Lord have mercy. Your story is very difficult to read, but I thank you for sharing it, and I pray that God will be with you in your healing from your past trauma. I am moved to say (and I hope this will be taken in a positive way; if not, please forgive me) that you did not break the promise that you had made. A horrible thing happened to you. God knows what is in your heart -- the true measure of purity -- and He is with those who have suffered. Again, Lord have mercy.
I do not have anything like that in my background, and I am a man, so no doubt my perspective on this is very different, but I am looking at embracing the same struggle for other reasons. It is difficult, no doubt, especially as many of my friends are married (and have been for a while) and have children, which it seems like I will never have. But I try not to compare myself to them in any way that would cause jealousy to arise, since after all these are my friends and I am happy for them, and for what role I still have to play in their lives. My best friend has a 5 year old daughter who is really a sweetheart, and she tells me she loves me and things like that. It's nice. Kinda like being a grandparent or uncle or something. If this is part of being childless myself, I'll take it!
But I don't honestly know if someone is out there for me. God knows. He will place them in my path in His time, if it is to be. In the meantime, I try to work on being the best version of myself that I can be, in terms of dealing with health issues, developing varied interests, and generally trying to be the kind of person
I would want to be around. I figure if I don't like myself, it would be quite a stretch to expect anyone else to. And that's a real challenge, as someone who has suffered from very low self-esteem for years now. But God gives us such challenges to keep us in the race, so that we do not become complacent and cold. I am reminded of the Psalmist's prayer (Psalm 66 in the western numbering):
Oh, bless our God, you peoples!
And make the voice of His praise to be heard,
Who keeps our soul among the living,
And does not allow our feet to be moved.
For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;
But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.
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I hope you will find the partner you are looking for, The Olive Seed. And happy birthday! One upside of being single: You don't have to share any birthday cake with anybody.