

[redleghunter]

Sounds like good advice to me. I agree. I have forgotten my first love.

Now pray to Him and share His Joy.

 

[Bobber]

But the fact that I notice all of this and the fact it bothers me...that is a good sign, right?

Absolutely it is! For as you said your spirit is really longing to be in a restored relationship with God .

I had a Holy Spirit experience in 2010 when I truly understood why Jesus died. It was the most amazing emotional feeling ever. I felt a newness wash over my soul and I was never the same. My fire for God was huge. I was always happy and a blessing to those around me.

And God wants to give you that joy back.

I started feeling ashamed of my faith because I realized a lot of people don't even think God is real, even those who claim they go to church and crap--Jesus just isn't a real part of life for them but a novelty. I am afraid that is what He is becoming to me.

Well I don't know about the people you know. I do know this a lot of people fall into the delusion that just going to church is a relationship with God but the only thing going to church can do is strengthen one's relationship they've built with God through the week. If they're not praying to God, worshiping him, feeding their spirits daily with Gods word a Christian life (if you want to call it that) can be nothing but an insipid experience as in flat, uninteresting, dull, and uneventful. There is however things if one applied them will bring them back to what we'll call the Land of the Living, once again.

I don't feel any zeal to read the Bible anymore. The words just gloss over to me now. They are merely words on a page. I hate to admit it but that is how it is to me now.

Well I've been there. And came out of that. You know you might have heard this that someone asks where did God go....he seems like a million miles away...and the answer comes back...he never went anywhere.....God never moved. If someone moved....we did. But the important thing is how can one rekindle that fire and passion which seems a long way gone.

Well we've got to go back and work the process. The good news is it really doesn't take too long but one does have to commit to doing it. You see we're all creatures that very much are made to develop a passion or addiction towards to whatever we set our attention on.

For example....I may not want to play a sport....but you know if one sits down and watches say one hockey game a night very quickly now they have a passion to want to get on the skates and play the game. We're built that way. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your vision is clear, your whole body will be full of light.

What you feed upon....will start feeding upon you. Take for example....you say you have no passion for the word....well you've got to start the process whether at this beginning stage you feel like it or not. Take say the gospels....Matt, Mk, Lk and John and read them out loud let's say 3, 30 minutes segments a day....morning, afternoon and night...even read each segment on a digital recorder to make sure you've done the whole readings.

Let me assure you, you do that for just a few short days and guess what. The fire, passion and enthusiasm will come alive in your spirit because God's word is LIFE.
You're pumping spiritual life into your spirit and your spirit will grab onto it and your passion will be restored. Also worship God and I'm not talking about singing songs just in church but at your home.....songs singing to God and not just songs about God....there is a difference.

And while doing this also be declaring who and what you are In Christ Jesus and you'll find God starts coming back alive for you. He always has been alive but we need energized by his spirit and word every day.

Much more I could say but if you're willing to do basically what I've shared above you'll find the Spirit's presence and power will rise up in you bringing back the joy you once had. Really it's that simple process called sowing and reaping. Hope this helps and as I can testify it brought me out of the state you're describing.

Again in closing if you'll do this call it an experiment for about 4-5 days watch what will happen. I'm not speaking theory here Pinkjess. I'm speaking experience. I went through the same thing of it seemed all my passion gone....to seeing it restored. Trust me on this....draw near to God AND HE WILL draw near unto you. And guess what? It's not that he has to....WE WANTS TO!

 

[Bobber]

Sounds like good advice to me. I agree. I have forgotten my first love.

Well it maybe could be said you did but don't get under condemnation about it. God wants you to know he receives you and loves you. And consider we can all feel at times we're out in left field but the important thing is knowing how to get back. I'm hoping you'll read my post #5 and that it'll be an encouragement. God bless!

 

[Tolworth John]

I started feeling ashamed of my faith because I realized a lot of people don't even think God is real,

I don't feel any zeal to read the Bible anymore.[/QUOTE]

There is a lot in life where one just has to plod.
Did every subject at school set you on fire, where there times when revising favourete subjects drove you mad?
At work, one has to turn up every day, do the same tasks, same routine everyday regardless of how one feels.

Christianity is the same. Can I urge you to read the screwtape letters, there is an enormous amount of spiritual wisdom written how not to build faith.

Lewes talks about the spiritual law of undulation. That at times our spirits are having a mountain top experience and that this is always followed by a valley experience. Thehigher the mountain, the deeper the valley.
Changing metaphor, have you never read the poem about footprints?
About a dream where a Christian sees there life as footprints in the sand with Jesus's prints beside theres. Then they see at difficult times there were only one set of prints. On complaining about this. The answer came that there were only one set because 'I was carrying you!'

