Dating Advice (Christian Ex but not active)

[faith campbell]

My ex and I broke up because I chose to heal my heart and find myself as my mental health starts declining. We committed fornication for 4 years and I know that he's a stronghold I have to let go. It was a mutual decision and we're friends now. In my journey to self love, he messaged me and complimented me. He said, I'm strong, and I'm pretty. He already forgave me from everything and he said that I have a pure heart and I'm perfect so I can do it. I can win the fight against my depression.

I know that he is not what God wants for me. but there is a small hope that maybe God would change us both and he would start loving God genuinely but I want to let him go as he becomes a stronghold for me to follow God.

I need advice on what I should do.

Should I also take his compliments if it encourages me? Or I should just ignore him. I felt giddy when he complimented me

 

[messianist]

Spend as much time in prayer as you can, stay as close to Elohom as you can, let him direct your paths, make sure you acknowledge him in all things.

 

[Tolworth John]

Should I also take his compliments if it encourages me? Or I

Thank him but otherwise ignore him.
If you are talking to him then you want to know about the church he attends, what the sermon was like and talk about your church etc.

If he isn't attending church, keep any contact very brief.

 

[ForHimbyHim]

Feelings are a real thing, I am sorry you are in this torn place. However there is someone who loves you, even without overcoming the depression and is helping in that journey, he does not expect you to go against your conscious when it comes to your sexuality. He is carrying you and guiding you gently and mending your broken heart all with no expectation of return from you except your trust in him.

I personally would not respond to that guy. Even though he may love you and want to be with you, your purity and protection from the dangers of extra marital sex are of no consequence to him. Its easy to speak flattering words, but has he been laying down his will for you while in the dating phase like a man ought to. I also think you know what God is saying to you now. Obey him by faith and trust that he has your good in mind. When he says don't do this my child, its not because he is boring and trying to hold back all the fun, no contrary he is protecting you from the dangers that lie in the enemies layer. It's just not worth it. A clean cut is best, that way you won't leave anything to question.

Right now focus on your relationship with Jesus, healing, getting other sisters around you and if you are in that space, pray and ask God for a man who's after His heart and is desiring, in words and action, to follow Jesus.

God bless

 

[ReesePiece23]

If his compliments are coming from an unconditional place (which it sounds as if they are) and they motivate you closer to your OWN personal goals, then so be it - they motivate you, that's all that matters.

To be honest, it sounds as if you've done everything right. I wish more people made such rational, well grounded decisions. Whatever it is that you need to do now to move forwards, you should go at it 100%. If you have a dream or an ambition, don't do it half-heartedly - put you all into it. Because the next time you enter into a relationship, you don't want to look to anyone to 'complete' you.

Avoid that common mistake.

 

[F.E.A.R.]

You should let him go. Also you should repent for the fornication you've committed during your 4 years relationship. Fornication petrifies the heart to stone, kills in us the power to love.

 

[SeekingGloryOnThisJourney]

My ex and I broke up because I chose to heal my heart and find myself as my mental health starts declining. We committed fornication for 4 years and I know that he's a stronghold I have to let go. It was a mutual decision and we're friends now. In my journey to self love, he messaged me and complimented me. He said, I'm strong, and I'm pretty. He already forgave me from everything and he said that I have a pure heart and I'm perfect so I can do it. I can win the fight against my depression.

I know that he is not what God wants for me. but there is a small hope that maybe God would change us both and he would start loving God genuinely but I want to let him go as he becomes a stronghold for me to follow God.

I need advice on what I should do.

Should I also take his compliments if it encourages me? Or I should just ignore him. I felt giddy when he complimented me

Hey, I just got out of a relationship like this a few months ago. Although it wasn’t official, we both flirted a lot (not necessarily in a bad way) and nothing sexual.
But what was in common was our Love For God.
I loved God, and he “did” too, but not “enough” to serve Him.
You can’t date someone if you’re at another Spiritual level. (Well, you can, but only if God wills)
My unofficial-Ex gives me those compliments too and I feel giddy about it. But it isn’t real. It isn’t what God wants.
I pray for him every day. I don’t have those feelings anymore. But I still want God to touch his heart.
Praying!

