Constructive Criticism thread

Nom De Guerre · May 24, 2011

leothelioness said:
I thought about doing a thread like this, so I'm glad Kev did it.

I honestly shudder to think of some things people might have to say to/about me, but I'm curious.

Really!? I don't think there's anything bad I could really say about you, or anything bad that anybody could say about you at all; with that said, as per the OP, you probably need to work on your self-image. You're a beautiful girl, and I'm sure you don't feel like it sometimes because all the guys around you are total d-bags and overlook you; but, that speaks about their ability to perceive and be mature as opposed to anything about your standards.

leothelioness · May 24, 2011

Nom De Guerre said:
Really!? I don't think there's anything bad I could really say about you, or anything bad that anybody could say about you at all; with that said, as per the OP, you probably need to work on your self-image. You're a beautiful girl, and I'm sure you don't feel like it sometimes because all the guys around you are total d-bags and overlook you; but, that speaks about their ability to perceive and be mature as opposed to anything about your standards.

You're right, I do need to work on self-image and esteem. I think I can be a bit too picky sometimes, too. Ruh-roh.

Nom De Guerre · May 24, 2011

leothelioness said:
You're right, I do need to work on self-image and esteem. I think I can be a bit too picky sometimes, too. Ruh-roh.

lol, I wouldn't worry Sarah, you're allowed to be picky! You're looking for somebody that will mesh well with you, you don't want to end up in a forced relationship; trust me, it sucks... it sucks a lot.

Thunder Peel · May 24, 2011

Oh, do me! Me!

And don't hold back. I'll know if you're faking it! Let me have it.

broken_one · May 24, 2011

I love how very very few people are actually doing the criticizing, though EVERYONE wants to be criticized here.

I realise that my ESTJ tendencies basically makes me itch to do these (because I think of people usually in the same way the State Department sees foreign governments, very realistically) but I am not doing anyone because all it will do is make people upset.

And still nobody (except Alex and his musings ) will critique me. So all that typing for so little gain.

Nom De Guerre · May 24, 2011

I'll do more I'm in between a few things at the moment.

Thunder Peel · May 24, 2011

Okay Sean, I'll give you my two cents.

I think you're a pretty sharp guy. You work hard, you know what you want, and you're pretty self-aware, which is something most people your age can't even grasp yet. Those are all great things and I hope you continue to develop in those areas.

I've seen a lot of growth and change in you over the last year or so. However, your confidence level still has quite a way to go, especially with women. It seems like you try too hard and put too much pressure on yourself to impress the opposite sex. I think if you would simply be yourself and simply relax enough to be who God created you to be you'd be happier AND in time you'll attract women naturally. The ones who require you to put on a show or play games aren't worth your time and will only lead to trouble.

You're a cool guy and you have a lot to offer. I just think you need to get to a point where you fully believe that and let God handle the details. You know more than you think and you can do more than you know. Keep running!

Stravinsk · May 24, 2011

broken_one said:
I love how very very few people are actually doing the criticizing, though EVERYONE wants to be criticized here.

I realise that my ESTJ tendencies basically makes me itch to do these (because I think of people usually in the same way the State Department sees foreign governments, very realistically) but I am not doing anyone because all it will do is make people upset.

And still nobody (except Alex and his musings ) will critique me. So all that typing for so little gain.

Now, I checked over the rules VERY carefully with this edit - so I'll just say this - given my current position with regards to infractions - sorry folks - but I can't even chance telling the truth as I see it lest it be interpreted wrong and umm - well - you know. That's how it is on this board for me at this moment.

broken_one · May 24, 2011

Thunder Peel said:
Okay Sean, I'll give you my two cents.

Alright, you did mine so I have to do yours. (Like how this works, other posters? )

Austin, you are one conundrum. On one hand, you are wildly smart and clever, and yet on that same hand you've turned your own logic against you and like myself you are mired in a vicious mental cycle against yourself regarding relationships (and I assume other things as well).

During my moments of clarity, I realize that it doesn't matter what the heck guys look like because girls really don't care as much as guys do. At times I think we automatically assume they are attracted as much as we are toward the visual aspect, but that really isn't the case. Especially someone like you who realizes that looks aren't everything should realize this, or at least find moments where you do. There are more than enough women in the world for you to find someone in the end if you can step out of your mode of thinking and just kind of fly by the seat of your pants.