Get stuck into the boring routine of being a Christian.
Learn how to show that the reasonable answer to life is Christianity. Follow this link and scrol to the bottom. Read the dozen ormore explanation for Christianity:-
Can atheist morality prevent Neil DeGrasse Tyson from raping a student?

other sites to read are coldcasechristianity, answersingenesis, reasonablefaith and the site I linked to above.

 

[pinkjess]

Absolutely it is! For as you said your spirit is really longing to be in a restored relationship with God .


And God wants to give you that joy back.



Well I don't know about the people you know. I do know this a lot of people fall into the delusion that just going to church is a relationship with God but the only thing going to church can do is strengthen one's relationship they've built with God through the week. If they're not praying to God, worshiping him, feeding their spirits daily with Gods word a Christian life (if you want to call it that) can be nothing but an insipid experience as in flat, uninteresting, dull, and uneventful. There is however things if one applied them will bring them back to what we'll call the Land of the Living, once again.



Well I've been there. And came out of that. You know you might have heard this that someone asks where did God go....he seems like a million miles away...and the answer comes back...he never went anywhere.....God never moved. If someone moved....we did. But the important thing is how can one rekindle that fire and passion which seems a long way gone.

Well we've got to go back and work the process. The good news is it really doesn't take too long but one does have to commit to doing it. You see we're all creatures that very much are made to develop a passion or addiction towards to whatever we set our attention on.

For example....I may not want to play a sport....but you know if one sits down and watches say one hockey game a night very quickly now they have a passion to want to get on the skates and play the game. We're built that way. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your vision is clear, your whole body will be full of light.

What you feed upon....will start feeding upon you. Take for example....you say you have no passion for the word....well you've got to start the process whether at this beginning stage you feel like it or not. Take say the gospels....Matt, Mk, Lk and John and read them out loud let's say 3, 30 minutes segments a day....morning, afternoon and night...even read each segment on a digital recorder to make sure you've done the whole readings.

Let me assure you, you do that for just a few short days and guess what. The fire, passion and enthusiasm will come alive in your spirit because God's word is LIFE.
You're pumping spiritual life into your spirit and your spirit will grab onto it and your passion will be restored. Also worship God and I'm not talking about singing songs just in church but at your home.....songs singing to God and not just songs about God....there is a difference.

And while doing this also be declaring who and what you are In Christ Jesus and you'll find God starts coming back alive for you. He always has been alive but we need energized by his spirit and word every day.

Much more I could say but if you're willing to do basically what I've shared above you'll find the Spirit's presence and power will rise up in you bringing back the joy you once had. Really it's that simple process called sowing and reaping. Hope this helps and as I can testify it brought me out of the state you're describing.

Again in closing if you'll do this call it an experiment for about 4-5 days watch what will happen. I'm not speaking theory here Pinkjess. I'm speaking experience. I went through the same thing of it seemed all my passion gone....to seeing it restored. Trust me on this....draw near to God AND HE WILL draw near unto you. And guess what? It's not that he has to....WE WANTS TO!

Thank you so much. I think i can probably commit to reading at least 5min per day. Maybe i will get more and more into it as time goes on!

 

[AnglicanPeace]

Maybe you will suffer and it will give you your spiritual energy back. That's what happened to me.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

It's interesting because I do believe that we are spiritual athletes and sometimes you really gotta churn before you get anything going. This is not a bad thing. In fact many talk about stages of spiritual progression where as we mature in Christ we go through a phase where the presence leaves us (and can also go through adversity). It is at this point that we must keep going. I'm actually in a little bit of a valley myself sister so I resonate with what you're saying but I've found if I'm persistent that I get a breakthrough. It's when you don't want to do the reading that in my opinion it is the most important that you do so because it's kind of like a mini-passion you're going through. You're partaking in a very small way in Christ's suffering and growing in the love of God when you study the word and are persistent even when you don't want to do it.

I would also ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you if there's anything in your inner man that's preventing a breakthrough for you, any unforgiveness or anything like that. Things from childhood can really trip us up if they are not resolved.

Also, have you tried singing hymns? Sometimes it helps to just do something different like singing or try praying for a certain group of people every day. I have a blog on this site with some suggestions for spiritual practices. One other suggestion would be to write a post (could even be here) testifying to all the good things the Lord has done for you. Try to fight against this. If you resist the devil he will ultimately flee from you. Be strong sister.

