Could use some advice, please

[valorJ]

Hi everyone. First time posting to this area of the forums, but I'm seeking some advice. A little history about myself; at the age of 12 my father, mother and I were in a boating accident a mile off the coast of morro bay on the pacific ocean. Our boat was capsized by 20 foot waves cause by an underwater earthquake. The waves were constant, and my father died in my arms, from asphyxiation. Due to the waves, we were swept apart.

After the accident I had to be the man of the house, no time to mourn. And I never have been able to. A few years back, in high school, my mom wanted me to go see some counselors, which led to psychiatrist visits, and tests and whatnot. I was diagnosed as bipolar, severe depression, dangerous to myself - all sorts of stuff (what do they really know? i feel like they just pick something randomly and tell me i have it, without much effort), and put on every anti-d out there. I took them for a couple years. First year of college I decided I didn't want to use them as a crutch. Yes, perhaps that was stupid, but I stopped taking them. Worst academic year ever, since I stopped going, haha. But I'm no longer taking anti depressants, and I've been doing decent after the initial shock of not having them, just as well as I was when I was on them.

Recently all sorts of things have happened in my life, and I'm under many different stresses, the latest major one being having to support my mother and grandparents on my measley full time job, as I go to college. My mother's ex husband stopped paying her alimony and is in contempt of court, but nothing can be done about that until it goes to through the court system again. So I'm having to move us out to an apartment I can afford. My highs and lows have been becoming exponentially more erratic, as have my nightmares. Last night for what seemed like forever, every time I closed my eyes, I would hear demonic voices, or voices that sounded like my mom crying out in pain, grandparents crying out in pain, sounds of bones breaking, and then my vision turned very dark red, not really sure how to explain it, maybe like when you close your eyes really tight and you can see dark colors with shiny little lights? and I felt heavy demonic presences after that. I would rebuke them in Jesus' name, and I would be spared of the torment for a few seconds after that instant, but they would come back shortly. Maybe I'm not spiritually mature enough...hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I was just wondering if it's not too much trouble, if some of you could reply with some advice.

Sorry my message was so long.

 

[Alive again]

Hello, My heart breaks for yu and everything you are going thru right now and in the past!!! Know that my prayers are with you!!! Trying to find a coherent palce to start here. You do need to seek help if you are hearing voices/having nightmare/etc. There is a difference of opinions as to if what you are experiencing right now is purely a symptom of your illness or a form of demonic attack. I am not going there right now. What you are describing sounds like a form of psychosis, which can be a symptom of bipolar and other things. If you are truly bipolar, and that could have been expressed around the time of your father's death (either due to coincidental age of onset or trigger onset due to the stress) then med care/knowledge has changed and grown since you where first treated. Go back for a re eval and get help now. If you are carrying the load of helping your family, you may need the help of a doc to keep you strong enough to be there for your family. Modd stabilizers are the key ingredient to controlling the ups and downs of bipolar. You sound like you have at least a degree of these swings. Many bipolars do not need antidepressants or they antid's may cause mania. Others need the antid's to get them out of depression. You need a good doc to help you sort this out. But bp's almost always need the mood stabilizer to control the swing in moods. so long and short is seek help-call a crisis line/ go see you reg doc/ try for a pdoc-whatever your resources/insurance acces those systems to get help as quickly as possible. Whe you are facing psychosis/mood swings and major life changes-all of this puts you at great risk and the wisest thing you can do is sekk help. You have taken the first step down that road by asking for help[ here. Keeping on seeking help as quickly as possible. Welcome to this part of the forum! Know that our prayers are with you!!!! Let's us know how you are and what you choose to pursue. We are here to help and support you!!!!

 

[MaryBurwell]

I'm "bipolar" too supposedly. I know what you are talking about when you get freaked out like that. I usually listen to some Christian music or read the Bible.
There is a music company called Majesty Music that has really good Christian music.
Here are some verses that I hope will strengthen you:

John 17:1-3- "These words spake Jesus, and lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, Father, the hour is come; glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee: As thou hast given him power over all flesh, that he should give eternal life to as many as thou hast given him. And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent."