This lack of confidence I at times believe permeates out of the sexual realm and into other areas. You'd be quite surprised how many doors will open up for you when you speak up and command them to do so. Christianity does not have to be a weakness....humility yes, but self-deprecating and cowardly, no.

I hope this was satisfactory for you.

broken_one · May 24, 2011

Stravinsk said:
.

If it's about me, send a PM rather than make an edit.

broken_one · May 24, 2011

Apollo Celestio said:
You're going to have to settle one day or make it big time.

I know why I am single, and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about that.. but if you have helping words, I will not turn them away.

Seeing as how I'm the first person in my family in about 30 years to graduate high school, much less go to college, I think I'll bet on the latter. You also forget that presentation is 95% of the believability...if I look and act like someone important (not buffoonish, just important), it's not hard to get people to respect you as such.

Now as for you, dear friend.....I realize that your singleness is neither a problem nor an illness. But I do wish you cared more about others....you're rather cynical, even for a person like me. Once people are approved by you as being trustworthy and capable, you should really let them deeper into yourself. Francis of Assisi commanded those in hermitages that they could not be by themselves: likewise everyone needs a community to deeply share their lives in (even introverts ).

A lot of women don't like sex, so I could even see you doing a sham marriage just so you could have a confidant (because they are needed). Relationships are more than just sex. Think of it like a superfriend that you live with (and thereby still fall within my ESTJ need for traditional structure ).

PS. I hope I'm doing these right....

Thunder Peel · May 25, 2011

See Sean, you have much wisdom.

Come on slackers. I want more people to bring the hammer down on me.

Fremdin · May 25, 2011

Thunder Peel said:
See Sean, you have much wisdom.

Come on slackers. I want more people to bring the hammer down on me.

Thunder, you're a really great guy but you have not seen enough bears. I, however, saw one today. Also, you are too hard on yourself.

Thunder Peel · May 25, 2011

Apollo Celestio said:
I know why I am single, and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about that.. but if you have helping words, I will not turn them away.

Alex, you're a unique guy in the sense that that you can sum up a problem and diagnose it succinctly. You're honest and straightforward; some people will hate you for it but the good ones will heed your advice and take your words seriously. You don't say much but when you do they speak volumes.

The only thing I would suggest working on is realizing that people want to know you better and enjoy talking to you. You have a great sense of humor that people tend to overlook and a wisdom to see through the stupid crap that goes on in today's churches. If you would let people get a bit closer and really know you they would be blessed and find a great friend in the process.

Thunder Peel · May 25, 2011

Sara Belle said:
I would like some constructive criticism, please. The more the better. Thanks!

I'm not sure I can tell you anything you don't already know but I'll give it a try anyway.

Sara, you have an amazing heart. It's big and full of empathy for the pain and hurts that others have. You may see that as a curse but it's really a blessing and a rare gift that God has given you. It allows you to relate to people on a personal level that most others can't reach. You should be proud of that.

The only downside of this seems to be that you take things a bit too personally at times. You feel what you feel very strongly and I think many people (myself included) seem to forget this and say and do things that affect you more than they would for most people. Many people aren't blessed with the depth and love that you possess so it's hard for us to relate on such a deep level with you. Again, that's not a bad thing and it just means you can see in others what they can't see in themselves.

You're an amazing friend and a true testament of what a sister in Christ should be. I just wish you could give yourself the same credit and encouragement that you give to others.

white dove · May 25, 2011

Sara Belle said:
I would like some constructive criticism, please. The more the better. Thanks!

I'd like to think I know you well enough to do this.. and well enough for it to go over well, whatever I say to you.

