Dating/coupling up not mentioned much in the Bible

[ThisIsMe123]

I have always wondered why the Bible tells very little of the dating or courtship process...women/wives were treated more as commodities or deals made between families and compatibility or attraction was not even on the table.

Wives just learned to love their husbands, regardless if he was short or had a bad habit, and vice versa. Women had only the nurturing role. A lot of arranged marriages occurred without thought given to how the women felt about her new husband. Conflicting personalities were not even considered.

There was no "Match.com" or personal ads, you were stuck with...and...you LEARNED to like them. You just took the hand that was dealt to you...that's it.

But now, compatibility (and I'm not talking about Christian compatibility), was a non-issue as people (esp. women) were stuck with whom ever.

So now that we're into the modern day of dating, there's been a major change and women now in the work force and also many desiring NOT to ever marry....again or not at all. Or if they are looking for someone to marry...they are constantly swiping left and right to find the "perfect" marital partner...most of which doesn't exist.

But the Bible doesn't really address the issue of compatibility. It just addressed those currently married.

Thoughts?

 

[timewerx]

Coupling maybe...It's actually in a verse in Genesis and Jesus told of it again in the NT.

Marriage in the Bible doesn't actually include exchanging vows, wearing rings, slicing a cake, w/e.. Those are Roman Pagan traditions!

A lot of you folks don't know you're serving The Beast which is the Roman Empire, old or new, it's the same garbage!

(I'm not really laughing, it drives me nuts how even Christians are completely blind to this, even if I already told about it, they would choose to keep the blindfolds over their eyes, it's crazy! The Mark of the Beast really would make you blind and controlled!)

Anyway, that garbage and DATING, indeed those two are not in the Bible.

If you want to be with a woman, just ask her daddy about it and all you three must agree and that's how it seems to be done among the Jews in the Bible.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Coupling maybe...It's actually in a verse in Genesis and Jesus told of it again in the NT.

Marriage in the Bible doesn't actually include exchanging vows, wearing rings, slicing a cake, w/e.. Those are Roman Pagan traditions!

A lot of you folks don't know you're serving The Beast which is the Roman Empire, old or new, it's the same garbage!

(I'm not really laughing, it drives me nuts how even Christians are completely blind to this, even if I already told about it, they would choose to keep the blindfolds over their eyes, it's crazy! The Mark of the Beast really would make you blind and controlled!)

Anyway, that garbage and DATING, indeed those two are not in the Bible.

If you want to be with a woman, just ask her daddy about it and all you three must agree and that's how it seems to be done among the Jews in the Bible.

Unfortunately, women 40 and older don't involve their daddy's in their affairs. Some of their fathers had already passed away.

 

[timewerx]

Unfortunately, women 40 and older don't involve their daddy's in their affairs. Some of their fathers had already passed away.

You know there's isn't hard rules for these.

Even Jesus didn't obey the Sabbath if the situation calls for it. If a rule or law comes in way of a good deed, then it can be set aside.

If parents are no longer around then just ask her.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I have always wondered why the Bible tells very little of the dating or courtship process...women/wives were treated more as commodities or deals made between families and compatibility or attraction was not even on the table.

Wives just learned to love their husbands, regardless if he was short or had a bad habit, and vice versa. Women had only the nurturing role. A lot of arranged marriages occurred without thought given to how the women felt about her new husband. Conflicting personalities were not even considered.

There was no "Match.com" or personal ads, you were stuck with...and...you LEARNED to like them. You just took the hand that was dealt to you...that's it.

But now, compatibility (and I'm not talking about Christian compatibility), was a non-issue as people (esp. women) were stuck with whom ever.

So now that we're into the modern day of dating, there's been a major change and women now in the work force and also many desiring NOT to ever marry....again or not at all. Or if they are looking for someone to marry...they are constantly swiping left and right to find the "perfect" marital partner...most of which doesn't exist.

But the Bible doesn't really address the issue of compatibility. It just addressed those currently married.

Thoughts?

There was a lot more family involvement, especially parents. Parents are much more objective and can see potential issues that "blind love" can't see. If you've heard the expression "lovesick", there was a time when it was considered a real ailment. The happily miserable pair would be kept apart until the wave of emotion passed. There's a song by Don Francisco, "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will". That is the truth. There certainly needs to be natural attraction. It's not a business transaction. But emotional/romantic "love" is much overrated.

