I'm obsessed with the idea of dealing with a jealous, backstabbing, pushy, manipulative person or group of people.
Sorry, it is not clear here whether or not it is you who is the subject of jealousy, backstabbing, pushiness or manipulation. If it is, the real question (which you can never avoid) is whether they have a right to be jealous, or to backstab. Manipulation doesn't work on people who refuse to be manipulated. Pushy people often want you to push back (or argue) at which point they wish to make you look a fool. So don't push back. "Don't argue with a fool. Otherwise observers won't be able to see the difference."
If it is not you who is the object of the abuse, then it may be time to speak up for fair treatment and decency toward the one who is.
We are to avoid people who will reject us and abuse is probably the highest form of rejection!
If God followed this advice none of us would know Him, or His Son Jesus.
If Jesus had followed this advice, he would not have said while being crucified, "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they are doing."
Nor would he have said, "Bless those who curse you."
And probably hardest of all Paul says in Romans 5: "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us." This assumes that we know before God, that we don't rightly deserve what we're getting. This is NOT passive acceptance of suffering; it is joyful and expectant suffering, that through the Holy Spirit, takes the "rough stone and turns it into a gorgeous diadem."
Jesus Himself also evaded a crowd who wanted to kill Him
Yes. And he avoided another one that wanted to make him King by force. (John 6:15). He did not avoid the High Priest's guard who came for him in Gethsemane, to take him to an illegal trial, and ultimately crucifixion. "
while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son" (Romans:5:10)
He did NOT avoid the scribes and Pharisees (or even the Sadducees) who accused him of breaking the law, tried constantly to ensnare him with trick questions, or accused him of being a "glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners" (Matt 11:19; Luke 7:34).
Has it crossed your mind that Jesus died for these people who are abusive? That God loves them every bit as much as He loves you (even if that's hard to believe). I am fully aware that being abused is not fun and is both wearing and potentially destructive.
I had a colleague who had the idea "people are not problems to solve (or in your case to avoid), but mysteries to explore." Her advice to me was to learn more about them, find out the real deep cause of their abusive behaviour ... perhaps they were/are abused themselves, and have never had a role model to show them how to respond constructuvely. Her advice to me also, was to always seek to hold "life-giving conversations," meaning talking to people (and about people) in constructive, uplifting, ways.
This is super hard, and I struggle to do this as well as I'd like to. But, believe it or not, my point of departure is another figure ... the one of the pointing first finger. When I point my accusative finger at someone ("they're jealous, backstabbing, pushy, manipulative, down right mean"), I have three other fingers pointing back at me. I am humbled every time by the thought that in certain circumstances I am just as guilty of all the wrongs I see in others. Jesus taught us to take out the log in our own eye before we try to take the speck out of someone else's.
Yes there are times when it is sensible to avoid hanging out with people who backstabb, manipulate, and are constantly mean; there are other times when we must be among them (but not
of them) and ask God for the courage and wisdom to speak up against what they are doing and saying. We are supposed to be the salt and the light. As light, we must not cover up right behaviour with cowardice or silence. If you can speak up at the right time and in the right way, there is a good chance they will first snear, but will likely not do it often again in your presence, even if they continue to do it elsewhere.
