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Featured Dating Advice Needed for women in 30's

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Timahani, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    :coupleheart::couplekiss::coupleheart::couplekiss::couplekiss::couplekiss::couplekiss::coupleheart::couplekiss::coupleheart::couplekiss::coupleheart::coupleheart:

    Hello Everyone,

    I have a unique question, well maybe it is not so unique lol. I come from an extremely conservative denomination where women wear dresses , sometimes cover their hair during church, and where the sexes are of often separated during the church service( I am not here to debate my beliefs on these issues at all). With the above in mind:

    1)How can a Christian Woman tell if a guy has a crush on her or even likes her in the initial stages? (for example, in my case all the males are pleasant; we all go out together as a group for fun, but they all remain quite "distant").

    2) Is a woman in her 30's too old or two late to think about dating with the hopes of marriage? Are guys even willing to date/marry women in this age bracket anymore?

    3) What are some great places to meet a future partner besides church, when you are in your 30's?

    Thanks for you time! :oldthumbsup::oldthumbsup:
     
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  2. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

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    It's definitely not too late. I know women who got married in their 40s.

    I think generally men in their mid 30s and older are more likely to want to date and marry someone over 30. You'll get some who might still try to pursue the hot 25 year old, but people are probably more inclined to want a partner in a similar sort of life stage to them, so over 30s would gravitate to over 30s in that case.

    If I knew of any "great places" then maybe I wouldn't be single. :)

    But more seriously, my standard answer to a question like that is Meetup. While it's obviously not a guaranteed means of meeting a future partner, it does give opportunities to get out there and meet new people, which can only improve your chances.
     
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  3. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal: Quipping the Saints! Supporter

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    I've heard about separated church services before. So, there is no mixed fellowship afterwards?
     
  4. ilovejcsog

    ilovejcsog I am a Christian mutt. You can call me Rox

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    Hey, people get married at 60 70 80......
    I think if a man looks at you with a smile and keeps that look more than a reasonable hi and he gives you a second and third, etc, glance plus that goes on for a while and then he comes back to you etc. That is an interest. I have always heard that grocery stores are good places to meet men in the vegetable and fruit sections and if they ask you questions about what they are looking for that is also a way to start up a conversation. If you are interested in a particular person hold a look between him and you with a smile. Don't look away if you are interested in him as that lets him know you are interested. Smile big, lol. Church is always a good place and I think in general all stores are good places to meet people. workout gyms? Don't forget to post in the single sections. I hope you find someone, a Godly man. People that want to be married should be instead of lonely. Share your love with someone:)
     
  5. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    Yes, we meet up and we are able to talk. However, I have found that people are constantly trying to keep up a "righteous image". I don't think that it is conscious but it is the culture of the people in the church. Yes, we interact but their is a "distant feeling" that is hard to explain. Its almost as if people are not comfortable with same sex interactions or they are worried subconsciously about what others may think.
     
  6. ilovejcsog

    ilovejcsog I am a Christian mutt. You can call me Rox

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    PS you might want to put this thread in the singles forum.
     
  7. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    I read your post. I will also post a thread on their too. In the meantime, I needed some "Christian Advice" because my denomination and the culture of that denomination is a bit unique. So , I needed some unique advice. But thank you.
     
  8. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal: Quipping the Saints! Supporter

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    I did not understand that statement.
     
  9. ilovejcsog

    ilovejcsog I am a Christian mutt. You can call me Rox

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    me either?
     
  10. ilovejcsog

    ilovejcsog I am a Christian mutt. You can call me Rox

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    I hadn't realized I had given you any unChristian advice.
     
  11. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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  12. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    Thank you for your advice. My post was misunderstood. I was just stating why I posted in the FORUM called "Christian Advice". I was not stating that your statement was non-Christian. I apologize for the confusion.
     
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  13. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    Sabertooth: I meant that they seem to shy away from interacting with those of the opposite sex, they don't seem comfortable. Therefore, it is hard to tell when they really like someone. I hope this brings some clarity. I am sorry, it is very late where I live.
     
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  14. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

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    Do relationships really start that way? Maybe I can't see happening as it's something I couldn't see myself doing - I just wouldn't feel comfortable striking up a conversation with a random woman I've never met before and know nothing about.

    And how do women actually feel about being approached like that? After all, they're going to the grocery store with the intention of buying food, not to be hit on.
     
  15. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    I understand it completely. I attended a congregation like that in college back in the mid 1970s. Because of the "sexual revolution" and "new morality" of the late 1960s, they kept the men and women apart as much as they could. While they did not separate genders in services, each home group leader was tasked with keeping an eye on the singles in his home group to make sure they were not sitting too close to someone of the other gender. OR talking to them before or after the services, etc.

