Dating Guidelines for our Teenage Daughter

[Winter Rose]

Our 17 year old daughter (Y) has been seeing a seemingly wonderful Christian boy (J) this summer. She has known him for 2 years as they have been attending the same church where there is a more active youth group than the church my husband and I go to.

J has moved away to study for 3 years and plans to come back home periodically to be with his family and to see Y. However it has only been a few days and already Y is planning to go down to see J and stay for a couple of days. She is planning to sleep in his car (he stays on the school campus) with her girlfriend. This is because it will save her money in finding accommodation. Initially she wanted to fly down to see J by herself but I advised this was not a good idea because of lack of accountability. However there is nothing stopping Y's girlfriend taking off either even if she did go with Y (two's company, three's a crowd). My husband and I have had a discussion with Y and J regarding establishing healthy boundaries when spending time with one another and they have said they have already discussed this i.e. no sexual involvement with one another. Do we let her go with or without her girlfriend to sleep in his car?? Any advice would be really appreciated.

 

[Paidiske]

Whether with J or some other boy, at some point she will have the opportunity for unchaperoned time with a young man she's interested in. She needs to learn to manage herself in that, and a couple of days with a friend around is probably not a bad way to start.

But sleeping in the car isn't safe or secure. I don't particularly think the trip is an awful idea, but I think she needs a plan for proper accommodation.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Hello Winter Rose, I agree with Paidiske.

She is nearly of age legally being an adult; won't be long until she needs to make these decisions herself. It's better to prepare her with responsibility for herself and those she surrounds herself. If she was younger there would be a greater need of concern to protect her. But you should strongly and carefully advise her to find a place other than his car to stay. If needed help her plan and pay for a place near him; close enough not feel too distant and inconvenient, while secure enough to keep her safe as possible.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Winter Rose]

Thank you to those who have given me wise advice. J is a flight away or 5 hour drive. Y has been working casual hours and starts uni next month. Yes, sleeping in the car is out of the question. We will negotiate this with Y with on-going wisdom. Again, thank you all and blessings.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Dave-W]

But sleeping in the car isn't safe or secure. ....I think she needs a plan for proper accommodation.

I fully agree with this.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi; good to see you.

 

[John Richards]

heyyy