Deactivated

[Michie]

While I was growing up, I developed a serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). I never really fit in with the group of kids I hung out with, whether it was in elementary school, middle school or high school. I always felt left out, so as a result, I began to believe that I needed to actively seek out “play dates.” If I was planning the activity, there was no way I could be “left out.”

This constant planning and scheming became an exhausting task. I remember waking up on weekends and immediately reaching for the phone to call my neighborhood friends to see if they could play. When I slept in, I ran the risk of these kids getting together without me.

As I got older, these tendencies only continued; in high school I would organize parties and take on the role of designated driver when my friends wanted to go out. I created ways to be needed because it seemed the only way to guarantee I would not be overlooked.

Reflecting back on my actions, all my attempts in this regard were just a means of maintaining control. I made myself believe that if I proved my worth to my friends, I would never “miss out.”

I did miss out though; I missed out on being happy. I spent all my time trying to be the person others wanted me to be, never allowing myself to discover who I wanted to be.

When I started college in a new state, I had a chance for a new beginning and to redefine myself. Of course, I still had no idea how to redefine myself or how I wanted other people to perceive me.

Continued below.
Deactivated

 

[Chrystal-J]

I was the opposite, I preferred to be alone--even as a small child. I'm still that way to a lesser extent.