Coping with Marriage Breakup

[Presbyterian Continuist]

<Staff Edit>

Here is my testimony:

I've been there, and it is horrible. Your whole life ends up in ruins. Everything you valued is gone. But Jesus came and put His hand on my shoulder and said, "I am your strength and shield, and a very present help in time of trouble". That didn't stop the grief but it helped me to tie a knot on the end of the rope and to hold on.

That was 1980. I had nothing left in life except Jesus, and it was then I realised that He is everything. I had to get right down into the depths of grief and despair before I knew how value Jesus was to me. Then, slowly but surely, He started working to create a new life for me. I went through seven years of storm and stress while that was happening, and then God brought along another partner, and 28 years of happy marriage later, I can testify to God's wonderful love and grace in that He can create things out of nothing, and open doors that are not there.

But first, there has to be a complete falling upon Christ as your only hope for the future. I prayed right through the book of Psalms and just concentrated on fellowshipping with Him. When my marriage broke up, I had no spiritual "chart" to follow. None of my Christian mentors had any answers for me. So I ditched the lot of them and went on alone. I made many mistakes and got myself into situations where the Lord had to bail me out, but looking back, I see His guidance and faithfulness to me, especially in the times where I was not being faithful to Him.

I discovered Jesus to be a very compassionate, complete, and loving Saviour and Friend. I discovered that my only qualification for heaven was that Jesus died for me on the cross. God told me that was all I needed, and by the way, that is all I never needed even when I was an up and coming deacon in my church!

So, God enabled me to get a BA, then an MA, and now a MDiv. He gave me a 19 year career in school teaching; 10 years as a Ministry of Justice victim advisor; a supportive a faithful wife; a wonderful daughter whom I am proud of; a freehold home; and a very blessed walk with Him in fellowship.

At the time of my separation and divorce, I had none of these things, and I went from having a suburban home, ministry, career, marriage, a 4 year old child, to moving to another city and living in a one bedroom flat. That was 1980/81. By 1987, I had a university degree, new partner, a home, use of her motor vehicle, a teaching career. By 1991, we had a new home in another city, and another child, and a good high school teaching position.

I can testify that God is faithful and He will create a whole new future for you, as you trust and rely on Him and trust Him to meet your needs in His way.

 

[LouiseChar]

Amen. Great testimony.

 

[ilovejcsog]

I directed timnewton85 over here yesterday. He needs direction still. Come on timnewton85. We all want to help. Oscarr's testimony is inspiring.

 

[Timnewton85]

It hurts she told my mom she fell out of love with me she even talks to my mom about the guy she's seeing my mom told me to give up on her and move on

 

[Timnewton85]

<Staff Edit>

Here is my testimony:

I've been there, and it is horrible. Your whole life ends up in ruins. Everything you valued is gone. But Jesus came and put His hand on my shoulder and said, "I am your strength and shield, and a very present help in time of trouble". That didn't stop the grief but it helped me to tie a knot on the end of the rope and to hold on.

That was 1980. I had nothing left in life except Jesus, and it was then I realised that He is everything. I had to get right down into the depths of grief and despair before I knew how value Jesus was to me. Then, slowly but surely, He started working to create a new life for me. I went through seven years of storm and stress while that was happening, and then God brought along another partner, and 28 years of happy marriage later, I can testify to God's wonderful love and grace in that He can create things out of nothing, and open doors that are not there.

But first, there has to be a complete falling upon Christ as your only hope for the future. I prayed right through the book of Psalms and just concentrated on fellowshipping with Him. When my marriage broke up, I had no spiritual "chart" to follow. None of my Christian mentors had any answers for me. So I ditched the lot of them and went on alone. I made many mistakes and got myself into situations where the Lord had to bail me out, but looking back, I see His guidance and faithfulness to me, especially in the times where I was not being faithful to Him.

I discovered Jesus to be a very compassionate, complete, and loving Saviour and Friend. I discovered that my only qualification for heaven was that Jesus died for me on the cross. God told me that was all I needed, and by the way, that is all I never needed even when I was an up and coming deacon in my church!

So, God enabled me to get a BA, then an MA, and now a MDiv. He gave me a 19 year career in school teaching; 10 years as a Ministry of Justice victim advisor; a supportive a faithful wife; a wonderful daughter whom I am proud of; a freehold home; and a very blessed walk with Him in fellowship.

At the time of my separation and divorce, I had none of these things, and I went from having a suburban home, ministry, career, marriage, a 4 year old child, to moving to another city and living in a one bedroom flat. That was 1980/81. By 1987, I had a university degree, new partner, a home, use of her motor vehicle, a teaching career. By 1991, we had a new home in another city, and another child, and a good high school teaching position.

I can testify that God is faithful and He will create a whole new future for you, as you trust and rely on Him and trust Him to meet your needs in His way.

Brother I wish God would restore my marriage because I love her she has moved on with someone else she told my mom she gave up a long time ago and she fell out of love with me and my mom said let her go I am so alone right now I don't know what to do I wish God would help me save my marriage but he won't it's to late to save it

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Brother I wish God would restore my marriage because I love her she has moved on with someone else she told my mom she gave up a long time ago and she fell out of love with me and my mom said let her go I am so alone right now I don't know what to do I wish God would help me save my marriage but he won't it's to late to save it

You need to concentrate on building up your life again. If she has moved on with someone else, the marriage contract has been broken and you are free from any further obligation to it. So, you can't go anywhere but forward. I went forward by building a new life for myself in terms of getting a university degree, making a new career for myself, making new friends, finding a new church which didn't mind that I was divorced (which is vitally important), and after seven years, I found a new partner and have been happily married for the last 29 years, a 27 year old daughter, and everything I lost when my first wife walked out of my marriage restored much better than it was before.