 

[coffee]

If you want to be with a woman, just ask her daddy about it and all you three must agree and that's how it seems to be done among the Jews in the Bible.

It was also the tradition that a man could divorce his wife and marry another person, but that doesn't make that acceptable. Why should we automatically assume everything that the Jews did applies to us unless the New Testament specifically says otherwise? (Note I'm not trying to be argumentative, I like discussing the Bible )

 

[ReesePiece23]

Bathsheba was the only one who enabled notifications - that's why.

 

[Miles]

The Bible contains principles that are applicable in multiple scenarios. However, it isn't a dating guide, a business manual, an encyclopedia, a scientific textbook, or consistently focused on the minutia of daily life. It doesn't even say much about carpentry, and Jesus was a carpenter. Instead, the focus is on greater truths.

Even in those days, there were a variety of marriage practices. Perhaps too many to address. People at the time may have regarded it as a cultural matter or even as a basic human function, so I'm not surprised that it doesn't describe dating in detail. Such an undertaking might have required multiple volumes, considering all the various groups and eras in which they lived. How did Ephesian dating differ from Samaritan dating? I'm pretty sure there would have been significant dating/courtship differences between the Romans and the Israelites. The families of kings often married into other royal families for diplomatic reasons etc.

 

[Sketcher]

I have always wondered why the Bible tells very little of the dating or courtship process...women/wives were treated more as commodities or deals made between families and compatibility or attraction was not even on the table.

Wives just learned to love their husbands, regardless if he was short or had a bad habit, and vice versa. Women had only the nurturing role. A lot of arranged marriages occurred without thought given to how the women felt about her new husband. Conflicting personalities were not even considered.

There was no "Match.com" or personal ads, you were stuck with...and...you LEARNED to like them. You just took the hand that was dealt to you...that's it.

According to Jewish tradition, the father always asks the daughter if she wants to be married before he gives her in marriage, as Bethuel did with Rebekah before he sent her to Issac. Thus when this tradition is followed, there was always a measure of her consent.

But now, compatibility (and I'm not talking about Christian compatibility), was a non-issue as people (esp. women) were stuck with whom ever.

Proverbs talks quite a bit about character and values for potential wives. I believe this is necessarily linked to compatibility.

So now that we're into the modern day of dating, there's been a major change and women now in the work force and also many desiring NOT to ever marry....again or not at all. Or if they are looking for someone to marry...they are constantly swiping left and right to find the "perfect" marital partner...most of which doesn't exist.

You probably don't want to marry the women that do that. Find a woman who wants to make the home that you want to make, and let these other women continue to be alone.

 

[timewerx]

Why should we automatically assume everything that the Jews did applies to us unless the New Testament specifically says otherwise? (Note I'm not trying to be argumentative, I like discussing the Bible )

I think even Jesus repeated the passage in Genesis about coupling. The only thing that changed in NT regarding that subject is divorce and that it's better to be single!

STill nothing about exchanging vows, rings, wedding cakes, etc. All these are mere vanity. Taking pleasure in the traditions of the Lord's enemies...

I'm not saying partaking in heathen traditions condemns anyone. Neither does it voids a marriage. As long as one repents and seeks the truth then everything is forgiven!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I think even Jesus repeated the passage in Genesis about coupling. The only thing that changed in NT regarding that subject is divorce and that it's better to be single!

Then...this...

Then in another part of the Bible, even had Christian friends tell me this, " And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him"

Okay, so which is it? lol Contradict much?

This is why I don't put too much stock in when someone says, "Well....the Bible says..." and they say...whatever the quote is.

On a side note, it is interesting how Catholic priests have to remain single to serve God, while Pastors and other clergy...it is okay for them to be married. But that's a another thread to tug on for this discussion.

Also to say, "It's better to be single" is a matter of opinion...there's many 40+, never married singles that are desiring otherwise.

 

[timewerx]

Then in another part of the Bible, even had Christian friends tell me this, " And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him"

Today, we have the Holy Spirit for helper... So getting married is less important these days.

In Genesis, people are still obviously few in the world so multiplying must be a genius idea at the time.

This is why context is everything when studying the Bible.

 

[dayhiker]

The variety of comments about what the Bible says and doesn't say about dating/marriage/staying single indicates to me that there isn't a narrow view of God about these things like some want us to think.

I'm sure that the poor looked at marriage much differently than the rich did thru history as well.

