Custody resources for a dad (support group-type)?

[QR1]

So, I have this ugly custody thing going on. My ex is doing everything in her power to sabotage my relationship with my children including violating court orders, denial of court ordered visitation . . . and I keep doing the right things, but it hurts. Like tonight, I was supposed to see my kids and she just skipped the visitation. I left a 30 second skype message to my kids, telling them I love them and hope to see them soon, half an hour after she was supposed to have them there. I have checked and watched and now it is two and a half hours past & I need to go to bed, but my heart hurts. I miss my kids. I know she can't break the law forever & eventually the judge will get sick of it & me being law abiding and patient will pay off. . . but meanwhile, is there any place for dads? There are like pages and pages of resources for mothers going through custody things, but for fathers it seems to all be attorneys offering services/ trying to sell a booklet/ 10 tips lists. . .. I guess what I'd like to find is like a message board or a group that meets like AA only for disenfranchised dads. Is there anything out there?

 

[BFine]

Hopefully this can be of help....
National Fatherhood Initiative

Does your church have a mens group?
My husband found support there since there's many
single dads at church...and the numbers keep growing
-- sad but true.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Some churches offer divorce care classes. Men who have been there are often willing to offer support and advice. Try the men's forum here and ask them. Most men hurt and fear opening up. That makes it worse. God be with you and yours.

 

[Angeldove97]

I don't know of any resources, but I just wanted to share how sorry I am to hear that you're going through this.

 

[QR1]

Thank you. My wife and I were talking about it again tonight, about emails exchanged between the lawyers and it upsets my wife so much! These things hurt me, which distresses her, but then too unfair and unrealistic things were said about my wife and she was never even given an opportunity to defend herself (the ex said on the stand that she was so afraid of my wife, that she slept with a loaded AR15 in case my wife would try and come "get" her and she was terrified of my wife's deadly skills) my wife teaches math, in the real world. My stepsons are great, I have a great relationship with them . . . I don't really need "learn to be a better dad" classes. . . just, someone other than my wife to vent to & relate with.

People I am close with at church know what is up & can't believe the judge hasn't given me full custody, yet. I tell them what the ex has said of me and they laugh, pastor wrote a letter to the judge. But emotionally, a relevant message board would be awesome.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Meh.

Men's Divorce Forum ? Divorce Tips for Men - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

 

[Inkachu]

Hang in there. Keep doing the right thing. Keep your nose clean, don't do anything shady, continue being transparent and reliable and responsible. If your ex doesn't clean up her act, eventually, it will come back on her via the court. Violating court-ordered visitation and custody arrangements is serious business, and a judge will not treat it lightly. Report every violation to the court, write everything down and keep it documented. Always strive to take the high road, do not slander or smear your ex around your children, or on the phone, or in emails; try not to do it at all.

I hope you can find some support from other dads out there!

 

[parsley]

The church divorce groups are probably better than you'd expect. They are not always run by a teacher, but can be coordinated more like a support group.

Report every violation to the court, write everything down and keep it documented. Always strive to take the high road, do not slander or smear your ex around your children, or on the phone, or in emails; try not to do it at all.

Friends who went through divorce confirmed the importance of all of the above. Documentation might seem petty, but it turns out important in a fact-based court system.

Friends also felt like their own divorce was no longer theirs, when swept up in the legal system. Attorneys were making decisions they didn't agree to, going overboard. They found they were able to approach the judge at times.

And there is something about the trauma of divorce that can cause shifts in people's minds. I think there's a little PTSD involved in many of these disputes, because people are often not themselves.

Keep reminding yourself that your children's stability and well-being are more important than custody or correct visitations. There are times when parents rush home from work, pick up kids, find one is sick and another needs to go to a school open house, and the visitation falls through.

Games are definitely played in some divorces, but you are supposed to be free from this ex's games, so don't let them get to you. Find a middleman who can be there at drop-off and pick-up.

 

[abysmul]

So, I have this ugly custody thing going on. My ex is doing everything in her power to sabotage my relationship with my children including violating court orders, denial of court ordered visitation . . . and I keep doing the right things, but it hurts. Like tonight, I was supposed to see my kids and she just skipped the visitation. I left a 30 second skype message to my kids, telling them I love them and hope to see them soon, half an hour after she was supposed to have them there. I have checked and watched and now it is two and a half hours past & I need to go to bed, but my heart hurts. I miss my kids. I know she can't break the law forever & eventually the judge will get sick of it & me being law abiding and patient will pay off. . . but meanwhile, is there any place for dads? There are like pages and pages of resources for mothers going through custody things, but for fathers it seems to all be attorneys offering services/ trying to sell a booklet/ 10 tips lists. . .. I guess what I'd like to find is like a message board or a group that meets like AA only for disenfranchised dads. Is there anything out there?

You must document, EVERYTHING. When my daughter was 18 months old my X and I separated (her doing), from that day on custody issues were a living nightmare even though I was the primary custodial parent. It ended just as my daughter turned 18 years old this February... when the United States Supreme Court denied my X's appeal of the loss her long court battles though our State courts.

Document everything, and EVERY time she violates your custody agreement take her right back into whatever family court system your state has. Trust me, YEARS of trying to work around a parent like that does NO GOOD for your children.