God is a God of second chances. Don't believe those who would give you a bleak future because your marriage has broken up. They are not speaking from the Holy Spirit. Jeremiah spoke the word of God when he said, "These are My thoughts toward you, not to destroy you, but to give you a future and a hope". (my paraphrase). God will create a future for you which will be much better than what you had before. Believe me. I have been there, and now, 39 years later, I am here - happily retired, freehold home, motor vehicle with a new motor with 60,000K on the clock, 2 lovely cats who love me to bits, and a loving and supportive wife and a great daughter I am proud of.

In the few months after my marriage broke up I had no idea that life was going to turn out this way for me. But God is faithful, just, gentle and kind. Jesus is a complete Saviour, and He died on the cross to take God's wrath and punishment instead of you. He knew beforehand that all this was going to happen to you, and He is not surprised, and His plan for you is just as sure as it ever was, because He made his plan for you at the foundation of the world through His foreknowledge that everything that is going to happen to you in this life will happen, but that will not stop Him from continuing to bless you, because nothing has and will surprise Him.

But you have to make the choice to get off the couch and take the opportunities that God will open up to you. Faith and trust in Christ moves you forward to rebuild your life, make it meaningful and productive. Don't make the mistakes I made by trying to meet your needs in your own way. God had to bail me out of a few inappropriate relationships where He had to say to me, "This is not the woman for you." When I stopped trying to meet my own needs, then the woman for me appeared out of nowhere, and she was quite different to what I would have expected, but was and is exactly the right wife for me.

 

[DennisTate]

<Staff Edit>

Here is my testimony:

I've been there, and it is horrible. Your whole life ends up in ruins. Everything you valued is gone. But Jesus came and put His hand on my shoulder and said, "I am your strength and shield, and a very present help in time of trouble". That didn't stop the grief but it helped me to tie a knot on the end of the rope and to hold on.

That was 1980. I had nothing left in life except Jesus, and it was then I realised that He is everything. I had to get right down into the depths of grief and despair before I knew how value Jesus was to me. Then, slowly but surely, He started working to create a new life for me. I went through seven years of storm and stress while that was happening, and then God brought along another partner, and 28 years of happy marriage later, I can testify to God's wonderful love and grace in that He can create things out of nothing, and open doors that are not there.

But first, there has to be a complete falling upon Christ as your only hope for the future. I prayed right through the book of Psalms and just concentrated on fellowshipping with Him. When my marriage broke up, I had no spiritual "chart" to follow. None of my Christian mentors had any answers for me. So I ditched the lot of them and went on alone. I made many mistakes and got myself into situations where the Lord had to bail me out, but looking back, I see His guidance and faithfulness to me, especially in the times where I was not being faithful to Him.

I discovered Jesus to be a very compassionate, complete, and loving Saviour and Friend. I discovered that my only qualification for heaven was that Jesus died for me on the cross. God told me that was all I needed, and by the way, that is all I never needed even when I was an up and coming deacon in my church!

So, God enabled me to get a BA, then an MA, and now a MDiv. He gave me a 19 year career in school teaching; 10 years as a Ministry of Justice victim advisor; a supportive a faithful wife; a wonderful daughter whom I am proud of; a freehold home; and a very blessed walk with Him in fellowship.

At the time of my separation and divorce, I had none of these things, and I went from having a suburban home, ministry, career, marriage, a 4 year old child, to moving to another city and living in a one bedroom flat. That was 1980/81. By 1987, I had a university degree, new partner, a home, use of her motor vehicle, a teaching career. By 1991, we had a new home in another city, and another child, and a good high school teaching position.

I can testify that God is faithful and He will create a whole new future for you, as you trust and rely on Him and trust Him to meet your needs in His way.

This is a great topic to get into. Thank you for your openness on this important topic.

I am divorced two times..... .both of my ex-wives attempted to strangle me, (the first time in 1990 and the second time in 1998, if I remember correctly). They both fought over money all the time and when they finally got to the place where they wanted to strangle me I just let them strangle and strangle and strangle to their hearts content because I worked at forestry for over two decades so somebody needs more power than they had to actually strangle me. But..... once they did this I knew that I knew that it would only be a matter of time before they came back with a baseball bat, or a knife or even a gun so I legally separated from them......... in each case I went back for a bit but there was no change.... so I divorced them.

My third wife is AWESOME! She is a gifted Pentecostal who was somehow told that I would be her husband.... and that she should fast and pray for me for thirty five days.... .and she did it. For four weeks... .for three days per week.... only fruit juice. Then for the fifth week seven days in a row..... only fruit juice.... Jesus would wake her up most mornings and get her to pray for me which she wasn't totally thrilled by because she is not a morning person.

She was in Quito, Ecuador and I was in Nova Scotia, Canada. She was promised a daughter in 1995 (five years before she met me), and our little girl is now seventeen.

My life is so vastly better than I had ever imagined that it could be that I am in awe!