 

[faith campbell]

You should let him go. Also you should repent for the fornication you've committed during your 4 years relationship. Fornication petrifies the heart to stone, kills in us the power to love.

I did actually. I already repented from all the things we did and for all my actions. I want to let him go and I'm asking God to give me the courage but I still have hope that one day God would change him and maybe we could match our spirituality when that time comes. but there's a fear of regret that if I let him go, and he's changed already, he'd probably moved on from me. I just want it to be him but I choose God more than anything

 

[faith campbell]

Hey, I just got out of a relationship like this a few months ago. Although it wasn’t official, we both flirted a lot (not necessarily in a bad way) and nothing sexual.
But what was in common was our Love For God.
I loved God, and he “did” too, but not “enough” to serve Him.
You can’t date someone if you’re at another Spiritual level. (Well, you can, but only if God wills)
My unofficial-Ex gives me those compliments too and I feel giddy about it. But it isn’t real. It isn’t what God wants.
I pray for him every day. I don’t have those feelings anymore. But I still want God to touch his heart.
Praying!

Still praying for him that God will transform him for his own sake and not for our own benefit. but let His will be done

 

[faith campbell]

If his compliments are coming from an unconditional place (which it sounds as if they are) and they motivate you closer to your OWN personal goals, then so be it - they motivate you, that's all that matters.

To be honest, it sounds as if you've done everything right. I wish more people made such rational, well grounded decisions. Whatever it is that you need to do now to move forwards, you should go at it 100%. If you have a dream or an ambition, don't do it half-heartedly - put you all into it. Because the next time you enter into a relationship, you don't want to look to anyone to 'complete' you.

Avoid that common mistake.

Thank you it helped a lot. I acknowledged what he said but I refuse to be validated by him. All I want is that God would be proud of me and my decisions. If I let him sway me through his flattery, I would fall back again to my Egypt. Still praying for him tho

 

[faith campbell]

Feelings are a real thing, I am sorry you are in this torn place. However there is someone who loves you, even without overcoming the depression and is helping in that journey, he does not expect you to go against your conscious when it comes to your sexuality. He is carrying you and guiding you gently and mending your broken heart all with no expectation of return from you except your trust in him.

I personally would not respond to that guy. Even though he may love you and want to be with you, your purity and protection from the dangers of extra marital sex are of no consequence to him. Its easy to speak flattering words, but has he been laying down his will for you while in the dating phase like a man ought to. I also think you know what God is saying to you now. Obey him by faith and trust that he has your good in mind. When he says don't do this my child, its not because he is boring and trying to hold back all the fun, no contrary he is protecting you from the dangers that lie in the enemies layer. It's just not worth it. A clean cut is best, that way you won't leave anything to question.

Right now focus on your relationship with Jesus, healing, getting other sisters around you and if you are in that space, pray and ask God for a man who's after His heart and is desiring, in words and action, to follow Jesus.

God bless

Thank you so much. A man after God's own heart is hard to find these days. Often times whenevet I tried to share the words of the Lord to him after my devotion, he would just agree and I'd just get a shallow response. It was as if I was talking to a newly convert. His faith is not deeply rooted so it wasn't a sharing after all.

He's really a good person tho but his immaturity an his insensitivity made my depression worse. I'm on my second session of cbt for depression and the doctor told me that the possible cause of my depression could be from a trauma (not ptsd) and our relationship. It was my doctor who suggested to cut off ties with my ex until I recover as he triggers the thoughts we are trying to heal.

 

[F.E.A.R.]

