First, Sakhile > hi
I am Bill, pleased to meet you. Before I share things here, I wish to make it clear how I realize that I do not know you. So, when I say things that might be critical, they might be true of you or you need to make sure they do not become true of you. And I hope to share what is good, too.
Basically, I accept that you are a child of God. But yes you need to become strong and wise enough so you can do well in churches where there will be hypocrites but also there are the real children of God whom you need to become able to discover among the wrong people. Jesus has us loving, right in with wrong people, since Jesus cares for the judgmental ones and desires to use us to reach them. So, if you want a real man, you need to become real so you can go wherever he is and share with him in what he is doing
And you do need to have standards, though not in the judgmental way you might be seeing. Not all groups are right and trustworthy. Often enough, any group as a whole is nothing, really, but you can find individual members in the group - - the ones who have matured to be good examples to feed you how to be real with God and please Him while loving any and all people.
Now . . . if you please to get into detail much more >
At first I was not dating because I had daddy issues and trust issues with men because of the lack of male role models in my life.
That is your past. We are new, in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17). Also, if you got involved in some other cultures, you might discover how even responsible and Jesus naming and respectable men can be not able to function as real role models. One problem shows as how reportedly a large percentage of Bible claiming men have a inappropriate contentography problem. I have stayed clear of that, but in me I have been able to have inappropriate content shows in my imagination. But with time and growing and keeping on seeking God I have been doing quite better, I would say > now . . . instead of mainly using women to look at and imagine, I more readily love and care for each and every woman, instead of using women in my imagination and to gawk at.
Love does not have us only using people. So, likewise, you need to become one who does not use anyone, at all, but care personally about each and every person. And such loving can help to bring you together with a truly loving man > Matthew 5:46 < who will likely confront and encourage you to have good loving sharing with various other Jesus family people, and humble him and not make a big deal only about him.
Also, lady . . .
the man for you might need you to get more real and strong so you can help him to get more for real!!! Many women have helped me, along the way. I see how God makes our ladies able to help us men.
However, now I am single because I have been focused on developing myself, career, mental, physical and spiritual.
This can be good
But we Jesus people are members of each other > Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:25. And members of a human body need each other and so depend on one another, in order to stay alive and healthy and functional. How much more God our Father has designed us to love and live as members of each other!
Only in His love can this work, though. We have been created so we can function well only in family sharing as God's children; nothing else can work; and functioning as members of each other means we become able to depend on and trust one another who also know how to relate in love. So, living in isolation can not work all the way, though it can be a time of getting more with God so then we can. How God is and shares with you and corrects you in His love is your example of how you need to become with any and all people; how unconditionally loving He is with you is your example, required of you!!! and all of us!!!
Ephesians 5:1-2
However, I am curious and I do wonder if I will ever date or marry.
This is part of why I accept that you are a Christian, already > because you have not just died in yourself. You are alive with curiosity about what is possible with God, perhaps.
I am almost 27 and I live in a black community in South Africa where unfortunately many kids grow up fatherless and black boys don't know what it is like to be a real man and leader.
Ok, so this is what people have been feeding us, for years . . . the idea that a man can have so much influence on a child. Well, whoever is with the child can be the one who has a lot of effect. And you can babysit children with a pile of toys and candy and TV and video games and babysitters who are in it for the money and other children. And how is a child going to bond with you while you so babysit your child? ? ? ? Then, in later years what you say won't mean anything, since the child never spent real time with you in order to discover that when you say something it means something. But if you have loved your child and said things of loving and the child has discovered the good which comes with things you say, then later what you say will mean something, too.
So, if you got to know a number of non-black people who have used toys to bring up their kids, you'd see how this has resulted in a number of people not knowing how to love . . . though they could be highly educated and know how to get money . . . not knowing how to get real honey.
Most guys around me objectify women and think that being a man is about money and status.
Again!! This could be talking about me with my Harvard and Wellesley parents in our white upper-middle class culture. And I have read how very wealthy people's children can be mentored by their drug experiences while they hang around totally lost in their mansions.
So, see past however this world has been teaching you to see your identity and what effects your upbringing. Sin has been the parent of all of us. Now we can live new in Jesus
Jesus says we need to deny ourselves > Luke 9:23 < and our self could include ways we have picked up from our parents . . . ways which are worldly, maybe helping us to cover up our deep sin ways of personality. So, even if you had respectable parents, you might need to get wise to any ways of theirs which need to go.
I have never met a guy who has inspired me to date him and at the same time I have many hang ups about relationships.
So, while we are troubled, this can keep us from being able to perceive and join with really Christian people. And we can be looking for things we can see, not praying about all that God knows about someone. John 7:23, Joshua 9:1-14
my little brother doing drugs because his father never paid attention to him and kept disappointing him.
But there are kids who have made their fathers idols, and then they have taken on their fathers' worldly ways.
For one example, my parents could talk down on certain people. They were proud, perhaps of their well-to-do and educated status. But this was conceit. And from their conceit I got the message that it was ok to look down on certain people, to judge about who was good enough for me to love, and who was not worth my attention or honor. Then, in my case, I also would bully ones I did not care for and whom I knew were not accepted socially and therefore others would not stand up for ones I bullied. So, Sakhile, from my culturally role-model parents I could derive conceit and then be acting cruelly because of my conceit.
Is it worth hoping that good men exist and actually believing in such a thing as a good marriage.
The man needs to be in you! > Galatians 4:19, Ephesians 4:2, Matthew 11:28-30 >
"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)
I would rather focus on fixing myself and doing what I can to contribute positively to the world.
If you do this with God, this can bring you to a man who is doing this, als
.
How can I be a positive single person but without being bitter about marriage and totally throwing that option out?
Keep alive in your willingness to discover all that is possible with God, and how He will bring good as He prepares you for this.
I do not want fear of relationships to motivate my being single.
Very good point >
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)
Your guy could be going through something like you are. However, be careful not to be fooled into adopting a guy who is a poor victim sort of person who depends on you.
I have come a cross the most judgmental people in churches and I do not like the divide that churces can cause: Catholics vs Baptists vs.... I accept and mingle with ALL Christians. I belong nowhere to belong everywhere.
Like I offer > there can be hypocrites where the real Jesus people are. And the wrong ones can be in your face making a big show of themselves so it seems like they represent everyone. But be in prayer so you can connect with whoever is gentle and humble and quiet in Jesus love and the example thereof to feed you >
"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