So I think today we are closer to what God is looking for. People that are free to find love that works for both people involved. From what I know of marriage in the ancient world I think those marriages worked much better for men that for women. Today women are finally getting to be equal and have their own say not only at the start of the relationship but every day.

 

[timewerx]

The variety of comments about what the Bible says and doesn't say about dating/marriage/staying single indicates to me that there isn't a narrow view of God about these things like some want us to think.

I'm sure that the poor looked at marriage much differently than the rich did thru history as well.

So I think today we are closer to what God is looking for. People that are free to find love that works for both people involved. From what I know of marriage in the ancient world I think those marriages worked much better for men that for women. Today women are finally getting to be equal and have their own say not only at the start of the relationship but every day.

God originally intended man and woman to be equal in a relationship in Genesis. Just like how a lion should feed on grass.

It was SIN (not God) that led to inequality between husband and wife in a marriage and sometimes, between a man and a woman in many societies.

God wasn't commanding Eve but simply stating the dark fate of women after sin. At the time, it would still be in Adam's best interests to treat Eve equally

To put wives in less authority in a marriage is actually glorifying the sin of Adam and Eve and that is bad. It means you subject yourselves under their sin.....

Which is a very absurd thing to do for anyone who claims to follow Christ. The ONe who has supposed to washed away all our sins with the message of repentance and truth.

Why Apostle Paul said those things about wives and husbands is consider the era which is extremely patriarchal. If Christians would grant their wives with equal authority, that might attract unwanted persecution and scrutiny from people who did not share their beliefs, including from other Jews.

But now (the present, modern time), has given us more freedom to practice what is truth.

The real Christianity isn't adapting to the changing times....but the times are changing to adapt for the real Christians -those who hunger for the truth above anything else, including the traditions of men.

 

[dayhiker]

timewerx --- I agree with your intend and it sounds like what I was saying. I don't see the Bible saying that patriarchy is a sin however. Yet its clear that they gospel message undermines patriarchy in Jesus dying for both men and women. In my mind patriarchy is a cultural thing and I read the NTs message as Christians can live for Jesus no matter what culture we live in.

 

[sea5763]

nvm?

 

[bèlla]

I have always wondered why the Bible tells very little of the dating or courtship process...women/wives were treated more as commodities or deals made between families and compatibility or attraction was not even on the table.

The difference is dependency. When you rely on someone for sustenance it's probable you're less scrutinizing than someone with the means to support themselves. Most women in Western cultures needn't marry for security.

Wives just learned to love their husbands, regardless if he was short or had a bad habit, and vice versa. Women had only the nurturing role. A lot of arranged marriages occurred without thought given to how the women felt about her new husband. Conflicting personalities were not even considered.

Love him or face starvation and limited protection. It isn't difficult to understand why making it work benefited both. He needed her support and reproductive skills.

Now turn the statement on its head. If her safety and livelihood weren't under threat. How many would choose to remain with their spouse? Who knows. Bad marriages existed then as they do today.

So now that we're into the modern day of dating, there's been a major change and women now in the work force and also many desiring NOT to ever marry....again or not at all. Or if they are looking for someone to marry...they are constantly swiping left and right to find the "perfect" marital partner...most of which doesn't exist.

I think it's clear some people aren't marriage material. That goes for both sexes. You can't compel investment. It hails from a place of generosity directed towards the other. You offer entry to your person for the purpose of greater acquaintance and possibility of something more.

Scrutiny isn't finite. Opportunities slip between the cracks. That's the risk.

But when you're truly desired by someone who sparks the same within you. The result is unmistakable. That's the cohesive yes you're looking for. Mutual recognition and agreement from both.

You don't need to sell yourself. Adopt a hip lingo. Or plead for consideration. It begins with understanding your worthiness and affirming who you are as a man/woman and the qualities you bring to the union.

It's not about timelines or first dates. The goal is finding your glove. The one who fits nice and snug. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one. But when you slip it on you know you've found what you're looking for.

Time is a shadow. What's a few years in relation to a lifetime? When happiness arrives you're too busy enjoying it to count the moments you've gone without its presence.

But you're gracious nonetheless. Gratitude is born in adversity and lack. How will you appreciate the wonder you've found if you've never gone without?

If you didn't experience the ache or disappointment. You won't have the mettle to weather the challenges ahead.

Iron sharpens iron. Not ease.

~Bella