Psalm 1 reminds me of you for some reason:

"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful, But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish."

Proverbs 22:1- "A good name is rather to be chosen than riches, and loving favor than silver and gold."

And Isaiah 11: 1-10- which is about Jesus- "And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse, and a Branch shall grow out of his roots: And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD; And shall make him of quick understanding in the fear of the LORD; and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his ears: But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove wioth equity for the meek of the earth: and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked. And righteousness shall be the girdle of his loins, and faithfullness the girdle of his reigns. The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the suckling child play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den. They shalll not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. And in that day there shall be a root of Jesse, which shall stand for an ensign of the people; to it shall the Gentiles seek: and his rest shall be glorious."

 

[Jeshu]

Dear Valor.
You are fighting hard but with bipolar you need mood stabilizers and maybe anti-psychotic medication. Most psychotic episodes, like you are experiencing, can in this way be controlled. I feel that with your daily load it is ESSENTIAL that you seek help it sounds like you are doing amazing things as it is already but you are bound to get sicker (I went without medication thinking it would be better that way but got much sicker instead over the years.)

That God may lead you to a good doctor.

 

[dr.p]

valorJ,

Cling to God. Seek him with your whole heart and whole mind, and He will deliver you. My prayers are with you. God bless.

 

[Zita123]

I can't even understand what you went through, I can only try to but, I do know about the nightmares and the voives and satan sitting next to me telling me to just do it!! I stopped all this with serequol ( med ) and alot of praying! My church and family and ferfiends all prayed for me. I finally got the courage to not fear him or give him any chance of staying under his thumb. So, I just kept rebuking over and over again!! Power of prayer!! You can't beat it!!!
I will also do some praying for you!!
MAY GOD ALWAYS BLESS YOU !!
Zita

Hi everyone. First time posting to this area of the forums, but I'm seeking some advice. A little history about myself; at the age of 12 my father, mother and I were in a boating accident a mile off the coast of morro bay on the pacific ocean. Our boat was capsized by 20 foot waves cause by an underwater earthquake. The waves were constant, and my father died in my arms, from asphyxiation. Due to the waves, we were swept apart.

After the accident I had to be the man of the house, no time to mourn. And I never have been able to. A few years back, in high school, my mom wanted me to go see some counselors, which led to psychiatrist visits, and tests and whatnot. I was diagnosed as bipolar, severe depression, dangerous to myself - all sorts of stuff (what do they really know? i feel like they just pick something randomly and tell me i have it, without much effort), and put on every anti-d out there. I took them for a couple years. First year of college I decided I didn't want to use them as a crutch. Yes, perhaps that was stupid, but I stopped taking them. Worst academic year ever, since I stopped going, haha. But I'm no longer taking anti depressants, and I've been doing decent after the initial shock of not having them, just as well as I was when I was on them.

Recently all sorts of things have happened in my life, and I'm under many different stresses, the latest major one being having to support my mother and grandparents on my measley full time job, as I go to college. My mother's ex husband stopped paying her alimony and is in contempt of court, but nothing can be done about that until it goes to through the court system again. So I'm having to move us out to an apartment I can afford. My highs and lows have been becoming exponentially more erratic, as have my nightmares. Last night for what seemed like forever, every time I closed my eyes, I would hear demonic voices, or voices that sounded like my mom crying out in pain, grandparents crying out in pain, sounds of bones breaking, and then my vision turned very dark red, not really sure how to explain it, maybe like when you close your eyes really tight and you can see dark colors with shiny little lights? and I felt heavy demonic presences after that. I would rebuke them in Jesus' name, and I would be spared of the torment for a few seconds after that instant, but they would come back shortly. Maybe I'm not spiritually mature enough...hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. I was just wondering if it's not too much trouble, if some of you could reply with some advice.

Sorry my message was so long.