    Colossians 2:23
    These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.​
     
  16. SleepingAtLast

    SleepingAtLast Member

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    Honestly, I would not spend a lot of energy trying to parce out different guys' actions or reactions. If I were you I would have an expectation that a guy worth having is going to pursue you outright and not leave questions in your mind about how he feels.

    It is not too late at all! I will be 30 this year, and probably will not date prior to turning 30. I do, however, plan to date in my 30's.

    I would recommend just putting yourself in situations where you can meet new people. That could be anything, really. Sports leagues, classes, volunteering, going out on the weekends, etc. Frequenting some new places can help a lot.
     
  17. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member

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    It's never late to date besides dating is not a biblical concept. Ruth & Boaz didn't date, Isaac & Rebecca didn't date, Adam & Eve didn't date, I can go on giving examples of people who didn't date but got married in the Bible. Be polite, courteous and friendly, you never know who's watching you, good luck
     
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  18. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    @ Joined2krist are you suggesting that people should just get married? Without taking time to get to know that person, to court that person, and to ensure that this is the person that the Lord has for you?
    Could you expand your thoughts please or clarify them :grinning:?
     
  19. Timahani

    Timahani Newbie

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    You are very intelligent Dave-W, I try to steer away from those conversations because it is a denominational culture that few people understand. Lol. but thank you for all of your insight.
     
  20. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    I'm going to answer these, but in a different order....

    1. It is harder for women in their 30s to find someone, than women in their 20s. But while that is true, it is much much harder in your 40s than 30s.

    A man age 40, will look for a wife 10 years younger. It's a fact. By the time a woman is 40, she'll start getting hit on by men in their 60s. True story.

    This is why often women that are later in life, will sometimes just stay single, because they can't stand the idea of marrying a much older man.

    I think that is ridiculous because I've met couples where the woman was 15 years younger, than they had a fantastic marriage.

    2. That said, you should find someone closer to your age if possible.

    The answer is yes, there are men who will look for marriage in that age bracket. The key is, they will be harder to find.

    The men who are looking for marriage, are getting married. This is another reason women should look for a spouse, sooner rather than later. The pool starts to thin out pretty quick over time. Good guys... get married. They are not waiting around.

    That does not mean the pool is empty. It just means that the ratio of good-apples to bad-apples, is getting closer to 1:1.

    You start getting into the 30s and 40s, and the guys still single at that age are often single for a reason. They are messed up in the head, have terrible character, or they have determined to stay single.

    Fascinating fact... statically 50% of all men who are still single by age 35, will stay single for life.

    Again, you can find someone... but I'm not going to white wash this, and say it will be a walk in the park... you might be hunting for awhile. And you might find a bunch of bad eggs. You'll just have to accept that some of your dates will be bad, and move on.

    3. How can you tell if guys are interested?

    Well this is one of the odd things in life, that it is easier to find a spouse when you are younger. Younger men are less capable (read less mentally mature enough) of hiding their interest.

    That said, it is also possible that you are not giving any signals off.

    I'm going to clue you in on the dirty little secret of all men.... the vast majority of us are cowards when it comes to women. It's a fact. We might have strong muscles, but we have weak hearts. To that point....

    A man would rather never ask a girl out, than ask her out and be turned down. The reality is most men will never ask a woman out, unless he already believes that he has a shot with her. This is more true, the more attractive the woman.

    This is where you and signaling comes in. You need to give a guy the smallest of hints, that you are interested in him. Now obviously I don't mean grabbing his arm, and clutching it to your bosom, or rubbing your rear on his thigh or something. Obviously in a conservative church like yours, that would actually be a turn off to most.

    I mean you have to give him just enough of a hint that he thinks you would take him up on an offer to go out. Eye contact. Smiling. Simple stuff. You have to use your womanly ways, just a little.

    Again, most guys will never ask a girl out, unless they already believe before speaking a word, that they have a shot. You have to make them think they have a shot.

    FYI, I think nothing is more attractive than a woman in a dress. So I doubt that is a problem.

    Lastly, I'll just toss this in there.... there is the 'hawt girl curse'.

    The hawt girl curse, is that if you are the most attractive girl in the room, guys are not only more cowards in approaching you, but often they assume you are with someone already. They just assume you already are with a guy because you are so hawt.

    As a guy, I've heard guys talk this way about girls I happen to know were single. The reason I knew, and they didn't, is because they were too scared to talk to her.

    I don't think this is your problem, because even if you are in fact the hawt girl of the group, I think in a church like yours, everyone knows who is taken, and who is not.

    So again, I think you just need to signal. I think that will help you the most. Somehow you have to give a guy the impression he can win with you, and then you'll start getting bites on your lure.... (sorry to mix in a fishing reference, but it really is accurate to find a mate... you have to bait the hook... ok that's corny... but still)

    lol

    I hope this was somewhat helpful :)
     
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