I did actually. I already repented from all the things we did and for all my actions. I want to let him go and I'm asking God to give me the courage but I still have hope that one day God would change him and maybe we could match our spirituality when that time comes. but there's a fear of regret that if I let him go, and he's changed already, he'd probably moved on from me. I just want it to be him but I choose God more than anything

This is where you are wrong. You are afraid of being separated from him. God won't change someone by force nor even impose His will on anyone. It's up to the person if he wants to change himself or not. Praying for his salvation is the best thing you can do. As if now you have to get your stuff together and start anew. There a thousands of young guys and I'm pretty sure you will find someone whom you will love and marry to have kids with.

 

[com7fy8]

but there's a fear of regret that if I let him go, and he's changed already, he'd probably moved on from me.

Among other things, I would say you need to share with mature Christians who know you well. And as you find out how to love with genuinely caring Christian people, this can feed you for how to love in marriage.

If you, instead, were isolated with him, that was not how to find out how to love.

Jesus has us sharing as His family, not isolating in dating.

 

[faith campbell]

This is where you are wrong. You are afraid of being separated from him. God won't change someone by force nor even impose His will on anyone. It's up to the person if he wants to change himself or not. Praying for his salvation is the best thing you can do. As if now you have to get your stuff together and start anew. There a thousands of young guys and I'm pretty sure you will find someone whom you will love and marry to have kids with.

Thank yous much. Maybe it was just because of my mind that says I won't find another guy who is as understanding and loving as he is. Maybe it was just the illusion I hve in my mind and the dreams we built (or it was just my own plans for us) that keeps me from moving on. Thank you for opening my eyes

 

[bèlla]

When we lay something on the altar it stays put. The sacrifice doesn't get up. You have to allow the Lord to accomplish His will in each. If you harbor a desire for reconciliation it can hinder your reception to future opportunities.

Nevertheless, God can use us as avenues of ministry to others. Including those we're attracted to. But He doesn't set us up for failure. If engagement will derail your growth or cause you to stumble He won't lead you towards it.

I've done this in the past and I'm ambivalent about recommending it. Especially when mutual interest exists. Rejecting someone who desired me was painful. Because I cared for him. But compromising my faith wasn't an option.

I ministered to him for seven years. The Lord honored my service. But it wasn't dependent on becoming his wife or partner. His reconciliation to God was foremost in my heart. The burden of their separation pained me. I wanted him to have what I did. Serving him brought me joy.

That's important. It isn't about you. It's about what God is doing through you to impact the other for His glory. You didn't mention how long you've been apart. I didn't communicate with him for two years. We spoke after I was settled and rooted with the Lord. I knew I wouldn't compromise.

But he isn't the lone one I've helped. You have to check your motives to determine if the burden is genuine (for the lost) or wholly for him. "Feeling giddy" suggests you're not over him. Where would that lead? Back in his arms? Be honest with yourself.

I served someone whose spiritual welfare mattered a great deal. But I don't desire him carnally. Or harbor romantic ideas about a future for he and I. That's unlikely to happen. I'm not disappointed. I want the man God prepared. Not the one I'd choose because I'm afraid of being alone or starting again. I trust Him.

~Bella

 

[faith campbell]

When we lay something on the altar it stays put. The sacrifice doesn't get up. You have to allow the Lord to accomplish His will in each. If you harbor a desire for reconciliation it can hinder your reception to future opportunities.

Nevertheless, God can use us as avenues of ministry to others. Including those we're attracted to. But He doesn't set us up for failure. If engagement will derail your growth or cause you to stumble He won't lead you towards it.

I've done this in the past and I'm ambivalent about recommending it. Especially when mutual interest exists. Rejecting someone who desired me was painful. Because I cared for him. But compromising my faith wasn't an option.

I ministered to him for seven years. The Lord honored my service. But it wasn't dependent on becoming his wife or partner. His reconciliation to God was foremost in my heart. The burden of their separation pained me. I wanted him to have what I did. Serving him brought me joy.

That's important. It isn't about you. It's about what God is doing through you to impact the other for His glory. You didn't mention how long you've been apart. I didn't communicate with him for two years. We spoke after I was settled and rooted with the Lord. I knew I wouldn't compromise.