 

[com7fy8]

a lot of people don't even think God is real,

God is not silent, but He is quiet in His love. Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

But we all as humans can have noisy stuff like unforgiveness and dominating and controlling lusts demanding pleasure, and anger and frustration and . . . "fear of death" (Hebrews 2:14-15).

So, we need how God changes us . . . corrects and tunes us . . . into His quiet rest loving our soul and satisfying us to dearly love and care for any and all people >

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

So, being close to God includes how more and more we grow in loving any and all people, with Him sharing this with us so we are so sharing with our Heavenly Father.

Jesus just isn't a real part of life for them but a novelty. I am afraid that is what He is becoming to me.

There is cultural Christianity with its music and preaching and personal relationships of in-groups of the similar interests. We need to love any and all people. Always stay ready for love, with any person, whether the other knows how to love or not > you be every person's best friend by being every person's example of how to be real with God in love and how to relate. And the sharing with God and the challenge and creativity of so loving will be much more enjoyable and interesting than any education or profession or pleasures you could have.

I've been trying to pray more and keep God in the forefront of my thoughts as I go about my day, but I wonder, does He even hear me? Is He real? What if He isn't?

What we are thinking could be the prayer God really is hearing

I would love nothing more than to be on fire for Jesus again and have an active and thriving relationship like I used to have.

We need to grow in His grace. With growing in Jesus comes going where God will take us. But we do need to actively seek our Father for His correction . . . which He Himself does in us > Hebrews 12:4-11. This is not self-produced, not self-willed, but what He does.

I know the Christian life is not a life based on feelings but it has a lot to do with staying motivated to be close to God. I value emotional intimacy in all of my relationships, including the one I have with God.

But if we are quiet in sharing with Jesus in His peace, this goodness of God's love has Heaven's own pleasantness and rest which do feel very good. But I find this is quiet and sensitive and personal in sharing with God. We can't be giving in to noisy stuff . . . and workaholic ministry stuff . . . and experience and enjoy this. But it is written >

"At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." (in Psalm 16:11)

But this pleasure is in God's all-loving and so generously forgiving love!!! Yes, in truly caring forgiving we are enjoying delight with the LORD. But in order to stay this way, we need character correction and curing so this is our nature and not only at times a fire.

But the fact that I notice all of this and the fact it bothers me...that is a good sign, right?

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

We need to humble ourselves, about who really cares about us. We can pain our own selves, but our Father is the One who really cares for us. There are times when I am concerned about if I am and have been for real with God and in loving; and what seems to work well is if I trust God as my Good Judge to know me and decide what He pleases to do with me. And one thing that can come is > forgive; and love any and all people and pray blessing of all that is possible with God, to any people, at all, and have hope for any person > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

So, have hope for other people, too. You are not the only one with issues, I offer And as we get more of how God's grace succeeds in us, now we can use our problems to help us feel for and understand others and minister to them the grace which has changed us to be more like Jesus and how He has us loving.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

I just want to thank all the people for sharing their responses because they have been edifying and encouraging to me in my own walk.

 

[longwait]

How about some fasting to get back to your First love? Also don't get involved with the internet while you fast. It ruins the whole fast.

 

[royal priest]

I don't feel any zeal to read the Bible anymore. The words just gloss over to me now. They are merely words on a page...
I value emotional intimacy in all of my relationships, including the one I have with God.

Luke 10:25-26
"behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
Jesus said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?”"

It seems to me, this is the crux of the matter. Time and time again, I've had to bring myself back to Jesus' question to that lawyer, how do I read the Word of God? Here was an "expert" in the law of God. Jesus asked, "what is written in the law?" Of course, being a lawyer, this man could recite God's law front and back, as well as every popular Rabbinic interpretation. But Jesus asks, "how do you read it?"
We are attacked on every side, by a God-hating, devil, world, and self. Therefore, let us take up the sword of God's Word, and by the power of His Spirit, do battle for the Lord. If we are going to succeed in gaining ground with respect to our intimacy with God, then we need to deal radically with our sinful thoughts and actions, and be ever vigilant because of our many spiritual vulnerabilities.
Be at peace regarding your ambitions in life. God is in control and is leading you according to His purposes for you. There is hymn that I like to sing which helps remind me to keep my own ambitions in check:

Father, I know that all my life
is portioned out for me;
the changes that are sure to come,
I do not fear to see:
I ask thee for a present mind,
intent on pleasing thee.

I would not have the restless will
that hurries to and fro,
seeking for some great thing to do,
or secret thing to know;
I would be treated as a child,
and guided where I go.

I ask thee for the daily strength,
to none that ask denied,
a mind to blend with outward life,
while keeping at thy side,
content to fill a little space,
if thou be glorified.

