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Creative punishments for lying teen....???Help!

Discussion in 'Parenting Teens and Young Adults' started by margulise, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. margulise

    margulise New Member

    Our 12 yr old daughter has been caught lying....overall she is a great kid and I really cant understand why she has been doing this lately! Most of the lies revolve around sneaking and doing things we have told her she cant do (ie, internet, MySpace-etc). Her father and I have punished her with all the conventional methods-taking away "everything"....we are down to the grind now-we have removed everything we can think of-internet, phone, friends-she works on chores all night after school. BUT with all the discipline-I fear she is missing the lessons! We have sat her down and talked extensively but we are out of ideas. We have recently discovered that she has lied to us again (just 2 day after her last punishment) & another confrontation is coming but we are OUT of ideas!! She is not defiant-she actually seems remorseful-yet the lies continue! Please help, any information is appreciated!
  2. Linnis

    Linnis Legend

    The most effective form of teaching a while lying won't work is to not believe her. The next time she lies and is caught punish her, then for a while after don't believe anything she says, even if only outwardly. Ask "Well how can I believe you if you've lied more than once in the past?" or "How can I tell the truth from the lies?". This will probably get really annoying to her really quickly and when she gets upset say " I'm sorry hun, I love you and I know how you feel. That's how I feel when I'm lied to."

    Most kid's don't understand the impact of lying, it's all sweet and simple to them. This tactic worked great with my nephew, got him out of his lying.
  3. cavymom

    cavymom Well-Known Member

    Did you ever think to do a bible study with her... a bible study that points out verses that speak of lying/liars/being accountable to God for what we say? Let her know that God knows when she lies and so even though she thinks she's getting away with something she is not.

    I did a bible study with my son years ago about how important his words are and how serious a sin lying really is... I did it as a way to build up his morals and teach him to be honest and it's been very effective. I've always told my kids that telling the truth isn't always easy (even I don't like to have to tell the truth sometimes) but we all should because it is the right thing to do. We might not like to be honest but God loves us when we are brave enough to be honest.
  4. bliz

    bliz Contributor

    Can you provide a few examples of how and under what circumstances she lies?
  5. chadders

    chadders Well-Known Member

    I reakon one of the best forms of punishment is embarrasment :p. It ammuses others at the same time :p.
  6. lawtonfogle

    lawtonfogle My solace my terror, my terror my solace.

    If you have removed everything you can, and she still lies, I would think it is becuase she is having negative feelings of you right now. She probally thinks you are unfair. Maybe you are, maybe you're not, but if she thinks of you as unfair, she is going to try to spite you.

    Maybe straight out punishment is not the best way to go. Also, I think that embarassing her will only push her farther away. If punishment doesn't work, there is another way to handle it. Sometimes when we disobey God and wander away from Him, He lets us. Sooner or later, the world will start to fall down on us, and we will go running back to Him. He will be there waiting on us. Maybe you could do the same, just let her learn the lesson the hard way.
  7. PenelopePitstop2

    PenelopePitstop2 Senior Member

    Why is she not allowed the internet? Perhaps she thinks this is unfair especially if she is the only one of her peers that can't. Does she get teased and to avoid this disobeys you and goes on the internet with friends. Your punishment may be prefered to being ostracised in school. Hence remorse but no change in behavior.

    My son kept misbehaving in school mainly a bravado thing in front of friends and the school has a report card scheme. However we found out later that he would ask to be on report so that he could use this as an excuse to friends to say I can't mess up today I'm on report (as he would then get detention as well if he messed around.) Why would he want the inconvenience of being on report? To avoid peer pressure!

    In what circumstances does she lie?

    If my son (15) lies and is caught the pounishment is worse than if he confesses first. he doesn't get off punishment free but he is doubly punished if found lying.