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cost to raise a child? should one wait?

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality' started by christine40, Sep 16, 2020.

  1. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

    +7,537
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    couple threads had me thinking, how must does it cost to raise a child?

    also, if you don't have much money, should you wait?
    have only one?

    is it morally right to have many kids when not prepared?

    on other hand, if ones waits until they can afford a child, would anyone have one?




    fyi, we have one
    this summer our child needed surgey & was shocked that one bill alone was over $23,000
    we have insurance but will still be paying about $4,000 out of pocket

    so there are always unexpected costs with kids
     
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  2. Paidiske

    Paidiske Clara bonam audax Supporter

    +14,382
    Australia
    Anglican
    Married
    I was told, as a rule of thumb, expect to spend as much raising each child as you do paying off your mortgage. I don't know how accurate that is, though.

    I definitely think if one can't afford to feed, clothe, house and educate more children than one already has with a degree of security and dignity, one ought think carefully about having any more.

    I hope your daughter is doing well after her surgery, christine!
     
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  3. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +3,862
    Christian
    If our parents waited for the absolute 'perfect' time, most of us wouldn't exist.

    I was fetched up on pocket lint, minute rice and unnamed clothes - and personally? I think it made me a better person (in many ways). I was already doing karate and playing sports by the age of 5 because I had to create my own entertainment. (First dan before the age of 10)

    If you wait until you have enough money for everything, you'd never actually do ANYTHING.
     
  4. Hammster

    Hammster I am the wretch in the song. Staff Member Site Advisor Supporter

    +19,388
    United States
    Reformed
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    US-Libertarian
    Had we waited until we could afford children then we probably wouldn’t have had any.
     
  5. Paidiske

    Paidiske Clara bonam audax Supporter

    +14,382
    Australia
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    There's a big gap between wanting everything, or waiting for the perfect time, and having the basics, though.
     
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  6. ChristianGirl_96

    ChristianGirl_96 Well-Known Member Angels Team Supporter

    +1,304
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    What does your gut feeling say?
     
  7. dqhall

    dqhall Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,332
    United States
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    I was born about nine months after my parents married. They stayed together and raised me. I am thankful they were my parents.
     
  8. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother? Supporter

    +7,737
    United States
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    My wife and I finally decided to just go for it. We're both Millennials, which means we're both broke because we entered the workforce during the George W and Barack economies. But our window is closing so it was now or never.

    It would be great to think there's some magic solution to this problem. But unfortunately, one doesn't exist.

    Read a stat somewhere that raising a child averages out to something like $15k per year. That seems right but who knows?
     
  9. jacks

    jacks Er Victus Supporter

    +1,568
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    Reminds of the bumper sticker "If you can't feed them, don't breed them". Crude, but there is some truth to this. That said, I think the cost of raising a child is often over stated. HERE it says about $250K! However the largest part of that is housing (about 1/3) and if you already are paying to house yourselves, the marginal cost of having another person (baby) there really isn't much at all. I've known some pretty poor people, that don't have a lot of luxuries, but care for their kids just fine.
     
  10. Xenophon

    Xenophon Active Member

    422
    +392
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    Children are more affordable than most would expect. I know people with large families, including young couples, who get by. Be financially smart, stay away from debt the best you can (especially for frivolous things) and cut out things like netflix if needed.
     
  11. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member Supporter

    +8,402
    United States
    Christian
    • "The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty."Proverbs 21:5
    • "For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?"Luke 14:28
    • "The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender."Proverbs 22:17
    christine,

    Wise men plan their steps and consider the cost of their decisions before diving in. That's a hallmark of good stewardship and maturity. Living within ones means includes family planning and the related expenses of raising children. Transgressing the principles the Lord provides has consequences. We should bring the matter to Him and share our desire for a family and seek His input on the best way to proceed.

    That may include reducing debt or living expenses beforehand. It could involve moving to a less expensive area to accommodate one income and the possibility of homeschooling or being at home for a while. You may adopt a different philosophy and opt for simplicity or consider self-sufficiency. Bringing God into the picture opens up a world of possibilities. But few do so.

    I used this approach with my daughter. She's in her twenties and unmarried. We spent a lot of time in prayer to discern what the Lord desired of her. Prayer is the bedrock of marriage and it's important to establish the practice of going to God and aligning our desires with His. Walking her through the process enabled her to see the difference between her wants and His.

    He provided an avenue for her to work from home to accommodate a family and homeschooling. She took time away from college to pursue training and grow her business. She's returning in a year and we discovered a less expensive option (at her dream school) to finish her degree online. It didn't exist before but now it does.

    Money troubles are a source of stress for many and a common factor in divorce rates. Ignoring the ramifications of building a family on limited income is unwise. It creates a difficult situation for all and adds unnecessary burdens that are best avoided.

    Before we proceed, I would do a wellness check.
    • Where are we as a pair and individually? Money isn't the only complication.
    • Is the marriage healthy?
    • Are we dealing with challenges that require our attention right now?
    • How are we physically, mentally, and emotionally?
    • Do we have stable jobs and income?
    • How's our support network? Will we have assistance with the children?
    • Do we agree about family size and parenting styles?
    • How will we make time for the relationship afterward? Are we committed to doing so?
    Having a realistic snapshot of where we are is beneficial. We can plan accordingly and avoid harmful mistakes and expectations. This is a long-term responsibility and it should receive the appropriate consideration.

    Yours in His Service,

    ~Bella
     
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  12. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

    +7,537
    United States
    Christian
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    .
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2020
  13. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

    +7,537
    United States
    Christian
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    surprisingly after we became parents, the biggest cost change was food
     
  14. Paidiske

    Paidiske Clara bonam audax Supporter

    +14,382
    Australia
    Anglican
    Married
    I think the big expenses for us started when our daughter was diagnosed with autism. The cost just for getting a diagnosis was painful, and then there're the therapies...
     
  15. eleos1954

    eleos1954 God is Love Supporter

    +3,491
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Others
    Raising kids is a responsibility ... if one is responsible they will "get er done" ;o) Such as yourself ... you did have insurance .... smart thinking! $4,000 paid to have your child's health issue resolved???? What a great bargain !!!!!

    Children are a blessing from the Lord ... no matter where they come from or how they get here.
     
  16. Sammy-San

    Sammy-San Newbie

    +824
    Non-Denom
    Single
    why do you think courts take child support so seriously? People sometimes have to pay about 200,000 for three kids-probably most of that money, at least in a certain sense, doesnt even get used on the kid and functions as a buisness and its not like their inconvenience is a self sacrifice or the lack of it is neglect.
     
  17. WrappedUpinHisLove3

    WrappedUpinHisLove3 Well-Known Member

    +731
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Private
    how mAny children do you want??.the Bible doesn't say a certain number is God's will or a sin, so why not go with what you both want? But do pray about it to be sure.
     
  18. WrappedUpinHisLove3

    WrappedUpinHisLove3 Well-Known Member

    +731
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Private
    I was speaking with someone the other week who is stuck.as to her next career move. She said I just want to know God's will for me but am not sure what that is. so I told her what do you want to do? What gives you fulfilment???.go with that and if it is wrong God will show you.
     
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