In service which thy will appoints
there are no bonds for me;
my secret heart is taught the truth
that makes thy children free;
a life of self-renouncing love
is one of liberty.
--Anna Letitia Waring, 1850

I have been praying for you regarding struggles which you have shared in the past, and I will continue to do so. Press on, dear sister, and may the Lord lift you up soon.

 

[Serving Zion]

I had a Holy Spirit experience in 2010 when I truly understood why Jesus died. It was the most amazing emotional feeling ever. I felt a newness wash over my soul and I was never the same. My fire for God was huge. I was always happy and a blessing to those around me.

It seems like after my mom passed away in 2014 my fire started to slowly die off. I began to realize life isn't going to be as good as I hoped it would be as a teen. I got diagnosed with a prolactinoma the following year (2015) and started dealing with health issues I wasn't expecting. My dreams of being an evangelist and opening my own homeless shelter went to the backburner as I focused on getting my health back to a functional state. I tried to witness to my dad and brother sometimes and realized they were really indifferent to anything pertaining to salvation and it disheartened me a bit. I started feeling ashamed of my faith because I realized a lot of people don't even think God is real, even those who claim they go to church and crap--Jesus just isn't a real part of life for them but a novelty. I am afraid that is what He is becoming to me.

I don't feel any zeal to read the Bible anymore. The words just gloss over to me now. They are merely words on a page. I hate to admit it but that is how it is to me now. I've been trying to pray more and keep God in the forefront of my thoughts as I go about my day, but I wonder, does He even hear me? Is He real? What if He isn't?

I don't like any of this. I would love nothing more than to be on fire for Jesus again and have an active and thriving relationship like I used to have. I know the Christian life is not a life based on feelings but it has a lot to do with staying motivated to be close to God. I value emotional intimacy in all of my relationships, including the one I have with God.

But the fact that I notice all of this and the fact it bothers me...that is a good sign, right?

Hi again Jess .. just wondering how you are going, and wow, you are so honest and sincere, I just want to tell you that is really special! .. and I want to offer some words to encourage you to keep waiting and seeking for God to restore your faith, because you are so very precious!

"It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of Adonai." - Lamentations 3:26

What you are describing is less about your own failure, really, but more about the challenges that Jesus faces while He is leading you in salvation (Psalms 23). I know it straight away sounds shocking to think that Jesus could possibly have a struggle, but keep in mind how Luke 22:31 goes along with the story of why Job was tested, and what Revelation 12:10 has to say about that .. then consider how Jesus speaks of a sheep that has gone straying from the flock in Matthew 18:12 (I do not mean to say that you are the one who is straying, btw, but you are one of the other 99) - what is happening to the other 99 when He has to go searching for the lost sheep that is straying? .. He is leaving them to wander aimlessly without a shepherd! .. and there is a similar principle found in 1 Corinthians 12:26, how it describes the strength of the body of Christ, the strength of His spirit in us depending upon how we are functioning individually.

Now as you know, that the body of Christ is not exactly united in mind, spirit and purpose as it ideally might be! .. in fact, there's some "pretty bogus" stuff that goes on if we are going to be frank about it! .. But that's exactly what we are struggling against, and being able to recognise that even the best humans have weaknesses and are prone to making mistakes, and sometimes they prevent God from doing His work in our lives.. but if we can forgive like water rolls off a duck's back, and keep pressing forward whenever we can, then we are walking in the victory of God's grace and that is sufficient for Him!

So I say this only to encourage you to hang in there and to not feel as though you are in a dangerous place or that you are somehow to blame for a bit of a dry spell that you are going through .. but look back and reminisce on how you got to be at the place that you are today, how has your mind and your faith arrived at this point, and you will see that there are some key decisions that you have made along the way, and there are things that people have said and done that have had an impact on the way you think and the confidence that you have - and that is also to make you realise that there are all sorts of human failures going on in the world that are sometimes adding up to frustrate God's redemptive work.

From my experience I can say that occasionally I know that His presence in me has waned and I know that I am vulnerable at those times, that I might be likely to feel less hopeful or less at peace and to say things that reflect a bit of despair or whatever might happen in His absence - something of a mindset that doesn't have the strength of spirit as when He is fully present in me, and I understand what that's all about, as I suggest you think about that too, and what I have learned is that it doesn't last long - despite that there might be an intensity that seems too much to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), but when He comes back to be the presence in my spirit, then He does His healing work to restore my mind to hope and joy etc.

Hopefully that's useful for you to think about .. stay hopeful and keep trusting, it will relieve you of some of the anxiety that makes it harder to have the fruits of the spirit!