Your heart is out there. Not "out-there!" out there, but it's out. People could stamp a label on you, but I won't do that. It's not about that anyway. All I will say is that you're the type of person to get easily excited and intensely-focused on what you want to focus in on. You get easily excited and very into something, someone and once you do, watch out. When your sights are set, they're set and there is no one who will tell you differently. Perhaps even God won't be able to slide a few words past your ear in a way that would make you listen when there are warning signs. Maybe it is because you like the idea of a challenge; perhaps you confront the world in a wide-eyed, I-can-do-anything way. That's endearing, but it's something to keep in-check, too. Because when you have this strong vision of things, that makes it hard to stand back and perhaps think more deeply or critically about potential end-results, what you're really doing and the emotional element that is ever-present but perhaps the last thing on the mind. A lot of Christians call it "guarding one's heart" and that would apply here. I don't think that verse is strictly for romantic love, but it is an important one to remember. My advice to you? Ease down, Ripley... ease down.

Revived · May 25, 2011

Austin is really good at this.

white dove · May 25, 2011

Thunder Peel said:
Oh, do me! Me!

And don't hold back. I'll know if you're faking it! Let me have it.

I can't do this for anyone I don't consider a friend. So have at it.

You fish, Austin. You're a fisher. With all of these self-depreciating things you say, it's almost like you're begging for someone to say the one thing you're just dying to hear; that one thing that will comfort you, make sense of the mess and then you can move on to being happy again. The sad thing is, that will never happen. And YOU have to find the answers on your own. Because no one else is living your life but you. Deep-down you believe the things you say. I know that because I've been there. When you talk a LOT of crap about yourself, you start to believe it. Then, you start to live it. If you're not quite living it yet, I highly suggest you make a turnaround as quickly as possible. Stop talking crap about yourself. It doesn't lessen the pain. It doesn't make people laugh at or with you (because you're not laughing, are you?). It does nothing but tear you down even further. The enemy has this slick way of getting us to destroy ourselves and that is by making ourselves out to be our own worst enemy. Don't be that guy. Truly evaluate yourself; both the good and the bad. What matters most to you? Are you living that? If not, why not? If the only thing holding you back is yourself, slap the taste out of your own mouth and vow to make the difference today. A relationship should be the last thing you're thinking about right now, but you already know that.

Thunder Peel · May 25, 2011

kevlite2020 said:
That being said, you guys are more than welcome to take a shot at me.

I wouldn't call it "taking a shot" because that implies I would be saying something negative or hurtful, neither of which I would do.

What's so awesome about you Kevin is the true and natural joy you take in the Lord and in serving Him. You have an energy and a passion that rubs off on people and gets them excited. You're a motivator, although I feel like maybe the problem is that don't realize it. I'm not sure you realize just how big of an impact you have on people and the ability you have to be a source of encouragement and help to those around you.

You're a solid guy Kev and watching God continually working in you is super exciting. I hope you'll continue to share that with the rest of us.

Revived · May 25, 2011

white dove said:
I can't do this for anyone I don't consider a friend. So have at it.

You fish, Austin. You're a fisher. With all of these self-depreciating things you say, it's almost like you're begging for someone to say the one thing you're just dying to hear; that one thing that will comfort you, make sense of the mess and then you can move on to being happy again. The sad thing is, that will never happen. And YOU have to find the answers on your own. Because no one else is living your life but you. Deep-down you believe the things you say. I know that because I've been there. When you talk a LOT of crap about yourself, you start to believe it. Then, you start to live it. If you're not quite living it yet, I highly suggest you make a turnaround as quickly as possible. Stop talking crap about yourself. It doesn't lessen the pain. It doesn't make people laugh at or with you (because you're not laughing, are you?). It does nothing but tear you down even further. The enemy has this slick way of getting us to destroy ourselves and that is by making ourselves out to be our own worst enemy. Don't be that guy. Truly evaluate yourself; both the good and the bad. What matters most to you? Are you living that? If not, why not? If the only thing holding you back is yourself, slap the taste out of your own mouth and vow to make the difference today. A relationship should be the last thing you're thinking about right now, but you already know that.

Based on my observation and interactions with you Austin, I concur. If you do indeed believe the self-deprecating comments about yourself, I would encourage you to make a concerted effort to stop. Stop not only the believing aspect, but also make an effort to curb the negative comments. I heard a saying recently that I believe is applicable here ... "You can't turn a negative thought into a positive action. It's impossible." Begin believing in yourself (because those who have gotten to know you here believe in you) and you will, as Dove mentioned make a difference ... in a profound way.

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Constructive Criticism thread

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