But he isn't the lone one I've helped. You have to check your motives to determine if the burden is genuine (for the lost) or wholly for him. "Feeling giddy" suggests you're not over him. Where would that lead? Back in his arms? Be honest with yourself.

I served someone whose spiritual welfare mattered a great deal. But I don't desire him carnally. Or harbor romantic ideas about a future for he and I. That's unlikely to happen. I'm not disappointed. I want the man God prepared. Not the one I'd choose because I'm afraid of being alone or starting again. I trust Him.

~Bella

It's almost a year since we broke up. We started reconnecting again 2 months ago when I invited him to church. We talk from time to time but I limit myself from talking to him. I don't want to fall back again to that relationship. It's hard for me to move on and it's been a year since our break up. He said he still loves me and he broke up with his new gf because of his feelings for me but I rejected him

 

[F.E.A.R.]

Thank yous much. Maybe it was just because of my mind that says I won't find another guy who is as understanding and loving as he is. Maybe it was just the illusion I hve in my mind and the dreams we built (or it was just my own plans for us) that keeps me from moving on. Thank you for opening my eyes

You will find the one you're looking for. You must a have mutual relationship with your future husband. Both of you understanding each other and you as a woman you should always have his back, to keep him on his feet, to support him. You will fins someone who will take care of you. Until then keep a low profile, don't attract too many guys, you don't want unwanted attention, and if a guy wants sex with you before marriage, dump him, because you'll only get hurt and your heart broken in the end.

 

[bèlla]

It's almost a year since we broke up. We started reconnecting again 2 months ago when I invited him to church. We talk from time to time but I limit myself from talking to him. I don't want to fall back again to that relationship. It's hard for me to move on and it's been a year since our break up. He said he still loves me and he broke up with his new gf because of his feelings for me but I rejected him

It will be difficult to heal if you increase your exposure. You’ll experience a tugging in your heart and may become torn. Fighting desire when you want to give in is wearying. Most succumb to the temptation after a while.

At times we feel we can’t move on or find another. Familiar connections are comforting. Starting again can be scary. But there’s more to come. This isn’t the end. Although it may seem so at present. God isn’t done. Hold on.

~Bella

 

[grace4ever]

Hello faith campbell,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I am sorry for what you are going through. These forums are great for sharing burdens, venting, and asking for advice. Let me tell you my sister in Christ that you are important, valuable and a person worth of dignity. In regards to your question it seems that you have all the answers of this situation. It is a good choice for you that you separate from him. As you say in your post it was a relationship that both used each other and you found in him your refuge. However, with God all things are possible. If we come back to Him with a repentance and a contrite heart, He will not reject us. Psalm 51,19. God is a God of second chances and makes things new. It is natural love and want to be loved. If God puts in your heart the vocation of marriage, definitely He has a special person for you. However, to want to have a relationship with a person requires a conversion of heart, that is, to discern a vocation in marriage. Because His Sacred Word teaches us in Mathew 6,33: But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness,* and all these things will be given you besides. I encourage you then, to understand that sexual relations are only for committed marriages. God wants purity in us. It seems though, that your ex has feelings for you. But let me tell you my sister in Christ, that you’re not alone, many persons still have feelings for the person they separated from. I encourage you to pray for the person that God thought for you since eternity, someone who has the same beliefs, strong values and the most important a man who loves God more than you. It is a blessing that your ex forgives you. In regards to your mental health, have you thought to seek counseling or therapy? Therapy can help to determine what is the cause of depression and help find solutions. This list-ly is extremely important for you are going through: Looking Up From The Stubborn Darkness | A Listly List. Please let me tell you my friend that you are not alone in this battle. Because, Our Heavenly Father has a beautiful promise for you in His Sacred Word in Jeremiah 29,11:”For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope”. Finally, there is a great speaker that I encourage you to seek. Her name is Crystalina Evert. You can watch many of her videos in YouTube about her testimony about love that can help you to overcome the situation that you are going through. Sending you hugs and praying for you my sister in Christ.